My husband has recently become religious and I'm sooo not

[lora_parris]

Collected from Other Fourm I like this so that i share here

 

So I'm new to this forum but glad I found it. I don't really have anyone to really talk to about this type of situation. So here's the deal.

 

My husband has recently, in the last three weeks, become a very strong believer. He had an incident with one of his employees that works for our company that resulted in finding the worker intoxicated in his car before work. He saw this as god answering his prayer because the night before he prayed that god would help him find a way to make sure his guys had enough work so he wouldn't have to lay anyone off. This certain worker was new to the trade and wasn't really up to snuff as it were. Showing up to work intoxicated was grounds for termination thus one less person to have to worry about keeping busy. I saw it as a drunk that was passed out in his car and he got busted but like I said my husband saw it as a gift from god. Ever since he's said he's felt different like he's had the spirit of god flow through him. He reads the bible every night and has made some other changes in a very short period of time. It's been a real shock to me and our relationship. I am not a believer in any way, shape, or form and tried to be supportive in the beginning but now I feel like it's completely changed our marriage because I'm constantly worrying about how he's viewing my words and actions. I know I look at him differently now too.

When we got married we had discussed our religious views and we were pretty much on the same page. We didn't follow any particular religion and didn't really have any interest in the Christian ideals. Now of course that has all changed. He has started going to church by himself and it kind of makes me angry because owning your own business is busy enough and now he's takes more time away from our family to go to church. I know that's not the right way to view it but that's how I feel. Like I said I'm in no way close to being religious and have no interest at all in any faith so this is all a shock to me. This sudden new found religion has definitely put our marriage on the rocks and all I can think of is the old saying "a family that prays together stays together" so if we are in two different worlds now does that mean our marriage won't work?

Edited March 22, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Seems this is posted or collected from another forum

[Satu]

Sounds like a breakdown in the form of religious mania to me.

 

Sudden personality changes are always a cause for concern.

[Tayla]

Wow! in what ways did your husband follow protocal in firing this man? Federal laws may create a lawsuit. Most employers are required to offer rehab for a staff member who has a drug/alcohol problem. If they decline, then firing is warranted.

So if there was a spiritual awakening, its that your husband needs more information on employee rights. Speak to him on the business matter. As to his choice in faiths, is it harmful? Is his christian attitude one of loving you? With some open talks he may be able to balance out his faith in religion and his faithfulness in the marriage. As his spouse you sound concerned as this is certainly outside the norm. He is rocking the boat.grab a life vest and stay in the boat. He will settle down... and thru this you both could gain some understandings.

[Gloria25]

I'm curious to find "we were pretty much on the same page" meant...

 

Cuz, this woman called my fav podcaster with a similar issue.

 

Her guy needed/wanted his parents to continue to finance his college - so, he didn't let them know he was considering changing his religion cuz of her.

 

Then, now that college is done with, he still is having issues converting to her religion. I think one is baptist, the other christian.

 

But, when my fav podcaster started asking her more questions they "weren't" on the same page and seems like this guy just "pretended" he was willing to change (by using the college money excuse); and, now that college is over, he has to admit that now the next reason he is pretending to want to change is not to lose her.

 

See, religion is really close to people's core. I've heard too many stories where people think "love conquers all" and later in the RL - especially when kids come along, people revert back to their religious core.

 

You know a good question my fav podcaster asked? It was sorta: 'Would he have converted to your religion before he would have met you?' In other words, was he already looking for another faith before he met you.

[Timshel]

He saw a drunk employee in a car, passed out and his first thought was "thank you god, I know who to fire?"

 

Ok, that says a great deal right there. That was not an epiphany, it was a choice. Choices say everything about character and in my humble opinion, character (integrity) is everything.

[Timshel]

Also not God.

[Gloria25]

He saw a drunk employee in a car, passed out and his first thought was "thank you god, I know who to fire?"

 

Ok, that says a great deal right there. That was not an epiphany, it was a choice. Choices say everything about character and in my humble opinion, character (integrity) is everything.

 

Well, if I'm correct, she said her husband said that the drunk guy wasn't pulling his weight on the job.

