Auspecial Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 It's hard because players and men who aren't into us give us a rush and thrill that truly devoted and interested men can't... We confuse being kept on our toes as passion . Never truly knowing whether or not they are into us is the sort of high nice guys can't provide. I wonder if part of this is how a girl is shown affection from her dad. For me, I had a very present, loving father who was awesome. I do like interesting, unique men but if a man starts mistreating me, my interest goes away.
SawtoothMars Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 I was in denial. I didn't only go for players some of the guys were simply guys who were waiting for the one, and who thought for a second did could have that potential, only to soon realise they weren't as into me as they initially thought. So because I didn't JUST feel into players, I just didn't think I was one of those women who ONLY chased players. And I want. I chased players AND nice men who weren't into me. LOL. Leigh87... I am so happy for you! I really hope this works out. Even if it doesn't... this a big step forward I think. I don't know if this is a "nice guy" or not... but what matters to me is that he sees all the great things about you and isn't afraid to hide it! You really deserve someone who understands that you are special. Go Leigh87!!! :bunny::bunny::bunny: 1
Author Leigh 87 Posted March 24, 2015 Author Posted March 24, 2015 It has been a challenge wanting to give up my single, player chasing and "intense burning passion" chasing ways.... Here are some differences I have noticed in dating a really, really kind hearted guy who adores me, VERSUS: dating the types of men who don't want me/ are players/ or are unavailable to me. This lovely nice guy who wants me: - I do feel super excited about our weekend get night away - for his friends birthday, at a winery. I get excited about spending time with him. - I knew I had him after date one. I just "knew" I was it for him, and zero challenge = NO nervous energy, I was never anxious, and my heart didn't beat a million miles when he texted because I KNEW he would text, I knew how into me he was not through his words but I just "knew". - There is a much deeper dynamic that is not only passion driven with him... he stayed over the night twice in the month we have known one another and we have never had sex and one of the times we did nothing sexual in bed - we enjoy just cuddling and chatting as much as we do being naughty. VERSUS players, unavailable and more exciting guys who cause more "passion" - Them texting was such a novelty not a given, and the fact they texted daily was a real thrill since I didn't know I "had them" at any time... - It was purely passion driven, out connection. There were not other "sides" do it, just pure, pinning me up against a wall, sex. We couldn't just chill/lie down and laugh, watch utube pranks and spend quality time together - Since the passion was the only driving force to our connection, in addition to some witty and funny banter to shake things up at times - the passion seemed disproportionately high when compared to the other sides of a relationship that are necessary. I don't feel like I have given up on passion in favour of comfort. I didn't have to sacrifice an instant spark. I haven't had to give up the honeymoon period. Another main difference is, I never admired or respected the guys who made me into a ball of nervous butterflies constantly. Our union was based on our connection ALONE - and our passion ALONE- That, coupled with the fact I couldn't have them, made things seem way more "intense" than with the "really nice guy" who actually adored me and who never kept my guessing. Better still, Mr "nice guy" is just a saint of a person. He is such a good person. That is all I can really say. He has a heart of gold. But he is not boring or a prude or.... tooooo much of a nice guy:lmao: He is generous with his time and money and he really puts other people before himself. I still feel passionate about the nice guy, and I am falling for him and my feelings are definitely growing at a fast enough pace. Where as Irish guy just seemed to make me fall super fast for him all at once - because he was unpredictable, and although I KNOW he was into me and did feel a connection - I knew that once the connection wore thin he would probably realise that we were only riding on the connection alone as opposed to him truly cherishing me and all of me. My subconscious knew it was purely connection based with no true substance. -------- I mean lets face it, if my intuition and gut instinct truly trusted Irish guy - would it have been as intense if I KNEW I "had him"? I have had second thoughts more than once with the nice guy, and I even broke it off initially, two weeks ago after our first few dates, because I didn't get "that feeling" of nervous butterflies I was accustomed to. I still get butterflies now but a different kind. I do get pangs of excitement of thinking about seeing Mr nice guy. I just don't get the more intense balls of passion of " omg he is still talking to me this may even work long term for a while omg" Mr nice guy, he has the crazy butterflies, the Romeo and Juliet inspired Sh8t towards me.....I definitely felt an instant spark and connection, but it was more intense for the Irish guy, it was like jolts of electricity with him on the second day, I thought I was in "love" at the time:sick: ---- Are some women like myself, only able to feel the "Romeo and Juliet" type of intensity, at first, with the men who don't want us and who our subconscious knows are bad for us long term? ----Could a normal nice