Auspecial Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 I feel like Frankenstein right now because I never had anyone come home and delete their profile after meeting me It probably had nothing to do with you at all. She may have been burnt out on it and intended to delete it for a long time, and then just got around to it.
Redhead14 Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 Damm, I paid for brunch on top of traveling to her area and after the meet which was for about 45 mins we went hugged and she said text her and call her when I get home I did send a text letting her know I was on the bus headed home and she responded with a K lol. And once I got home I just never called because I just felt I put too much effort into this meeting by doing more traveling and paying for brunch. Also toward the end of the date I said...."we you know now you have to come to my area for our next date" I said that in a joking way but i never heard anything else from her the rest of the day. But I am one for saying that you don't need to know if someone got home safe if you have no intentions on talking to the person again. BTW: This was my first time going on a 1st date on a sunday in years and probably won't do it again. "But I am one for saying that you don't need to know if someone got home safe if you have no intentions on talking to the person again." How do you know she had no intentions of talking to you again?Did she say that? Did you ask to see her again and she declined? Or is you who has no intentions of see her again? And, if you had no intentions of seeing her again, why? Because it was too much trouble for you. If you liked her enough, you wouldn't have thought it was too much trouble. What if she were gorgeous and intelligent, the whole package? You wouldn't have minded then Was this a first "date" from an online site? If so, it was not a "date", it should have been a "meet up". And, don't offer to go all the way to them, suggest meeting somewhere half way. And, don't plan a first meeting for anything expensive, it should be coffee and/light breakfast or drinks and an appetizer at most. This is just a meeting to see if they interest you at all in going on a real date. If you wanted to see her again, you should have been more specific rather than making a statement "well you know now you have to come to my area for our next date." You should have said something like "I had a great time, I'd like to see you again. Can we set up another date." She'd say sure, I'm available on ____day. Or, thank you anyway, but we aren't a good match, etc. Pin it down right then and there. And, just because you haven't heard anything for the rest of the day from this one, doesn't mean anything really. You don't know what's going on with her. If you liked her, call her for another date. If this was a first date with someone you've met in person, it's entirely appropriate for the man to go to her if you really like her. And, then if you want to see each other again, work out something in the middle for future dates. But, generally, if a man really likes the girl, its a good indicator to her of his interest because he does make effort. In the case you've mentioned, if you aren't intending to see her again, it's still appropriate to let her know you've made it safely home if she'd asked you to do it again. If you have no intentions of seeing her again, you simply don't ask her for another date. And, if you are thinking you might want to see her again, being polite in letting her know you made it safely because she asked you to, would give you at least a couple of points, and she might accept another date if you'd asked her. Now you blew her off. And, if at the end of the date you had already decided not to see her again, you should say something like, "I've enjoyed meeting you, but I don't think we are a good match" and wish her luck in her dating journey.
Auspecial Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 Hahaha who are you dating ?? I guess it is different for girls .... but I have never in my life had a date so bad I couldn't sit through a meal with the other person and needed "a get out" plan. I genuinely enjoy meeting new people so I find first dates really fun. I love that getting to know you bit, finding out what makes someone tick and what they are enthusiastic about even if maybe at the end of the date its not something I see going any further. Plus if they are rude or bat **** crazy it just makes for a good story to tell I have no issue with catching up for a drink or a coffee for first dates but I just find them to be less enjoyable. Something about sitting down and eating with someone else that makes things more open and laid back. For me, I approach OLD much differently than guys I meet IRL. With OLD (which btw has gotten really really "old" for me and I am not doing it anymore) I always suggest something very low-key (low $) out of respect to a guy with the fact that neither of us knows if we want it to continue. If the guy insists on a nice dinner, I agree, again: out of respect for him, because this is what he wants to do. I never feel pressured for anything more. 95% I will enjoy the date, even if I know I'm not into him, and I allow a respectful amount of time. IRL, in this situation, you are fathoms ahead in knowing if there is true interest, so going on a nice dinner date is very welcomed. I wonder if this is where some of the dis-connect is coming from? It seems that the genders may be experiencing OLD in a different way, and assuming it is just like IRL dating.
