Lying, Cheating, Deception - Left for Someone Else and Left in the Dark

March 24, 2015

What do you guys make of her just completely cutting off all contact with me like I don't exist anymore? She even went as far to block me on everything as well. Don't understand why she did everything she did and then just cut me out of her life completely.

Some people are like that. It could be a variety of things.

Shame for what she did
She is convinced you deserve it
You remind her of somebody painful in her life
She's hurting and you have no idea because she didn't tell you
She's callous and self-absorbed
She's totally involved with the new guy

But really, what difference does it make. You'll never know, so don't worry about it. You can't even assume she's doing this on purpose, so let it go. You have to stop thinking in terms of "her" and "us". It's just you now, and you have to work to become your best pal again.

March 24, 2015

Sorry, i didn't mean to say that you are late or i am lucky over you....

I just meant that i am glad i learned this lesson...

Grass is not really green.... it is the same EVERYWHERE.....

If you find a reliable person who is willing to stick to your side through the good and the bad..... TAKE HIM/HER!

Force yourself to fall in love with them...... You can love/unlove with time.... but reliability nowadays, that is a rare trait!

It is a ****ing jungle out there....

Yeah, no offense taken. You see, the difference between you and me is I know what can happen between 24 and 31. You might think you're done, but you never know until you're done - and you're still a soldier in the war. As for me, I know.

Now, as to whether or not the grass is greener depends upon two things, IMHO:

How well she treats you
If you actually value that treatment from her

If you grow to fall out of love with someone, and then a new one sparks your interest even though you're still trying to work it out with the first one, believe me, that grass can be greener. Your enthusiasm greens the grass where it might otherwise be equal or even slightly browner. It can do that permanently; it is not necessarily a temporary thing. You see, I learned that between 24 and 31.

March 24, 2015

nba, I'm gonna ask you something and I want you to be real and I want you to stop and think for a second before you reply.

Are you a NICE guy?

March 24, 2015

nba, I'm gonna ask you something and I want you to be real and I want you to stop and think for a second before you reply.

Are you a NICE guy?

Sure am. What are you getting at?

March 24, 2015

Yeah, no offense taken. You see, the difference between you and me is I know what can happen between 24 and 31. You might think you're done, but you never know until you're done - and you're still a soldier in the war. As for me, I know.

Now, as to whether or not the grass is greener depends upon two things, IMHO:

How well she treats you
If you actually value that treatment from her
If you grow to fall out of love with someone, and then a new one sparks your interest even though you're still trying to work it out with the first one, believe me, that grass can be greener. Your enthusiasm greens the grass where it might otherwise be equal or even slightly browner. It can do that permanently; it is not necessarily a temporary thing. You see, I learned that between 24 and 31.

How well he/she treats you is definitely a point to be noted.... but i think that is not the issue in the society...

The problem with many people is the second point..... DO YOU VALUE THAT TREATMENT?

I mean go around LS right now and look at the threads.... So many people treated their other so nicely, so gently, with love and care... Yet the other person JUST got up and left.... because they found someone new.... They didn't value the care and the treatment....

The lesson people need to learn about grass being greener or not is that you will always fine someone who is BETTER.... that is this globe we live on, called Earth... There is ALWAYS going to be someone better than me or you...

But are we going to stick to the one person we already chose (he treats you nicely and well, not just on the pedestal, but like a real lover) or are we going to go ahead with this better person that we found.....

The answer is all around you.... and it comes to reliability.... you can't rely on anyone.... This "i know i can find someone better" **** is killing the institution of relationship and marriage..

The hell, i never said you can't find anyone better than me... of course you can... But what about the 1-2-3-4 years of life that we built together??

No sir.... onto the next one...

PATHETIC, if you ask me!

March 24, 2015

Here's what I'm getting at. This will make me come across arrogant, perhaps, but that absolutely doesn't matter here.

Before I tell you though, I want you to understand something.

People may tell you I'm wrong. But I want you to understand something else:

1). Look at my post history, you'll see I do know what I am talking about.

2). I am in my residency for my Doctorate in Psychology. I am very close to becoming a Neuropsychologist. I have studied pacifism, revenge, vengeance, you name it. I've also studied relationships extensively, and my dissertation is quite related to them.

Now what I'm going to tell you will hurt, but I'll start easy.

First of all, understand, nice guys are bad in relationships. Damn near useless.

