isadora222 Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 My son and I moved into a 2 bedroom apt (from a studio) last august. Around that time I was having some problems with anxiety and depression. My boyfriend started staying with us very night.. It was very helpful to have him around and he's great with my son. He helped with cooking, cleaning and bought his fair share of groceries.. I am happy in our relationship and I believe that he loves me and my son and is a kind person.. We've talked about marriage, future children etc.. But its over six months later and he's still not paying any rent or utilities. He "lives" in a condo that's owned by his uncle and pays about $500/ month rent and utilities (he has two "roommates") He also handles some of the landlord duties which is not too many.. He only spends the night there when my son and I are out of town.. I believe he goes there and plays computer games during his lunch on workdays. I pay $1050 a month rent and utilities and $600 a month childcare.. He makes a little more money than me. We have plans to move into bigger house with a yard and split everything 50/50 in august.. This situation has been bothering me pretty bad for months now.. We are barely able to fit my son and my stuff into the apt so I know that cramming all of BF's stuff wouldnt be particularly attractive to him or practical. I have major problems with confrontation so I didnt say anything other than complaining about having no money etc.. I've had to borrow money from my parents and use savings to get by... His response to that was to offer to pay 1 wk a month in daycare (which seemed like a really weird thing for him to choose) So I finally got the courage to talk to him last week.. I just said "do you think you could move out of the condo a little earlier than august.. maybe by may" and told him I would get a storage unit and we could pack up all non essentials. That way there will be room for his stuff and less general clutter around the house (which I know annoys him) He said "sure" but he's seen his roommates and his uncle since then and has yet to tell anyone.. I'm getting really frustrated at this point.. We live in a college town and May should be a good time to find someone to sublet for the summer or moving in early for fall semester.. But they definitely need to start looking now.. His uncle may be a little sad that he will have to step it up with landlord duties but he's very nice and I dont see him minding as long as they find someone to pay that portion of the rent. I also understand that he likes to have his own space with his stuff but at this point I feel like he's living rent free and paying $500/month to have a place to play games on his lunch..
preraph Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 Well, he may just not be someone who acts quickly. Just be sure to discuss splitting some bills once he moves in. He may view it's 2 to 1 and that you pay 2/3rds since it's your child. But you've got to get to where you can talk about it. Not sure why he'd want to move twice though if you're planning on getting a house soon. So maybe he'd rather just chip in more, though it's a bit unfair to ask. Can I ask how you were paying the rent and bills before he came along?
PinkInTheLimo Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 (edited) Does your boyfriend's name is on the lease contract? I don't think so. You are the one who rents the apartment so you should pay the rent. I could understand that you ask your boyfriend to contribute to the electricity, gas, water and telephone bill because he is actually using part of that but he should not contribute to the rent because he has no rights as far as the rent is concerned. To be honest you sound a bit like a golddigger. If you don't get by then why did you not pick another apartment which is cheaper? In any case your boyfriend and you will rent something together later in the year so can't you give him a break? He is already helping you a lot, you should be grateful for that. Are you with your boyfriend because of who he is or because you need an extra income to pay the rent? It irritates the hell out of me that good guys end up with a golddigger like yourself. Edited March 23, 2015 by PinkInTheLimo
Quiet Storm Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 I don't understand how you don't have enough to pay the bills. You didn't count on him being there when you moved in, so it seems like you should have enough to cover it. He has his own place, so it's likely he doesn't feel like he is taking advantage of you. This isn't a situation where he's mooching off you for a place to live. He may even feel like he's doing you a favor by being around and helping out with the kid, housework and groceries. I think you are viewing him as a roommate, but he still feels like a guest. Also, what's this about "finally got the courage to talk to him last week". Why would you need courage to talk about this? I think since you both have your own established residences, you should each pay your own bills until you move in together in a shared place. If you feel taken advantage of, then tell him he should stay at home more. Before moving into your shared place, you should have a clear agreement about who is paying what. You shouldn't put off conversations like this in order to avoid conflict, because then you end up feeling resentment (like now). You are feeling taken advantage of, but he may not even realize what your expectations are. That's not fair to either of you. You should clearly state what you expect from him and come to a mutual agreement. 1
Author isadora222 Posted March 23, 2015 Author Posted March 23, 2015 It was definitely my bad in selecting the apt that I did.. It's just a little too expensive for me... I am not a gold digger. My bf has been driving my extra car for 2 months now because he doesnt want to buy a new one right now.. I pay for all of the utilities cable etc and at least half of the food and have for over six months If I were a gold digger I would be really bad at it
Michelle ma Belle Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 I'm sorry but if you haven't had an official discussion regarding living arrangements and bills at any point you don't have a right to complain that he's not pulling his end of the deal. Assuming he gets it isn't enough. If he really is someone you're in love with and looking to spend your life with you need to practice communication straight away otherwise I fear this is only the beginning of the end. Good luck.
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