liel Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 My bf had deleted all the pictures of him and his ex on his fb page, however his ex had kept all their pictures together up and he's still tagged in them. So despite him not posting anything himself, I still see a lot of pics of him and his ex cuddling together or kissing (nothing explicitly per say) and pics of things like romantic occasions and gifts. It bothers me because it keeps reminding me of his ex and that he was heartbroken over her, and I really don't like comparing our relationship with his last one. I don't want to know that we did the same kind of things that they did together, or what they did for Valentine's day, etc. I want to ask him to untag himself on the pictures, so that I don't see them. But as it's not him who put them up, I don't know if it's fair to do so? Also, I'm not sure if he's aware that these pictures are up and that I know who his ex is because of that... I also know that he has a folder with the name of his ex on it and pictures of his ex on his computer (I did not snoop, I saw the folder name when we were looking at older pictures together, but didn't look at pictures). I want to tell him to either back them up on a hard drive so that I can't find them... But again, I'm not sure if it's fair to ask him to do that?
PumpkinLumpkin Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 (edited) Sure. Ask him to untag himself if you want him to think of you as a needy, insecure little pumpkinhead. Or you could let it be and shine brightly as the mature woman that you are. Edited March 22, 2015 by PumpkinLumpkin 7
Vercetti Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 Or everyone could grow up and not put their personal life's in a time stamped public spotlight. Geee see what kinds of problems it causes. Anyhow if gives you issues do bring it up. Perhaps for your current relationship don't have social networks in the middle. Keep the relationship private and classy. What matters goes on between you two, no reason for a collective having privy into your personal life. 4
Author liel Posted March 22, 2015 Author Posted March 22, 2015 Or everyone could grow up and not put their personal life's in a time stamped public spotlight. Geee see what kinds of problems it causes. Anyhow if gives you issues do bring it up. Perhaps for your current relationship don't have social networks in the middle. Keep the relationship private and classy. What matters goes on between you two, no reason for a collective having privy into your personal life. That's exactly what I'm doing. I'm a very private person and don't usually post much at all to social media, so there's very little pictures of us. I find it a little childish to post a picture every time I go out with my bf (and btw, that part doesn't really bother me). And I certainly don't want to see my bf smooching his ex's face whenever I go on his timeline...
kendahke Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 (edited) And I certainly don't want to see my bf smooching his ex's face whenever I go on his timeline... block her name and you wont' see anything she posts on his timeline. Problem solved. That's her page, those are her memories (to which she is entitled) and you have no say so in what she posts or who she tags. All you need to is block her name and nothing she posts will ever show up when you sign on with your account. Edited March 22, 2015 by kendahke 1
kendahke Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 Or everyone could grow up and not put their personal life's in a time stamped public spotlight. Geee see what kinds of problems it causes. Anyhow if gives you issues do bring it up. Perhaps for your current relationship don't have social networks in the middle. Keep the relationship private and classy. What matters goes on between you two, no reason for a collective having privy into your personal life. It's no one's place to tell anyone else what they can or cannot put on their facebook page. That's a bit controlling when all one has to do is block that person's name and they won't see anything. 1
fitnessfan365 Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 Sure. Ask him to untag himself if you want him to think of you as a needy, insecure little pumpkinhead. Or you could let it be and shine brightly as the mature woman that you are. FAN-FUC*ING-TASTIC post! Couldn't agree more if I said it myself. OP, your boyfriend has no control over what his ex posts on her page. Pumpkin you continue to impress with your sarcasm, intelligence, and humor. The fact that you're physically hot is icing at this point.
acapelo_dp Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 I think you should just leave it be. You're going to look insecure and childish if you ask him to un-tag them. They are pictures of memories. 1
somedude81 Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 Asking him to untag himself from his ex's photos is ridiculous. The worst thing is that it would require him to look through all the those old photos. That's just cruel. The fact that you're physically hot is icing at this point. Using the power of Google I found many more pictures of her. Enjoy 2
h0000 Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 I wouldnt worry about facebook. but am I the only one who doesnt like him having a photo folder in his computer for his ex?