 

I've heard over the years that employers use lay-offs as opportunities to get rid of people they couldn't get rid of otherwise. So, her husband finding the guy drunk may not be the actual reason for firing, but a reason that could be sustained by law.

 

Sad thing is a lot of people who work sub-par know they are, but unless they really f-it up, you can't get rid of them. So, employers look for "something" to get rid of them for.

[TouchedByViolet]

That's a scary place to be. Seeing your significant other change into someone else. Especially into something you don't like. Hopefully he beings to see where you are coming from but if he continues down this road divorce will probably be the result. I am agnostic so can definitely understand where you are coming from.

[No Limit]

He made someone loose his job and now feels it was a gift from God? Or is that just his excuse so he doesn't look like a snitch?

[Timshel]

Well, if I'm correct, she said her husband said that the drunk guy wasn't pulling his weight on the job.

 

I've heard over the years that employers use lay-offs as opportunities to get rid of people they couldn't get rid of otherwise. So, her husband finding the guy drunk may not be the actual reason for firing, but a reason that could be sustained by law.

 

Sad thing is a lot of people who work sub-par know they are, but unless they really f-it up, you can't get rid of them. So, employers look for "something" to get rid of them for.

 

Yes, but he used that as an excuse to "go to god" which he is subsequently drawing hard lines not only at his place of work; in his home, with his wife.

 

If the employee was already a bad one, why was he not already fired or laid off?

 

There is no way to make someone else's misfortune your gain. It is impossible. In the short term and if a person is not present they can think so. It can't happen.

[Gloria25]

Yes, but he used that as an excuse to "go to god" which he is subsequently drawing hard lines not only at his place of work; in his home, with his wife.

 

If the employee was already a bad one, why was he not already fired or laid off?

 

There is no way to make someone else's misfortune your gain. It is impossible. In the short term and if a person is not present they can think so. It can't happen.

 

Well, how do I say this...

 

For one, it isn't easy to fire people all the time. Some people have unions, sometimes it takes documentation (writing them up), allowing them an opportunity to improve, etc. Also, even when you have your ducks in order (i.e. series of write-ups, chances to improve...you gotta worry if they are gonna pull a "EEO" argument.

 

I've seen this happen several times. One chick, she just wasn't getting the job and she was still on probation - which made it even easier to fire her. Now, I will admit that I was on her side cuz they weren't giving us the training needed to do the job, so it was "sink or swim"....but, at the same time, she just wasn't "getting the job".

 

But, the day they got rid of her, she "out of the blue" started saying remarks that they were harassing her because of her disability and I was like "no they aren't". And, she got the job back. She lawyered up and they settled. And, although I believe she made up the disability thing, I'm glad she won. That's what they get for treating employees like dirt...BTW, they still treat their employees like dirt.

 

So, again, getting rid of people isn't as easy as it seems - even when the employer is right in doing so. So, in the OPs case, he saw catching the guy drunk as an opportunity to legally get rid of him w/o all the headaches that may come from doing it the "right" way.

 

Now, two, the religious stuff?

 

We don't know what God's plan is for us. And yes, someone's misfortune may indeed be someone's blessing - like it or not. For all we know, this employee was a pain in the OPs husband's butt and thank God that he was able to catch him drunk and finally rid of him.

 

And, how is this bad for the drunk guy? Maybe this is part of God's plan that firing drunk guy may be the push he needs to get his life straight and stop drinking.

 

Again, using that shooting at the mosque I saw on ID's "Hate in America". That's a tragedy, right? But, the people in that mosque saw it as an opportunity to get more involved with the community they live in instead of isolate themselves.

Edited March 22, 2015 by Gloria25

[Timshel]

You sure do have a funny way of putting things.

 

I understand your point Gloria, I watch ID too. We will agree to disagree. There is a lot of hatred and ill will in this world. I can't with it, I don't.

 

So it is God's will, everything has a purpose, every challenge a path. True.

None the less, this is wrong. I am sure. In this "hypothetical" scenario, I call crap.

