Km127 Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 I'm 22 and my boyfriend and I just finally ended our one year relationship at 2 am last night over an insignificant fight. It was literally so brutal. One minute we were laying in bed and the next he was screaming at me for lying about something that doesn't even matter. I had to have my parents come pick me up from 45 minutes away because I didn't think I could drive. We talked until they got there about if this was the right thing to do, and we both agreed it was. I feel like I lost my best friend. We've been having issues for a while now. He's a pretty jealous guy and he just couldn't trust me. I'm an engineer and all of my coworkers are males so it was hard for him. My insecurities about my appearance and my questioning of his love really drove us apart. I'm so unhappy at work and with what I'm doing with my life that I took it out on him a lot too. Our values are different too I guess. He's so money hungry and not ready to settle down. He has even told me that he doesn't see me as the mother of his children before. I've never been this heartbroken. You might say I'm crazy, but I really did think that I was going to marry him. And now I will never see him again. I hate myself for how I acted towards him over the last month. This is my fault. I really don't think I'm going to be ok. I have no idea what is going on with my life. I'm done with school and I live at home now. I hate my job soooo much. I don't even know if I want to be an engineer anymore. I have an interview on Tuesday for a job in downtown Chicago and I don't even know if I wanta be there. Most of my friends are either at school still or have moved away. Part of me just wants to move to LA or somewhere warm and start a new life far away from here. But I'm so scared to be alone. Everyone keeps saying to focus on yourself and do what makes you happy when you break up. The last thing I want to do is focus on myself because I literally hate me. I feel like I have no plan for my future and I don't even know what makes me happy anymore. I can't even think of hobbies I'm interested in. I don't even enjoy seeing my friends anymore because it makes me feel so... behind? What do I even like? I guess I like learning about beauty and health. How is that even a hobby though? I know deep down I'm so lucky. I'm healthy and I have a family that loves me very much. I'm a beautiful, smart, and sweet girl. I don't understand why part of me wants to go to sleep and never wake up, drown myself, or jump in front of a car. I feel suicidal and I don't know what to do.
Satu Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 You need to talk to your doctor, because it sounds like you are clinically depressed. Do this as soon as you can. All the best, Satu. 1
OneBigIdgit Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 KM127, we are all here, going through similar situations. You are way ahead of the curve in so many ways. You have youth, a career, parents to help you through this and now this board where you can talk out your problems, vent your anger when you hit that stage. Take advantage of the survivors here to help you understand the different phases you will go through. All of us handle the stress of a break up in the same, predictable manner for the most part. We all get the urge to flee. To relocate. To just give up and curl up and die. Eventually, we all get through it and if we work on ourselves, we are much stronger and more fit than before. 1
Marco Valerio Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 I...One minute we were laying in bed and the next he was screaming at me for lying about something that doesn't even matter... I haven't gone through all your thread yet, but I have a question; If it really didn't matter, why did you lie? It sounds so stupid to my ears... Let me tell you, lying is always a bad choice. Why betray the trust for an insignificant matter? I will continue now reading your post.
spiderowl Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 I am sorry to hear what happened OP. It sounds like a lot of different things were going on which must make it all more confusing. No wonder you feel all over the place as you can't really pin it down on anything. You say your boyfriend was jealous and did not trust you. You also say you lied about something you felt was insignificant. Trust is really important and that seems to have been lacking, but it can be a vicious circle where people end up lying to avoid hassle. That doesn't usually work. You have both been having issues for some time and from what you say it doesn't sound as if you have been happy in the relationship either. Whether it was work that was the problem or not, once a partner starts to feel the effects of the strain on the other, it takes a strong couple to work through that. Most relationships are not perfect and people muddle along and deal with issues. It sounds like a crisis was looming in the background and whatever transpired that night brought it to the surface. I'm really sorry because it must feel like you were blindsided when things probably weren't working out in the first place. If you look after yourself now, be kind to yourself, talk to friends, family, a counsellor, eventually the clouds will clear and you will be better able to see the relationship for what it was. I know it's a painful time now but there will be light ahead, you've just got to hang in there till this confused period goes away. xx
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