JaySea723 Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 To preface the story, I'm in my freshman year of college and I've been dating my FIRST boyfriend for a year and half. We both attend the same college.. I have OCD and just generally worry about everything in life. I've always had a horrible time making any kind of decision, even simple ones like what book i should read for a school project.. it's the uncertainty that kills me... Everything was great in the beginning of the relationship until about 6 months in when I kept thinking, "I want this to be the guy I marry" and I started having ROCD over things in our relationship. I couldn't tell if i loved him anymore, I was emotionally numb and would get mad at him for thinking he was doing these things to me, like cheating or being abusive when in reality he was not doing anything like this whatsoever...it was my mind tricking me to think these things. I have been in a state of "The grass is Greener" off and on for a while. It's all only because he's my first boyfriend. my first kiss, first holding hands, everything... So I keep thinking how he's my first boyfriend and even though i love him and we have SO much in common, so much that it's crazy honestly...(right down to our past life experiences in elementary school and highschool...the fact we both dated..well me kinda dated..people who ended up actually being gay) but I can't stop thinking that i want to be single again and date around and i keep wishing i had met him later in life. i don't know what to do. i get freaked out thinking I'm only going to ever be with one person for the rest of my life and for seven years until we get married (when I'm in my mid 20's). I realistically don't want to lose him and I know that if i were to date around i would eventually come back to him...probably within 6 months honestly. I want to make this part of myself shut up and just live on with him and stop worrying about how people always say you need to be single and experience life before being in a long term relationship. Part of me wants to leave and experience other people, date them not just hook up a i've never been that type of person, and the realistic part of me wants to just stop this part of me from existing and just stay with the man i love, and am happy with. I don't know what to do. Part of me misses the chase of trying to get the guy you have a crush on to notice you and that kind of stuff.. I'm also worried that if this feeling never goes away, which it has been here on and off for a year or so, will i regret never leaving him in the future when we are close to getting married. Then i also worry that what if i leave him and he won't take me back and then i just lost the guy i love. I don't know what to do. this feels like an OCD thing to me, and i hope it is because i just want to be happy. I just need some advice. thanks in advance.
ExpatInItaly Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 What type of treatment/care do you receive for your OCD? It sounds as though you're suffering from stressful anxiety, and your doctor may be able to recommend a strategy for dealing with this. I don't think these thoughts will disappear without some advice from a professional who can help you cope with your anxious feelings. You need to take it easy on yourself, which I realize isn't a simple thing. Many people question themselves and their futures, particularly when it's the first relationship they've ever had. Your doubts aren't totally abnormal. It doesn't necessarily mean you're going to cheat or doing something to hurt your boyfriend. But you do need to address the underlying problems with anxiety and fear in order to manage your relationship more effectively.
preraph Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 You're too young to be putting any pressure on yourself to find the "right" one. Try to just enjoy yourself for now. 1
hudson701 Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 So basically you just want to shag around before coming back to him? Let him go before you hurt him badly.
Hopeful30 Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 I have a friend like this, and I can tell you right away that she's the most miserable person I know. She is always "what if what if", and can never make a proper decision because she's afraid she might miss out or pick the wrong thing. You need to work on changing this kind of thinking. In fact, just try everything and date everyone if that helps, because the alternative will make you miserable. I wish I had some more constructive advice, but that's all I can tell you right now.
Gold Pile Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 A good fertilizer with a high nitrogen content should help. 1
ManyDissapoint Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 i would eventually come back to him... No you won't. He will be gone, and if he's not you won't respect him enough to be in a relationship with him anyway.
