spiderowl Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 I got a bit fed up of the confusing kind of non-relationship I was in with a guy recently and, on an impulse, texted him and cut him off. Now I'm feeling bad about this. He wanted to be friends, but things were awkward and stilted. It was bothering me so I decided we should not stay in touch. I'm feeling bad about doing this. At least he was honest with me, it's just that I couldn't cope with an odd texting and phoning relationship. He made a great effort to get to know me earlier so I suppose I have just thrown it away. I am determined not to contact him and I doubt he'll try to contact me. It's not the first time I've suggested we go our separate ways. I feel sad now because we'd been in touch for about 3 months and because he has had a family tragedy and I felt I should be a friend. The whole thing has left me feeling low because it didn't make much sense. It seems utterly pointless getting involved with anyone. I suppose I need to know I did the right thing, though I could have done it more sensitively and with a kinder approach. Acting on impulse isn't always a good idea but I guess it comes from within.
Haydn Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 I got a bit fed up of the confusing kind of non-relationship I was in with a guy recently and, on an impulse, texted him and cut him off. Now I'm feeling bad about this. He wanted to be friends, but things were awkward and stilted. It was bothering me so I decided we should not stay in touch. I'm feeling bad about doing this. At least he was honest with me, it's just that I couldn't cope with an odd texting and phoning relationship. He made a great effort to get to know me earlier so I suppose I have just thrown it away. I am determined not to contact him and I doubt he'll try to contact me. It's not the first time I've suggested we go our separate ways. I feel sad now because we'd been in touch for about 3 months and because he has had a family tragedy and I felt I should be a friend. The whole thing has left me feeling low because it didn't make much sense. It seems utterly pointless getting involved with anyone. I suppose I need to know I did the right thing, though I could have done it more sensitively and with a kinder approach. Acting on impulse isn't always a good idea but I guess it comes from within. Did you meet? It`s not pointless getting involved with someone Spiderowl if it `clicks` I think you did the right thing if you never met.... If you did meet and it was stilted then again, the right thing.
waprah Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 wow, I literally logged in to post the same thing. I was seeing a guy who broke up with someone at Christmas who cheated on him MULTIPLE times. We met and had this really intense connection. So intense, it was a bit scary. He freaked out and broke up with me. We never even slept with each other so I know he wasn't using me for sex and I truly believe the idea of trusting someone so soon scared him Anyway, a week later he texts and we decide to be friends and he says he cant even begin to trust anyone any bit more than that. We said we would meet up in a few weeks as friends and he was delighted. Begin two days of anxiety for me from being in limbo land and not knowing. And I woke up one morning and thought "**** this - im too old for this crap. I dont want to be left in limbo while he figures his crap out" So I text him a nice text, nothing mean, just saying i wasnt trying to get a ring on my finger, or have his babies, or push him into anything serious but the fact was that I liked him and while I understood why he couldnt be with me, he needs to understand that for now, I couldnt be his friend. That it wasnt fair He text me back and said he completely understood and that he was so messed up that I was better off in the long run. That was a week and a half ago and I'm FULL of regrets. I wished I didnt do it. I wish I was still meeting him in a few weeks. I still really like him, think about him all the time. Its mad!! I literally cant stop thinking about him. I dream about him and all. But I guess I really did make the right decision. I hope I did anyway. I deserve better than to be kept at arms length because hes not ready to trust. And I guess the same applies for you? We both deserve someone who is not scared to want to be with us
OneBigIdgit Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 I think I'd go another way with it. Since the connection was so strong, I'd go more toward set up a meeting date in a month or so. Set up maybe 1 time period(an hour or more) per week for you two to chat online. That way you could gauge his level of interest and basically, well-being. Yeah, he's messed up and it's understandable. Your are apprehensive about entering a relationship with him. Just chat with him 1 time or 2 at a designated time per week and see how it goes. He is going to need someone to talk with and you will be less iffy about a possible relationship after a few chats Good luck. Remember, we all here love , and desire, success stories
Author spiderowl Posted March 22, 2015 Author Posted March 22, 2015 Did you meet? It`s not pointless getting involved with someone Spiderowl if it `clicks` I think you did the right thing if you never met.... If you did meet and it was stilted then again, the right thing. Thanks Haydn. I kind of meant it felt pointless getting involved with anyone at all. I haven't had much success in relationships as I'm quite introverted and rarely meet anyone I'm interested in. Yes, we did meet a few years ago. It was a date and I let it drift really as we seemed such different people. He contacted me and asked to meet up again. As it happened, we didn't meet again, just ended up with phone calls and texts and then he decided he didn't want more than friendship anyway. It was all very confusing and, if I'm honest, hurtful. 1
