Woggle Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 I think maybe you can see somebody to figure why you associate unavailable with chemistry. I don't mean this in a bashing way or anything because if you can't your mind past that notion you will never have a happy and lasting relationship. I say this with the utmost kindness.
Woggle Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 I think maybe you can see somebody to figure why you associate unavailable with chemistry. I don't mean this in a bashing way or anything because if you can't your mind past that notion you will never have a happy and lasting relationship. I say this with the utmost kindness. To be blunt a drunken hookup by somebody already with somebody else is not something to envy. 1
Author Leigh 87 Posted March 26, 2015 Author Posted March 26, 2015 I think maybe you can see somebody to figure why you associate unavailable with chemistry. I don't mean this in a bashing way or anything because if you can't your mind past that notion you will never have a happy and lasting relationship. I say this with the utmost kindness. To be blunt a drunken hookup by somebody already with somebody else is not something to envy. I felt an instant spark with the online guy who was clearly into me from moment one. I felt fireworks. It was only AFTER I realised that he wasn't a challenge that the fireworks subsided for a couple of weeks, but I ended up thinking about him a lot and the fireworks came back just as strong. It wasn't instant chemistry I was questioning; it was.... do I need more of a challenge? Or, would I rather have a guy who is, quite clearly, head over heels for me from the start with no ifs or buts or guessing. ^^^if I want the latter, it wont come hand in hand with excitement. The only time I experience excitement is if I have these two ingredients: - instant sparks and chemistry - a man who is a challenge. I had the instant sparks and chemistry with Mr nice guy. What I didn't have, was the challenge. I think some people's sub - conscience is drawn immediately to men who they "know" won't stay with them. They can "sense" it before they get to know the guy I believe...intuition if you will...... Furthermore, meeting a person by "chance" and feeling the connection that way, is always more exciting than meeting online when you are "looking".... The thing is - I FELT the same instant spark with the nice guy, as I did with the players and unavailable men - The ONLY difference was in the aftermath..... the ensuing days, the fact it was so easy and such a great fit with the current guy made it less intense than the Irish guy who was the casual sort and who lived interstate and our second meet up consisted of me dropping him off at the airport not knowing whether I would see him again. I am giving it a go because, I have two of the three things I MUST have: - I had the instant spark and intense chemistry - I have a guy who seems quite clearly head over heels, who spoils me and loves it and who ... puts chocolate in my mail box when I am studying for an exam:lmao: A challenge and the "thrill" and that added intensity is the only thing I lack, and I can recognise true passion for what it is now, as opposed to "false" passion. I believe that I did feel intense passion - by a normal persons standards. MY scale of passion is, sadly, skewed - so that I felt the most intense fireworks, AFTER meeting a guy, IF they were a bit of a challenge. The fact I felt the SAME degree of "instant chemistry" with ALL men - Mr nice guy and Mr unavailable guys - was telling - since it started THE SAME, and only changed once the challenge was removed. Therefore ^^^^ the only variable that ignited the intense fireworks AFTER having first met the guys - was a challenge or a strong alpha character......
Author Leigh 87 Posted March 29, 2015 Author Posted March 29, 2015 I broke things off. Although I learnt a great deal about myself; I do not need the thrill of the chase at all. I PREFER nice, stable and calm. I now know that I really am over game playing. Push and pull. He is crazy about me but only if he thinks I am a challenge. I do, however, still need to be infatuated in the early stages of a relationship - intense chemistry and infatuation are how I personally need to start out in any relationship. And I don't believe only players can give that to me now. I know a lot of relationship experts purport to know that " very rarely do long and successful relationships begin with either partner feeling infatuated". These experts also claim that the " in love" feeling isn't necessary for a long and happy relationship. The " in love" feeling is chemistry and the infatuation. I believe I am still over my penchant for players. Unfortunately, I lacked sexual chemistry with this guy - I didn't feel urges to make out with him. When I woke up next to him, I didn't feel like morning sex (which I ALWAYS feel like if I am really sexually into a guy). So yeah. I was attracted to this guy and he was such a great person, but two things were lacking: - he didn't make me laugh ( where as with some men I am just able to laugh a lot with them about random things) - I didn't have sexual passion for him although I had sex with him once and it was "good", I believe I can find more of a sexual connection with someone else...... The people that have the best relationships that I want to emulate, laughed like there was no tomorrow together, and when they first met they had intense chemistry. These are the couples who, after years, are still crazy about each other and although things aren't new and fresh, they seem more happy and in love than the vast majority of other couples. My parents were also infatuated. That period ends, clearly, but they also made each other laugh, and they both happened to be kind and generous souls. They have lasted through the hard times. This guy took it very well and he said he was grateful for the time we spent. We are going to remain friends. We definitely had a connection, but it is more of a spiritual and emotional type - not a romantic type from my part. Thanks for your support and I will be working with my therapist and avoiding players indefinitely. I don't believe I only feel infatuated with players - I think it is easy to get hooked on the chase but the thing is, I won't ALLOW the chase - I will select men I feel initial sparks with and then I will only give them the time of day if they are CLEAR and CONSISTENT. I wont stick around long enough to get hooked on their games.... I definitely, and my family and friends also believe, that I will eventually find the right click and sensational chemistry but with the right man. Now just isn't my time. I kissed a few frogs and I can identify players and I am not into the game anymore but I by no means think I am ONLY excited about the unavailable. I honestly haven't been single long enough for me to even know that yet. I know I have a tendency to enjoy games since I am 28 and single and I don't feel a need to settle down or have a partner. But I by no means think I can ONLY be into players. I hope to stay single and enjoy it fully and to now jump on the first nice guy who seems into me and who I am attracted to enough to sleep with.... sounds harsh but this is exactly what happened here.......
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