BrotherAaron Posted April 12, 2005 Posted April 12, 2005 Lately, there has been a lot of blood between me and my ex. Mostly it's due to our living arrangements. I can stand in my front door, which is a whole 3 feet from my desk, and look into her room. She cheated on me and left me for a guy who lives just 5 doors down. I'm literally surrounded by my ex, the guy she left me for, and their friends. For the last week or so she has been an uber bitch. I have seen them being very playful and touchy when just on my way out minding my own business. I don't go out of my way to see them, quite the opposite actually. Still, I've seen her kiss him, come out his room wearing my pajama pants and his shirt, etc. It's not a good situation for me, and I find myself bitching to my roommate every time I see them together. Recently I found that she's been listening to what I say, and that my next door neighbor has been letting her and her new BF in with his friends to listen to what I'm saying! Anyway, I posted about all of that on the breaking up forum. I don't know why she acts like that... I know he's convinced her that I've been "talking ****" (yeah... in my own room to my own friends. Like they have a great opinion of those two anyway). I suspect she finds it easier to make herself angry at me so that I get angry too and she can justify her actions instead of remembering that she's constantly hurting me. If she lets herself be pissed at me, she has no problem doing things that hurt me more, and then I guess she feels less guilty about it in the end when she's f***ing him 5 doors down from me. Ugh. Anyway, in spite of the fact that she's really been trying to destroy me (and halfway succeeding), I feel that things would just be sooo much better if we didn't hate each other. I know I SHOULD hate her, and, do be honest, I really do at the moment, but I don't want to. I don't want to remember hating her more than anything else. Is it wise to try and talk to her, if only for five minutes, and try to appeal to her compassion? Her attitude changed when she came by one night and started talking about missing me, and I just got mad at her because she'd been dating him (but not admitting it). That's when she started this vindictive behavior. I suspect that she misses me, at least some of the time, and surely that she still loves me, because she seemed as surprised about the breakup as I did (even though it was her who caused it). She's come on two separate occasions and tried to tell me how much she misses me. I feel she might be unhealthily dealing with me rejecting her at that point. I did so only because of her behavior regarding this other guy, so I don't regret being cold and uninviting to her. I guess I think I might be able to at least get her to be respectful if I show her that I'm not an a**h*** (which she already knows... I mean, we dated for 3 years) and maybe she'll remember that, since we at least did love each other, it's not productive to be hurtful to each other. I would also ask her not to listen to my conversations anymore, and to not be "with" him when she knows I have to be around. I would say this trying to hide my absolute rage and pain at having been treated this way... I'll just try to be reasonable. Am I better off just leaving her alone at this point? I feel bad leaving it on this note... I know she deserves an ass chewing, but I think it'd be easier to ignore her and get on with my life if I just tied up the loose ends by calling on our mutual care for each other to reach an agreement to consider each other's feelings. I'm really not happy with the way I've been acting, although I don't think I've been unreasonable considering the way I've been treated. Is talking to her going to make everything harder? Will it make a difference, anyway, since I'll likely see her with him again and that will make me angry?
demonfall Posted April 12, 2005 Posted April 12, 2005 How much longer do you have in school this year? Would it be possible to just ignore her for the remainder of the year? Would things be different if you weren't living in the same dorm as her? I think so. I know it's hard to deal with right now, but if you will be going home for the summer I think it will get better. Unless she lives close by too. I guess you could try to talk to her and tell her you don't appreciate her behavior. Tell her that she continues to hurt you. Tell her you can't be friends if you want, but will remain civil with her when you do see her. If that doesn't work, just try to ignore it if you can. Do you get of the dorm a lot? Play sports and such? Any way to kind of rearrange some of the times you come and go so you don't see them together? I know how you feel. I wouldn't be able to take seeing my ex every day like that. I haven't seen mine in over a month now, and I'm much better because of it. I can talk to her on the phone (briefly) and still be OK. Out of sight, out of mind I guess. You're in a nasty situation, made worse by college dorm gossip and high school like bull****. If you do talk to her and maybe even her friends, your neighbor? Tell them to grow up, and stop acting like they're still in high school. I wish you luck. Hang in there. It does get better. Just keep thinking about summer break. That is if you can really go the whole summer without coming into contact with her.
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