Jmal1994 Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 My ex girlfriend and I split up seven weeks ago, we were together 2years 8months and are both 20, she broke up with me because she developed an infatuation with someone she goes to college with, she kissed him after we broke up, and they've hung out quite a bit since, while I've been incredibly heartbroken Since the break up, I have had great time to reflect on everything, get deep into my college studies and take up new hobbies, I have become a better person, more attractive as many girls where I work have been flirting with me a lot. However, none of them are relationship material/my type of girl. I have kept LC with my ex, we text each other twice a week to see how we are, it's mutual texting and we have arranged to see eachother twice since the break up, both times, she has been very upset and regretful about what has happened. At our last meeting, I gathered the courage to apologise, in person to her, about my actions after the breakup, I was understandably hurt that she lied to me about this guy being 'just a friend', and I carried the guilt of being rude to her, it's not in my nature. She burst into tears and still takes full blame for what happened Now, this is where my confusion sets in, she said she ruined everything we had and that she was real sorry, to which I replied that we could have what we had again, but only if she wanted to... She told me she was too scared of hurting me again and said I would be better off with someone else who would treat me better, she said I was doing better off without her (I wasn't, I was trying to fill the void that she left) She said it would absolutely kill her to see me with someone else, but 'she made this bed and now she must lie in it'. But I was open to starting things afresh, I have honestly forgiven the girl, she was incredibly stressed at college, as was I, I have learned the need for communication and compromise in a relationship I have been on dates with other girls, but none of them have been special, or different enough for me to get to know, but seeing my ex casually, has just reaffirmed my feelings towards her One final thing, I'm not sure if this related, but we are still on social media, she has all pictures of me up there and around her house, I don't believe she is seeing this infatuation anymore, but she is constantly putting negative tweets on twitter saying 'numb' and 'I just want this day to end' I do love this girl still, I am willing to do anything to have her back, surely all relationships have a hiccup like this, tell me if I'm in denial.
fitnessfan365 Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 I am willing to do anything to have her back, surely all relationships have a hiccup like this, tell me if I'm in denial. Haha.. Man you are in MAJOR denial. A woman throwing away two plus years over a schoolgirl crush is more than a hiccup. But I'll give you some free advice. The reason why she probably left you in the first place because you're such a push over. I mean you're willing to "do anything" for a woman that did that to you? I mean come on dude, where is your pride and self respect? If a woman dumps you to be with another guy, the last thing you should do is chase after her. 1
Reysa09 Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 Haha.. Man you are in MAJOR denial. A woman throwing away two plus years over a schoolgirl crush is more than a hiccup. But I'll give you some free advice. The reason why she probably left you in the first place because you're such a push over. I mean you're willing to "do anything" for a woman that did that to you? I mean come on dude, where is your pride and self respect? If a woman dumps you to be with another guy, the last thing you should do is chase after her. Yep. Major denial. Honey move forward. If you continue to deal with this woman then all youre going to do is end up hurting yourself even more. No matter what happens, youre always going to have that 'thought' in the back of your head.
LostOnes05 Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 Yea bro, listen to them. Do you think she cried about you when she was with this other guy? When she was kissing him? You need to go full no contact. She wanted the break up, moved on rather quickly but since you're willing to do anything for her...let her go. She is playing games by keeping you around and keeping you on social media. I'm nice and polite by nature as well but I learned a few things after being cheated on. You absolutely can not interact with them. It was their decision, not yours. Also never trust what a woman says, but look at her actions. If the two don't match up then there's a problem. You have to get over that mental block of shutting out other girls, in hopes of getting your ex back. Don't compare them to her because 1) no one in your mind right now can compare to the past 2) and it's really not fair to them 3) she left you. Your relationship with her is over. I'll repeat...YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH HER IS OVER. She left a 2, almost 3 year relationship to be with a crush? That says how she felt/feels about you right there. Be the good guy and give her what she asked for...a new relationship that doesn't include you. You can do MUCH better man, and you DESERVE BETTER!!
Mrin Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 Oh holy smokes my man. You are in complete denial. You need to move on. You need to go NC with her. Disconnect from her on social media. Just tell her goodbye and resolve to never have any connection with her ever again. Until you do, you're just going to be stuck in this limbo you are now. And it won't go away until she does something really painful like fall madly in love with a guy so much that she ignores you. Walk away.