Many girls will tell you that they want a nice guy, and that nice guys are so hard to come by.

But have you noticed that the nice guys get cheated on, walked all over anyways?

Here's the thing. Many girls even DO believe they want a nice guy. They believe it at the time.

Realize, however, that this desire does not hold up in relationships. A nice guy will typically avoid drama, be laid back, etc. in a relationship. Many times, the female will say they wear the pants in the relationship with the nice guy.

Nice guys do not fulfill what women seek in a man. This is evolutionary psychology, and I'm not going to get into that, as this post would become a book. But understand, nice guys have no real place in relationships. They get walked all over EVENTUALLY (if not very early on, depending on the person).

If you want me to tell you what you should do now, tell me to continue and I will.

March 24, 2015

Here's what I'm getting at. This will make me come across arrogant, perhaps, but that absolutely doesn't matter here.

Before I tell you though, I want you to understand something.

People may tell you I'm wrong. But I want you to understand something else:

1). Look at my post history, you'll see I do know what I am talking about.
2). I am in my residency for my Doctorate in Psychology. I am very close to becoming a Neuropsychologist. I have studied pacifism, revenge, vengeance, you name it. I've also studied relationships extensively, and my dissertation is quite related to them.

Now what I'm going to tell you will hurt, but I'll start easy.

First of all, understand, nice guys are bad in relationships. Damn near useless.

Many girls will tell you that they want a nice guy, and that nice guys are so hard to come by.

But have you noticed that the nice guys get cheated on, walked all over anyways?

Here's the thing. Many girls even DO believe they want a nice guy. They believe it at the time.

Realize, however, that this desire does not hold up in relationships. A nice guy will typically avoid drama, be laid back, etc. in a relationship. Many times, the female will say they wear the pants in the relationship with the nice guy.

Nice guys do not fulfill what women seek in a man. This is evolutionary psychology, and I'm not going to get into that, as this post would become a book. But understand, nice guys have no real place in relationships. They get walked all over EVENTUALLY (if not very early on, depending on the person).

If you want me to tell you what you should do now, tell me to continue and I will.

It's all about finding the right balance between being nice and keeping her on her toes too.

Too much of either is damaging

March 24, 2015

It's all about finding the right balance between being nice and keeping her on her toes too.

Too much of either is damaging

You have a better idea, that's true. But it's not just a balance. It's more along the lines of 65% vs. 35% "bad" vs. "good", respectively.

That doesn't mean abusive, cheating, etc.

But what I will tell you to do next, nba, some people will be shocked at. But I assure you it's what is best.

March 24, 2015

I think that the want someone who will advocate for themselves, forcefully if necessary. They want someone who can get what he wants. The reason for this is survival. They want to know that when the chips are down, that this man will advocate for them, whether that's related to protection, acquisition of food or shelter, or whatever it is that they want for themselves and/or for their children.

Nice guys interpret this as "women like *******s". Sometimes they do, but not in the long run. But they do like men who are mentally strong, and these guys will often think of themselves first. That's why nice guys can't duplicate the behavior. They go straight to *******, or they revert to their natural deferring behavior.

Anyway, Dr.2B. That's what I think.

March 24, 2015

You have a better idea, that's true. But it's not just a balance. It's more along the lines of 65% vs. 35% "bad" vs. "good", respectively.

That doesn't mean abusive, cheating, etc.

But what I will tell you to do next, nba, some people will be shocked at. But I assure you it's what is best.

I wouldn't call it "bad" and "good".

I'd say its more having your own life outside of the relationship and being invested in the relationship at the right moments.

March 24, 2015

I wouldn't call it "bad" and "good".

I'd say its more having your own life outside of the relationship and being invested in the relationship at the right moments.

That's mostly semantics. Don't get caught up on labels here. Serves no purpose.

And cpn, I see you have a pretty good idea of things. I would be apt to listen to your advice about relationships if I was going through a breakup. What I can assure you, however, is "bad" guys hold up far better in the long run than good guys in relationships.

March 24, 2015

I think you guys are blurring the lines a little bit. Being nice does not mean you are mentally "weak". When I was answering your question as to whether I am nice or not, I was simply referring to how I treat my friends/family/strangers. I joke around a lot, which may cause some people to see me as being not nice, but I don't disrespect/lie to any of them. It's all sarcastic, playful sh*t.

