Guy I'm dating said he had been a brick wall of emotions for so long so now he doesn'

[walkingonair]

We've been dating 8 months.Had our first fight this week.He got upset and said we should stop seeing eachother then started crying. I left his apartment.Hour later texts says sorry. Says doesn't know whats going on with him and says he hasn't felt this way in a long time so he doesn't know how to handle feelings.What did he mean by that?Handle what feelings?feelings for me?

[syracuseguy95]

Talk to him about it. Maybe he doesn't know how to handle the feelings he has for you. Maybe something from his past is surfacing. Take this from someone who's a former addict, and battled with bullying when I was younger. I have only just gotten into a relationship with someone who understands the **** that I've been through. Understand what's happening is what's important.

[Redhead14]

We've been dating 8 months.Had our first fight this week.He got upset and said we should stop seeing eachother then started crying. I left his apartment.Hour later texts says sorry. Says doesn't know whats going on with him and says he hasn't felt this way in a long time so he doesn't know how to handle feelings.What did he mean by that?Handle what feelings?feelings for me?

 

Sometimes people, men especially, when their emotions for someone are growing and becoming intense, they will become overwhelmed, anxious and confused and do need time to process them and get comfortable and clear about them. This is especially true if they are being faced with some other big stressor -- death, family issues, job issues, etc. If you know there are other things stressing him out, it's probably that he's just overloaded and pushing you away for a bit.

 

It is best to give this some time and space. Let him have the time to get a grip on this. It is possible that his feelings for you are growing but you can't be sure what it's all about.

 

For now, you should not reach out to him in anyway at all. Wait for him to contact you. If he simply reaches out now and a gain in a casual way, you can and should respond in kind. Keep it light, don't mention the relationship. If he contacts you say in a month and wants to talk about your relationship, you can meet with him and keep your expectations low because it's likely he's come to some kind of decision. If it's longer than a month, I'd just prepare myself to move on even if he contacts you. If it takes him that long to come back, he's just lonesome and wants sex.

 

IN the meantime, you keep busy with your own life and spend a little time to think about whether you care for him enough and whether the relationship at the time was making you happy. If he comes back and wants to move forward, and you've decided it was working for you, then you can give it another try. Be clear with him about the fact that this was hurtful to you and won't go through it again, but that you can forgive this and leave it behind. But, if after reflecting on it you find it wasn't as good as you'd hoped, tell him no.

 

If he comes back within a month, you should observe his actions. Is he coming on a little stronger? Is he demonstrating his sincerity? If you take him back, make him pursue you again. Kinda hit the "reset" button. "Date" him again but don't give the opportunity for sex to happen again for a little while. In other words, have pubic dates, and if you go to each other's homes, don't stay at his and don't have him stay with you. Tell him you have something to do that night or early in the morning. Don't tell him you are taking sex off the table, just don't give an opportunity for it to happen. If he starts pushing for it and isn't demonstrating his sincerity on other levels, it may be a sign that he's just back for the sex. Observe how he's making you feel.

 

And, right now, you shouldn't be pushing him to talk about it all. That will overwhelm him more. Be supportive if he does talk, but don't pressure him in anyway. He'll push away harder.

Edited March 23, 2015 by Redhead14