guy who clearly adores us and doesn't keep us guessing, ever possibly induce those "omg earth shattering" passion in the first few days of meeting us? ----Is there a difference between normal, healthy passion and chemistry VERSUS the dangerous, unhealthy type that only occurs with unavailable people? ----Lastly, my friend felt the electrical jolts surge through her upon meeting her boyfriend - but is this because a: she was taken at the time and it was sneaky and "wrong", and b: because they were both wasted and had not yet spoken before making out? I wonder, I also had the instant connection and spark with my guy - but the electricity is building. If we had met under different circumstances, and I was "taken" and it was more "wrong", would that have contributed to me feeling the sort of electricity as my friend felt for her boyfriend instantly, under "wrong" circumstances? I mean, me and the guy just met online and set up a nice date. There was nothing ominous or "bad" about it, we were both single and free. We both felt sparks instantly and a connection and it felt very right. Perhaps I am desensitised to normal chemistry since I have only ever been "into" and "given chances" to the men I knew I could never have. 1
Author Leigh 87 Posted March 24, 2015 Author Posted March 24, 2015 I wonder if part of this is how a girl is shown affection from her dad. For me, I had a very present, loving father who was awesome. I do like interesting, unique men but if a man starts mistreating me, my interest goes away. Yeah my dad was very loving but in my later years was slightly abusive but still very loving and I always knew he loved me. He was very present still and loving during the rare stints of abuse which weren't regular and didn't last long.... I don't stay interested with men who mistreat me. The unavailable men never mistreated me. I am no fool. They texted and/or called daily. I just always knew on some level that I never really had them, and our union was more sparks and passion based with no real.. substance to back up the connection. So it was heavily tilted to one side..... and that side weighed so, so heavily and created a very electrical and intoxicating type of chemistry. Mr nice guy and I had chemistry and had sparks, but I knew I had him and therefore I am not chasing some high. I am always high and excited over him but it is obviously not as fast burning and intense, I think a lot more about his personality, values and the fact I am falling so much for him as a person and what he stands for.
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 These are the kind of games that drive men crazy... -_- lol
SawtoothMars Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 ----Could a normal nice guy who clearly adores us and doesn't keep us guessing, ever possibly induce those "omg earth shattering" passion in the first few days of meeting us? ----Is there a difference between normal, healthy passion and chemistry VERSUS the dangerous, unhealthy type that only occurs with unavailable people? ----Lastly, my friend felt the electrical jolts surge through her upon meeting her boyfriend - but is this because a: she was taken at the time and it was sneaky and "wrong", and b: because they were both wasted and had not yet spoken before making out? I wonder, I also had the instant connection and spark with my guy - but the electricity is building. If we had met under different circumstances, and I was "taken" and it was more "wrong", would that have contributed to me feeling the sort of electricity as my friend felt for her boyfriend instantly, under "wrong" circumstances? Perhaps I am desensitised to normal chemistry since I have only ever been "into" and "given chances" to the men I knew I could never have. Ok... so much good stuff here. First you are asking amazing questions. At this point the answers you come up with on your own are the most important... because while all of us have similarities... we are also each unique. Let's quickly go into "forbidden attraction". In my experience this is the most addictive type of chemistry people develop. I see this most often during affairs... but it can also be the guy your parents won't let you see. I think this type of attraction becomes addictive when you have a hole in your life and this offers fulfillment. Also there is an element of competition involved. Now, as for the type of feeling that you are talking about in regards to chemistry... It's actually fear of rejection anxiety. I will tell you a secret... you can create this kind of feeling in a woman you have been dating for 10 years. You just have to make her fear losing you. This often leads to lots of sex... and she will typically feel like it's the best sex ever. This is very similar to make-up sex. There is a difference between healthy passion and what you are going to feel with unavailable men. The unavailable guy is going to give you short doses of high feelings... followed by very low feelings. Healthier passion is more stable... and instead of being based on trying to get or keep a guy... it's based on him being so into you that other women cease to exist. THIS can be very powerful for some, less for others. It is especially strong if the guy fits your masculinity needs. I suspect you need a guy that is aggressive, confident, and decisive. This means he kisses you when he wants and isn't afraid to push for sex when he desires it. Some guys become more like this as they get comfortable.... your guy might be like this. Also... I think what you feel is entirely normal. I don't think you are desensitized... instead you are just inexperienced and have yet to self analyze this part of your emotions. I hope this helps.
