Skinnyminnie Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 This is going to be long, so prepare yourselves and be kind.... I was dumped. After 12 years and a proposal I was dumped via text message. It all began when he said he had a grudge against me and then proceeded to distance himself from me and eventually said he didn't know if he loved me or if he even wanted to get married. I gave him back the ring because I couldn't live a lie. If there's doubt, then I can't continue. He then said I hurt him so far beyond that he didn't see me the same anymore. We took some space and then he texted me and said he didn't see us together. So in a matter of 3 weeks I lost my best friend and my fiancé. He shut me out of his life completely. I blamed myself because he said I hurt him and I believed him. How could I not? Fast forward to Valentine's Day, he's in Vegas and he posts a video and a girl is in it. Fast forward 3 weeks after that and there's a picture of him hugging a girl - with his mom in the picture! - that he posts on his FB. My family loved this guy. I mean come on! 12 years. We all grew up together. In the beginning of all this my ex made contact with all of them and made his presence known to them. But with me he shut me out completely. They saw that picture and they naturally assumed he cheated on me. They all unfriended him and no longer want anything to do with him. My sister tells him off and de denies cheating and says, "what picture?" He later sent her the longest text message in the world apologizing and what do I get? Nada. Zip. Zero. Zilch. We met up one night to tie up loose ends on our financials and I tell him he hurt me and that I'm some being hurt. I wanted to call him it because he told my sister that he was hurt by my actions and that when I rethrned the ring that was the final straw. He said his friends said he had nothing in common with me and that he was just use to me. At no time did he take accountability and accept that be messed up leaving me the way he did. He even wished me luck and that he hopes I find someone who deserves me! Little bastard! I believe the girl is a coworker, the one he mentioned in passing months prior. I believe he had the intention to leave long before. Possibly fell for her and was looking for an out. He started hanging out with new friends and had this stressful job, which I encouraged, but when a nice shiny new toy enters your life, you want to play with it and throw away the used toy. Rewind to 8 years ago. He dumps me and tells me that he doesn't love me. I stuck around like an idiot trying to win him back only to discover that he would only continue hurting me so I cut off all contact with him. He looked for me 2 months later. We were apart for 4 months. I forgave him, but to be honest, I never forgot. It was a strain on the relationship and I take blame and responsibility. We were happy until he changed his status on me. He didn't communicate and always sat back letting me take charge. I never intentionally set out to hurt him. If there was love there truly from him, then he could never honestly say I hurt him in the past. Today, it's been 3 months since we broke up and yeah I'm sad and I am determined to move on and let go. Truth is I would've taken him back before that picture. To be even more honest I would of taken him back yesterday, but today I say no way in hell. He broke the trust. Any attempt on his part to reconcile would be fruitless. At this point in this juncture I don't anticipate him regretting his decision to leave. That's okay though. If he were to return, could I ever trust him? Would he do it again? Is the woman his coworker? Would I always live in fear of him cheating or leaving me for someone else? He's what you call a passive aggressive male. He never communicated and would sit and brood for hours because I didn't like or do something he wanted. I knew this early on, but we worked. At least I thought. His mom did the same thing to his dad and really, the apple didn't fall far from the tree. Just saying. I know firsthand that his mom is stuck in a dead end relationship and I know his dad hates her and says no way in hell will he ever take her back. He LOVED my family. He cared so much about what they thought about him. I'm not even exaggerating. I've decided to dedicate myself entirely to my family and focus on healing. But to be honest I feel like rubbing that in his face, but in time that'll fade and he simple won't care anymore about them. Now, please help me with some advice people and make sure to comment on my posts. I would love to hear people's perspectives. He follows me on social media. I am NOT his friend. I do not follow him, but he can see what I post. Should I block him? Do you think he'll ever regret his choice? I know he won't and that's okay but for my own self satisfaction I would like to hear your thoughts. I'm hoping that in a month I will be in a different place and be out of love with him (if only that were possible!). Can people like him really have regrets? I use to think so, but not anymore. 1
BlackbirdSong Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 He will lose interest in his "new shiny toy" and try to worm his way back into your life....because you're home and you're "safe" to him. DON'T LET HIM BACK for your own sanity. It pisses me off to no end when I read about good women who consistantly take douchebag guys back into their lives two, three, four, five, plus times!! (and I'm a guy). C'mon, have more self-respect than that. You deserve BETTER!! There are plenty of amazing men out there that will not treat you like garbage and jump in and out of your life (and bed). Block him from EVERYTHING....FB, Twitter, Whatssup, Twitter, phone, email, everything.... ....and I bet even after all of that...he'll find a way to get in contact with you. Stay strong and focus on yourself and your family. Best wishes. 1
jen1447 Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 You'll be alright hon, everyone always is eventually. On the social media question, really I wouldn't even go to the trouble of blocking him. Even negative feedback can feed the ego of people like that. The 'worst' thing you can do to him is be genuinely unaffected by him. The genuine part will come in time, but you can act like it's so now by always trying to maintain outward neutrality. If you feel like lashing out, check yourself. It'll be better for how he perceives you. Then go lash out privately or come on here and vent. He might have regrets when normalcy returns after his little crush or flight of fancy or whatever he's got going on, but luckily for you, by that time you won't really care. Usually people who burn others this way get it worse in the long run, even if you have to get it harder right now while he's out playing. Stay strong, stay resolute, be a fully functioning, coping rock star because you're a strong woman and you rock.
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