Had a 1st date today and just can't foot the bill and be the agressor

[fitnessfan365]

Women have this weird logic that they must be polite at all times and never be honest.

 

Haha.. Why do you think I kept stressing to be direct and honest with dumping awhile back in that one thread?

 

This woman wanted to know the easiest way to let a guy down that she didn't want to see anymore. All the women in the thread kept saying to give lame cliches and false compliments. But a guy sees through that crap. A woman should always just say "After a few dates, the chemistry just isn't there. Good luck to you." By saying "You're really nice" or "You're great and will make some other girl really happy" etc all you make the guy do is wonder why you don't want him.

 

Many women just don't want to hurt someone's feelings. It's not that women aren't "honest". We just don't want to cause other people pain.

 

This where women f**k up in their way of thinking. Especially if it's a first/second date. There are no "feelings' involved. But what does piss men off is having their time wasted or intelligence insulted.

[d0nnivain]

Women have this weird logic that they must be polite at all times and never be honest.

 

It is possible to be both polite & honest. Even I didn't want to date a man, doesn't mean I wanted harm to befall him on the way home.

 

That said, a request for confirmation of safety does give the impression of wanting additional contact.

[fitnessfan365]

That said, a request for confirmation of safety does give the impression of wanting additional contact.

 

Ding..ding.. we have a winner.

[SawtoothMars]

Many women just don't want to hurt someone's feelings. It's not that women aren't "honest". We just don't want to cause other people pain.

 

But it causes double the pain down the road... and I think most women know that. It's more likely that they just want to avoid a potential confrontation and could care less about what long term affects it may have on the guy.

 

I've always seen this as a behavior driven by risk averse women and men who become total jerks when faced with rejection. One thing I've noticed in sales over the years is how well Mormon kids take rejection. I think serving those 2 year missions makes them very strong and healthy emotionally.

[SawtoothMars]

When did it all get so complicated and stressful?

 

June 29th, 2007. I marked the date on my calendar!

[smg15]

Haha.. Why do you think I kept stressing to be direct and honest with dumping awhile back in that one thread?

 

This woman wanted to know the easiest way to let a guy down that she didn't want to see anymore. All the women in the thread kept saying to give lame cliches and false compliments. But a guy sees through that crap. A woman should always just say "After a few dates, the chemistry just isn't there. Good luck to you." By saying "You're really nice" or "You're great and will make some other girl really happy" etc all you make the guy do is wonder why you don't want him.

 

 

 

This where women f**k up in their way of thinking. Especially if it's a first/second date. There are no "feelings' involved. But what does piss men off is having their time wasted or intelligence insulted.

 

Beautiful post.

[smg15]

It is possible to be both polite & honest. Even I didn't want to date a man, doesn't mean I wanted harm to befall him on the way home.

 

That said, a request for confirmation of safety does give the impression of wanting additional contact.

 

A woman does not need to concern herself with my safety if she doesn't plan on seeing me again.

[Poppyolive]

Why no food?

 

So, if you're paying its just for a coffee or a drink. Ive been on plenty first dates. Always just a drink or three. Add food in the mix and its an extra $20 or so.

[hudson701]

I am getting very much the opposite. Its making it very hard work.

 

I figured I could meet up with some people, get to know them... you know like wot we did when we woz young... and hip and cool and all that... Now its pressure. Do you fancy me? Do you like me? Whats your impression of me? Whats wrong with me? Its like a barrage of need for validation from me. Either that or weirdness beyond weirdness. I am weeding out those that I think may be like this prior to meeting them. Thats what I get from internet dating after months of no one wanting to talk to me and ignoring me.

 

In real life I get asked out around about 1-2 times a week/ fortnight. So not loads but a fair amount for someone who doesn't go out all that much... not one of those men has been single. At best they have a girlfriend living with them, at worst a wife and kids. I kid you not. Only 1 single man has asked me out in the past year. He was salivating over my breasts very obviously (there was dribble coming from his mouth and I don't think he realised I wear glasses... they are nice breasts but not really on show...) and also the best mate of someone that I had been involved with so under no circumstances would I have said yes...

 

I used to love dating. I loved going out and meeting new people and doing new things. I loved going to new places.

 

These days I find it tedious and tiresome. I find that I am constantly on edge even if the chaps I am dating think I am super confident and relaxed, inside my brain I am on constant guard. I would rather go out on my own or with some friends to be perfectly blunt! Its far more relaxing than this.

 

Bear in mind that I have been out of the game for many many years now and these days I find there are so many more people who are hurting, confused and not really in a position other to have more than a FWB situation at most. There seems to be no end of unhappy people just making do with what is there...