Ninjainpajamas Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 Leigh you've come a very long way since I've been here and I believe with this post may have proven that you are more intelligent and self-aware than most people would ever expect to give you credit for based on your erratic adventures with men. You have your faults and issues but you're making a lot of progress within yourself, most people put up a wall and stubbornly defend their beliefs and opinions no matter how unreasonable they are, and yet call other people crazy and delusional. A very intelligent post, one I don't see often of but wish I did...as its much more interesting seeing people figure things out and change the landscape of their world than just keep going around in circles with the same issues....which has brought unending frustration with LS...It's like never never land where people never ever learn. 2
Author Leigh 87 Posted March 25, 2015 Author Posted March 25, 2015 Leigh you've come a very long way since I've been here and I believe with this post may have proven that you are more intelligent and self-aware than most people would ever expect to give you credit for based on your erratic adventures with men. You have your faults and issues but you're making a lot of progress within yourself, most people put up a wall and stubbornly defend their beliefs and opinions no matter how unreasonable they are, and yet call other people crazy and delusional. A very intelligent post, one I don't see often of but wish I did...as its much more interesting seeing people figure things out and change the landscape of their world than just keep going around in circles with the same issues....which has brought unending frustration with LS...It's like never never land where people never ever learn. I know what I want though so I have to access if I can live without certain things that my friend got in her relationship - there is something I REALLY wanted to get from the early courting days that she felt for her bf, that I notice is lacking with the guy I am dating. My friend met her bf at a nightclub and she had a bf at the time; he is a strong, dominant man. They instantly made out and had electricity and fireworks. I wonder though - it was "wrong" since she had a boyfriend, and they were drunk. In contrast, I met my boyfriend stone cold sober - I felt sparks instantly and prior to meeting him from online, I liked his "look" and there was definitely something compelling about him that made me go "yes" and make the time and effort for him as opposed to guy I put on the back burner. I wonder - when you meet a guy sober and while you are both single and looking - are the circumstances too "boring" to feel the major electricity and thrill? I am the type of girl who wants the electricity and fireworks instantly - but maybe girls like me, who chase the challenges, can ONLY feel the thunderbolt that my female friend felt for her bf - under dangerous or unpredictable circumstances.......Perhaps a nice guy who is a really kind hearted soul (a must have for me), and who so obviously is into me - can never ignite the same intensity as my friend initially felt for her bf? Drunk at a nightclub, when she had a boyfriend at the time? If I have to hypothetically settle for less than what I really thought I wanted and needed - the intensity that makes you instantly feel BIG feelings and emotions, your palms sweat and your heart race every time they text - and that make you re read ALL their texts because you cannot believe they are texting and there is some level of angst and uncertainty.. ^^^ then I at least need to dissect things and unpack my feelings and see where they stem from, to determine if it is worth settling for less than my original ideal - perhaps I am simply a woman who cannot FEEL as intense emotions and electricity for nice available men who provide NO sense of challenge? If I want a guy who falls hard for me and adores me to no end and who feels " I am the girl he has been waiting for his whole life" - if I want THAT - maybe that will never go hand and hand with the strongest degree passion initially? I strongly detected a shift in intensity with Mr nice guy VERSUS Mr bad boy - The initial spark was THE SAME with both men - it is only once I found out Mr bad boy was in fact, NOT a sure deal for me! Maybe the circumstances upon meeting people determines the degree of intensity you feel, rather than the true chemistry between the two people? As me and Mr nice guy have great chemistry but my heart doesn't race when he texts although I feel "happy" when he does. We are all different individuals. Some women will ONLY feel fireworks for men who are not quite head over heels for them or available?