Author spiderowl Posted March 22, 2015 Author Posted March 22, 2015 wow, I literally logged in to post the same thing. I was seeing a guy who broke up with someone at Christmas who cheated on him MULTIPLE times. We met and had this really intense connection. So intense, it was a bit scary. He freaked out and broke up with me. We never even slept with each other so I know he wasn't using me for sex and I truly believe the idea of trusting someone so soon scared him Anyway, a week later he texts and we decide to be friends and he says he cant even begin to trust anyone any bit more than that. We said we would meet up in a few weeks as friends and he was delighted. Begin two days of anxiety for me from being in limbo land and not knowing. And I woke up one morning and thought "**** this - im too old for this crap. I dont want to be left in limbo while he figures his crap out" So I text him a nice text, nothing mean, just saying i wasnt trying to get a ring on my finger, or have his babies, or push him into anything serious but the fact was that I liked him and while I understood why he couldnt be with me, he needs to understand that for now, I couldnt be his friend. That it wasnt fair He text me back and said he completely understood and that he was so messed up that I was better off in the long run. That was a week and a half ago and I'm FULL of regrets. I wished I didnt do it. I wish I was still meeting him in a few weeks. I still really like him, think about him all the time. Its mad!! I literally cant stop thinking about him. I dream about him and all. But I guess I really did make the right decision. I hope I did anyway. I deserve better than to be kept at arms length because hes not ready to trust. And I guess the same applies for you? We both deserve someone who is not scared to want to be with us I completely understand! Being in limbo or in touch with someone who is in a mess or has decided to keep you are arms length is very uncomfortable. From what your guy said, he was not that interested or he would have tried to dissuade you. I can appreciate that he was messed up because of previous experiences, but if you had been in the same situation would you defer meeting someone you really liked the sound of?
Haydn Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 Sorry to hear that SPO. I will keep cheering for you. I suspect it will come good with some lucky fella.
Author spiderowl Posted March 22, 2015 Author Posted March 22, 2015 Sorry to hear that SPO. I will keep cheering for you. I suspect it will come good with some lucky fella. Thanks. I doubt it somehow. I am taking up knitting again; it's far more productive!
brokengirl85 Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 I can relate here. There's nothing more confusing and painful than to be with someone that doesn't allow themselves to let them go with you but still they want to keep you for rainy days. You made the right decision, as heartbroken you may feel right now. We all deserve to be loved back, in equal conditions. If one loves more than the other, it's a recipe for disaster.
Author spiderowl Posted March 22, 2015 Author Posted March 22, 2015 I can relate here. There's nothing more confusing and painful than to be with someone that doesn't allow themselves to let them go with you but still they want to keep you for rainy days. You made the right decision, as heartbroken you may feel right now. We all deserve to be loved back, in equal conditions. If one loves more than the other, it's a recipe for disaster. Thanks brokengirl, it hadn't got that far but you still feel attached to someone you speak to every day for weeks. Still, he's obviously not the one for me. I know I'm not the only one. People who find each other and where both feel the same are so fortunate.
Haydn Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 Thanks. I doubt it somehow. I am taking up knitting again; it's far more productive! Don`t do that!
Author spiderowl Posted March 22, 2015 Author Posted March 22, 2015 Don`t do that! Lol, but I like it and I have something to show for it at the end of of the day, rather than wondering why people are so fickle. 1
Haydn Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 Lol, but I like it and I have something to show for it at the end of of the day, rather than wondering why people are so fickle. Ok, make me a hat SPO. Chelsea emblem?
Author spiderowl Posted March 22, 2015 Author Posted March 22, 2015 Ok, make me a hat SPO. Chelsea emblem? Do you know how long that would take? I couldn't sit and look at a Chelsea emblem all that time! 1
Haydn Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 Do you know how long that would take? I couldn't sit and look at a Chelsea emblem all that time! Its a very soothing emblem. Take care SPO, your a winner in so many ways. It`s just around the corner.
Author spiderowl Posted March 22, 2015 Author Posted March 22, 2015 Its a very soothing emblem. Take care SPO, your a winner in so many ways. It`s just around the corner. Ah thanks, how kind. I wish!
gaius Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 Surprising to me how many women get away with knitting over there. 1
Author spiderowl Posted March 23, 2015 Author Posted March 23, 2015 Surprising to me how many women get away with knitting over there. I see your point gaius, well single women can as we don't have to please anyone else.
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