Author smg15 Posted March 23, 2015 Author Posted March 23, 2015 This is why I will never go on another first meet on a sunday because when it doesn't go well im in a bad mood at work on a monday. Atleast if this happened on saturday I would have had the whole day on Sunday to get it out my system
Author smg15 Posted March 23, 2015 Author Posted March 23, 2015 "But I am one for saying that you don't need to know if someone got home safe if you have no intentions on talking to the person again." How do you know she had no intentions of talking to you again?Did she say that? Did you ask to see her again and she declined? Or is you who has no intentions of see her again? And, if you had no intentions of seeing her again, why? Because it was too much trouble for you. If you liked her enough, you wouldn't have thought it was too much trouble. What if she were gorgeous and intelligent, the whole package? You wouldn't have minded then Was this a first "date" from an online site? If so, it was not a "date", it should have been a "meet up". And, don't offer to go all the way to them, suggest meeting somewhere half way. And, don't plan a first meeting for anything expensive, it should be coffee and/light breakfast or drinks and an appetizer at most. This is just a meeting to see if they interest you at all in going on a real date. If you wanted to see her again, you should have been more specific rather than making a statement "well you know now you have to come to my area for our next date." You should have said something like "I had a great time, I'd like to see you again. Can we set up another date." She'd say sure, I'm available on ____day. Or, thank you anyway, but we aren't a good match, etc. Pin it down right then and there. And, just because you haven't heard anything for the rest of the day from this one, doesn't mean anything really. You don't know what's going on with her. If you liked her, call her for another date. If this was a first date with someone you've met in person, it's entirely appropriate for the man to go to her if you really like her. And, then if you want to see each other again, work out something in the middle for future dates. But, generally, if a man really likes the girl, its a good indicator to her of his interest because he does make effort. In the case you've mentioned, if you aren't intending to see her again, it's still appropriate to let her know you've made it safely home if she'd asked you to do it again. If you have no intentions of seeing her again, you simply don't ask her for another date. And, if you are thinking you might want to see her again, being polite in letting her know you made it safely because she asked you to, would give you at least a couple of points, and she might accept another date if you'd asked her. Now you blew her off. And, if at the end of the date you had already decided not to see her again, you should say something like, "I've enjoyed meeting you, but I don't think we are a good match" and wish her luck in her dating journey. I sent a text once I got on the bus so I don't l was thinking she would send another text or call later that evening since our meeting ended at 3 30pm But not only didn't she contact me she goes on pof and deletes her profile. You would think if I was that ugly she would have just rode past me since I had no Clue on what color her car was.
elaine567 Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 I sent a text once I got on the bus so I don't l was thinking she would send another text or call later that evening since our meeting ended at 3 30pm But not only didn't she contact me she goes on pof and deletes her profile. You would think if I was that ugly she would have just rode past me since I had no Clue on what color her car was. Why would she delete her profile? Why do you think she deleted her profile?
Redhead14 Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 I sent a text once I got on the bus so I don't l was thinking she would send another text or call later that evening since our meeting ended at 3 30pm But not only didn't she contact me she goes on pof and deletes her profile. You would think if I was that ugly she would have just rode past me since I had no Clue on what color her car was. Why are you assuming things? Why are you assuming she deleted her profile because you are ugly? How do you know she deleted it because of you? Why are you assuming she would send another text that evening when she asked you to text her when you got home? The ball was in your court. Did you like her enough to want to see her again? If so, you should have texted her when you got home, told her enjoyed the time with her and asked her for another date. (better, yet, asked her for another date at the end of the meeting). You would then have known a little better what she was thinking. Either she'd accept another date or she'd have ingnored the text (which would have been rude) or she'd tell you no. But then at least you'd know what's going on instead of wondering and assuming. Did you like her? Do you want to see her again? Wait a day or so now, and call her to set up another date. If you don't, then stop thinking about her and move on. Next time, do things a little differently. Learn from this experience. Have short meet ups if it's an online dating prospect. If you like them arrange a next real date with them then. If not, thank them and say you're not a good match. If you're unsure, at least keep up a little communication with her until you're sure. If you reach out and they don't respond, then move on anyway. That will eliminate all the wondering. 3
katiegrl Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 (edited) Why would she delete her profile? Why do you think she deleted her profile? The most likely reason is .... after her date with smg (who frankly sounds like a fussbudget)... she's fed up with the whole thing.... and burned out .... and wants to take a break from it for awhile.... I could be wrong... Edited March 23, 2015 by katiegrl 2
Redhead14 Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 Why are you assuming things? Why are you assuming she deleted her profile because you are ugly? How do you know she deleted it because of you? Why are you assuming she would send another text that evening when she asked you to text her when you got home? The ball was in your court. Did you like her enough to want to see her again? If so, you should have texted her when you got home, told her enjoyed the time with her and asked her for another date. (better, yet, asked her for another date at the end of the meeting). You would then have known a little better what she was thinking. Either she'd accept another date or she'd have ingnored the text (which would have been rude) or she'd tell you no. But then at least you'd know what's going on instead of wondering and assuming. Did you like her? Do you want to see her again? Wait a day or so now, and call her to set up another date. If you don't, then stop thinking about her and move on. Next time, do things a little differently. Learn from this experience. Have short meet ups if it's an online dating prospect. If you like them arrange a next real date with them then. If not, thank them and say you're not a good match. If you're unsure, at least keep up a little communication with her until you're sure. If you reach out and they don't respond, then move on anyway. That will eliminate all the wondering. And, yeah, you texted her while on the bus and she responded. Good sign at that point. What harm would it have done to do what she originally asked you to do, which was to text her when you got home? If you did that and she responded, it would have been another good sign and an opportunity for you to talk a little bit more with her.