Author Leigh 87 Posted March 25, 2015 Author Posted March 25, 2015 Ok... so much good stuff here. First you are asking amazing questions. At this point the answers you come up with on your own are the most important... because while all of us have similarities... we are also each unique. I want to invite myself and others to explore my feelings and, while chemistry and the instant zing is important to me - I want to look back and be able to say " wow, well my husband and I had a spark right away" And I did feel a spark right away with Mr nice guy - the exact same spark I felt with unavailable men - The intensity just dissipated with the available guy and grew stronger, faster, with the men I never felt I quite "had" Is this enough for me? I so wanted the spark and ensuing omg, heart racing, palm sweating thing that my friend felt with her bf, who she met at a club when she had a boyfriend at the time. My question is: maybe the boring circumstances in which I met Mr nice guy, made it not possible for me to feel that same thrill that my friend felt for her bf? Let's quickly go into "forbidden attraction". In my experience this is the most addictive type of chemistry people develop. I see this most often during affairs... but it can also be the guy your parents won't let you see. I think this type of attraction becomes addictive when you have a hole in your life and this offers fulfillment. Also there is an element of competition involved. I love pleasure and "hedonist" is how I would describe myself in one word.... I love a challenge. Deep down, I am interesting and very "different' type of a woman, and feel that I have something these never pleased players, need and I will be the ultimate girl to change a manly, alpha male! My guy isn't apha you see - he is the ultimate saint - a kind heart of gold, you just KNOW he is full of love to give and he will make it known when he feels it rather than keep a girl guessing or on her toes. My friends bf is very alpha - he'd go out every week and pick up new girls..... Where as my bf has had experiences with women and he has gone to a club and done naughty things to girls once or twice in public - but he doesn't have a high number of women that he has hooked up with although he has "some" experience...... Does the alpha, super experienced man naturally ignite bigger sparks in the rare woman they like enough to settle down with? My Beta guy has some traits I am drawn to - he has a manly car and motor bike - he has blue eyes and features and colouring I naturally felt sparks over.... He has tattoos. He was just so sure about me though. Envisioned something different when it came to meeting "The One" Now, as for the type of feeling that you are talking about in regards to chemistry... It's actually fear of rejection anxiety. I will tell you a secret... you can create this kind of feeling in a woman you have been dating for 10 years. You just have to make her fear losing you. This often leads to lots of sex... and she will typically feel like it's the best sex ever. This is very similar to make-up sex. But my friend felt it for her boyfriend on the first night they met. She knew he had him! She never had to guess about his feelings or intentions - she knew he was instantly smitten with her. I felt the same initial spark on the first night, but it disappeared there after I knew how available Mr nice guy was........ There is a difference between healthy passion and what you are going to feel with unavailable men. The unavailable guy is going to give you short doses of high feelings... followed by very low feelings. Healthier passion is more stable... and instead of being based on trying to get or keep a guy... it's based on him being so into you that other women cease to exist. THIS can be very powerful for some, less for others. It is especially strong if the guy fits your masculinity needs. I suspect you need a guy that is aggressive, confident, and decisive. This means he kisses you when he wants and isn't afraid to push for sex when he desires it. Some guys become more like this as they get comfortable.... your guy might be like this. He is cheeky and not a prude, Mr nice guy... he has friends and is invited to a lot of bday parties which is a turn on - that he has friends and a life and people who see how cool he is! And again - he drives very manly cars, has a motor bike and he is a Beta guy but with a masculine edge. Also... I think what you feel is entirely normal. I don't think you are desensitized... instead you are just inexperienced and have yet to self analyze this part of your emotions. I hope this helps. I am experienced with men though for my age.... I know the ones that are a "yes" and a "no". I need some sort of instant draw that isn't a conscience choice - Mr nice guy was a YES. My switch flipped ON with him, as it did with unavailable men! But in the ensuing days it was more intense with the more alpha males..... Yet I feel the raw ingredients of that same passion contained within my Mr nice guy . He sure felt it for me - because I am the one who isn't fully available and how broke it off at first, where as he was just .... 100% sure in wanting me from day dot. The bad boys were into me initially - as in, they did think "wow" and they were genuinely feeling sparks and etc.... it was only after they got chatting to me that these men changed their minds...or revealed their true colours. I feel my subconscious was switched up with them and it walways knew it would never work out, deep down I 'knew' it wouldn't work.