March 24, 2015

I think you guys are blurring the lines a little bit. Being nice does not mean you are mentally "weak". When I was answering your question as to whether I am nice or not, I was simply referring to how I treat my friends/family/strangers. I joke around a lot, which may cause some people to see me as being not nice, but I don't disrespect/lie to any of them. It's all sarcastic, playful sh*t.

Perhaps you are blurring the line. Nice guy doesn't = disrespect/lie.

Nice guys are passive guys, who tend to go with the wind in relationships. Nice guys tell their girlfriend plenty how beautiful they are (or insert other compliment). Nice guys are willing to bend more often than their partner. Nice guys "compromise" more.

Anyways, this is going to cause some heads to turn (figuratively), but here goes.

This is what years of studying cases in my doctorate has lead me to believe, and believe strongly. I stand behind it despite how offensive it comes across, because often times, emotions stand in the way of logic.

You know who this guy is she cheated on you with/cheated on him with you? It's time you reach out to him.

Let him know that he has been lied to. Played. Tell him the whole story. Tell him that when she came back, she was with you. If you have the texts or emails, then screenshot them and send them to his facebook, instagram, whatever. Completely blow her cover, and show her for EXACTLY the lying, manipulative girl she is.

WHY though?

A few reasons.

1). She needs to learn a very harsh lesson. It WILL hurt her (assuming she isn't a sociopath). This hurt is GOOD for her in the long run. It will cause her over TIME to slowly question her actions.

2). You need to assert yourself as powerful. She may not view it that way, he may not view it that way, but you need to view it that way. Some people confuse what I'm telling you to do with weakness, but they couldn't be much more wrong.

I warned you people will disagree with this approach, and they will, but I openly challenge them to debate me. I will cite many studies, that came from years in my doctorate.

Take control now.

March 24, 2015

How well he/she treats you is definitely a point to be noted.... but i think that is not the issue in the society...

The problem with many people is the second point..... DO YOU VALUE THAT TREATMENT?

I mean go around LS right now and look at the threads.... So many people treated their other so nicely, so gently, with love and care... Yet the other person JUST got up and left.... because they found someone new.... They didn't value the care and the treatment....

The lesson people need to learn about grass being greener or not is that you will always fine someone who is BETTER.... that is this globe we live on, called Earth... There is ALWAYS going to be someone better than me or you...

But are we going to stick to the one person we already chose (he treats you nicely and well, not just on the pedestal, but like a real lover) or are we going to go ahead with this better person that we found.....

The answer is all around you.... and it comes to reliability.... you can't rely on anyone.... This "i know i can find someone better" **** is killing the institution of relationship and marriage..

The hell, i never said you can't find anyone better than me... of course you can... But what about the 1-2-3-4 years of life that we built together??

No sir.... onto the next one...

PATHETIC, if you ask me!

I'm not sure you get my meaning. Take the story of the country boy and the country girl. They lived in a rural area with few friends. They found each other one night, and they adored each other. She treated him like gold and he treated her like platinum. She dreamed of her life with him together on the farm.

One day, she went to the city with her pa. She saw the bright lights, the fancy cars, the expensive clothes and the big houses. Sure, she loved country boy, but his value fell immediately. She no longer dreamed of life on the farm. She dreamed of fast living in the city. A city boy took a shining to her. She didn't succumb to his fast city advances, but she promised she'd return. She had one last thing to do at home before she'd come back to him.

You know the rest of the story. Her value system changed overnight.

The thing is that you never know what the future will bring. You know what you haven't been exposed to. Sometimes you like these new things, and they affect the way you see something you've known for a long time. It's only natural, and in today's connected world, it's hard to avoid. In the past, you didn't have nearly the choices you have today. That's why people wait, and trade partners as they get older.

This is not unlike what's happening in the job markets. You're competing against a lot bigger playing field than you might have 100 years ago. Our ability to make choices has advanced much faster than our ability to absorb these choices. That's what I meant by value.

Value changes over time. People change over time, or maybe they don't change enough. What was good enough yesterday may not be good enough today. What a woman really connects with, I think, is a common vision. We all like people that think the way we do, unless we meet someone who shows us a way that looks better. Then we try to emulate that. We're not always successful. At some point, as you get older, I think what you value tends to be more reliable. When you're 24, you're going to meet a fair number of women who just aren't there yet. You call it unreliable. I call it the uncertainty of youth. It is powerful and compelling, and forever looks like a long damn time in your 20's.