Author smg15 Posted March 23, 2015 Author Posted March 23, 2015 Why would she delete her profile? Why do you think she deleted her profile? Actually I just discovered she created a new one
katiegrl Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 Actually I just discovered she created a new one Oh for God's sake...stop stalking her! Just move on.... and try to meet girls IRL. Clearly you're not a good candidate for OLD. Too insecure, too paranoid. Let this one go...she's not interested. Sorry. 1
elaine567 Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 Oh for God's sake...stop stalking her! Just move on.... and try to meet girls IRL. Clearly you're not a good candidate for OLD. Too insecure, too paranoid. Let this one go...she's not interested. Sorry. Even if she was interested, smg15 shut her down conclusively anyway, because he was annoyed having had to pay for her brunch and the bus. I guess she is putting it all down to experience. 2
Diezel Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 This thread's translation from the OP's perspective: "I just want things to happen easily and on MY terms." 2
katiegrl Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 Even if she was interested, smg15 shut her down conclusively anyway, because he was annoyed having had to pay for her brunch and the bus. I guess she is putting it all down to experience. Yup... ....................
gaius Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 A lot of women look down on the bus. I would deemphasize that part next time.
Gaeta Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 Hahaha who are you dating ?? I guess it is different for girls .... but I have never in my life had a date so bad I couldn't sit through a meal with the other person and needed "a get out" plan. I genuinely enjoy meeting new people so I find first dates really fun. I love that getting to know you bit, finding out what makes someone tick and what they are enthusiastic about even if maybe at the end of the date its not something I see going any further. Plus if they are rude or bat **** crazy it just makes for a good story to tell I have no issue with catching up for a drink or a coffee for first dates but I just find them to be less enjoyable. Something about sitting down and eating with someone else that makes things more open and laid back. As a man you probably get less date than us women so when you have one once in a while you like to sit down and socialize, understandable. Women can easily get on a couple of dates a week with different men and 98% of them we will discard so I don't want a man to spend money on me when he does not know if I'll see him again, to me it's my way of respecting him and I don't want to spend money on restaurants twice a week either it's expensive and I'll get huge. I am seeing someone right now, he insisted very much on having dinner for our first meeting and I politely declined. Coffee and cake will do just fine then when we confirm during that first coffee we do like each other we 'meaning he' can invest in a nice meal. 1
Frank2thepoint Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 she responded with a K lol She's not interested just by text response alone. You turned her off with your "joking" comment of having her come to your area. Next time, don't do big meals, just meet for coffee/tea, pastry, or simply pizza. Yeah pizza is cheap and filling. Go with that. 4
Redhead14 Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 Why are you assuming things? Why are you assuming she deleted her profile because you are ugly? How do you know she deleted it because of you? Why are you assuming she would send another text that evening when she asked you to text her when you got home? The ball was in your court. Did you like her enough to want to see her again? If so, you should have texted her when you got home, told her enjoyed the time with her and asked her for another date. (better, yet, asked her for another date at the end of the meeting). You would then have known a little better what she was thinking. Either she'd accept another date or she'd have ingnored the text (which would have been rude) or she'd tell you no. But then at least you'd know what's going on instead of wondering and assuming. Did you like her? Do you want to see her again? Wait a day or so now, and call her to set up another date. If you don't, then stop thinking about her and move on. Next time, do things a little differently. Learn from this experience. Have short meet ups if it's an online dating prospect. If you like them arrange a next real date with them then. If not, thank them and say you're not a good match. If you're unsure, at least keep up a little communication with her until you're sure. If you reach out and they don't respond, then move on anyway. That will eliminate all the wondering. And, why do you care what she's doing with her dating profile. She should be continuing to look for other dating prospects. She isn't and should be deciding she only wants to date you after one meet up and neither should you decide to only want to see her.
