Seeker12 Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 Hey guys, now a cardinal rule was broken more or less in front of me in terms of knowing about your ex. I have been an NC for nigh on 3 months and been doing well up until last night, when one of my exs closest mates reached out to me asking for advice on how to help her. She fears shes going to get taken advantage of, basically, even though iv been single for the past 6-7 months since break up, my ex has already been involved with two different guys, getting attached to them, although it hasnt got anywhere serious, well shes still got involved with them. My exs mate worries that my ex is vulnerable, and turned to me in terms of how to help her. I really dont know what to do, and secondly, im abit taken aback, my ex, a decent girl who wouldnt just go for any guy, has all of a sudden after a 7 year relationship jumped from one guy to another. How does that even work and why havent i moved on that quickly?
dumbass2 Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 First off, you can't worry about her. She is not your problem. You should be happy you haven't "tried" to move on that quickly. She is confused. You are doing the right thing by giving yourself time and when you are ready, then you will find someone else and you will be in a good frame of mind. She appears to have no idea what she is doing. It doesn't appear she is anywhere close to being in a meaningful relationship. Don't worry about her and tell her friends you can't help and to not bring her up again to you. 1
Author Seeker12 Posted March 23, 2015 Author Posted March 23, 2015 First off, you can't worry about her. She is not your problem. You should be happy you haven't "tried" to move on that quickly. She is confused. You are doing the right thing by giving yourself time and when you are ready, then you will find someone else and you will be in a good frame of mind. She appears to have no idea what she is doing. It doesn't appear she is anywhere close to being in a meaningful relationship. Don't worry about her and tell her friends you can't help and to not bring her up again to you. Thats the thing, all this time i wasnt worrying about her, i was actually enjoying the single life, doing what i want, coming home late without having to worry about a girlfriend bearing down on me expecting me to go home as soon as college finished. But now, her being used, her vulnerable nature being taken advantage of, thats what kicked everything back in, and now my nights ruined, and probably the next few days. Thats what im asking myself right now, what the hell is she seriously doing, has she gone mad, i did mention that to her mate. Yup the conversation was just a massive rant by me, slating her choices, the fact shes jumped from one guy to another, and slating the new guy who she wont definitely see a future with due to different backgrounds, which she knows. Her mate kind of clicked, apologised, had a laugh at my rant and we parted quite amicably, she even offered to hook me up and asked why arent i looking.
Author Seeker12 Posted March 23, 2015 Author Posted March 23, 2015 Not your problem. Ignore. I really am trying to, i said my bit/rant and left, i have this worry about her welfare more than anything else.
Jonp219 Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 I really am trying to, i said my bit/rant and left, i have this worry about her welfare more than anything else. What about your welfare when she broke up with you? Let her scorch in the flames of her sorrow, just sit back and laugh at it all...
Author Seeker12 Posted March 23, 2015 Author Posted March 23, 2015 What about your welfare when she broke up with you? Let her scorch in the flames of her sorrow, just sit back and laugh at it all... Thats deep man, i do understand, she more or less left me hanging, blocked me off, was blunt and uncaring, said she needed to be like this, even said we are pointless so theres no point staying in contact, even when i went through all my pain from the heartbreak, she would just check in and then go. But i just cant deal with another man abusing/taking advantage of her, yes with buts, maybe i need to stop.
Jonp219 Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 Thats deep man, i do understand, she more or less left me hanging, blocked me off, was blunt and uncaring, said she needed to be like this, even said we are pointless so theres no point staying in contact, even when i went through all my pain from the heartbreak, she would just check in and then go. But i just cant deal with another man abusing/taking advantage of her, yes with buts, maybe i need to stop. Atleast you know now that this woman is in no condition to be in a relationship with anyone, even yourself. It was her, not you. Don't worry too much about it. It shouldn't be too hard finding someone better than this one. 1
Author Seeker12 Posted March 23, 2015 Author Posted March 23, 2015 Atleast you know now that this woman is in no condition to be in a relationship with anyone, even yourself. It was her, not you. Don't worry too much about it. It shouldn't be too hard finding someone better than this one. Thanks for the straight up advice, i need it now, i can feel the emotions of caring etc for her coming back, things which i havent felt in 3 months! I guess il carry on doing me, by the way her closest mate is a very good friend of mine too, so wont be removing her from my life, but she generally doesnt talk about my ex, well until now when i guess she thought it got serious.
Jonp219 Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 Thanks for the straight up advice, i need it now, i can feel the emotions of caring etc for her coming back, things which i havent felt in 3 months! I guess il carry on doing me, by the way her closest mate is a very good friend of mine too, so wont be removing her from my life, but she generally doesnt talk about my ex, well until now when i guess she thought it got serious. Tell your mate that you're not that girls boyfriend anymore, you're not liable for any of her troubles and not to contact you with anything regarding that girls well being, she's on her own. You could probably say that in a more respectful tone, I'm just in a bad mood tonight lol. But yeah man, carry on doing you. You seem to be doing just fine where you're at.
