Need some input after long term relationship break up.

[east]

I'm 27 years old. My girlfriend of over 8 years broke up with me. And honestly im not doing so well at all. Cant eat, sleep, think properly, a lot of anxiety, depressed, and constantly sick to my stomach. Just nothing is right now. I just don't know what to do. I am deep in love with her and I know she loves me but she just had to brake up with me she said. There are things she said she wanted and I know I should have done it more. And of course now that I realize all the things I can do and want to do its too late. I should have told her more things about herself to reassure her beauty and just everything about her. I was always there for her and loved her truly. And she knows I would do anything in this world for her. But that one thing I lacked on pushed her away I guess. I always did think she was beautiful and smart and other things, but should have told her that over the years.

But now I don't even know how to live without her. All of my good and bad memories are with her or involve her in some way. I'm so deeply hurt thinking about all of the memories and regrets, you name it and I've probably thought about it over 1000 times. She's on my 24/7, first thing I think about when I wake up and last things before I manage to pass out for an hour or 2. And every dream I have has her in it or involves her, and it just hurts so much. I'd do absolutely anything for her to come back and give me that chance to prove to her I can make her happy in other ways than just material things. Though I know she has made her choice. And that's how it is.

Like I don't know what to do at all. This pain is unreal. I want to cope with it but I don't know. Its just so much pain. I have friends that are there for me a bit. But I just don't know what to do.

Any advice, input, past experiences, just anything at all would be very appreciated! Thank you.

Edited March 22, 2015 by east

[Satu]

You are right in the middle of the hardest part of a breakup. Many people here have been where you are.

 

Here is something I put together for myself, but some of it might be helpful for you:

 

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1. Recognise that you're still in the crisis phase - you are very hurt, disappointed and angry, but the intensity of your feelings will reduce.

 

2. Don't suppress your feelings, or tell yourself that you shouldn't be feeling what you're feeling - that never helps.

 

3. Externalise your feelings by writing them down, talking to a trustworthy person, or using any other mode of expression that feels right.

 

4. Remind yourself frequently that you can and will have a good life without this person.

 

5. Tell yourself frequently that you can and will love again.

 

6. Take care of your body:

 

Eat enough and eat healthily.

Drink enough water. Thats 2 litres a day for a male.

Get a bit more rest than you think you need. If you can't sleep just lie down.

Do some easy exercise - nothing too strenuous.

If you feel physically unwell go to see your doctor.

 

7. Do not allow yourself to become socially isolated or withdrawn.

 

8. Establish Total No Contact with your ex. No contact directly, indirectly, or by social media.

 

9. Keep up with all your responsibilities and things you have to do.

 

10. Do not use alcohol or drugs in an attempt to self-medicate.

 

11. Post here as often as you want to. People here want to help.

[east]

Thank you Satu. I appreciate the help very much. I'm trying to keep going, its just so hard and painful.

[HBK3317]

Bro... I can feel your pain. It's like she was everything to you yeah? You would share everything even the most lame things happening and were virtually with each other 24/7... On the phone, in person, texts, what's app... And now she's left and it feels like you lost this huge part of you, the very part which made you feel alive...?

 

I can relate to you brother, trust me I know the deep pain you are going through... I have nothing better to tell you other than what Satu already did but there's one thing, put your trust in God ... Quite frankly it's the only one way which may make you feel a little less depressed. Have faith brother and hope that this passes over soon.

[east]

Thanks for the reply HBK3317. Hearing from people does help a lot. Small steps, but it does help. Thank you.

[Satu]

Thank you Satu. I appreciate the help very much. I'm trying to keep going, its just so hard and painful.

 

Yes, its horrible, but your pain will start to diminish as time passes.

 

Make sure you cover your bodily needs and get out of the house a bit.

 

Take care and keep checking in here.

[east]

Yes, its horrible, but your pain will start to diminish as time passes.

 

Make sure you cover your bodily needs and get out of the house a bit.

 

Take care and keep checking in here.

 

 

 

 

 

 

For sure Satu, im going to try very hard. Thank you.

[HBK3317]

Thanks for the reply HBK3317. Hearing from people does help a lot. Small steps, but it does help. Thank you.

No problems brother. We all need to stick together if we got to overcome this Tsunami in our lives. Just hang in there and keep on posting here whenver and whatever you feel like.

[east]

No problems brother. We all need to stick together if we got to overcome this Tsunami in our lives. Just hang in there and keep on posting here whenver and whatever you feel like.

 

 

 

 

Definitely HBK3317. I'm glad I found this site. It does help having people talk that experienced situations like this before. Thanks brother.

