Eaglestar83 Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 Guys, I want your honest opinion on this please. I just wanted to list few of the things I encountered with my ex, and wanted you to tell me if it. Counts as being selfish or not. I am generally a caring guy and would go out of my way to be with my partner. My ex always told me how caring and unpretentious I was with her. Even when she exhibited the behaviours below, I didnt complain about it to her or anything, even though it did make me pull away from her, perhaps in somewhat passive aggressive way. 1) 80% of the time, I paid for our dates, as she rarely ever offered to pay 2) I used to book weekends away at nice hotels for us. I used to pay for it. One time I booked a spa hotel for us, she went ahead and booked a massage treatment for herself but not for me 3) when she has a cold or a headache, I would go visit her at home or take her out and comfort her if she is well enough to go out. When I got sick (vomiting) she did not come visit me and refused to see me the rest of the week in case she catches something from me!! We live 2mins drive from eachother 4) she was very picky in term of eating out, would have to suggest few places before getting her to agree on a certain place. She never for once asked what would I like for a change. 5) I used to give her massages and when one time I asked her what is she going to do for me she shrugged and said that I touched a raw nerve regarding an ex who she felt used by . I had to apologies and explain to her how am not like that. 6) I made CD copies of songs she liked, bought her earrings, flowers on occasions etc. she would often offer to do something for me, like buy me a hat, or a cd of my favourite band but non of that actually happened. 7) I often felt that we had sex only when she was up for it in term of being suggestive etc. Often enough When i tried to touch her in the morning as we are waking up, she would turn away and ask me to stop. She would sometimes knock on the door as am having a shower and ask me if she can join in. I always said yes of course. When I tried to walk in on her twice, I remember she asked me not to come in because she didnt want to get her hair wet. I know it's hard to judge based on one side of the story, but what do you guys think?
Karin2rinkashi Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 Sounds one sided! But at the same time, unintentional. Seems as if that is who she is.... if you don't like who she is then time for some tough decisions brother...
SincereOnlineGuy Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 Yes, your, uh, effort here is far from convincing. Can't believe you seriously compared her having a headache and your bravely trying to comfort her despite the extreme chance that the headache might be contagious... to your vomiting all over the place and her being unwilling to come and take care of you.
Author Eaglestar83 Posted March 23, 2015 Author Posted March 23, 2015 Yes, your, uh, effort here is far from convincing. Can't believe you seriously compared her having a headache and your bravely trying to comfort her despite the extreme chance that the headache might be contagious... to your vomiting all over the place and her being unwilling to come and take care of you. That was a very helpful reply, thank you sir!! Now move on
elaine567 Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 Is there a purpose to your story here? SHE IS YOUR EX. I know it is the job of the dumpee to diss their EX as much as possible, but she just wasn't feeling it and her feelings changed for you. That is not her fault and it is not your fault, it is what dating is about That is what happens in relationships, we stay in relationships where we are happy and we break up when we are unhappy. Move on and find someone else.
Author Eaglestar83 Posted March 23, 2015 Author Posted March 23, 2015 The purpose is to learn. All of the above incidents were possible warning signs, this is why they are now flashing like light bulbs in my head. I chose to ignore them and say nothing at the time and did not make a fuss. My ex broke up with me whilst saying something along the line of "I feel like I am too much for you, that you can't handle me"
elaine567 Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 1) 80% of the time, I paid for our dates, as she rarely ever offered to pay - Many women do not pay for dates, especially if the man seems happy to do so. 2) I used to book weekends away at nice hotels for us. I used to pay for it. One time I booked a spa hotel for us, she went ahead and booked a massage treatment for herself but not for me. She perhaps didn't think you would like one. 3) when she has a cold or a headache, I would go visit her at home or take her out and comfort her if she is well enough to go out. When I got sick (vomiting) she did not come visit me and refused to see me the rest of the week in case she catches something from me!! We live 2mins drive from eachother. Headaches are not contagious, vomiting can be. Some people cannot stand to see vomit. 4) she was very picky in term of eating out, would have to suggest few places before getting her to agree on a certain place. She never for once asked what would I like for a change. She only likes certain foods and why were you waiting for her to ask what you would like? 5) I used to give her massages and when one time I asked her what is she going to do for me she shrugged and said that I touched a raw nerve regarding an ex who she felt used by . I had to apologies and explain to her how am not like that. You touched a raw nerve and she reacted, she let you know her boundaries. 6) I made CD copies of songs she liked, bought her earrings, flowers on occasions etc. she would often offer to do something for me, like buy me a hat, or a cd of my favourite band but non of that actually happened. She is perhaps a bit mean, doesn't have much spare cash or she just didn't know what you would like. 7) I often felt that we had sex only when she was up for it in term of being suggestive etc. Often enough When i tried to touch her in the morning as we are waking up, she would turn away and ask me to stop. She would sometimes knock on the door as am having a shower and ask me if she can join in. I always said yes of course. When I tried to walk in on her twice, I remember she asked me not to come in because she didnt want to get her hair wet. She has every right to say no, and ask you to respect her boundaries. She may have been a bit self-centred true, but I hardly see any of those as warning signs flashing.