NC-Thomas Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 (edited) Thanks for the straight up advice, i need it now, i can feel the emotions of caring etc for her coming back, things which i havent felt in 3 months! I guess il carry on doing me, by the way her closest mate is a very good friend of mine too, so wont be removing her from my life, but she generally doesnt talk about my ex, well until now when i guess she thought it got serious. A very good friend would not drag you into this mess. A very good friend would not jeopardize you healing for your ex-problems. The way I see it, just leave your ex to rot, like she chose to let you rot. Not your problems anymore. She was foolish enough not to deal with her problems by jumping at others guy's dick. Well pity the fool. On the other hand you felt the pain, and you deal with it like a man would, in the end your decision is the better one. Find yourself and find happiness from within. Don't care for someone that threw you to the curb. Stay NC and tell "your very good friend" to keep your ex's BS to herself. ( I still don't get why she would bother you with that BS... I would be pissed off like hell if my friends would ask me this) Edited March 23, 2015 by NC-Thomas
Author Seeker12 Posted March 23, 2015 Author Posted March 23, 2015 (edited) A very good friend would not drag you into this mess. A very good friend would not jeopardize you healing for your ex-problems. The way I see it, just leave your ex to rot, like she chose to let you rot. Not your problems anymore. She was foolish enough not to deal with her problems by jumping at others guy's dick. Well pity the fool. On the other hand you felt the pain, and you deal with it like a man would, in the end your decision is the better one. Find yourself and find happiness from within. Don't care for someone that threw you to the curb. Stay NC and tell "your very good friend" to keep your ex's BS to herself. ( I still don't get why she would bother you with that BS... I would be pissed off like hell if my friends would ask me this) I guess she considered it to be serious and did all she can up until now, see my ex from what i can tell is confused, vulnerable and thus open to being taken advantage of, thats what her mate fears and so do i. Wow thats hard to take, its hit me all day today and i have slowly been generating that mentally to "let her to rot", but i cant help but feel a sense of sadness that shes hitting a downward spiral possibly, especially when she was so strong, blunt and harsh to me, calling what we had pointless. Honestly the whole thing with my ex has been going on for months, its only recently, this weekend, her friend reached out to me for help, because i guess my ex is just not understanding. Edited March 23, 2015 by Seeker12
mightycpa Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 (edited) Hey guys, now a cardinal rule was broken more or less in front of me in terms of knowing about your ex. I have been an NC for nigh on 3 months and been doing well up until last night, when one of my exs closest mates reached out to me asking for advice on how to help her. She fears shes going to get taken advantage of, basically, even though iv been single for the past 6-7 months since break up, my ex has already been involved with two different guys, getting attached to them, although it hasnt got anywhere serious, well shes still got involved with them. My exs mate worries that my ex is vulnerable, and turned to me in terms of how to help her. I really dont know what to do, and secondly, im abit taken aback, my ex, a decent girl who wouldnt just go for any guy, has all of a sudden after a 7 year relationship jumped from one guy to another. How does that even work and why havent i moved on that quickly? Just a few points: What does that mean, "taken advantage of"? Just because she's getting close to guys and then it falls apart? That's not being taken advantage of, that's called "playing the field".Vulnerable? To what? Guys that like her at first? Why wouldn't they? You did. Then they find out she's not all she's cracked up to be, and in that, you should find a lesson. Maybe they're a little more picky than you are.What to do? Nothing. Don't sweat it. She'll be fine, even if she's got to boink a few dozen guys before she finds the right one. No problem, she'll have fun doing it. Don't worry about that for her.Why is she jumping in with both feet? First, she's not any younger after 7 years with you. Second, maybe these are good quality guys (see #2). Third, two guys in six months is really not slut material... two guys in a week, maybe, but not two guys in six months.I think your perspective is all wrong on this. You are being taken in by your ex's worrywart of a mate. Relax. She'll be fine, and so will you if you stop worrying about nothing. If anything, I think maybe you will begin to see that she's just a regular girl; nothing special. Edited March 24, 2015 by mightycpa 4
Author Seeker12 Posted March 24, 2015 Author Posted March 24, 2015 (edited) Just a few points: What does that mean, "taken advantage of"? Just because she's getting close to guys and then it falls apart? That's not being taken advantage of, that's called "playing the field".Vulnerable? To what? Guys that like her at first? Why wouldn't they? You did. Then they find out she's not all she's cracked up to be, and in that, you should find a lesson. Maybe they're a little more picky than you are.What to do? Nothing. Don't sweat it. She'll be fine, even if she's got to boink a few dozen guys before she finds the right one. No problem, she'll have fun doing it. Don't worry about that for her.Why is she jumping in with both feet? First, she's not any younger after 7 years with you. Second, maybe these are good quality guys (see #2). Third, two guys in six months is really not slut material... two guys in a week, maybe, but not two guys in six months.I think your perspective is all wrong on this. You are being taken in by your ex's worrywart of a mate. Relax. She'll be fine, and so will you if you stop worrying about nothing. If anything, I think maybe you will begin to see that she's just a regular girl; nothing special. Thanks for that, a good few close mates of mine said the same thing as you!! Guess what, i told her mate i dont want to know, whatever issues, problems etc that she has, well their her problems now, she chosen to go down a route separate to mine and thats it, and im not going to make her problems my problems, i realised iv spent the past few days emotionally hit and worrying, whilst my ex couldnt give a flying toss about how im doing, so no, no more emotional investment crap from me, not this far when iv thought iv got to some point where i can start dating other girls now. Whatever she is doing, well she is an adult and is fully free to do, she knows right and wrong, and i wish her best on her endeavours whatever happens and wherever they take her, but guess what, i just dont care anymore if theres pain she will have to deal with it, i honestly want to live my life, and forget this girl now, and the way il do it, is if her mate stops completely, and that was it. By the way - my exs mate said she is vulnerable, mainly because of her situation at home, and that she desperately wants to get married and is feeling lonely, so basically my ex is supposedly emotionally distraught about her situation, and her mate thinks that shes just falling for guys and then trying to get married to them and its only a matter of time before someone takes advantage of that. Edited March 24, 2015 by Seeker12
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