Daveyboy77 Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 Hi there, so a new girl started at my work a couple months ago. We are on different shifts but we seen each other around the odd time and I noticed her noticing me ( she would lock eyes with me), I began to realize she was flirting with me so whenever I seen her I would smile but I never introduced myself as I felt awkward doing it in front of all the men around. So this went on for a while until the day she finally came and sat beside me. I began to talk to everyone at the table including her (not directly, I was working my way up to that) when my buddy ( who knows I like her) walks up from behind and says " hey, have you made a new friend" which totally put me on the spot ( Im a shy guy), well I'm not sure what she heard but she turned around and looked at him and then me. When she looked at me she locked eyes and gave me this little sigh with the warmest smile.....my heart was pounding out of my chest, I could feel her soul ( I've never felt this before in my life) I completely froze and couldn't say a word, I felt like a total shmuck. So I would see her in the parking lot in the mornings when I was leaving and she was coming in. So, I started parking closer to where she walked by to give me the best chance at approaching her. So sure enough she walked by and would look at me in my truck as if to say "I'm here, come ask me out" and I kept freezing and saying to myself " I'll talk to her tomorrow" like an idiot. So after a week she stopped looking my way and I figured yep, I blew it. I ended up seeing her in the lunchroom the next week and she acted like I wasn't there and when I looked at her she darted her eyes away with a fearful look. I was mortified, I didn't even realize I had made her feel uncomfortable ( creeped her out). So after that I started parking in my regular spot and began avoiding her because I didn't want her to be scared of me. I feel like such a fool and a coward for probably losing what could've been the best thing that ever happened to me. The thing is, she fits everything I look for in a girl so much to a tee; it completely freaked me out, like she was my angel sent from heaven.... My soulmate and she was crushing on me too which scared the crap out of me. You have to understand I have never had a girlfriend and I don't go out chasing women. I've had a couple flings by "luck" and quite a few girls that wanted me but I was never interested....maybe too picky I guess. I have self confidence issues and I'm trying to be a better person everyday but I've never been in a position like this before. I feel TERRIBLE !!!! I haven't slept right for weeks, can't eat and sleep alot to try and forget about this. It's been 2 weeks and I'm sure that she hates me now but I still feel that as a man; I need to appologize to her and tell her what I was feeling/going through but how do I do that now? I feel like a total loser!!! Please give me some advice people, and don't be too hard on me
preraph Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 Okay, well, you have my sympathy, but first of all, a cold splash of water. You've never even talked one on one to this girl, so you have no idea if she's the right one or your soulmate or anything. So bring it down a notch on the drama meter. See if this makes any sense to you: You have built this up so far out of your own imagination, imagining you know what she's like, imagining she's THE girl, imagining she is your soulmate, barely even having spoken to her, that you have made asking her out as if you are asking out the Queen of England. Because you have so elevated her in your mind and allowed yourself to obsess about her nonstop, this has increased your fear tenfold. You yourself have manufactured the level of your own "shyness," (fear) without any help from anyone else. If you didn't attribute her with unknown qualities, it wouldn't be so scary to talk to her or ask her out. If you admitted to yourself all you really know is you like the looks of her, and the rest is made up out of your head, then if she did reject you, it wouldn't devastate you. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 OP, you need to take a deep breath and gain some perspective here. You barely know her. I believe you're reading way too much into her behaviour, and I highly doubt she is "afraid" of you. She more likely feels a bit embarassed because she was trying to give you signals and you didn't do anything. But she has no reason to hate you, and you have nothing to apologize for. I don't know where you're getting that from. Also, be careful throwing around terms like "soul mate" when you haven't gone out even one time. You're projecting your desires on to her and creating an image of who you hope she is. I think you're placing your expectations far too highly on this girl. She might be a fantastic woman, or she might not be. The point is that you don't know her well enough yet. If you're losing sleep and not eating properly over all this, that suggests you have some major insecurities and anxiety that need to be addressed first. I would work on that before asking her out, or you are likely going to have a tough time dealing with the intense emotions that come with a new romance. 1
Author Daveyboy77 Posted March 23, 2015 Author Posted March 23, 2015 Thanks for your reply preraph, I know you're exactly right but I have seen the way she talks/acts and she's a real sweetheart. The worse thing is, she totally gave me an open door and I blew it; not once but like 4-5 times. The thing is I never get attention like that from girls of this caliber. So this situation has tought me alot about myself; I have very low self confidence and I have no cojones. I really need to work on myself as a whole and I've started by quitting smoking and eating healthy; I think if I can feel better about myself on the outside, the inside will be easier to work on. I've never been through so much personal anguish in my life. The hardest thing I'm having to deal with now is I feel I have to apologize to her And tell her that I regret my actions because the last thing I ever wanted to do was make her feel uncomfortable. We work at the same place (although she works in a different division in the summer) she'll be leaving in a couple weeks and I feel tremendous pressure to make amends. Also I can't live with the fact that she probably thinks I'm a creep/loser now. I have my reputation to withhold and I'm a proud person; if this got out, it could destroy my life. I want her to know I'm a great guy and she should feel comfortable coming back to my division next winter. I feel I have to do this as a man......it will help me grow as a man. Now, how do I go about this now? I've created one heck of a situation for myself.
regine_phalange Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 She can't stop being into you so suddenly, silly. She may just feel that she gave you enough signals and trying to keep her dignity now. You didn't blow it completely just yet. Ask her out, she clearly has a thing for you.
Author Daveyboy77 Posted March 23, 2015 Author Posted March 23, 2015 Thanks for your reply regine_phalange. I really hope you're right.
Author Daveyboy77 Posted March 23, 2015 Author Posted March 23, 2015 OP, you need to take a deep breath and gain some perspective here. You barely know her. I believe you're reading way too much into her behaviour, and I highly doubt she is "afraid" of you. She more likely feels a bit embarassed because she was trying to give you signals and you didn't do anything. But she has no reason to hate you, and you have nothing to apologize for. I don't know where you're getting that from. Also, be careful throwing around terms like "soul mate" when you haven't gone out even one time. You're projecting your desires on to her and creating an image of who you hope she is. I think you're placing your expectations far too highly on this girl. She might be a fantastic woman, or she might not be. The point is that you don't know her well enough yet. If you're losing sleep and not eating properly over all this, that suggests you have some major insecurities and anxiety that need to be addressed first. I would work on that before asking her out, or you are likely going to have a tough time dealing with the intense emotions that come with a new romance. Thanks for the great advice E.I.I. Your input really helps me put things into perspective.
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