 

When did it all get so complicated and stressful?

 

I am male, 31 and have never been asked out in my entire life.

 

Perspective, hey?

[BlueIris]

A woman does not need to concern herself with my safety if she doesn't plan on seeing me again.

 

Yeah, you tell 'em.

 

Dang! This kind of thinking is why so many people don’t do OLD. She says something simple and somehow… it morphs into assumptions about what she REALLY meant, someone’s Monday being ruined, feeling taken advantage of, being pissed off, having precious time wasted. So help me, I have no idea how the myth arose that women are emotional and high-drama. I’m going back to the “why women want to live alone” thread….

[pteromom]

But it causes double the pain down the road... and I think most women know that. It's more likely that they just want to avoid a potential confrontation and could care less about what long term affects it may have on the guy.

 

I don't think most women know that. I think they believe they can soften the blow and just slip away and that's that.

 

Not saying it is right - just that the goal isn't being "dishonest".

[smg15]

Yeah, you tell 'em.

 

Dang! This kind of thinking is why so many people don’t do OLD. She says something simple and somehow… it morphs into assumptions about what she REALLY meant, someone’s Monday being ruined, feeling taken advantage of, being pissed off, having precious time wasted. So help me, I have no idea how the myth arose that women are emotional and high-drama. I’m going back to the “why women want to live alone” thread….

 

I remember way back in 2000 when I did telephone dating, I would tell a woman if she didnt like what she saw physically, she had the green light to keep driving pass me. Saw no need to waste her time or mine

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

Yeah, you tell 'em.

 

Dang! This kind of thinking is why so many people don’t do OLD. She says something simple and somehow… it morphs into assumptions about what she REALLY meant, someone’s Monday being ruined, feeling taken advantage of, being pissed off, having precious time wasted. So help me, I have no idea how the myth arose that women are emotional and high-drama. I’m going back to the “why women want to live alone” thread….

 

Yes, it does seem that way, doesn't it? Men don't like rejection, period - it doesn't matter how they're being rejected. If a woman tries to let him down gently and politely, the guy gets pissed off because he thinks she's insulting his intelligence. If a woman is direct with a guy and says she has no interest in ever seeing him again, he still gets pissed off because his night is ruined and he feels like she wasted his time (and God forbid, his money) and took advantage of him.

 

So, no matter how "honest" or "directly" a woman rejects a guy, she is still seen as a b!tch, a time waster, ungrateful and ______________, etc. This is another one of a growing number of reasons why I have taken a hiatus from IRL dating and OLD sites. Gone are the days when men appreciated a woman's politeness and courtesy, even during a rejection.

 

And when it boils right down to it, mens' pissy attitudes about being rejected - no matter how honest, polite or direct a woman does it - stem from the simple fact that she didn't spread her legs when he wanted her to - and since she didn't "put out" (as one male poster so eloquently stated), that means he didn't "get laid".

 

It's a shame that this is the end goal of 99.9% of the guys who are dating out there. If their end goal was to meet a nice, cool and fun woman to build a rapport with, to do fun things with and to see if there was any chemistry between them instead of focusing on "getting laid", then maybe rejection wouldn't bother them so much and they would actually appreciate a woman who cared enough about him to let him down gently and politely.

 

BlueIris, where is that "why women want to live alone" thread?

 

 

.

[BlueIris]

Ya know, BlackOps, I must be lucky or something but I have never seen or heard anything like this elsewhere…. You’d think she keyed his car, stole his wallet or smacked his kid… and that sirens are deviously luring men away from their break-through cancer research.

 

But there are moderate, pleasant, positive men in the world who don’t go winging off on histrionic speculation and damnation when their imaginations get spinning. There really are.

 

I don’t even see where she rejected him.

 

… we went hugged and she said text her and call her when I get home

 

I did send a text letting her know I was on the bus headed home and she responded with a K lol. …

 

B**CH!!!!

 

C’mon, OP. Reset, reboot, whatever it is you have to do to scrape off your martyr complex and change your disaster-setting. She said to text and call. That is all. That is not evil. You were not screwed over, except by your own thinking. You DO have the option of being happy or neutral about your meeting. But if you WANT to see yourself as victimized, that’s fine.

[smg15]

Ya know, BlackOps, I must be lucky or something but I have never seen or heard anything like this elsewhere…. You’d think she keyed his car, stole his wallet or smacked his kid… and that sirens are deviously luring men away from their break-through cancer research.

 

But there are moderate, pleasant, positive men in the world who don’t go winging off on histrionic speculation and damnation when their imaginations get spinning. There really are.

 

I don’t even see where she rejected him.

 

 

 

B**CH!!!!

