SunnySide0418 Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 I went on 2 dates in 2 weeks with a guy I met online. In between dates he will either call or text every 2 days. Typically the texts are very brief and something like "goodnight". Our last date was this past Tuesday and tonight he texted and we chatted briefly. He ended the convo with, "I'll call and we'll try to set something up this week". This is very different from what I'm used to. It just seems slow moving. I guess I'm used to guys coming on much stronger. Does it seem as if he's just not that into me or is this typical progression when a guy is into someone? Obviously, I'm relatively new being back on the dating scene.
deathandtaxes Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 I would say you're on the dating backburner with this guy. For ladies I'm interested in, I never say let's set something up. I always try to pin down an evening and something very specific. 1
Author SunnySide0418 Posted March 23, 2015 Author Posted March 23, 2015 I was via text if that matters...
Leigh 87 Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 He's casually dating around and you didn't exactly make him want to stop dating others, he is still dating others and seeing who he "likes" the most... Not very flattering if you ask me. Some men aren't that romantic or emotive and they never feel strong feelings towards women initially unless they have known them for a long while. Most normal men do, on the occasion, meet "that woman" whom, after the first date, they think "wow" - and they don't NEED to go check out which women they like the most. ^^ date those men if you can help it..... They always fall harder for you and love you more.
Author SunnySide0418 Posted March 23, 2015 Author Posted March 23, 2015 What should I say to him when I tell him this isn't working for me and I'm moving on?
h0000 Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 Have you tried texing/calling him when he is not texting you on a particular day? In this way you can probably remain in contact every day instead of every 2 days when he is initiating. Could his coldness be because you hardly show enthusiasm/initiative? This is slow for sure but I don't think it definitely means this is doomed. And I wouldn't say he is definitely seeing other women and seeing who he likes the most. Some men are less emotive for sure. And I don't think its abnormal. It depends on your comfort. Looks like you like him enough to see more of him ,than he wants to see you? I would say either start seeing someone else and divert your attention so you can be as slow as him or move on and find someone who comes on hotter.
Author SunnySide0418 Posted March 23, 2015 Author Posted March 23, 2015 We have not slept together only goodnight kisses so if he is seeing someone else it's fine. I just like to move quicker and just don't 'feel' he is that into me. I am very enthusiastic when we talk and are together but I refuse to be the main initiator this soon. Considering it's only been 2 dates I'll give it a little more time. BUT .. if it continues this way I will need to move one and how to I tell him my reasons? Just come out with it?
Mrin Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 I would give it more time. But if you do decide to move on - you have a choice of what to say. The safe bet is just to say that you're not feeling a connection and it is best to move on and not waste anyone's time. That is a perfectly fine way to disengage early on. The less safe way is to be more transparent. Basically I would only say this if you actually are into him but just feel it is one sided. Say that you are looking for that spark. And while you feel it for him, it requires two sparks to work and you're not gettig that vibe from him. And that's just how it is and it is best to move on. Sure opening up like that is a vulnerable feeling but in the grand scheme of things - you're already feeling rejected by him. Might as well take the gamble to make sure he's just not "playing it cool". A little more rejection isn't going to kill you and besides, if he doesn't rise to the occasion who cares - you won't see him again.
katiegrl Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 We have not slept together only goodnight kisses so if he is seeing someone else it's fine. I just like to move quicker and just don't 'feel' he is that into me. I am very enthusiastic when we talk and are together but I refuse to be the main initiator this soon. Considering it's only been 2 dates I'll give it a little more time. BUT .. if it continues this way I will need to move one and how to I tell him my reasons? Just come out with it? SS...follow your gut. Since you said you "feel" he is not into you, chances are your feelings are correct, and he's not. So why stick around? Men know on the first meet whether they're really into you or not. Don't stick around hoping his feelings will change, or increase, while he's out there searching and dating others. Doing that will only end up making you feel worse!