Author Leigh 87 Posted March 25, 2015 Author Posted March 25, 2015 Maybe I can feel the sweaty palms, racing heart every text, and the OMG intensity with a nice, available man who is never a challenge and who IS NOT an alpha male? Or maybe certain traits will always need to be present for me to feel the sweaty palms.... Traits that the guy who adores me and is truly in love with me, will never have...... I had instant sparks and a big "yes" in my heart and body for Mr nice guy on day one before it registered that he wasn't a challenge. I should be grateful that hey, I had instant sparks with a guy who adores me...... and has a full time job and spoils me and just loves taking me out and treating me - it was what I have ALWAYS wanted 1
BluEyeL Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 I'm so happy for you, Leigh! Congratulations and I hope it lasts!
haribogumsnickers Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 Wish me luck and I hope women like me try hard like me to change their perspective on what "fireworks" should feel like; fear, anxiety and uncertainty about men who aren't into us, fireworks are not..... Maybe a reason why all the doors are closed So you could open one that leads you to the perfect road Like a lightning bolt, your heart will glow And when it's time you'll know You just gotta ignite the light and let it shine Just own the night like the 4th of July...
Author Leigh 87 Posted March 25, 2015 Author Posted March 25, 2015 I'm so happy for you, Leigh! Congratulations and I hope it lasts! It was really important to me to hold out for what my friend felt - she met her boyfriend at a club when they were drunk and she was in an unhappy relationship with her ex.... They had good chemistry that was instant. There on after, my friend felt "euphoric" and "electricity". She was NOT looking for a new partner and it caught her completely by shock that she came across someone.... When I met Mr nice guy, yes I felt a spark but after that it was boring and I didn't feel electricity and excitement, it was very easy and boring so I ended it initially. He isn't alpha and he cannot get hot girls like my friends boyfriend can. I wonder - is the type of man and the WAY in which you meet, trigger the type of chemistry you feel? Perhaps I am more wanting to meet an alpha guy who has the ability to go out and pick up decent girls at a whim, since that type will make me feel more electricity and butterflies? The thing is, I am not attractive enough for that type of a guy to fall for me the way Mr nice guy has - although he isn't some loser, his jobs has him see celebrities weekly and he would told me that " honestly Leigh, whenever I see gorgeous models and celebs walk into work, I catch myself thinking Leigh 87 is better" So he does see hot women and has decided that I really do it for him..... I dunno I am giving things chance but I would have preferred the same fireworks my friend felt for her guy - the thing is, my guy felt those fireworks for me... I felt sparks and I felt my light switch flip for Mr nice guy - but the fireworks I felt for the guys who I never "caught" aren't there. And I am jealous that my friend got to feel that huge surge of emotion upon meeting her guy, where as I feel a boring more quite emotion that is still intense but not the way it was with Irish guy
Author Leigh 87 Posted March 25, 2015 Author Posted March 25, 2015 I was thinking, I feel like I am just as crazy about my guy as my friend seemed to be about her bf. I really wanted what she had - a guy who was smitten and crazy about me from the get go, a man who just loves spoiling me and who never asks me to pay, plus a man who is compatible with me in the bedroom ( I am a selfish lover and my guy doesn't care for head jobs). The only thing I don't have that my friend got was that huge initial thrill - since my friend met her guy at a club when she was drunk, it was totally unexpected and she had a boyfriend so bumping into a guy she had chemistry with was not on the cards. Where as I met my guy in predictable circumstances, and prior to him I had been enjoying the challenge and thrill of the chase of player and/strong alpha types. So perhaps the boring circumstances contributed to my less than epic fireworks I felt for nice guy, plus the fact I was accustomed to chasing the alpha men or players or just the guys who didn't want me? I really don't want to miss out on possible fireworks in a long term partner; but perhaps good chemistry and a initial spark is all I will ever get under healthy and normal circumstances. Perhaps I can only get those fireworks in unexpected situations where I am not looking to meet a guy due to having a partner already?
