Breaking Up Via Letter?

[mightycpa]

I'm a little bored while I wait for my db query to finish.

 

How would these things go over? Of course, you'd have to be the one who insists that you guys can't break up over stupid little things like:

 

 

• I want to watch you have sex with one of my friends. He's coming over tonight after dinner.
  
• I want you to watch me have sex with one of your friends. How about Matilda? Can you call her up? I've always wanted to **** her.
  
• I want to have sex with you and another girl. How about your friend Matilda? Can you call her up and ask? I've always wanted to **** her.
  
• I've decided we're going to have an open relationship from now on. Say hi to my new friend Matilda.
  
• I've decided we're going to have an open relationship from now on. Say hi to my new friend Roger.
  
• I've been a little bored, so I started seeing somebody new last month. Say Hi to Matilda.
  
• You know what would really turn me on tonight? Say hi to Rover.
  
• I was just diagnosed with gonorrhea. You need to get tested.
  
• I'm taking a new friend {whereever} this weekend. Say hi to Matilda.
  
• Somebody sent these flowers to you with this note. Who is this and why is he sending you flowers?
  
• Find out where her friends can see you kissing somebody. Then make out with somebody there.
  
• Hit on one of her friends for real. Don't hide it.
  
• Start cheating for real with a stranger. Don't hide it.
  
• Plant drugs in her car. Call the police.
  

Ok, well, my query is ready and it's late. There are so many possibilities. Good luck OP.

Edited March 26, 2015 by mightycpa

[Wait]

I'm a little bored while I wait for my db query to finish.

 

How would these things go over? Of course, you'd have to be the one who insists that you guys can't break up over stupid little things like:

 

 

• I want to watch you have sex with one of my friends. He's coming over tonight after dinner.
  
• I want you to watch me have sex with one of your friends. How about Matilda? Can you call her up? I've always wanted to **** her.
  
• I want to have sex with you and another girl. How about your friend Matilda? Can you call her up and ask? I've always wanted to **** her.
  
• I've decided we're going to have an open relationship from now on. Say hi to my new friend Matilda.
  
• I've decided we're going to have an open relationship from now on. Say hi to my new friend Roger.
  
• I've been a little bored, so I started seeing somebody new last month. Say Hi to Matilda.
  
• You know what would really turn me on tonight? Say hi to Rover.
  
• I was just diagnosed with gonorrhea. You need to get tested.
  
• I'm taking a new friend {whereever} this weekend. Say hi to Matilda.
  
• Somebody sent these flowers to you with this note. Who is this and why is he sending you flowers?
  
• Find out where her friends can see you kissing somebody. Then make out with somebody there.
  
• Hit on one of her friends for real. Don't hide it.
  
• Start cheating for real with a stranger. Don't hide it.
  
• Plant drugs in her car. Call the police.
  

Ok, well, my query is ready and it's late. There are so many possibilities. Good luck OP.

 

Those are all infinitely better than writing a letter. Thanks!

[d0nnivain]

I think in situations like ours that a letter may in fact do the most justice. It allows us to fully communicate our reasons and feelings whereas in person we would not be able to do so.

 

Where do we draw the line of respect between doing it in person while unable to fully explain our reasons

 

The letter is a cop out because you're not man enough to stand your ground in the face of some tears. This isn't about her going ballistic on you when you tell her as I 1st understood. You are looking for some easy way out without the messy drama. Doesn't work that way. Life is messy. Deal with it.

 

Tell her you are breaking up with her. Do it in a calm tone of voice. The specific reasons don't matter. No matter what she says, you simply say "this isn't working for me." You don't have to fully explain your reasons. Just tell her it's over. If you want to have notes in front of you so you say everything do that. Write yourself a note in big letters no to be fooled by the tears. Then stick to your guns.

[Cinnamonstix]

Alright man, listen closely.

 

About a year later, it's my biggest regret in life.

 

I can't imagine what she went through, and I feel like the worst person in the world for doing it the way I did. At the moment, it seemed like my only option and I was at the end of my rope.

 

I wish you all the luck, and do what you can to do it right.

 

Was your regret only about feeling like a dick after for doing it via letter?

[SoThatHappened]

Was your regret only about feeling like a dick after for doing it via letter?

At first, yes. And again months later actually.

 

Main regret not being able to compromise and work things out.

[Otter2569]

I was going to say "go for it" (LOL)...before reading all of the responses.

 

Currently I am having issues with my GF. Luckily we have our own places and live over an hour away. An argument that started over the phone and continued by text basically sealed our fate or so I think. I gave her an ultimatum to seek professional help which as you can guess did NOT go over well. We haven't talked since.

 

Was thinking about driving up today while she is at work of course, grabbing my stuff and leaving before she gets home. How cowardly is that?!

 

I clearly realize how wrong this is. She may be the love of my life and this could be one of the biggest mistakes that I make (ending things) but her emotional issues (depression?) are taking a huge toll on me.

 

Even simple arguments result in hours of crying, carrying on and often result in someone sleeping on the couch. Its become a cycle that happens 1-2 times a week - even though we are trying to work on this. Its something that just puts me in a bad place.

 

Any how, make some flash cards if you have to and keep referring to your main points. Stay the course, dont be afraid to accept some blame and REMEMBER: its just not working for you!!!!

[Wait]

I was going to say "go for it" (LOL)...before reading all of the responses.

 

Currently I am having issues with my GF. Luckily we have our own places and live over an hour away. An argument that started over the phone and continued by text basically sealed our fate or so I think. I gave her an ultimatum to seek professional help which as you can guess did NOT go over well. We haven't talked since.