I don't think we ever know what will affect us that way until we see it.

We can agree to disagree on this, but I'm telling you. I've seen it over and over. It is so common that it has to be considered pretty normal.

March 24, 2015

Perhaps you are blurring the line. Nice guy doesn't = disrespect/lie.

Nice guys are passive guys, who tend to go with the wind in relationships. Nice guys tell their girlfriend plenty how beautiful they are (or insert other compliment). Nice guys are willing to bend more often than their partner. Nice guys "compromise" more.

Anyways, this is going to cause some heads to turn (figuratively), but here goes.

This is what years of studying cases in my doctorate has lead me to believe, and believe strongly. I stand behind it despite how offensive it comes across, because often times, emotions stand in the way of logic.

You know who this guy is she cheated on you with/cheated on him with you? It's time you reach out to him.

Let him know that he has been lied to. Played. Tell him the whole story. Tell him that when she came back, she was with you. If you have the texts or emails, then screenshot them and send them to his facebook, instagram, whatever. Completely blow her cover, and show her for EXACTLY the lying, manipulative girl she is.

WHY though?

A few reasons.

1). She needs to learn a very harsh lesson. It WILL hurt her (assuming she isn't a sociopath). This hurt is GOOD for her in the long run. It will cause her over TIME to slowly question her actions.

2). You need to assert yourself as powerful. She may not view it that way, he may not view it that way, but you need to view it that way. Some people confuse what I'm telling you to do with weakness, but they couldn't be much more wrong.

I warned you people will disagree with this approach, and they will, but I openly challenge them to debate me. I will cite many studies, that came from years in my doctorate.

Take control now.

To what end?

March 24, 2015

Perhaps you are blurring the line. Nice guy doesn't = disrespect/lie.

Nice guys are passive guys, who tend to go with the wind in relationships. Nice guys tell their girlfriend plenty how beautiful they are (or insert other compliment). Nice guys are willing to bend more often than their partner. Nice guys "compromise" more.

Anyways, this is going to cause some heads to turn (figuratively), but here goes.

This is what years of studying cases in my doctorate has lead me to believe, and believe strongly. I stand behind it despite how offensive it comes across, because often times, emotions stand in the way of logic.

You know who this guy is she cheated on you with/cheated on him with you? It's time you reach out to him.

Let him know that he has been lied to. Played. Tell him the whole story. Tell him that when she came back, she was with you. If you have the texts or emails, then screenshot them and send them to his facebook, instagram, whatever. Completely blow her cover, and show her for EXACTLY the lying, manipulative girl she is.

WHY though?

A few reasons.

1). She needs to learn a very harsh lesson. It WILL hurt her (assuming she isn't a sociopath). This hurt is GOOD for her in the long run. It will cause her over TIME to slowly question her actions.

2). You need to assert yourself as powerful. She may not view it that way, he may not view it that way, but you need to view it that way. Some people confuse what I'm telling you to do with weakness, but they couldn't be much more wrong.

I warned you people will disagree with this approach, and they will, but I openly challenge them to debate me. I will cite many studies, that came from years in my doctorate.

Take control now.

I did that weeks ago, when we were still talking and let him know everything. She got real pissed at me, asked me how I could do that and why I did it? I don't think it seemed to bother him (maybe a little) initially, but they are still together.

March 24, 2015

Perhaps you are blurring the line. Nice guy doesn't = disrespect/lie.

Nice guys are passive guys, who tend to go with the wind in relationships. Nice guys tell their girlfriend plenty how beautiful they are (or insert other compliment). Nice guys are willing to bend more often than their partner. Nice guys "compromise" more.

Anyways, this is going to cause some heads to turn (figuratively), but here goes.

This is what years of studying cases in my doctorate has lead me to believe, and believe strongly. I stand behind it despite how offensive it comes across, because often times, emotions stand in the way of logic.

You know who this guy is she cheated on you with/cheated on him with you? It's time you reach out to him.

Let him know that he has been lied to. Played. Tell him the whole story. Tell him that when she came back, she was with you. If you have the texts or emails, then screenshot them and send them to his facebook, instagram, whatever. Completely blow her cover, and show her for EXACTLY the lying, manipulative girl she is.

WHY though?

A few reasons.

1). She needs to learn a very harsh lesson. It WILL hurt her (assuming she isn't a sociopath). This hurt is GOOD for her in the long run. It will cause her over TIME to slowly question her actions.