 

If OP is not a "Christian" and her husband has turned bible thumper, then that's the end of it. There is no way they are compatible. Hypothetically.

[Timshel]

Dr. Stone and Lt. Kenda (sp?) are the only one's worth a crap. The rest of the psychologists I'm like wth? La la land. I actually have a crush on Lt. Kenda with his demeanor, he is a true bada**. Cool as a cucumber.

[dreamingoftigers]

Hi there,

 

 

This may or may not be a real tough spot to be in, depending on how you contextualize it.

 

 

You see, my mother is an atheist. Quite so actually. Her mother is as well. My grandfather....well, he's a Druglord, so I doubt he has time to make it to church on Sunday. (My grandparents have been separated for 30+ years however. My grandmother is a very well-recognized and lauded member of her community being 90 and volunteering full-time, taking many causes under her wing, supporting herself and overall just being a great citizen. It just really didn't go well with Oil-VP-turned druglord that evaded taxes, but I digress.)

 

 

My mother is quite the atheist.

 

 

My father is NOT. He is a Catholic. A Catholic raised a Catholic and will die a Catholic.

 

 

Myself, well, since I was raised by a Catholic and an Atheist, I naturally did some religious exploration.

 

 

Of course, after having been raised by a Catholic and Atheist, I became a Mormon. Makes perfect sense. LOL

 

 

Out of all of the crazy, insane, dysfunctional arguments that occur in my family, it has never come up as a problem. Never.

 

The only thing that ever came up as an issue was the Catholic church at the time suggesting my father not marry a non-Catholic. He chose my mother and stuck by it. Despite many other issues that have come up in their marriage, I believe that they genuinely love and appreciate one another. (Even though they are both kinda nuts). They have been together almost 40 years.

 

I guess my situation is somewhat unique.

We each believe that we have the right to what we believe.

 

 

My best friend is also a Muslim. There is no animosity there. And I mean an active Muslim. In fact, we have compared some notes on our faiths and find some basic tenets to be similar. We can appreciate each other's dedication to our faiths. I do not try to actively convert her nor her me, we respect each other. We genuinely care about each other. It isn't just "tolerance." It's acceptance and warmth.

 

 

I am an active Mormon. My father is a Catholic die-hard. And my mother will not whisper a prayer. Simply Not.

 

 

My husband is not of a particular religion or belief. But he has always generally respected mine. To him, it is a matter of making some living adjustments. I.e. he knows I won't shop on Sundays. So he doesn't ask me to. I don't "restrict" him from living the life he sees fit. (Things have fallen apart with us over the years but this was not one of the reasons or arguments.)

 

 

Mixed-faith marriage is not the worst thing to happen.

Your husband perceives the world day-to-day differently than you do. He is not your double, he is your partner.

 

 

Are there any particular behaviours you find troubling about what he believes, or is it the fact that he now has a community that you do not wish to partake in that he spends time with on Sunday? Is it because you feel left out or that it is impractical or that it bothers you that he even believes something different that may seem irrational to you?

 

 

My mother is not Catholic, she does not see it being of value per se, and does not believe in the Saints or what the Pope has to say etc. But she does see that my father does value it, and respects that. Includes his perception into her life.

 

 

I myself was an atheist for many years before receiving a sudden testimony of the Holy Spirit. Nothing short of that could have changed my mind. It just seemed "crazy" to me. I did not respect religion whatsoever. I viewed it as a tool of manipulation. However, my views have greatly changed. Yours may as well, or his may change back.

 

 

Your husband is not immutable, he is human. Over the years different neurons will make different connections, who your husband is will shift, change and grow, as will you. You need to decide whether this is a worthy cause of resentment and negativity between you or an obstacle that you can overcome and draw closer to him.

[Gloria25]

Hi there,

 

 

This may or may not be a real tough spot to be in, depending on how you contextualize it.

 

 

You see, my mother is an atheist. Quite so actually. Her mother is as well. My grandfather....well, he's a Druglord, so I doubt he has time to make it to church on Sunday. (My grandparents have been separated for 30+ years however. My grandmother is a very well-recognized and lauded member of her community being 90 and volunteering full-time, taking many causes under her wing, supporting herself and overall just being a great citizen. It just really didn't go well with Oil-VP-turned druglord that evaded taxes, but I digress.)