c22 Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 I want to ask him to untag himself on the pictures, so that I don't see them. [...] I want to tell him to either back them up on a hard drive so that I can't find them... Those photos will still exist. You'll still think about them. Hiding them won't solve the problem. You need to accept that he has a past, and because he's one of those social media types, that past is imprinted on the internet forever. But he's with you now, and that past has made him who he is today - someone you presumably like. Easier said than done, but you need to find a way of dealing with what's going on inside your head. Making people do stuff outside it won't fix your issues. 2
Lostweekend Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 He has his past and so do you! I think you should just rise above it and focus your energy on other things. You might have some rules when it comes to social media and what you think is right or wrong but that might be different for other people. My advice would be that you avoid looking at those pictures!! She is still his ex and that won´t change. Avoid becoming his future ex by being too controlling. Don´t mean that in a bad way, just ignore it!
mammasita Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 Block his ex. Problem solved. Don't make yourself look like an insecure stalker by asking him to untag himself. Asking him to untag himself from his ex's photos is ridiculous. The worst thing is that it would require him to look through all the those old photos. That's just cruel. Using the power of Google I found many more pictures of her. Enjoy LMMFAO!!!! I was wondering why he thought that was a real picture. 1
Author liel Posted March 23, 2015 Author Posted March 23, 2015 block her name and you wont' see anything she posts on his timeline. Problem solved. That's her page, those are her memories (to which she is entitled) and you have no say so in what she posts or who she tags. All you need to is block her name and nothing she posts will ever show up when you sign on with your account. Oh. Actually I didn't know one could do that. Guess that's what I'll do.
SpiralOut Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 I don't care if my bf has photos of his ex so long as he doesn't have them on display in a frame, or computer wallpaper, or on his bedside table where he can look at it every night. 1
Hopeful30 Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 (edited) I wouldnt worry about facebook. but am I the only one who doesnt like him having a photo folder in his computer for his ex? I honestly think it depends on the person. A couple pictures is fine, but if they are all kisses and hugs, I would feel I'm disrespecting my current partner by allowing my last relationship to remain public (even if everyone knew we were dating.) Everyone is entitled to a memory, yes. I have some pics on my private computer as well. But when they are publicly displayed and it hurts my partner, I would do everything in my power to make sure my partner doesn't feel that way, especially when it's a past relationship that has no influence or validity in my life anymore. That being said, you can't control what his ex posts, true. But your boyfriend has the ability to untag himself. It's like when an ex keeps calling your boyfriend. Your boyfriend can block her number, tell her to stop calling etc. If he doesn't do that, I would assume he likes the attention or doesn't care enough to do a small thing for his current relationship. But that's just me. I'm the kind of person who moves on and doesn't look back. When a relationship/friendship or even job has run its course, I see no point in dwelling on it or carrying it with me into the future. OP, I understand your insecurity and I think you have every right to voice that. My advice would be to voice it and see where that conversation. Be as honest as possible. Communication always helps these sorts of situations, and you might be surprised by what your boyfriend has to say. Also I don't agree with posters who are saying "Don't tell him to untag himself or you will seem needy." Just be yourself man. Don't change your behaviours because you're afraid of how others will see you. You will only hurt yourself. Just speak up and f*ck everything else. You have every right to feel the way you feel, whether you can justify it or not. Edited March 23, 2015 by Hopeful30
Vercetti Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 We have and can maintain very few real relationships. Social networks are delusional connections, sorta how a drunk at a bar is your friend when you're drunk at the bar. People have natural contact matter. Hell, only reason there are tagged ex picture's...is showing off how great life is to those that are worried about a like on a future status update. Anyhow...it's not controlling or needy to express your feelings. Would it be better to build resentment while he is in the dark? How did tagging his ex work out...it did not. Maybe having a life here and now could be the different way of doing things with different results. Beyond that when see people get divorced they usually do not take their old marrage beds into a new relationship or marriage...apply that to useless social networking as see fit. Why people hang on to failed endeavors of the past astound me.....why they broadcast thier journals for the world in the first place even more so. 1
kendahke Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 I wouldnt worry about facebook. but am I the only one who doesnt like him having a photo folder in his computer for his ex? the operating words in that second sentence are "HIS computer". His property. His to use as he sees fit. OP doesn't have to use his computer. She can use her own.
regine_phalange Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 I wouldn't misunderstand it, but I'd ask him nicely to untag himself as well. I wouldn't want to see his ex at his profile either.
