glycerine Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 Hello! So I met this very sweet girl at a mutual friend's birthday, we're both close friends with this girl. Long story short, it seems she's way more into me, than I'm into her. If I could have it my way I would love to keep her as a friend, she's really funny, sweet and intelligent; but there's no chemistry on my side. Thing is I don't know how to do it without making her feel bad, and I'm afraid she'll accept to be friends on the hopes that sometime in the future I change my mind. To complicate things a little bit, bday girl has been flirting a lot with me, we have strong chemistry, once I started dating the new girl she suddenly started coming on more strong. As you see, if something's bound to happen might as well be with bday girl. And stuff will only complicate from there on. Who knows..... I might just have to go with the flow. I appreciate any input. Regards,
preraph Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 You can't know if she can really handle nothing but friendship or not. And seems like so often people lie about whether they can just to keep you around and hope you change your mind. I think going with the flow is best. You are about to date her friend, so maybe that will set up a boundary she won't cross. But if not, being friends with her could cause problems with birthday girl.
pteromom Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 If you aren't feeling it, there's no reason to continue dating her. Since she is the one with the feelings, it is up to her whether she wants to remain your friend or not. If you have chemistry with bday girl and want to pursue her, that's even more reason to drop friend girl quickly.
Author glycerine Posted March 23, 2015 Author Posted March 23, 2015 Yeah, I can go with the flow, this cute little triangles in new relationships can't hurt me much. I'm divorced and been through a lot, bday girl has had her heartbroken before too. But this new girl is younger and quite innocent, she's never really been on a serious relationship. I'll hate to damage her in some way, make her feel like she's not desirable and lower her selfsteem. But in the end somebody might break her heart anyways. Come to think about it...I kinda see her as a little sister now....and have this urge to protect her from folks....like me
Dallers Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 Won't work let her go. It is exactly the same scenario when a girl feels sorry for a guy and then gets accused of friend zoning him. Just because they are nice does not mean they will suddenly want to become friends with you, they won't they will feel rejected, dwell and continue to pursue you in hope you will change your mind. It's very unfair. Do the right thing, end it nicely and walk away.
pteromom Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 But this new girl is younger and quite innocent, she's never really been on a serious relationship. I'll hate to damage her in some way, make her feel like she's not desirable and lower her selfsteem. But in the end somebody might break her heart anyways. Come to think about it...I kinda see her as a little sister now....and have this urge to protect her from folks....like me Everyone has their heart broken. If you do it in a nice, gentle way, at least it will be a nice, gentle heartbreak. She'll get through it.
Author glycerine Posted March 23, 2015 Author Posted March 23, 2015 Won't work let her go. It is exactly the same scenario when a girl feels sorry for a guy and then gets accused of friend zoning him. Just because they are nice does not mean they will suddenly want to become friends with you, they won't they will feel rejected, dwell and continue to pursue you in hope you will change your mind. It's very unfair. Do the right thing, end it nicely and walk away. I guess I was hoping for a formula to have her turn from date->friend without passing through her friendzoning herself.
Dallers Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 I guess I was hoping for a formula to have her turn from date->friend without passing through her friendzoning herself. Empathy is a good trait to have so no need to beat yourself up about it. In this situation it requires more than empathy, it requires sacrifice.
Author glycerine Posted March 23, 2015 Author Posted March 23, 2015 Thanks a lot for your advice guys, wish you the best.
h0000 Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 unfortunately when dating you cant always be "nice". sometimes you have to be tough and firm. If you go with the flow i guarantee you will end up hurting her more and things will get more messy and she will definitely not be your friend. nothing you do can make her happily change to friends from lovers if that isnt what she wants. it is only fair you tell her now what you really feel or you are wasting her and your time.. and if she cant be friends, that will have to be it.
preraph Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 Yeah, I can go with the flow, this cute little triangles in new relationships can't hurt me much. I'm divorced and been through a lot, bday girl has had her heartbroken before too. But this new girl is younger and quite innocent, she's never really been on a serious relationship. I'll hate to damage her in some way, make her feel like she's not desirable and lower her selfsteem. But in the end somebody might break her heart anyways. Come to think about it...I kinda see her as a little sister now....and have this urge to protect her from folks....like me Well, be honest with her up front then and she may still opt to take a chance on it breaking her heart, but you know, we all get our hearts broken sometime.
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