 

 

My mother is quite the atheist.

 

 

My father is NOT. He is a Catholic. A Catholic raised a Catholic and will die a Catholic.

 

 

Myself, well, since I was raised by a Catholic and an Atheist, I naturally did some religious exploration.

 

 

Of course, after having been raised by a Catholic and Atheist, I became a Mormon. Makes perfect sense. LOL

 

 

Out of all of the crazy, insane, dysfunctional arguments that occur in my family, it has never come up as a problem. Never.

 

The only thing that ever came up as an issue was the Catholic church at the time suggesting my father not marry a non-Catholic. He chose my mother and stuck by it. Despite many other issues that have come up in their marriage, I believe that they genuinely love and appreciate one another. (Even though they are both kinda nuts). They have been together almost 40 years.

 

I guess my situation is somewhat unique.

We each believe that we have the right to what we believe.

 

 

My best friend is also a Muslim. There is no animosity there. And I mean an active Muslim. In fact, we have compared some notes on our faiths and find some basic tenets to be similar. We can appreciate each other's dedication to our faiths. I do not try to actively convert her nor her me, we respect each other. We genuinely care about each other. It isn't just "tolerance." It's acceptance and warmth.

 

 

I am an active Mormon. My father is a Catholic die-hard. And my mother will not whisper a prayer. Simply Not.

 

 

My husband is not of a particular religion or belief. But he has always generally respected mine. To him, it is a matter of making some living adjustments. I.e. he knows I won't shop on Sundays. So he doesn't ask me to. I don't "restrict" him from living the life he sees fit. (Things have fallen apart with us over the years but this was not one of the reasons or arguments.)

 

 

Mixed-faith marriage is not the worst thing to happen.

Your husband perceives the world day-to-day differently than you do. He is not your double, he is your partner.

 

 

Are there any particular behaviours you find troubling about what he believes, or is it the fact that he now has a community that you do not wish to partake in that he spends time with on Sunday? Is it because you feel left out or that it is impractical or that it bothers you that he even believes something different that may seem irrational to you?

 

 

My mother is not Catholic, she does not see it being of value per se, and does not believe in the Saints or what the Pope has to say etc. But she does see that my father does value it, and respects that. Includes his perception into her life.

 

 

I myself was an atheist for many years before receiving a sudden testimony of the Holy Spirit. Nothing short of that could have changed my mind. It just seemed "crazy" to me. I did not respect religion whatsoever. I viewed it as a tool of manipulation. However, my views have greatly changed. Yours may as well, or his may change back.

 

 

Your husband is not immutable, he is human. Over the years different neurons will make different connections, who your husband is will shift, change and grow, as will you. You need to decide whether this is a worthy cause of resentment and negativity between you or an obstacle that you can overcome and draw closer to him.

 

See, in your situation - like many marriages that have different faiths - the children seem to take up the "easiest" religion or no religion at all.

 

I could not do that to my children.

 

Marriage and kids to me is a BIG deal that I do not take lightly...and, religion plays a big part in that.

 

To some, religion is something they worry about on Sundays or holidays. To some, religion is a way of life.

 

Just like people want the best and/or a better life for their kids (well I "hope" they do)....for me, that means I give my children the tools they need to be successful human beings and members of the world/society/community....And, for me, that entails sharing the same religious beliefs that I do.

 

Now, when they become 18 and on their own, they can chose whatever path they want. But, as long as I'm responsible for them and their development, they will learn what I see is best for them.

 

So, I could not see myself setting up a home/nest with someone who did not share the same religious beliefs that I do. I have contemplated talking it out and reaching a consensus on how the kids would be raised - but like the OP's situation, people evolve and if they weren't sharing the same religion as you from the get-go, you're setting up a nest with someone who may change their mind.