2). You need to assert yourself as powerful. She may not view it that way, he may not view it that way, but you need to view it that way. Some people confuse what I'm telling you to do with weakness, but they couldn't be much more wrong.

I warned you people will disagree with this approach, and they will, but I openly challenge them to debate me. I will cite many studies, that came from years in my doctorate.

Take control now.

There's not much point in this in my opinion, it would just make you look petty.

Take the high road and just ignore her, be done with it. The best revenge you can get on someone is when they realise you don't give a **** anymore.

March 24, 2015

I did that weeks ago, when we were still talking and let him know everything. She got real pissed at me, asked me how I could do that and why I did it? I don't think it seemed to bother him (maybe a little) initially, but they are still together.

Ah, well at least you tried.

They're both screwed up then. All that's left to do is count your blessings.

March 24, 2015

Ah, well at least you tried.

They're both screwed up then. All that's left to do is count your blessings.

Im not gonna do anything now, its been almost a month since we last talked so its whatever. Im telling you this chick manipulates the fu*k outta people, so she probably came up with some elaborate story to tell him that smoothed things over. But I'm actually curious, say I had not done that weeks ago and did that today, what do your "case studies" and "research" incline you to think what that would have resulted in?

March 24, 2015

Likely not much. You're right, she is very talented at manipulating. She could paint you in any number of ways, and she probably would even believe her own lies.

As painful as it is, I would consider you a great success. You escaped a very scary individual. If I knew more about her I could give a more accurate diagnosis of her, but I know one thing for sure -- this relationship failing isn't your fault, and you've been given a great blessing by escaping. As crazy as that sounds. This girl is a monster, and I have a feeling she has a bad relationship with her parent(s) or family.

Me, personally, I enjoy revenge. I want to crush those who have done things as bad as she has. And I do. As long as you don't cross the line of illegal activity, then it's all fair game. Doesn't matter if it makes you look "petty" and "childish" to some. What do they really know, anyways?

If I were in your position, I would reach out to him again to remind him she is a liar, and is likely cheating on him right now with others, and to be sure to watch who she texts when she is texting. Plant the seed of doubt. I would sure as hell enjoy it.

I'm also darker than most, though.

Edited March 24, 2015 by Strength in Healing

March 24, 2015

I have a feeling she has a bad relationship with her parent(s) or family.

That is for certain. Wont go into the details outta respect for her, but you are on the money with that. She didn't open up about the exact details until after I dumped her a**, which looking back on it, was probably another one of her manipulative techniques to take the spotlight off her actions, and get me to feel sorry for her.

March 24, 2015

Yes, you're likely quite accurate.

But you're making a mistake by holding anything back "out of respect for her". Don't respect her, she doesn't deserve it. She didn't respect you.

Hell, if I had naked photos of her and it was LEGAL in your state, I would email them straight to her parents and friends, as well as all your friends.

Is this evil? Maybe.

Immature? Yes.

Awesome? Certainly.

March 24, 2015

Yes, you're likely quite accurate.

But you're making a mistake by holding anything back "out of respect for her". Don't respect her, she doesn't deserve it. She didn't respect you.

Hell, if I had naked photos of her and it was LEGAL in your state, I would email them straight to her parents and friends, as well as all your friends.

Is this evil? Maybe.

Immature? Yes.

Awesome? Certainly.

Well I won't be doing any of that. I should probably delete all of those anyway. But in terms of respect for her, I'm not just gonna post all the sh*t that happened to her on a public forum. I suppose this goes back to are you a "NICE" guy question in which I responded sure am. Ill take the high road.

March 24, 2015

Well I won't be doing any of that. I should probably delete all of those anyway. But in terms of respect for her, I'm not just gonna post all the sh*t that happened to her on a public forum. I suppose this goes back to are you a "NICE" guy question in which I responded sure am. Ill take the high road.

Many people will respect you taking the high road, and commend it.

I used to take the high road.

One day you'll realize, however, the view on the high road isn't all too special once you get to the destination.

March 25, 2015

Many people will respect you taking the high road, and commend it.

I used to take the high road.

One day you'll realize, however, the view on the high road isn't all too special once you get to the destination.

I signed in just to comment.

I was in a situation similar to yours OP, left for someone else and left in the dark.

I kept my dignity and walked away and took the high road. Do you know where it lead me? No where.

Just my opinion "taking the high road" doesn't really reap you any benefits.

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