[east]

Accept that relationships will run it's course. The best thing for you to do now is go NC and delete any memories of her. You will heal faster this way. 8 years is a long time to spend with someone and you will be in state of shock for a least a few days. But it WILL get better and you WILL move on, to better things.

 

For now, just establish NC and delete her. Focus on doing some exercise especially cardio.

 

Watch the movie "Swingers" with Vince Vaughn.

 

 

 

 

Thanks for reply mikey2012. You're right 8 years was such a long time. I know what you mean by in a state of shock. I'm there and I just can't believe it honestly. I feel like I know it will get better over time but the pain is just unreal.

[OneBigIdgit]

I got divorced twice by the same woman. The divorces were

16 years apart. I hurt in the 1st one but I was a healthy 27

years old and it didn't hit me nearly as hard as the 2nd one

at 42-43ish. I never imagined a person could experience

such REAL physical pain, purely from emotions. After a

month of moping, I started working out and through the

next 6 months turned myself into a buff, very active

40something. I moved out of the pain threshold in bout

6 months and really enjoyed life until this current

breakup. At least I have experience and know I'll survive

it. Something else might kill me, but this breakup won't

 

Good luck in your recovery

[east]

I got divorced twice by the same woman. The divorces were

16 years apart. I hurt in the 1st one but I was a healthy 27

years old and it didn't hit me nearly as hard as the 2nd one

at 42-43ish. I never imagined a person could experience

such REAL physical pain, purely from emotions. After a

month of moping, I started working out and through the

next 6 months turned myself into a buff, very active

40something. I moved out of the pain threshold in bout

6 months and really enjoyed life until this current

breakup. At least I have experience and know I'll survive

it. Something else might kill me, but this breakup won't

 

Good luck in your recovery

 

 

Hey and thanks for the reply OneBigIdgit. Man I really do appreciate the reply. Working out is something I've always wanted to do and I have tried buy I lose motivation. I hope I can do it this time and really pull threw. I know I'd be happier if I did. At the moment the mental and physical pain is so bad I'm unable to do it, but once it subsides a bit I really hope I can make myself do some cardio and weight lifting.

And good luck to you man, like you said you will survive. Glad to hear from you. Thanks.

[OneBigIdgit]

just get on an exercise routine in your home. You don't have to spend any money on it. The work outs burn the stress right out of you. I put in a dvd of my favorite type of music, turn it up a bit and just work out. You'll be surprised how it takes your mind off of your ex.

 

 

Later after I got more fit, I'd watch college football making the deal with myself that I had to match my favorite teams total score with pushups after each score. (I wouldn't recommend doing this with basketball until at least a year later)

 

 

You might only be hurt at this point. At some point you are going to feel anger at being left. Use that anger to motivate you through the workout. Make it where the next time your ex hears anything about you, whomever talks to her about you will tell her that she wouldn't recognize you now.

 

 

Start small, but get started.

[east]

just get on an exercise routine in your home. You don't have to spend any money on it. The work outs burn the stress right out of you. I put in a dvd of my favorite type of music, turn it up a bit and just work out. You'll be surprised how it takes your mind off of your ex.

 

 

Later after I got more fit, I'd watch college football making the deal with myself that I had to match my favorite teams total score with pushups after each score. (I wouldn't recommend doing this with basketball until at least a year later)

 

 

You might only be hurt at this point. At some point you are going to feel anger at being left. Use that anger to motivate you through the workout. Make it where the next time your ex hears anything about you, whomever talks to her about you will tell her that she wouldn't recognize you now.

 

 

Start small, but get started.

 

 

 

 

Hey OneBigIdgit. Thanks for the motivation, that's great. Lucky for me I recently acquired a good quality treadmill. And I have a bit of free weights from a long time ago. Which should get me by. One big thing for me is that I need to change my diet. Less junk food, more fruits and vegetables. Problem is right now I barley eat anything during the day. This whole break up situation got me to the point where I can barley eat. But I'm sure it will get better over time. And you're right, at the moment I am just totally hurt.

I'm keeping the whole cardio and work out goal in my head. I just need to start getting more sleep and eat right to get the energy to do so.

Thanks again OneBigIdgit, glad I'm getting replies.

[east]

Holy this morning I'm having a really hard time. The anxiety is so extreme right now. I don't know what to do. This is just not good at all. The dream i had didn't help. I just don't know.

[BlackbirdSong]

I'm having a really tough morning as well. We can get through this.

[east]

Yes it's so hard BlackbirdSong, Pain in unreal. Time will tell.