Cambria Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 i work night shift. On my days off I spend time with friends and family but eventually they go to bed and I am home alone all night/morning. Inevitably, he pops into my head. I try to banish all thoughts of him, but I need to find things to occupy myself. Since he left me I have been unable to read books or play video games. I can force myself to watch a little tv but I don't enjoy it. Some of this is because it reminds me of him and some of it is because I'm depressed. So I need a new hobby. Something that I can do indoors since I am a night owl. What did you all do to occupy yourself? Did you struggle with this issue after your BU too? I'm tired of thinking about him. I've cried every single day for the last 2 1/2 months and I refuse to continue thinking of him. He doesn't deserve my tears.
darkbloom Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 Hi Op, I actually took up several hobbies after my recent breakup. I taught myself how to crotchet off of youtube videos. This helps when I get obsessive about him. I pull out my crocheting and count my stitches and let my mind focus on that. I also am learning to play the guitar. I have always wanted to learn and what better time then now when I do not have anything better to do? Best thing I did for myself outside of my house was take up Bikram Yoga. Seriously. It is the most intense, mind cleansing thing for me. I get a full 90 minutes where I am unable to think of him or the breakup. When I get home from it, my mind is calm and clear. I am able to sleep so much better. There are so many free videos on youtube that you can learn anything you have ever wanted to do! good luck!
dyna85 Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 What has helped is joining the gym, writing out my thoughts, talking to people. I am so much like you. The things that used to bring me pleasure seem to bring me pain now as thoughts of him come up no matter what I do, it seems. I feel like a wounded animal walking around on high alert and very protective of myself because it doesn't take much to be reminded and become depressed over the situation. I have found it extremely soothing to chat with friends on the phone. For some reason, it takes me to a better place. I don't really talk about the BU, though. Also, taking people up on offers to get out as much as possible, even if you feel like you can't. Getting out for walks when the weather is good helps too. There has to be an area of life you've been wanting to improve: health-wise, work-wise, something. I would channel your energy into working up to doing just that. Just take it little by little. Small steps to achieve your goals (in an area other than relationships). I also think it's good that you force yourself to watch a little tv, or whatever, because every little bit helps. Sometimes you just have to feel the pain and do it anyway. However, I think it's good to not push yourself too hard, and to let yourself deal with your emotions as feels comfortable too. It's okay to have really depressive periods and to mope. Don't feel guilty for it. Sometimes I have felt guilt for all the tears and sadness and isolating and neglecting of important parts of my life, etc. However, I think it's okay to mope and feel like crap. You just gotta do what feels best for you, but I think as long as you're gradually making strides towards accomplishing things, however small a step you may take, you're good. Let nature take its course, but still be an active participant, as it seems you are doing, since you are trying. You are forcing yourself to reintegrate yourself a bit. I think you got this.
na49 Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 I also have not found pleasure in any of my hobbies since the breakup. It sucks because it'd be nice to just play video games for hours on end without thinking of her. It's taken a little extra work to try to feel better though. I'm sure you can find exercises to do inside. My family bought a treadmill last summer, and I never went on it when I was with my ex. Now that she is gone, I bust my @ss and get on it every day I can. I've also always loved art, but haven't drawn in a long time. I've considered learning to draw again using videos online. It'd be a nice skill to have, and give me another thing to offer in a future relationship. Are you currently in school? If you aren't, have you ever considered going back or pursuing a higher education? One thing that my counselor told me to do that helped me was to spend your nights looking up ways to benefit your future. I'm probably not the only one who spends their nights thinking about their ex. but the nights that I spent online, researching careers in psychology, and Masters programs, I felt much better. Sadly even having hobbies, and doing things won't make you stop thinking about them. It takes a little work and basically telling yourself "My ex is living in my head without paying the rent. I need to evict her". I realize how hard that is though, so don't be too hard on yourself.
BlackbirdSong Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 Lol, I work full-time, go to grad school full-time (for my second Master's), hit the gym 4-5 times a week for 1-2 hours, train Muay Thai kickboxing and Brazilian Jiu-jitsu 2-3 times a week, teaching myself to play guitar.....and I STILL have so much time to obsess and cry about my ex. I'm looking for a part-time job on top of all of that just to get out of the house more. I'm at my wits end.....I can't escape.
Jonp219 Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 Today, I returned to the gym for the first time since my break up. Since my break-up, I found a old notebook journal from years ago and I started writing in it again. In addition, I plan to continue learning how to do photography, produce instrumentals, read books, play video games, and I might learn how to play the guitar. I also work 32 hours a week, and go to college full-time (getting my bachelors in the summer). My hands are full for the moment, but I still think about her a hell of a lot. I'm trying to find happiness within myself, if I don't nobody is going to want to be with me (not her, not anyone).
CopingGal Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 i work night shift. On my days off I spend time with friends and family but eventually they go to bed and I am home alone all night/morning. Inevitably, he pops into my head. I try to banish all thoughts of him, but I need to find things to occupy myself. Since he left me I have been unable to read books or play video games. I can force myself to watch a little tv but I don't enjoy it. Some of this is because it reminds me of him and some of it is because I'm depressed. So I need a new hobby. Something that I can do indoors since I am a night owl. What did you all do to occupy yourself? Did you struggle with this issue after your BU too? I'm tired of thinking about him. I've cried every single day for the last 2 1/2 months and I refuse to continue thinking of him. He doesn't deserve my tears. Check out Volunteer Match- volunteermatch.org and do a search for virtual volunteer jobs. You can do all kinds of wonderful things from home- even run a hotline or a help line for people who just adopted cats- all kinds of different things to do from home via your computer or phone.
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