If your partner hasn't said i love you to anyone in his life (and his 30), red flag?

[magicjelly1234]

my bf is 30 and we've been together for a year and he hasn't said i love you to anyone in his entire life, and i was completely shocked, and wonder if he's just not capable of loving anyone. He is also seeking counseling as he is not really content with his life. but he's such a caring person that every single friend of my mine loves. ah, it's difficult.

 

Red flag?

[Gloria25]

OOk, in regards to your particular situation (and after reading your other threads), I believe he simply just hasn't met a woman he can honestly say he "loves" and that includes you.

 

My fav podcaster considers love: "awe, admiration, respect"...you just don't ascribe that to anyone you've dated. IMO, too many people using "love" to define hornies, lust, emotions.

 

Me? I use the word "love" with my family, but prefer "XoXo"....and, I really don't feeeel the word "love" either.

 

But, do you know what? I feel for my family, I have sacrificed so much for them over the years. When they bleed, I bleed...when they stress, I stress. I may not "express" it, but I'm there for them and you can call it love or whatever.

 

In regards to friends? The same thing....my bff knows I hate hugs, but she's my gal pal. Again, I have the emotions....but play all "tough" and refuse many of times to let it show.

 

In regards to men? Have not told any I loved them. One time during sex with my 6 yr guy I sorta mumbled it to myself...but hey, we HAD great sex, and I did really like him so yeah, one time I mumbled it to myself...

 

But, cuz I've never said an "ILY" doesn't mean I do not express care and emotion to my guy I am into?

 

I just did a thread on how much care I feel for a particular dude...and, while every time he sees me I play it cool, those feelings are there...like someone said here on LS, I'm like a hard shell with a gooey center...thing is you gotta chip past the hard shell to enjoy the gooey.

 

I'm just guarded I guess cuz of how I was raised...if you're vulnerable you can get hurt, let down and/or taken advantage of. Plus, when I do open up, I do trust a bit much. So, I'm careful about opening up until I feel its ok.

 

One time a peer review was done and the peeps said that I was "quiet", but when you get to know me, I'm pretty cool....well, my bff, they said they don't trust her...lol. But, I get her. She herself doesn't trust others easily, but she's too nice at the same time...lol

 

Soo, peepes like mua...while we may not show it, it's there in a way we understand and hopefully you do if you get to know us...

 

But, again, I'm talking in general - not about your particular situation.

[thefooloftheyear]

Strangers(people who might randomly meet and potentially form a relationship),use those words as tools to get what they want....Men might use it for sex....women may use it to validate their status in the relationship or give a guy an ego boost......a variety of things on either side..

 

No one I am aware of ever placed a hand on a Bible before saying it...

 

Now when I, for example, tell my mother or my daughter I love them, there is meaning..its real and everlasting...til I am dead...

 

All I am saying is sometimes people put too much weight on that in the context of potential LTRs....It guarantees nothing and just about everyones interpretation is different..Heck, even if it was true at the time they said it, they may not even believe it the very next day...

 

Sorry if I come across like a wet blanket, but quite frankly I couldnt tell you if its a red flag or not...He might turn out to be the man of your dreams for all I know...Just as the saying goes...."talk is cheap".....and "actions speak louder than words"

 

TFY

Edited March 24, 2015 by thefooloftheyear

[d0nnivain]

It may be a yellow flag but not a red one. If his actions tell you he cares, think about how verbal he is in the rest of his life. If he's not a talker, calm down. If he's a chatter box, it's more of an issue. My husband isn't very verbal. It took a while for him to say it easily to me & he's only just now coming around to saying it 1st. Just because he rarely verbalizes it doesn't make me Q how much he loves me; he's just not a words guy.

[Radu]

You know ... come to think of it ... i doubt it i ever said to anyone in my life and really meant it.

 

I don't tell it to my close family because it's understood in my actions and my tone and how i act around them ... there is no question about it and they don't question it either [they did not say it either ... except for my mom].

 

I said it to 2 ex's ... but i never really meant it. I said it because i wanted them to treat me better.

 

I'm also very introvert and shy ... so few friends.

[compulsivedancer]

Different people mean different things by it. Someone on this forum commented that to him love meant he couldn't live without her. So maybe he's been in love by my definition, but not by his.

 

It also depends on how many relationships he's had. If you are only his second or third serious relationship, it's not really a big deal. Now if he lived with someone for several years and never told her he loved her, I'd probably consider that a red flag!

[gaius]

Some people just aren't verbal like that, doesn't mean they don't have the emotions. If his actions show love for you then you're probably good.