OCCDAVE Posted April 12, 2005 Posted April 12, 2005 I was sorta wondering if this girl i'm getting to know is a virgin.Should i ask her if she is or would that piss her off.I'm a virgin so would that make her less nervous around me knowing i'm not looking to get in her pants .
WithOrWithoutYou Posted April 12, 2005 Posted April 12, 2005 If she wants you to know, she will tell you. If you want her to know, you will tell her. If you get really really close to her, chances are that at some point in your relationship, you will find out anyway. Sex is only a small (but powerful) part of what even a serious relationship is about anyway (as you know), but it can be a great way to get closer to someone if someone means enough to you. If it is something you are comfortable talking about with her, I guess I don't see the harm other than her possibly taking it as you judging her if she is not. If she is not, and you tell her that you are, also keep in mind that depending on her personality, she may not wish to "take your virginity" if at some point you do have a desire to become sexually intimate with her, but it's your call. Honesty is always a good thing in relationships, but that is a very personal thing, and in my opinion keeping it to yourself if it does not come up is not really being dishonest, so it's just a judgment call you will need to make on whether to bring it up. Do you care if she isn't? How will she react to the question? Do you wish to become sexually intimate with her at some point? Those are questions you should think about.
Author OCCDAVE Posted April 12, 2005 Author Posted April 12, 2005 I sorta would rather her be a virgin i guess cause i have a good feeling about this and would like her to be my first How soon is too soon to say you love someone cause i really like this girl
young noble Posted April 12, 2005 Posted April 12, 2005 No dude i dont think u should ask.Because i think that when it comes time for you and your boy or girlfriend to have sex they will tell u if they r a virgin.
blind_otter Posted April 12, 2005 Posted April 12, 2005 Originally posted by OCCDAVE I sorta would rather her be a virgin i guess cause i have a good feeling about this and would like her to be my first How soon is too soon to say you love someone cause i really like this girl You really "like" her - then that's how you feel. You don't love her yet! How can you love someone you don't know well, who you haven't been through trials and tribulations with, etc? I will and can say very quickly, "I am in lust with you" because lust is something you feel very fast, that chemical attraction, the fondness and all that...but ya know what? That deep, enduring feeling, the knowledge that that person will always have a piece of your heart...that comes after months/years of being with someone, IMHO. If it comes quickly it seems like it would be pretty shallow.
Cecelius Posted April 12, 2005 Posted April 12, 2005 Not to be crass, but you can't love her till you're intimate with her. Decide if that's where you want to be with her, and take the lead.
Pendawn Posted April 12, 2005 Posted April 12, 2005 Originally posted by Cecelius Not to be crass, but you can't love her till you're intimate with her. Decide if that's where you want to be with her, and take the lead. Sorry but that's crap. Of course you can love someone without being intimate with them, being intimate is a display of your emotions, it's not required to create the feelings. As for the OP, I'd suggest next time you were close, cuddling making out or whatever you do you bring up the fact that YOU are a virgin and explain your feelings etc about it. She will appreciate your honesty and if she's a virgin will probably share the fact then.
Author OCCDAVE Posted April 12, 2005 Author Posted April 12, 2005 Originally posted by blind_otter You really "like" her - then that's how you feel. You don't love her yet! How can you love someone you don't know well, who you haven't been through trials and tribulations with, etc? I will and can say very quickly, "I am in lust with you" because lust is something you feel very fast, that chemical attraction, the fondness and all that...but ya know what? That deep, enduring feeling, the knowledge that that person will always have a piece of your heart...that comes after months/years of being with someone, IMHO. If it comes quickly it seems like it would be pretty shallow. True i guess i should wait a bit before using the L word.Thanks for the advice eveyone
RecordProducer Posted April 12, 2005 Posted April 12, 2005 Why does it matter if she is a virgin? You would like her to be and if you show it to her, she might be offended if she is not. She may seem like a virgin to you, but might as well not be one. You shouldn't ask a girl if she is a virgin or god forbid, how many guys she's had before you. Nobody has ever asked me that question although I have asked my guys. She will tell you whatever she thinks you should know. Asking too many questions is the best way to make people feel uncomfortable and forced to lie. There are certain things that we don't like to talk about in the early stage of the relationship, which means if we are questioned, we will like to hide those things and feel forced to lie or uncover information from our past that we don't feel like uncovering yet. Especially you shouldn't ask a girl when and how or with whom she lost her virginity. You never know what people hide. Some girls have been raped or abused and don't feel like telling that after a few dates with someone. Even when (and if) you sleep with her, you shouldn't ask her if she was a virgin before you. If she tells you or you can figure out yourself then okay. It's never too soon or too late to say "I love you", but if I were you I would wait at least a month after the first kiss. Because sometimes you realize that you were not really in love and after you say it it's said; you can't take it back and maybe you influenced her feelings for you by declaring love.
Charisma Posted April 12, 2005 Posted April 12, 2005 Speaking from personal experience, I'd wait. Let her get comfortable with you and she'll let you know if she or isn't. If you ask her if she's a virgin, and she is one, she'll definitely feel that you're after her for sex. If you allow her to open up to you, you'll be amazed at the rewards for being patient. After all, she may feel that it's not any of your business at this stage in the relationship and plus, you'll only make her uncomfortable in the end.
Cecelius Posted April 12, 2005 Posted April 12, 2005 Originally posted by Pendawn Sorry but that's crap. Of course you can love someone without being intimate with them, being intimate is a display of your emotions, it's not required to create the feelings. As for the OP, I'd suggest next time you were close, cuddling making out or whatever you do you bring up the fact that YOU are a virgin and explain your feelings etc about it. She will appreciate your honesty and if she's a virgin will probably share the fact then. I was paraphrasing: [For your own protection as a young man in a new world at extreme risk of being beaten down by fickle young ladies, take it as an absolute given that] you cannot be in love with someone until you are [physically] intimate [regardless of how you think you feel: you can do all the feeling you want on your own, and it doesn't mean she's in the same place]
magda Posted April 12, 2005 Posted April 12, 2005 If you expect her to answer the question you should be willing to answer it yourself. You should be up front about it: tell her you're a virgin, see how she responds, ask her if she doesn't tell.
FolderWife Posted April 12, 2005 Posted April 12, 2005 Instead of asking, "Are you a virgin?" Tell her, "I am a virgin...how many partners have you had?" With STDs the way they are, these questions need to be asked fairly early in my opinion. If she says, "Only one" are you going to get this sad hurt puppy look on your face?
faux Posted April 12, 2005 Posted April 12, 2005 Originally posted by OCCDAVE I was sorta wondering if this girl i'm getting to know is a virgin.Should i ask her if she is or would that piss her off.I'm a virgin so would that make her less nervous around me knowing i'm not looking to get in her pants . How about dealing with that if, or when, your relationship becomes sexual? Until then, focus on other things. Go talk a lot, and have fun. I think it's important to discuss sex, and past experience up to a certain point, but unless the two of you are getting sexual now, I don't think you need to worry just yet. Once you know one another well enough, you will be more comfortable in approaching this subject.
Recommended Posts