 

So, ultimately, sometimes people evolve and evolve without considering their partners and that's sad...but still, I wonder what 'pretty much on the same page' meant to the OP when she claims they were when it came to religion before he started with this religious change of heart...

 

But you know what, after reading your story of religious upbringing and journey - that goes back into getting to know your spouse and their extended family before you marry. The more you know about someone, the more you have an informed choice you are making when/if you decide to marry them...so hopefully you can minimize any "surprises".

[PinkInTheLimo]

Sounds like a breakdown in the form of religious mania to me.

 

Sudden personality changes are always a cause for concern.

 

I was thinking the same thing. I know a guy who all of a sudden got totally into god and religion and he actually had a psychosis. You should try to get your husband to see a doctor. Sounds like he has a lot of stress, it could be some kind of burn-out.

[TexasMan68]

It just means he has a relationship with Jesus Christ now. One side benefit of that is Godly conviction. If he is truly following Christ then we won't be seeing you post any stories about him having an affair. You can thank God for that later after you quit freaking out about his decision.

[dreamingoftigers]

See, in your situation - like many marriages that have different faiths - the children seem to take up the "easiest" religion or no religion at all.

 

I could not do that to my children.

 

Marriage and kids to me is a BIG deal that I do not take lightly...and, religion plays a big part in that.

 

To some, religion is something they worry about on Sundays or holidays. To some, religion is a way of life.

 

Just like people want the best and/or a better life for their kids (well I "hope" they do)....for me, that means I give my children the tools they need to be successful human beings and members of the world/society/community....And, for me, that entails sharing the same religious beliefs that I do.

 

Now, when they become 18 and on their own, they can chose whatever path they want. But, as long as I'm responsible for them and their development, they will learn what I see is best for them.

 

So, I could not see myself setting up a home/nest with someone who did not share the same religious beliefs that I do. I have contemplated talking it out and reaching a consensus on how the kids would be raised - but like the OP's situation, people evolve and if they weren't sharing the same religion as you from the get-go, you're setting up a nest with someone who may change their mind.

 

So, ultimately, sometimes people evolve and evolve without considering their partners and that's sad...but still, I wonder what 'pretty much on the same page' meant to the OP when she claims they were when it came to religion before he started with this religious change of heart...

 

But you know what, after reading your story of religious upbringing and journey - that goes back into getting to know your spouse and their extended family before you marry. The more you know about someone, the more you have an informed choice you are making when/if you decide to marry them...so hopefully you can minimize any "surprises".

 

I see your point.

 

I do.

 

Had I truly believed the option of a person of my faith sharing the qualities I found in my husband at the time to be present during my child-bearing years, I may have foregone him.

 

Frankly, I really lead with my heart on that one and was married at 22.

 

Should have waited a few years.

 

BUT, I don't actually see the "usually take the easiest religion or none at all" as a personal anecdotal evidence.

 

In fact, I see a lot of kids raised by two religious people stepping out of the religion zone in this generation more than any other. I think it is largely because American media sets it up as a "Science Vs. Religion" argument, which is really a false choice based on a false framework, but I digress.

 

I actually chose a "harder" religion. And I do wish that my partner had the same faith.

 

Ironically enough, he was raised by Jehovah's Witnesses. He rejected that entirely. His mother takes it very personally and says she understands that he may not want a religion but that she would be very personally offended if he ever chose another one. Nice.

 

He did attend my church with me for awhile. He had some testimony of it by at this point does not hold himself to be a believer or a non-believer. Just simply isn't a priority to him. Since it is not my job to "convert" him, I leave that to God and the Spirit. My faith is mine, my daughter likes to pray. SHe has her own "prayer chair" she calls it. Very sweet.

 

I had some very early concerns that my husband might go back to being a Jehovah's Witness which would have put a lot of pressure on the marriage. You see, they come at things from a very different framework which can be very insular. I know my stuff when it comes to them, and would be willing to hear them out etc. But I also have very clear and doctrinal reasons why I did not continue with them. My mother-in-law tried many times until I finally pulled out a bible and did some scripture baseball with them. They lasted about 10 minutes. We don't talk about it. I don't like messing with people's faith.