Author smg15 Posted March 23, 2015 Author Posted March 23, 2015 Oh for God's sake...stop stalking her! Just move on.... and try to meet girls IRL. Clearly you're not a good candidate for OLD. Too insecure, too paranoid. Let this one go...she's not interested. Sorry. I wasn't stalking her when u go to pof and click on matches, all the people who come up who the ones online
Author smg15 Posted March 23, 2015 Author Posted March 23, 2015 She's not interested just by text response alone. You turned her off with your "joking" comment of having her come to your area. Next time, don't do big meals, just meet for coffee/tea, pastry, or simply pizza. Yeah pizza is cheap and filling. Go with that. So why would saying you have to come to MY area be a turn off?
Toodaloo Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 Sorry off topic and I know you said don't ask but I can't resist - What usually makes it so bad ?? Whats the worst thing that has happened on a date? Genuinely interested in what the other side normally gets from guys. I've had some dates with "interesting" women recently ...... but its nothing too crazy. I did have one recently where second date I asked the girl around to my place for dinner and she literally laughed at me when she arrived because - shock: I had actually bothered to cook dinner. She thought it was just for sex and couldn't believe I actually cooked ..... Women these days Also I get that the fact you hate dating is coming from previous bad experiences but still ..... if you go in with that mindset you are kind of jinxing it. For me I didn't always love dating. When I was younger I was a little shy around pretty girls but mainly I think I hated it because I put so much pressure on the outcome. On the date having to be a success. Now I don't and that's why I enjoy it so much .... instead of going in thinking she has to be beautiful and amazing, this has to go well, she has to like me, I have to try and close the deal .... whatever other requirement I placed on it. I just go in looking to have a good night and meet someone new. Lots of guys go by the always be closing motto ..... strangely I have found I get the most success by doing the exact opposite - especially on early dates. I am getting very much the opposite. Its making it very hard work. I figured I could meet up with some people, get to know them... you know like wot we did when we woz young... and hip and cool and all that... Now its pressure. Do you fancy me? Do you like me? Whats your impression of me? Whats wrong with me? Its like a barrage of need for validation from me. Either that or weirdness beyond weirdness. I am weeding out those that I think may be like this prior to meeting them. Thats what I get from internet dating after months of no one wanting to talk to me and ignoring me. In real life I get asked out around about 1-2 times a week/ fortnight. So not loads but a fair amount for someone who doesn't go out all that much... not one of those men has been single. At best they have a girlfriend living with them, at worst a wife and kids. I kid you not. Only 1 single man has asked me out in the past year. He was salivating over my breasts very obviously (there was dribble coming from his mouth and I don't think he realised I wear glasses... they are nice breasts but not really on show...) and also the best mate of someone that I had been involved with so under no circumstances would I have said yes... I used to love dating. I loved going out and meeting new people and doing new things. I loved going to new places. These days I find it tedious and tiresome. I find that I am constantly on edge even if the chaps I am dating think I am super confident and relaxed, inside my brain I am on constant guard. I would rather go out on my own or with some friends to be perfectly blunt! Its far more relaxing than this. Bear in mind that I have been out of the game for many many years now and these days I find there are so many more people who are hurting, confused and not really in a position other to have more than a FWB situation at most. There seems to be no end of unhappy people just making do with what is there... When did it all get so complicated and stressful? 1
fitnessfan365 Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 I wouldn't follow this advice -- just my opinion. I've asked guys to let me know they got home safely before even when I had no interest in seeing them again at all... I just figure it's decent manners, especially if he's come out of his way to meet me and has a long-ish trip back, if we've had a couple of drinks, etc. I don't take it as an indication that a guy wants to see me again if he asks me to let him know I made it home, either. Just a routine polite gesture, in my book. Haha... So instead of just being honest and saying "I don't see us going out again" you give false hope by telling them to text you? Yeah that's much better.
Author smg15 Posted March 23, 2015 Author Posted March 23, 2015 Haha... So instead of just being honest and saying "I don't see us going out again" you give false hope by telling them to text you? Yeah that's much better. Women have this weird logic that they must be polite at all times and never be honest.
pteromom Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 So why would saying you have to come to MY area be a turn off? It makes you sound like a prissy tit-for-tat, score-keeping kind of person, rather than a guy who really wants to get to know her. Nobody wants to sign up for a relationship with someone who is hyper-focused on everything staying "even". 4
pteromom Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 Women have this weird logic that they must be polite at all times and never be honest. Many women just don't want to hurt someone's feelings. It's not that women aren't "honest". We just don't want to cause other people pain.
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