Author Eaglestar83 Posted March 23, 2015 Author Posted March 23, 2015 [/b]She may have been a bit self-centred true, but I hardly see any of those as warning signs flashing. I think this point (7) was the worst. Intimacy is suppose to be something fun we are happy to share with our SO. Yes she had the right to say no, but so do I. It actually got to the point that I stopped responding to her usual ques for requesting intimacy as I felt it was all being one sided. To be fair, throughout the 7 months relationship, I felt this girl was not a giver. She was stingy with her time, emotions, intimacy, kindness and money.
elaine567 Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 I think this point (7) was the worst. Intimacy is suppose to be something fun we are happy to share with our SO. Yes she had the right to say no, but so do I. It actually got to the point that I stopped responding to her usual ques for requesting intimacy as I felt it was all being one sided. To be fair, throughout the 7 months relationship, I felt this girl was not a giver. She was stingy with her time, emotions, intimacy, kindness and money. Well it is just as well she broke up with you then, as you were not suited.
SincereOnlineGuy Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 That was a very helpful reply, thank you sir!! Now move on Exactly what did one need to say in answer to your question? Yes, you were selfish. What could be more "honest" than that?
Author Eaglestar83 Posted March 24, 2015 Author Posted March 24, 2015 Exactly what did one need to say in answer to your question? Yes, you were selfish. What could be more "honest" than that? My question was weather or not my ex behaviour count as selfish. You have flipped this upside down and called me selfish instead.
bubbaganoosh Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 Honestly there's something I need to address. Now I'm much older then you (67) and when I was dating women in my younger years and I asked them out on a date. I paid for it. I asked, she agreed to accompany me therefore I paid and I would really feel uneasy having her pay for it. Other than that she seemed like a selfish girl and I could only tell you that if you notice that kind of a trend in the early part of a relationship and you keep sticking around, then you get what you deserve. Now outside of the fact that your home blowing your groceries from the flu or something..............I would stay away too but explain it in a way where there's no hard feelings. Best piece of advice I can give you friend is next girl comes around, open your ears and listen to what she has to say and keep your eyes above her neck and you might not have this problem again.
Author Eaglestar83 Posted March 24, 2015 Author Posted March 24, 2015 (edited) Thanks for the advise. i had no problem paying for our dates and this is just me looking in retrospect. we dated for seven months and i can honestly say that i can hardly remember any way in which she showed care towards me. end of the day, its not about the money, its not about me being needy or selfish as to want her to come visit me when am vomiting just to catch my illness. its about showing that you care, in one way or another. This girl was nothing more than a spoiled princess who had the attitude of entitlement and expected everything from her man when she gave very little. I courted her and respected her with the intent of getting married, until she one day flipped and it all turned out to be a joke. She never communicated any concerns and acted like all was rosy until the mask dropped. she had mental health issues, including self harm, which she only cared to tell me about at the last minute, as she was breaking up with me. she kept it all in herself, and refused to let me in or to get close to her. She was little more than junk, labelled with a high price tag. And yet am being labelled as selfish here. Edited March 24, 2015 by Eaglestar83
Recommended Posts