Weezy1973 Posted March 25, 2015 Posted March 25, 2015 Why do you want the same experience your friend had? You're two different people and will experience things in different ways! Be in the moment with what you're experiencing now, and stop comparing it to other people's experiences.
Author Leigh 87 Posted March 25, 2015 Author Posted March 25, 2015 Why do you want the same experience your friend had? You're two different people and will experience things in different ways! Be in the moment with what you're experiencing now, and stop comparing it to other people's experiences. Because she experienced ultra excitement and fireworks and I don't want to settle for less. However, as a person, maybe it is not possible for me to feel these fireworks with men I meet in a boring and predictable way? Or, maybe I can only feel that way about the men I cannot have, and also - towards alpha males...... However, I did feel an instant spark with him so I am wondering: perhaps feeling an instant spark is as intense as it gets for a first arranged meet up with an online candidate who seems super reliable and into you? I am giving the guy a chance but I am not totally sold of the idea
Author Leigh 87 Posted March 26, 2015 Author Posted March 26, 2015 The guy just called me: He has dropped my favourite chocolate in my mail box. I had previously mentioned that I had to cram for an exam tomorrow and I had so much material to cover.... He dropped the chocolate off rather than seeing me because " he knows that gifting is my love language". He picked up that I don't like seeing guys more than once or twice a week, as I prefer to keep things fresh (even men I am crazy about I have preferred a lot of space or I feel like things get stale). So...he got my a gift and, one month in, he is already paying attention to what my love languages are. Oh - and we have not had sex yet. And he said he doesn't care when we do it; it is fairly obvious that he is more focused on getting to know me. This is a lot better than my time with the players, men who weren't quite into me and the men who were into me but soon lost interest once they realised that great chemistry is ALL we shared....... The one gift the Irish guy gave me, a nice necklace - it was more thrilling since he was less nurturing or caring towards me, so the little nice things he DID do, were more thrilling and "exciting". I sincerely think that a woman like me is innately more excited by the men I know I cannot have. I wonder if I could feel that same "thrill" and "chemical high" with a nice, simple man who wanted me from day one and keeps on wanting me....There is a lot more substance to the current guy I am dating but it is not as exciting or thrilling as the chemistry on steroids guys. But again - my INITIAL reaction to BOTH sets of men - Mr nice guy AND the player guys.... was THE SAME. It was only AFTER I realised their intent, that my body either felt "thrilled" or " more mildly excited" So that is telling: I felt sparks with both Mr nice guy and Mr unavailable guys in the SAME manner - and it was only after I registered whether they were available OR NOT, that the butterflies on steroids ramped up for the players........ I think I met a guy I had really good initial sparks with, who happens to be a really nice person who actually seems compatible with me. It just seems less fireworks like since after the initial spark, which I shared with all guys, he is not a challenge. That is what I am putting it down to. The guy buys me chocolate and drops it in my mail box because he "didn't want to disturb my study" I think I may have a winner here lol.
SycamoreCircle Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 This is a reassuring post to me. My ex left me for just the kind of man you're describing. This guy: OkCupid | The Dating Persona Test Now she's watching him swindle someone else's heart. Such men feed off the insecurities of women. It sounds like you're shedding some of your insecurities. Good for you!
Author Leigh 87 Posted March 26, 2015 Author Posted March 26, 2015 This is a reassuring post to me. My ex left me for just the kind of man you're describing. This guy: OkCupid | The Dating Persona Test Now she's watching him swindle someone else's heart. Such men feed off the insecurities of women. It sounds like you're shedding some of your insecurities. Good for you! I have always preferred a challenge with men. Someone that pissed me off initially but who's stupid charm somehow "wins me over'', and who can push my buttons. But if I also want a man who cherishes me and is genuinely head over heels for me, brings me chocolates when he hears I am studying hard yet doesn't bother me when I am studying..... If I want THAT sort of a guy, I don't really think it goes hand it hand with the men who are a "challenge" and who "keep me on my toes" when it comes to their level of commitment. I never want to settle for less than sparks and fireworks, but I think the instant spark I got with Mr nice guy is as good as it gets, if I also want a nice guy who adores me, has a full time job and all the good, long term stuff...... I think the men who create the biggest chemistry and sparks are generally alpha's, unavailable and player types. Or just men in general who you don't quite know that you "have". I could be wrong... Maybe I would/will meet a man who creates the same degree of excitement as the Irish unavailable guy. But it makes better sense to give this nice guy a chance - since "nice" doesn't mean lacking in attraction or chemistry, which is great! I mean, I DID feel the spark, so yeah... that is enough for most.