Author Jmal1994 Posted March 27, 2015 Author Posted March 27, 2015 Well I understand where you guys are coming from, it is painful for me to read such things when I believe positives come out of this. I mean there is no plan for her to come back to me as of now...but why should people give up on the person they love. And now I expect all you guys to say 'I'm 20, I'm young, I have plenty of more women to see', 'I don't know what love is' etc... Everybody is different, I found a girl who shares practically every interest with me, we would do everything together, we were best friends, as well as lovers. And that's where I think it went wrong, we got too comfortable and took our relationship for granted, we even spoke of our wedding, our children and our future, two days before we broke up. She has since said that she didn't want to break up with me, she didn't cheat on me, but just spent time with single uni friends, including the 'friend' that liked her. She said she loves me still but is scared that we will break up again and that trust cannot be healed. I respected her decision, but I don't want to give up on her, I feel we acted on emotion when we broke up, I believe that in those moments of emotional vulnerability, that we pushed towards a break up, that I personally didn't want, but perhaps showed that I did then. I have since been offered the chance to study a course that will enable me to become my dream job, I should have been really happy about it, but as soon as I found out, the person I wanted to tell the most, the person who had supported me the most, the person who had helped me work to this...was no longer there, I wanted to phone and tell her everything, but couldn't. She found anyway and said I deserved everything because I worked hard, she said she knew I could do it I am in denial I know. The best option would be to cut all contact to heal, but I believe this girl is special, I love everything about her, and being her first year at college, she needs to make friends to help her through, and that's what I was blind to. I encouraged to do it, and she did, but I saw it as her distancing herself from me. We are also both incredibly stressed with college work at the moment, with endless deadlines. If I wanted to see if she was interested again later (we were together for ages, never argued, I treated her like a princess, I never laid eyes on anyone else, and we even trusted eachother to the point that we never brought up issues of trust, until she became distant) should I wait, you will all say I need to move on, find someone else, but everybody is different, yes our relationship is over, but it feels, for me, for everyone around her and me, that it was rash, and that 'it is t over until it's over'
FringeZone Posted March 27, 2015 Posted March 27, 2015 Well I understand where you guys are coming from, it is painful for me to read such things when I believe positives come out of this. I mean there is no plan for her to come back to me as of now...but why should people give up on the person they love. Major denial - nothing positive can come of it, at least in context of a relationship with this girl, unless you're hoping for a 3-way with her and another guy. As an FYI - if someone breaks up with you, moves on, makes out with other people, and effectively intentionally hurts you - it's never a good thing. The positives from this experience are that you can move on, see other people, find someone that appreciates you, get some life experience, etc. As for giving up on people that you love - well, she stopped loving you and moved on - if you don't move on, you're going to be a wreck, as you may want to try to (re)build the relationship, but she's in a different space - trying to create a relationship with someone who's tried you and discovered that she wanted something different is a losing proposition all day long. This is clearly not what you want to hear - and by all means, try getting her back...just be cognizant of the fact that it will likely make you look desperate and needy, put you in a depressed stupor, and has a very high probability of failing miserably.
wizer Posted March 27, 2015 Posted March 27, 2015 You really need to stop communicating with this woman, it's prolonging your agony. Ironically enough, if you cut her off you might actually have a slim chance of her wondering where you went, and realizing you aren't a push over any more, and that you just might have decided to move on without her. Sometimes that's enough to bring them back into the fold. You never know, but one thing's for sure, your present course of action won't get you anywhere you need to be.
Mrin Posted March 27, 2015 Posted March 27, 2015 You really need to stop communicating with this woman, it's prolonging your agony. Ironically enough, if you cut her off you might actually have a slim chance of her wondering where you went, and realizing you aren't a push over any more, and that you just might have decided to move on without her. Sometimes that's enough to bring them back into the fold. You never know, but one thing's for sure, your present course of action won't get you anywhere you need to be. Quoted for truth
Author Jmal1994 Posted March 27, 2015 Author Posted March 27, 2015 Yep, understandable all that you're saying, you've all been through this before, and this is my first time, so I do carry a strong feeling of naivety. We do meet up, the last time we met up on Sunday, she was single, and not trying to get with this guy. I havent initiated contact since that night when she told me that 'I can't be with you knowing how much I hurt you, I still haven't forgiven myself'. I guess only time will tell, I have improved myself physically, but yeah mentally I'm all over the place, her friends are all going back home far away tomorrow, she will have no friends around her for the next three weeks, I guess loneliness will sink in. Also, I must add that again, on social media, she has been pessimistic, calling herself an 'emotional wreck' about everything. My final point is that I don't think she intentionally set out to hurt me, she kissed this guy after being incredibly drunk, I saw her the following day to pick up some stuff and she was hungover, big time. She hasn't gone out at all since it's happened, and hasn't spoke to her family about it all, they all hope we get back together, and I think she knows that. But time will tell, thanks for the help though, it is appreciated, buts new to this all, so expect some serious case of wide eyed denial
wizer Posted March 27, 2015 Posted March 27, 2015 she told me that 'I can't be with you knowing how much I hurt you, I still haven't forgiven myself'. In other words, she doesn't want to be with you. At least, not right now. she will have no friends around her for the next three weeks, I guess loneliness will sink in. You don't want her contacting you because she's lonely. That will just mess with your head even more. Also, I must add that again, on social media, she has been pessimistic, calling herself an 'emotional wreck' about everything. Well I guess that can be viewed as a positive sign. My final point is that I don't think she intentionally set out to hurt me, she kissed this guy after being incredibly drunk, I saw her the following day to pick up some stuff and she was hungover, big time. Please stop making excuses for her. they all hope we get back together, and I think she knows that. Irrelevant. It's not about what her family wants.
spiderowl Posted March 28, 2015 Posted March 28, 2015 My feeling is she might not be seeing the guy she was infatuated with any more, but she still feels something for him. She knows that although she has wrecked things with you, it would not be fair on you to try to resurrect things because she doesn't trust herself not to become involved with someone else again. I can't imagine any other reason why she would avoid getting back with you even though she's finding her present situation painful and is upset about hurting you. I would not risk getting back with her again. She knows part of her has an eye out for someone else. I'm sorry. Once you do accept that it's not going to work with her, you will start to be more able to accept the possibility of meeting someone new. I know it's easier said than done, but others will not seem as appealing as long as you are consciously and unconsciously attached to your ex.
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