few weeks NC. E-mail to ex but decided to rather post it here. **** HER

[Karin2rinkashi]

Dear L.

 

I hope you are doing great. Past few weeks have been just a roller coaster ride. Since the day you called me all angry (Feb 14) after i sent you 30 texts in under an hour, life has gone Topsy-Turvy. But you failed to even acknowledge, even once, that those 30 texts under one hour were because of my frustration. Frustration that i built up after you didn't have 1 minutes in 7 days to pick up even one of my calls.

Remember, when you grandmother was terminally sick. You used to come to me all the time and talk to me. I would always take you in my arms and make you feel safe. After you moved 10 hours away, i would still give you words of comfort. You yourself said that "You are the most reliable person i have ever met". And when she passed away, you called me and cried your eyes out. I was there, i listened, i cared. L, my grandmother was really sick during that week, when you ignored me. I know that there was a big party in your city during that time. But, i thought i could have had 5 minutes out of your time to share my burdens. After all, it was only the first time that i needed you in 8 months we were together. I thought, i could afford to shed a few tears while talking to you.

L, do you remember when i used to be as solid as a rock, emotionless. When i used to tell you that i can never cry, i don't like people knowing i am weak. When i used to be very cautious with our relationship. When you used to try so hard to break my defenses that i had put in front of you. With your promises and you bold statements of commitment. So, finally when i did let go of all those defenses, you pierced through my heart. After calling you for a whole week, i finally got a call from you. I was so relieved that finally i can share all my sorrows with you. Knowing that you had recently lost you grandmother, maybe i could get some relief in your words.

 

But, L, all i got was a drunk call from you. In which you talked about how unhappy you are with our relationship, and how you don't want this anymore. L, this was the first time that i was emotionally down in my whole time with you. But you turned out to be just like anyone else. Instead of words of care and empathy, i got information about someone you had met and how were interested in him.

 

L, i had seen great things for us, i had so many plans that i had made for both of us. I wanted you to be there when you graduated from your master's program. And i wanted you to be there when i get my MBA from Berkeley or Harvard. I don't know how you just forget everything you used to tell me. How ambitious i was, how everything that i did in my life was so planned, how you liked that i was so motivated. All the times i helped you write those personal statements, and critique your resume, and help you with ideas for application process. I helped you climb the ladder of success to get into your program. I even told you to accept the program that was farther because it was the best program in the nation. I was so supportive, i was so caring, i was so loving.

 

But when time came, you left me. I have never felt such a pain in my life. You were my first so many things, you were my love, and you told me that i was yours. But how did you forget all of that in less than few weeks? It took you 2 weeks to get into a new relationship. That means you think that he is better than me. I disagree, L. I will out do both of you, i will outlive you, outsmart you, out-everything you, because you know my caliber L. You know my conviction, you know my motivation, you know my resolve. But just to be able to party with some college kids, you gave all of that up?

 

L, i tried so hard to reason with you. I tried so hard to show you that these people are just distracting you. It is ME+YOU vs REST OF THE WORLD. I wanted us to be the POWER COUPLE. But thew it all away, just because you wanted to impress a bad boy that you saw as a challenge. L, how could you? I will never take you back, but i still miss you. I don't think you made the right choice, and it hurts me to think that you will regret it very soon.

 

L, remember i used to sing to you "If you fall like a statue, i am gonna be there to catch you. Put you on your feet..." I am sorry. You broke my heart into million pieces. You will have to take this fall that is headed your way.

And remember, your favorite singer Gregory Alan Isakov says in your favorite song Amsterdam "She will follow me down every street, no matter what my crime" The only crime i committed was to love you with all my heart, L. Why did you stop following me...? Why, L?

 

I don't know why........

[SethDamien]

Yeah, i have a similar situation. My dad died last year and what did she do? flirted with our officemate the week I was out for my father's funeral!

 

TBH, your message sounds needy and desperate. It was a good thing you posted it here instead of emailing it to her. Ride it out. Nothing you can say will change her mind.

 

Its hard i know. If you keep your dignity, which i know you'll do. You will not send her any more messages. Build yourself up, and she might just see the improved YOU.

 

By the time you will have improved, she'll consider getting you back... but you wont be interested in her anymore and possibly, already out loving someone else who is 10x better than her.

[Stercrazy]

Good job posting here and getting some feelings out. Do not........I repeat do not under any circumstances send this to her. Keep processing and keep expressing but do not contact her.

[Karin2rinkashi]

**** her!

 

But one thing i don;t understand. ONCE in our relationship, i acted needy and desperate. She left me.... One time. While she was always crying about stuff. I know i am a guy and i should be strong. But i was strong through out the relationship. But some news just put you on your knees. And all i asked was a hand from her to get me back up... unreliable!

[AIJ]

**** her!

 

But one thing i don;t understand. ONCE in our relationship, i acted needy and desperate. She left me.... One time. While she was always crying about stuff. I know i am a guy and i should be strong. But i was strong through out the relationship. But some news just put you on your knees. And all i asked was a hand from her to get me back up... unreliable!

 

Exact same thing with me. I was there throughout her parents divorcing, ALWAYS there for her whenever she needed a shoulder to cry on. As soon as I needed her, just once, she left. Turned in to a bitch. Now I wonder what I ever saw in her.