Author SunnySide0418 Posted March 23, 2015 Author Posted March 23, 2015 Have you tried texing/calling him when he is not texting you on a particular day? In this way you can probably remain in contact every day instead of every 2 days when he is initiating. Could his coldness be because you hardly show enthusiasm/initiative? This is slow for sure but I don't think it definitely means this is doomed. And I wouldn't say he is definitely seeing other women and seeing who he likes the most. Some men are less emotive for sure. And I don't think its abnormal. It depends on your comfort. Looks like you like him enough to see more of him ,than he wants to see you? I would say either start seeing someone else and divert your attention so you can be as slow as him or move on and find someone who comes on hotter. It's not even that I want to see more of him as I have little kids and don't have much free time. It's more of him not seeming enthusiastic about seeing me or planning the next time we can see each other. I'm used to guys planning dates with me right away even if it's a week away. THis guy seems to be more of a fly by the seat of his pants type. I have a couple times texted him and he was very receptive. I'm a bit more traditional in that want to be pursued in the beginning. Oh well, things should be much clearer in the weeks to come I guess.
katiegrl Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 I would give it more time. But if you do decide to move on - you have a choice of what to say. The safe bet is just to say that you're not feeling a connection and it is best to move on and not waste anyone's time. That is a perfectly fine way to disengage early on. The less safe way is to be more transparent. Basically I would only say this if you actually are into him but just feel it is one sided. Say that you are looking for that spark. And while you feel it for him, it requires two sparks to work and you're not gettig that vibe from him. And that's just how it is and it is best to move on. Sure opening up like that is a vulnerable feeling but in the grand scheme of things - you're already feeling rejected by him. Might as well take the gamble to make sure he's just not "playing it cool". A little more rejection isn't going to kill you and besides, if he doesn't rise to the occasion who cares - you won't see him again. ^^I don't agree with this at all. I wouldn't give it more time, again if your instincts are telling you he's not into you, why continue? And when ending it, no need to tell him YOU feel the spark for him but are not getting that vibe from him. I mean, how is he supposed to respond to that..after only two dates? It's too intense and sounds like you are fishing for reassurance, which sounds weak and insecure...after only two dates. Just say it was nice meeting you but don't feel you are a good fit. Over text is fine. You've had TWO dates! I am a huge proponent of allowing our instincts/gut feelings to guide us. I wish more people would learn to to that...instead of continuing on with someone we know isn't into us...but hoping that changes. 99.9% of the time it never does.
Author SunnySide0418 Posted March 23, 2015 Author Posted March 23, 2015 ^^I don't agree with this at all. I wouldn't give it more time, again if your instincts are telling you he's not into you, why continue? And when ending it, no need to tell him YOU feel the spark for him but are not getting that vibe from him. I mean, how is he supposed to respond to that..after only two dates? It's too intense and sounds like you are fishing for reassurance, which sounds weak and insecure...after only two dates. Just say it was nice meeting you but don't feel you are a good fit. Over text is fine. You've had TWO dates! I am a huge proponent of allowing our instincts/gut feelings to guide us. I wish more people would learn to to that...instead of continuing on with someone we know isn't into us...but hoping that changes. 99.9% of the time it never does. Yeah, you're right.. I guess I am thinking it may change and he's just playing it cool.
Mrin Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 Yeah, you're right.. I guess I am thinking it may change and he's just playing it cool. While I agree in principle with Katie, ask yourself how you would feel if you waived him off and later learned that he was just playing it cool and was into you? Would you feel pretry dumb that you missed out? There's no joy in "almost had a relationship". Don't drag it out. But also don't be too hasty and too presumptuous to shut it down without giving him the chance to lay his cards on the table. But if you're not feeling it for him then by all means just send the text and move on.
Author SunnySide0418 Posted March 23, 2015 Author Posted March 23, 2015 While I agree in principle with Katie, ask yourself how you would feel if you waived him off and later learned that he was just playing it cool and was into you? Would you feel pretry dumb that you missed out? There's no joy in "almost had a relationship". Don't drag it out. But also don't be too hasty and too presumptuous to shut it down without giving him the chance to lay his cards on the table. But if you're not feeling it for him then by all means just send the text and move on. I do like him and would like to spend more time with him. I'm going to give it another date or two and see...
preraph Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 I can't believe everyone is so impatient now. There is nothing to read into his frequency unless he is an unemployed person with nothing but time on his hands. If he's got to work or go to school and he has other friends other than you, he can't spend every waking moment following up on texting.
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