Jonp219 Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 Say youve been NC for a particular amount of time and you feel a little better everyday. Then one day you run into your ex and you talk, then you start feeling emotional because this is a person you share many memories with. Although you may feel terrible after that meeting, does the recovery process begin all over again? Just curious.
fireflywy Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 Hmm... I think it would depend on the nature of the interaction and whether they had someone new or your degree of moving on. I know for myself, that the ex is dating again, that I have no plans of contacting her, will avoid her usual hangouts, but if I should see her, I will avoid if possible by leaving, or keeping the possible conversation short and to the point if SHE does the approaching. (I certainly won't.) In short, it could set you back to day one. Try and avoid it if possible.
AaronSG Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 This may or may not help in regards to the question.... But for myself, and only speaking for myself, I feel I would have to "start from scratch" if any contact between myself and my ex-faince was instigated by me! If I did anything to perhaps communicate and designate a meeting place....."I would have blown it"! If I were to start up another Facebook account and private message her somehow and arrange for us to meet up somewhere......."Bye bye time under my belt, NC, we're back to day # 1"! What I'm getting at, for myself, if I were to ever lift a finger of any sort and instigate a meeting between us, then yeah, I blew it and I'm back to day number one in regards to NC! But if by happens chance she's at a grocery store and I got into he same one, without any motivation, knowing so, manipulation, ect. and we bump into each other...........I think that's fine, no restarting the NC clock is needed or required! But thanks to a thing called geographic's there will never be any chance bump in's, thank God, kind of hard when I'm in California and my ex-fiancé went back to Ohio, 2000 miles distance between us can come in handy in these matters! 2
AIJ Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 I saw my ex a few weeks after the break up. It was literally the day after I'd got rid of any hope of her coming back, accepted the break up, and was ready to move on. Was in an incredible mood that day. Get a phonecall from her out of the blue asking me if I want my things back, as she knew I'd be at the same football game as her (we support the same team, that's basically why we began talking). Saw her there just by chance, which is odd, been there so many times before and not seen her once. Had to walk right past her, genuinely brushed shoulders with her. Not a word said. Never felt so weird in my life. I was fine for a few days, but then the missing her began to kick in. Wouldn't say I'd started from scratch, but it set me back a fair bit.
Author Jonp219 Posted March 23, 2015 Author Posted March 23, 2015 This may or may not help in regards to the question.... But for myself, and only speaking for myself, I feel I would have to "start from scratch" if any contact between myself and my ex-faince was instigated by me! If I did anything to perhaps communicate and designate a meeting place....."I would have blown it"! If I were to start up another Facebook account and private message her somehow and arrange for us to meet up somewhere......."Bye bye time under my belt, NC, we're back to day # 1"! What I'm getting at, for myself, if I were to ever lift a finger of any sort and instigate a meeting between us, then yeah, I blew it and I'm back to day number one in regards to NC! But if by happens chance she's at a grocery store and I got into he same one, without any motivation, knowing so, manipulation, ect. and we bump into each other...........I think that's fine, no restarting the NC clock is needed or required! But thanks to a thing called geographic's there will never be any chance bump in's, thank God, kind of hard when I'm in California and my ex-fiancé went back to Ohio, 2000 miles distance between us can come in handy in these matters! In regards to NC, then yes, I totally understand all that you've stated. However, what I meant by my question is the progress you've made during your recovery. You say if you ran into your ex in a grocery store that doesn't count as breaking NC, but would that set you back? Would you start feeling the way you did when she walked out your front door? Would YOUR personally recovery start from the very beginning after that encounter?
badpenny Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 In regards to NC, then yes, I totally understand all that you've stated. However, what I meant by my question is the progress you've made during your recovery. You say if you ran into your ex in a grocery store that doesn't count as breaking NC, but would that set you back? Would you start feeling the way you did when she walked out your front door? Would YOUR personally recovery start from the very beginning after that encounter? I would venture that this question is completely unanswerable. There would be so many unknown factors to consider. How were you feeling that day prior to the chance encounter? How was she feeling that day prior to the encounter? Some days are better than others so it would be entirely dependent on how you felt at the time. Let's say you just received a call from your Boss: "We want you to travel to this *location* to set up this project. We'll pay all your expenses, and there's a promotion and a pay-rise in it for you!" Damn, that feels good! See your ex? Yeah, you ain't got none of me! I'm flying here, and you are missing out! Let's say you just received a call from your Boss: "Someone in the office has made an allegation against you. We need to investigate, as nothing is proven, but for now you're suspended without pay. Meeting this friday, at 11.00. Suggest you bring Union representative with you. It' serious and you could be sacked." Doesn't feel so good, does it? So running into your ex now, will be all you need, right? Let's say neither of the above scenarios take place.... Then attitude, mood, feelings and emotions are all up to you, how you handle yourself, and how you deal maturely, with the encounter. In short, - it's how you roll, and what you determine.
Michelle ma Belle Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 I would like to think that if you've actually done the work and actively participated in your own healing process that bumping into an ex wouldn't single-handedly throw you completely off course. That's not to say your impromptu meet up wouldn't resurrect some emotions or feelings or even feel slightly jarring. I'm sure it would for most people but it doesn't have to undo all the progress you've made up to that point PROVIDED you CONTINUE doing the work to stay the course.
dumbass2 Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 Say youve been NC for a particular amount of time and you feel a little better everyday. Then one day you run into your ex and you talk, then you start feeling emotional because this is a person you share many memories with. Although you may feel terrible after that meeting, does the recovery process begin all over again? Just curious. If you hadn't moved on by that time and weren't indifferent, then it could set you back. You would have to start NC all over again. If you decide to try and keep in contact after you see the person and talk, then it could wash away any healing you have done, so don't chase that person. Best to go back to NC afterwards, unless during the talk, your ex specifically said that they want to get back together and try things again. If nothing like that came up, then walk away and continue NC.
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