Krieger Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 I have always preferred a challenge with men. Someone that pissed me off initially but who's stupid charm somehow "wins me over'', and who can push my buttons. But if I also want a man who cherishes me and is genuinely head over heels for me, brings me chocolates when he hears I am studying hard yet doesn't bother me when I am studying..... If I want THAT sort of a guy, I don't really think it goes hand it hand with the men who are a "challenge" and who "keep me on my toes" when it comes to their level of commitment. I never want to settle for less than sparks and fireworks, but I think the instant spark I got with Mr nice guy is as good as it gets, if I also want a nice guy who adores me, has a full time job and all the good, long term stuff...... I think the men who create the biggest chemistry and sparks are generally alpha's, unavailable and player types. Or just men in general who you don't quite know that you "have". I could be wrong... Maybe I would/will meet a man who creates the same degree of excitement as the Irish unavailable guy. But it makes better sense to give this nice guy a chance - since "nice" doesn't mean lacking in attraction or chemistry, which is great! I mean, I DID feel the spark, so yeah... that is enough for most. Too bad woman do not like nice guys they finish last IMO. Women don't dig providers. Women don't dig available. Women don't dig interested. They want aloof, semi-******* and challenge. Men have become an utterly replaceable and expendable commodity in a girl’s life. Her interest in a man is not unlike her interest in a new television show or Apple product. Women don’t seek out comfort or stability in men anymore—they seek entertainment. They seek distraction. Once the entertainment or novelty you provide her declines—and it inevitably will—she moves on to something or someone else. In essence, the only way you can keep a girl is if you adopt the mentality of a soap opera writer, adding a cliffhanger to the end of each episode that keeps a woman interested when being a good man no longer does. She had a Plan B in mind from the day your relationship began. For every attractive woman you date, there are a minimum of three men waiting in the sidelines for you to screw up. 2
Timshel Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 If you can be patient with moderate excitement Leigh, you may have something less like a bonfire and more like an Olympic flame. Weird analogy, I know, hope you get what I mean. Congrats! 1
Krieger Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 If you can be patient with moderate excitement Leigh, you may have something less like a bonfire and more like an Olympic flame. Weird analogy, I know, hope you get what I mean. Congrats! That is why guys cant be nice to woman you have to treat them bad so they go out with you because good guys get looked down in our society. 1
Author Leigh 87 Posted March 26, 2015 Author Posted March 26, 2015 If you can be patient with moderate excitement Leigh, you may have something less like a bonfire and more like an Olympic flame. Weird analogy, I know, hope you get what I mean. Congrats! Nah I don't do white burning flames. I need fireworks. I don't do the whole " when I met my husband, I wasn't crazy about him and I didn't have instant chemistry the way I felt with other men" I did feel instant sparks and fireworks with this guy - they were just extinguished somewhat once I knew how easy and effortless it was with him. But mark my words, I was never going to settle for less than the instant fireworks. That is the reason I wanted to have a second date with this man - no fireworks = no second date....... I lost the intensity once I realised he wasn't one of the guys who were a little more aloof and more of a challenge. It was more like a bonfire that ...went out.. and can be lit again since the fundamental fireworks were there to begin with....
Timshel Posted March 26, 2015 Posted March 26, 2015 That is why guys cant be nice to woman you have to treat them bad so they go out with you because good guys get looked down in our society. I don't understand how you got that from my post. Leigh wants fireworks when she first meets a man but has said that it burns out quickly and isn't ultimately what she wants. I think she has said that she wants a long lasting stable relationship. Did I misunderstand Leigh? Anyway, my post was trying to say, instead of going for the instant white hot chemistry with a guy who isn't interested in sticking around, go with someone who is sincere and wants to get to know you as a person. I don't go for bad boys so I am not sure what you mean?
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