Karin2rinkashi Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 (edited) So, you know how break ups go! And following the break up, people start reading reasons for break up, why it happened, how to move on and stuff. So after reading tons and tons of article on what happened to me... (She basically just got and left) I have realized that i think i dodged a bullet. Like holy smokin macaroni and cheese... Now that i look back.... I would like to know what you guys think. So, there would be good days and there would be bad days. But bad days would come without any reason. Like, one day we would be all love and happiness. And the next day she would be pissed off for no reason. And when she would be pissed off, she would just destroy everything about the relationship. She would demonize me and make the whole relationship sound like as if it was torture. When she would get stressed, she would freak out. Like, it would be black and white for her. And then when she would get out of her anger tantrums, she would apologise and have major remorse over all she would say. But she would do it over and over. One time, she went so far to say "I know that one day you are going to hit me. I just know you will" And i was so shocked, i teared up. I said, i have NEVER ever done anything to make you feel unsafe. Why is are you saying that? After 30 mins she comes and hugs me. And says that she only did it to hurt me. I was like, WTF? Is that emotional abuse? And why didn't i see it then? I should have noted all this behavior back when it happened. Also, i noticed that 1 day after our break up, she described out relationship as the worst thing ever. As if she had just repeated to herself how bad i was and how it was only bad things that happened in our relationship. Is that normal? I don't think that is normal. Isn't this behavior associated with some kind of disorder? Man.... idk... i feel nervous now.... Edited March 23, 2015 by Karin2rinkashi
elephantflower Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 I’m so sorry to hear about the pain you are going through. What you are describing is emotional abuse. Emotional abuse is typically something that progresses over time and it doesn’t leave scars like physical abuse so many times people who are in an emotionally abusive situation don’t even realize the extent of what is happening until it ends. It is never okay to put someone down to make yourself feel better. She was manipulated your emotions to gain control over the situation. Typically at the beginning things will go well and then in hindsight you may remember a time here or there where something happened but you brushed it off (everyone has bad days, right? Is probably what you told yourself) and so you let it go. Then most likely, toward the end it got really bad and was happening more frequently and you realized something was off and thought you were doing something wrong. You may have desperately tried to fix your behavior or walk on eggs shells to prevent her tantrums but no matter WHAT you did it was still “your fault.” Does this sound familiar? You need to know that her behavior is NOT your fault. You did not do anything to deserve being treated with disrespect. Please keep posting here. It helps to talk about it and work through it. 1
pteromom Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 Look up Borderline Personality Disorder. But in the end, the diagnosis doesn't matter. A relationship either works for you or it doesn't. This one didn't! 2
Author Karin2rinkashi Posted March 23, 2015 Author Posted March 23, 2015 I’m so sorry to hear about the pain you are going through. What you are describing is emotional abuse. Emotional abuse is typically something that progresses over time and it doesn’t leave scars like physical abuse so many times people who are in an emotionally abusive situation don’t even realize the extent of what is happening until it ends. It is never okay to put someone down to make yourself feel better. She was manipulated your emotions to gain control over the situation. Typically at the beginning things will go well and then in hindsight you may remember a time here or there where something happened but you brushed it off (everyone has bad days, right? Is probably what you told yourself) and so you let it go. Then most likely, toward the end it got really bad and was happening more frequently and you realized something was off and thought you were doing something wrong. You may have desperately tried to fix your behavior or walk on eggs shells to prevent her tantrums but no matter WHAT you did it was still “your fault.” Does this sound familiar? You need to know that her behavior is NOT your fault. You did not do anything to deserve being treated with disrespect. Please keep posting here. It helps to talk about it and work through it. I swear, i think she has issues. Like, i am not even joking. After reading SO many things and reasons for break ups. I stumbled upon BPD and few other disorders.... I am not even kidding.... i think she has something wrong with her in that aspect.... There is actually a BPD article on LoveShack i stumbled upon. It has 18 things that BPD partners show. She hit 17 out of 18, and even the examples that were in the article were straight from my relationship, as if. And then i read about Anxious Attachment Disorder..... I mean.... I don't even know what to say..... I hope it is just me making up ****. But it is so real to me....