kendahke Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 I wouldn't misunderstand it, but I'd ask him nicely to untag himself as well. I wouldn't want to see his ex at his profile either. All she needs to do is block his ex's name and she won't see anything she posts. Or is this about not wanting anyone else to see the tag? Because that is controlling behavior to censor what someone else sees. By now, anyone who knows him knows that he's with OP, not the ex any more. OP's concern is what she sees when she logs on in her account and looks at his wall. That's it.
regine_phalange Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 All she needs to do is block his ex's name and she won't see anything she posts. Or is this about not wanting anyone else to see the tag? Because that is controlling behavior to censor what someone else sees. By now, anyone who knows him knows that he's with OP, not the ex any more. OP's concern is what she sees when she logs on in her account and looks at his wall. That's it. It's not about everyone else, it's the idea of the ex's photos showing in her boyfriend's profile for everyone to see (OP included). It's not good taste to have them since he has a new girlfriend. If a boyfriend asked me to untag my ex I would gladly do so, I would understand the reason.
Mrin Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 It's not about everyone else, it's the idea of the ex's photos showing in her boyfriend's profile for everyone to see (OP included). It's not good taste to have them since he has a new girlfriend. If a boyfriend asked me to untag my ex I would gladly do so, I would understand the reason. While I can appreciate your point, I don't really understand this innate desire that some people have to erase any evidence of a person's dating past. Who cares if people can see who he dated once by doing some social media searches. I mean, if you think about it, once you hit a certain age, this fiction of a blank or clean slate past is almost perverse. Try on this fiction: imagine meeting a person who is 30 and has never dated anyone before. Ever. Unless they just got out of a coma doesn't that just scream red flags? So why would we try to emulate that by erasing one's romantic past?
Hopeful30 Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 While I can appreciate your point, I don't really understand this innate desire that some people have to erase any evidence of a person's dating past. Who cares if people can see who he dated once by doing some social media searches. I mean, if you think about it, once you hit a certain age, this fiction of a blank or clean slate past is almost perverse. Try on this fiction: imagine meeting a person who is 30 and has never dated anyone before. Ever. Unless they just got out of a coma doesn't that just scream red flags? So why would we try to emulate that by erasing one's romantic past? It's not about erasing the past, it's about respecting your current partner by not showing yourself kissing another girl. Would you enjoy seeing pictures of your current partner smooching another girl? I sure as hell wouldn't. He's MY man now, regardless of who he was with in the past. 1
kendahke Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 It's not about everyone else, it's the idea of the ex's photos showing in her boyfriend's profile for everyone to see (OP included). It's not good taste to have them since he has a new girlfriend. If a boyfriend asked me to untag my ex I would gladly do so, I would understand the reason. So it IS about everyone else seeing photos of the OP's boyfriend, which means this is about censoring what other adults may see, and that is not OP's or anyone else's place, to demand that of another adult. If this was about children's photos, you'd have a point, but it's not. What you would do is not the issue here. It's not about you or your taste: it's about OP making sure HER facebook account does not allow anything that her boyfriend's ex happens to put up on her page for her friends to see. All OP has to do is take responsibility for herself and block the woman, not hide behind her boyfriend and not do her own heavy lifting. It's just one click and it's done--I don't get why that is so hard to grasp.
acrosstheuniverse Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 Let it go. I bet you can't even see the photos unless you go looking for them! I tend to delete couple photos when I split from a guy but not everyone does. My boyfriend still has a few on his profile from his last relationship and while it's not a nice feeling to see them snuggling, I would never ask him to untag himself or unfriend her, it just makes me come across insecure and jealous whereas I'd rather come across as a confident, self secure woman. We bumped into my ex at a gig last week and although it felt a bit weird for my boyfriend he was nothing but friendly and polite to him, and had no issues with me hugging him to say hello. The quiet confidence my boyfriend had in our own relationship made him so insanely attractive in my eyes, I too would feel a bit awkward if we met his ex but she's done nothing wrong to me, so I'd follow my boyfriend's lead and be friendly and nice if he wanted to engage with her rather than avoid her. Everyone has a past, what matters now is that you are together, don't forget his ex can see photos of you two together now. If it really gets to you just don't look, block her. Plus do you really want to stir things up, if he untags himself and she notices, she thinks he's not over her and cares about her still if he's going outta his way to do that, she messages him asking why, they're talking again, it sounds like that'd make you feel worse than just letting it be.
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