 

C’mon, OP. Reset, reboot, whatever it is you have to do to scrape off your martyr complex and change your disaster-setting. She said to text and call. That is all. That is not evil. You were not screwed over, except by your own thinking. You DO have the option of being happy or neutral about your meeting. But if you WANT to see yourself as victimized, that’s fine.

 

 

 

Looking back at it now, the signs of not interested was there but I didn't catch on. Examples were her kind of rushing me to order and asking did I want to put the food in a to go box.

 

At the time it didn't hit me that it was a negative sign because I was in her presence but after not hearing back from her those were clear signs of her wanting to end our meet

[smg15]

This is why it's impossible for guys.

 

Assuming 99.9% guys are just after sleeping with you is outrageous. Worst is when a guy desires a relationship and gasp wants to wait awhile before having sex. It's assumed there's something wrong with him or that he's asexual or gay.

 

 

Most all guys can take rejection but when a guy gets rejected every time a hundred times in a row it's tougher. Can the average women even take a single rejection? Can she, you tell me.

 

 

When a guy sees threads with women after women stating that that she rarely ever sees a guy she's attracted to, what's a guy to think?

 

 

There's way more guys looking for serious relationships than looking to just get laid. If that's all your finding then you're not doing a good job choosing.

 

I had a women come over last year and we made out a little and I stopped it from going further because it was our first meet. Then she started crying and left because she felt unattractive.

 

 

I will never forget this statement by her that night that had me laughing so hard inside

 

Me: "come on let's continue watching the movie and order dinner because I'm hungry"

 

Her: "well you are hungry, EAT ME"

 

 

LOL LOL LOL LOL

[katiegrl]

A woman does not need to concern herself with my safety if she doesn't plan on seeing me again.

 

I will take that even further and say she need not concern herself with your safety after a first meet, even If she IS interested in seeing you again!

 

She's a woman you just met for hraven's sake, NOT your girlfriend or (gasp) your mother.

 

He's a grown MAN..... trust that HE will know how to get home just fine!!

 

My boyfriend would have felt insulted if I said that that right after meeting him for the first time.

 

He'd be like, what am I ... 12 years old? Lol

[smg15]

I will take that even further and say she need not concern herself with your safety after a first meet, even If she IS interested in seeing you again!

 

She's a woman you just met for hraven's sake, NOT your girlfriend or (gasp) your mother.

 

He's a grown MAN..... trust that HE will know how to get home just fine!!

 

My boyfriend would have felt insulted if I said that that right after meeting him for the first time.

 

He'd be like, what am I ... 12 years old? Lol

 

 

Good Point. lol

[smg15]

I didn't discover this until I arrived home from work but i was so bothered by her not calling me back that I went to work with NO BELT lol

 

I guess I felt since our phone chemistry was so strong combined with her giving off a insecure vibe, I thought a second date was a LOCK. I was so convinced we would hit it off that I had already scheduled date number 2 for the first weekend of April lol

[Shining One]

Yes, it does seem that way, doesn't it? Men don't like rejection, period - it doesn't matter how they're being rejected. If a woman tries to let him down gently and politely, the guy gets pissed off because he thinks she's insulting his intelligence. If a woman is direct with a guy and says she has no interest in ever seeing him again, he still gets pissed off because his night is ruined and he feels like she wasted his time (and God forbid, his money) and took advantage of him.

 

So, no matter how "honest" or "directly" a woman rejects a guy, she is still seen as a b!tch, a time waster, ungrateful and ______________, etc.

No one likes rejection. Women have to deal with it less often, so it makes sense that they don't complain about it on the scale that men to.

 

There is a right way to reject people. I'll share my three "favorite" rejections.

10 Years Ago

I spent that evening talking to a woman at a piano bar. I asked her for her phone number at the end of the night and she said: "Please don't judge me, but I only date white guys. I'm sorry if I led you on tonight (she didn't)." We called it a night and parted at the valet. I never saw her again.

6 Years Ago

I had been talking to this woman at work and invited her out to dinner. We were just finishing up the meal and I was lightly flirting with her. She then said: "You're a great guy, but I just don't feel that chemistry with you. I'd love the opportunity to get to know you as a friend, but I understand if you don't want that." She then paid half the check and we called it a night. Six years later, we are still close friends.

2 Years Ago

I met a woman at a Bon Jovi concert. We went out for drinks afterwards and I thought we clicked well. I asked her out at the end of the night and she said: "You're a cool guy, but I just don't see anything happening between us". She covered half the bar tab and called it a night.

 

While I have complained about rejection, I have never said anything bad about these three situations.

[smg15]

Not wise because women usually reject you even when it's good good to the guy.