Author Karin2rinkashi Posted March 23, 2015 Author Posted March 23, 2015 Look up Borderline Personality Disorder. But in the end, the diagnosis doesn't matter. A relationship either works for you or it doesn't. This one didn't! But, i want to keep an eye for crazy ones from this point onward. Otherwise it is never gonna work.. if i keep hitting the jackpot! 1
na49 Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 I've diagnosed my ex with every disorder possible after each time she broke up with me. I have reasons to believe that she is a narcissist, but I'm not an expert, so I will just diagnose her in my head instead of saying that it is a fact.
pteromom Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 But, i want to keep an eye for crazy ones from this point onward. Definitely! Here are some points for you, when you are getting to know someone: - Does she take responsibility for her own life and mistakes, or does she just blame everyone else? Everyone has things that happen to them, but if her whole life story is just one of being a victim, huge red flag. Won't be long 'til YOU are to blame for her pain. - Are her relationships stable? I'm talking about her job, her friendships, her family? A stable person will have stable relationships. An unstable person won't. - Are her moods fairly consistent? Everyone has good days and bad days, but a stable person isn't going to have wild swings to the extremes. Ask these 3 questions as you are getting to know her, and if the answers are YES, you are most likely safe from "crazy". Of course, there's also compatibility, but that's a different topic. 3
Author Karin2rinkashi Posted March 23, 2015 Author Posted March 23, 2015 Definitely! Here are some points for you, when you are getting to know someone: - Does she take responsibility for her own life and mistakes, or does she just blame everyone else? Everyone has things that happen to them, but if her whole life story is just one of being a victim, huge red flag. Won't be long 'til YOU are to blame for her pain. - Are her relationships stable? I'm talking about her job, her friendships, her family? A stable person will have stable relationships. An unstable person won't. - Are her moods fairly consistent? Everyone has good days and bad days, but a stable person isn't going to have wild swings to the extremes. Ask these 3 questions as you are getting to know her, and if the answers are YES, you are most likely safe from "crazy". Of course, there's also compatibility, but that's a different topic. Will keep that in mind from now on....
Stercrazy Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 Sounds more like Bipolar D/O with Borderline tendencies.
Diezel Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 Sounds like "Run away from her and never look back" disease. 2
Author Karin2rinkashi Posted March 23, 2015 Author Posted March 23, 2015 Sounds like "Run away from her and never look back" disease. LOL. I feel bad for the other guy.... he will learn, in time!
WhiteKnighter Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 If she was being totally serious with all those comments then yeah, something's up.
Diezel Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 LOL. I feel bad for the other guy.... he will learn, in time! The best thing that could happen to you is she DOES find another guy and STAYS with him. 2
Author Karin2rinkashi Posted March 23, 2015 Author Posted March 23, 2015 The best thing that could happen to you is she DOES find another guy and STAYS with him. She is already in a relationship 1 and half week later.... The things is.... her self esteem is in earth's core. She HATES it if someone sees her in negative light. Her life goals is to keep everyone around her pay close attention to her, and talk good. One of the VERY weird things i noticed.... and now i really analyzed it was... She would talk **** about EVERYONE she would encounter... and she would sound absolutely serious. I SWEAR TO GOD! And then, when i would talk **** about these people (Because of the image that she gave me of them) She would get offended and tell me that they are nice people (her friends, colleagues, family) So i would tell her that hey you are the one who told me that they are piece of ****. So she would take a complete 180 on it and say that oh i didn't. You probably took it wrong, i never meant that.... I would always feel SO confused about all that.... at that time it just didn't click....
Author Karin2rinkashi Posted March 23, 2015 Author Posted March 23, 2015 If she was being totally serious with all those comments then yeah, something's up. She would let me know when shew as serious.... Some days, she would just call me to argue with me.... Like when, she would be stressed, no matter WHAT you said or WHAT you did, it would piss her off.... I really was walking on EGG SHELLS most of the time. Never noticed! Wow, love does make you blind....
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