Redhead14 Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 To preface the story, I'm in my freshman year of college and I've been dating my FIRST boyfriend for a year and half. We both attend the same college.. I have OCD and just generally worry about everything in life. I've always had a horrible time making any kind of decision, even simple ones like what book i should read for a school project.. it's the uncertainty that kills me... Everything was great in the beginning of the relationship until about 6 months in when I kept thinking, "I want this to be the guy I marry" and I started having ROCD over things in our relationship. I couldn't tell if i loved him anymore, I was emotionally numb and would get mad at him for thinking he was doing these things to me, like cheating or being abusive when in reality he was not doing anything like this whatsoever...it was my mind tricking me to think these things. I have been in a state of "The grass is Greener" off and on for a while. It's all only because he's my first boyfriend. my first kiss, first holding hands, everything... So I keep thinking how he's my first boyfriend and even though i love him and we have SO much in common, so much that it's crazy honestly...(right down to our past life experiences in elementary school and highschool...the fact we both dated..well me kinda dated..people who ended up actually being gay) but I can't stop thinking that i want to be single again and date around and i keep wishing i had met him later in life. i don't know what to do. i get freaked out thinking I'm only going to ever be with one person for the rest of my life and for seven years until we get married (when I'm in my mid 20's). I realistically don't want to lose him and I know that if i were to date around i would eventually come back to him...probably within 6 months honestly. I want to make this part of myself shut up and just live on with him and stop worrying about how people always say you need to be single and experience life before being in a long term relationship. Part of me wants to leave and experience other people, date them not just hook up a i've never been that type of person, and the realistic part of me wants to just stop this part of me from existing and just stay with the man i love, and am happy with. I don't know what to do. Part of me misses the chase of trying to get the guy you have a crush on to notice you and that kind of stuff.. I'm also worried that if this feeling never goes away, which it has been here on and off for a year or so, will i regret never leaving him in the future when we are close to getting married. Then i also worry that what if i leave him and he won't take me back and then i just lost the guy i love. I don't know what to do. this feels like an OCD thing to me, and i hope it is because i just want to be happy. I just need some advice. thanks in advance. part of me wants to just stop this part of me from existing and just stay with the man i love, and am happy with. I don't know what to do. Part of me misses the chase of trying to get the guy you have a crush on to notice you and that kind of stuff.. If you were entirely happy with this man and truly in love with him, you would want to stay with him and not be looking around even if you have OCD. You stated above that you miss the chase. Oftentimes, people just love the chase in pursuing a mate/date and when they actually "win" them, they don't know what to do because they don't know how to or what to do when a relationship develops, because they've never gotten too far into it. In your case, it's your first, so yeah, there'd be some anxiety. You have OCD, you may simply be addicted to the chase but don't really enjoy or want a real relationship. How many people have you dated over the years? How long did you date them? Do you have a counselor for your OCD? You've mentioned a couple of things above, that really need to be addressed before you continue in a relationship with him (or anyone for that matter): "I was emotionally numb and would get mad at him for thinking he was doing these things to me, like cheating or being abusive when in reality he was not doing anything like this whatsoever...it was my mind tricking me to think these things." This kind of thing ruins a relationship quickly. Insecurity needs to be managed. Unless there is empirical evidence for things a person is feeling, it is then about paranoia and trust can't develop between a couple. Since you're having anxiety and doubt, I'd step back from the relationship for a bit. Not stop seeing him, but maybe not so often. Give yourself some space by 1) seeking counseling if you're not already doing that and 2) by doing some nice things for yourself, things you enjoy. Go out with friends you haven't seen in a while. You need to focus on yourself and what you like and want for yourself and not focus on the relationship as much. Take a breather from dwelling on this. This may help you get some clarity
veggirl Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 just break up. You're a teenager. There's no reason to be in a serious relationship anyway, you may think "omg I'll come back to him we are meant to be!!" but that's just your naivety speaking. It won't happen. Most people don't marry their first real boyfriend, so don't idealize it. You guys are just like every other teenage couple, you might make up and break up a bunch, have some drama, but in the end you'll both eventually mature and move on. Might as well save yourself the drama and do it now.
Auspecial Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 This is tricky because I understand what you mean that he is your first everything and you worry that you have nothing else to compare him to so should you experience more of life. I was in this situation with my first boyfriend of three years and ultimately I decided that we should both date others as it was "prudent". Assuming we would end up getting back together. I felt I was doing the "right" thing for both of us. We were young, yada yada. But, by the time I felt like he was definitely the one and only man for me, it was too late. I don't exactly have "regrets." Because I have had a lot of fun experiences and positive things in my life. BUT, I think we could have made a fantastic couple if I had given it more of a chance.
Snowman219 Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 Just think of yourself as better than everyone else like I do. Then you won't feel like it's greener on the other side. Works like a charm. 1
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