 

even when it's what?

[smg15]

Even when to you everything's perfect.

 

Meaning that even if you kissed her at the end?

[fitnessfan365]

I didn't discover this until I arrived home from work but i was so bothered by her not calling me back that I went to work with NO BELT lol

 

I guess I felt since our phone chemistry was so strong combined with her giving off a insecure vibe, I thought a second date was a LOCK. I was so convinced we would hit it off that I had already scheduled date number 2 for the first weekend of April lol

 

The last thing I remember reading is that you sent her a text, got a response, and then when you got home you decided not to call her. Now you're saying that she didn't call you back. However, I've looked through the thread and see no reference of you ever calling her. So did you eventually decide to try calling her last night, today, etc?

 

Meaning that even if you kissed her at the end?

 

A goodnight kiss doesn't mean anything. I remember one time when I had what I thought was an awesome date. I leaned in to go for the kiss, she returned, and even initiated tongue. We kissed for a good 30 seconds with soft moans escaping her throat, her gripping me tighter, etc.. Then as she left she had a huge grin because it was a F'in amazing kiss.

 

So then when I sent a short text the next day "Thanks for the great night!' I got no response. Tried reaching out a few days later and she said that she was already seeing someone. So I say "Didn't seem like the case the other night." Her response 'I just wasn't attracted to you." Based on how her body responded, and the moans escaping her throat, she could have fooled me. But you just never know what the hell goes through a woman's mind from day to day.

Edited March 24, 2015 by fitnessfan365

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

This is why it's impossible for guys.

 

Assuming 99.9% guys are just after sleeping with you is outrageous. Worst is when a guy desires a relationship and gasp wants to wait awhile before having sex. It's assumed there's something wrong with him or that he's asexual or gay.

 

 

Most all guys can take rejection but when a guy gets rejected every time a hundred times in a row it's tougher. Can the average women even take a single rejection? Can she, you tell me.

 

Thanks for chiming in on this thread, Met. You actually give women like Leigh and thousands of others hope that there are actual men like this out there. I have actually been lucky enough to have had relationships with decent men such as the type you speak of. But, since I started dating from OLD sites last fall, I had the unfortunate experience of running into a few guys whose only goal was to get to third base. The rest of the guys I dated were respectful and sweet, but there was just no chemistry with them.

 

I was lucky enough to have had only one negative experience where I sent the guy a text and politely told him I didn't feel any connection with him and that I wish him luck with dating. He sent me two nasty texts, one of them saying that I had 'ice in my veins' because I didn't allow more time for chemistry 'to develop' between us. That will be the last time I'll ever give a guy my phone number. From now on, I'll either do a *67 or buy one of those small cheapo phones and I'll give out that number instead.

 

 

When a guy sees threads with women after women stating that that she rarely ever sees a guy she's attracted to, what's a guy to think?

 

There's way more guys looking for serious relationships than looking to just get laid. If that's all your finding then you're not doing a good job choosing.

 

Guys can't pay attention to what they read in threads on a forum. The women typing those texts don't even live in their area! A guy needs to focus on the women he dates that are in his locality and even then, it's just a numbers game! It shouldn't matter to a guy what one woman or a hundred women think about whether they don't 'ever see a guy they're attracted to'. I hope what you say is true; because there are a lot of good women out there looking to eventually be in a relationship with a good guy.

 

Um, you'd be surprised of how many guys that only want to "get laid" that decent women out there are encountering on almost each date they go on! You only have to read a few threads on here to see what some of them are going through - and how a lot of them have given up on dating because of it.

 

 

.

[smg15]

The last thing I remember reading is that you sent her a text, got a response, and then when you got home you decided not to call her. Now you're saying that she didn't call you back. However, I've looked through the thread and see no reference of you ever calling her. So did you eventually decide to try calling her last night, today, etc?

 

 

 

A goodnight kiss doesn't mean anything. I remember one time when I had what I thought was an awesome date. I leaned in to go for the kiss, she returned, and even initiated tongue. We kissed for a good 30 seconds with soft moans escaping her throat, her gripping me tighter, etc.. Then as she left she had a huge grin because it was a F'in amazing kiss.

 

So then when I sent a short text the next day "Thanks for the great night!' I got no response. Tried reaching out a few days later and she said that she was already seeing someone. So I say "Didn't seem like the case the other night." Her response 'I just wasn't attracted to you." Based on how her body responded, and the moans escaping her throat, she could have fooled me. But you just never know what the hell goes through a woman's mind from day to day.

 

 

 

No i never called the rest of the evening and she probably would not have picked up anyway since she ignored my text today and created a new profile