 

Was thinking about driving up today while she is at work of course, grabbing my stuff and leaving before she gets home. How cowardly is that?!

 

I clearly realize how wrong this is. She may be the love of my life and this could be one of the biggest mistakes that I make (ending things) but her emotional issues (depression?) are taking a huge toll on me.

 

Even simple arguments result in hours of crying, carrying on and often result in someone sleeping on the couch. Its become a cycle that happens 1-2 times a week - even though we are trying to work on this. Its something that just puts me in a bad place.

 

Any how, make some flash cards if you have to and keep referring to your main points. Stay the course, dont be afraid to accept some blame and REMEMBER: its just not working for you!!!!

 

I feel you, brother. My girlfriend and I fight like we're getting paid to do it. She's also someone who loves to hear herself talk while I tend to pick my words more wisely. This often comes off as me being uncommunicative; ergo, our fights just intensify until she cries herself to sleep.

 

I'm also someone who hates conflict and especially conflict that involves trivial stuff. For example, last week an argument was ignited when we couldn't agree on a patio set. It sent her on a rant about how I always disagree with her and how I treat her like she's just a guest in my house. I just simply didn't like the color of the patio set but to her it was a catastrophic event which ended up ruining our night.

 

In regards to your response to my situation I think I like your initial reaction better!

 

I've come to the conclusion that I need to do what's best for me at this exact moment in my life. I'm doing more harm the longer I wait and if writing a letter gets me to do the deed sooner I think that outweighs the negatives of not doing it in person.

 

If I regret it days, weeks or months down the road then I'll learn from it. Personally, I've never been a believer in the "owing it to them" philosophy. When it comes down to it, what's most important is our own happiness. As selfish as it sounds, it's true.

Edited March 28, 2015 by Wait

[Zapbasket]

You have no idea how very misguided you are; you haven't seemed to hear a thing people on this thread have been saying to you. Well, do what you are clearly bent on doing, and hopefully the next person you get involved with will have a more compassionate, self-aware and less cowardly view on interpersonal relations than you do, so that she will break up with you in more timely and honest fashion than you have demonstrated yourself capable of.

[Wait]

You have no idea how very misguided you are; you haven't seemed to hear a thing people on this thread have been saying to you. Well, do what you are clearly bent on doing, and hopefully the next person you get involved with will have a more compassionate, self-aware and less cowardly view on interpersonal relations than you do, so that she will break up with you in more timely and honest fashion than you have demonstrated yourself capable of.

 

GreenCove, I wholeheartedly value your opinion. But I have to disagree when you assume that I'm not self-aware. I see myself for who I am and I'm fully aware of all the flaws I have when it comes to interpersonal relations.

 

I'm selfish, sure. I'm a coward, absolutely. Self-respect, non-existent.

 

I just wish you could sit where I'm sitting at this exact moment. Sitting across from someone you love - your confidant - your friend. You look at her and you become consumed by the intense sadness you know will pour from her soul at the first mention of a breakup. She looks at you as you try and muster up the courage to break the news and she smiles as every positive moment of your relationship flashes through your mind. You can't stand to see her cry. You know her heartache will be almost unbearable, she'll doubt everything she once thought was good in her life. Her support system is non-existent besides the hand you hold out for her. You are in fact the most important thing in her.

 

Now look her in the eyes and tell her you're not in love with her anymore.

[Zapbasket]

GreenCove, I wholeheartedly value your opinion. But I have to disagree when you assume that I'm not self-aware. I see myself for who I am and I'm fully aware of all the flaws I have when it comes to interpersonal relations.

 

I'm selfish, sure. I'm a coward, absolutely. Self-respect, non-existent.

 

I just wish you could sit where I'm sitting at this exact moment. Sitting across from someone you love - your confidant - your friend. You look at her and you become consumed by the intense sadness you know will pour from her soul at the first mention of a breakup. She looks at you as you try and muster up the courage to break the news and she smiles as every positive moment of your relationship flashes through your mind. You can't stand to see her cry. You know her heartache will be almost unbearable, she'll doubt everything she once thought was good in her life. Her support system is non-existent besides the hand you hold out for her. You are in fact the most important thing in her.

 

Now look her in the eyes and tell her you're not in love with her anymore.

 

And that’s what I am trying hard to get through to you: that precisely for those reasons, you need to tell her to her face that you don't want a relationship with her anymore. There simply is no other way.

[d0nnivain]

Wait

 

Are you out of your mind? if you want to break up why the heck are you even shopping for furniture with her? Such an expedition gives her the impression that your relationship moving forward toward something permanent.

[BC1980]

I've come to the conclusion that I need to do what's best for me at this exact moment in my life. I'm doing more harm the longer I wait and if writing a letter gets me to do the deed sooner I think that outweighs the negatives of not doing it in person.

 

If I regret it days, weeks or months down the road then I'll learn from it. Personally, I've never been a believer in the "owing it to them" philosophy. When it comes down to it, what's most important is our own happiness. As selfish as it sounds, it's true.

 

To an extent. But you can't go about life with no regard for anyone else. Sometimes, you have to do something uncomfortable or sacrifice something for another person. I think that you got yourself into this mess (with her help), so you need to own up to it and properly get out of it. Obviously, it's your choice, but I can't imagine a breakup by letter after 4 years and living together, which represents a big commitment. At the very least, doing it in person shows some level of respect and a willingness to be physically present when you break the news.