Why is she acting like this?

[markdavemark]

Hello,

 

Me and my girlfriend have been together for 2 years.

So basically everything seems perfect in our relationship, however in the past month or so she is starting to feel like cold or not interested or i dont know what.

 

In the past two years I've always hold her jacket when shes putting it on, oppened the car door for her, caring if shes cold or hungry, making sure shes comfortable and feeling good all the time, gave her the "middle part of the pizza", surprised her with lots of random presents, flowers for no reason ect. Whatever she wished for, until now I got it for her, even little things. Whether its a dress/a bag/anything she liked...

I payed for our summer and winter vacations and spend all the money i earned throughout the year on vacations together with her, because we both want to travel. Whenever she gets money, she is spending them only on her self, buying clothes ect..

 

However in the past 1 month she's always reacting and getting nervous to everything I do. She says that she feels she doesnt want me to hold her jacket and open doors and act like that, because she could do it or her own and i am not her slave, and that i should stop and not annoy her?

 

She is even irritated because I was hugging her too much and holding her hand all the time, while we were walking. So from time to time she just tells me in the most unpolite and rude way to not touch her and just walk next to her.

 

Also whenever we are together now, its not like before. She was always smiling and being happy with me. Now she is annoyed by every little thing i do.

 

We are soon getting new jobs both together, and well she is going to work for some relative of her, who owns a company. And since we are both engineers I told her I want to work with her, and I would apply in the company as well since they were hiring.

Instead of her inviting me to work with her, since we could travel together and I we have worked together already on some project and we are doing great actually. She is telling me that she doesnt want me to work there and that people would say that I am better and fire her. Even if i was better she knows that multiple people will be hired and her position is guaranteed there since of her relative, so it is just a lame excuse.

Now i am working a projects, and I am sharing half of my payment with her since complained she had no money so i gave her offered her to share it half-half if she helps me. We are getting along great while we work, like the perfect team...

 

It feels like she is being ashamed of me from relatives/public or I dont know what? Am i being pushy here?

 

I tried to talk to her on multiple occasions and ask her the whole time what is the problem and why is she acting like this, am I doing something wrong, and all I get her looking in the other direction and telling me to stop imagining things and that she is okay as well as everything else is fine.

 

Also after 2 years of being together, she still hasn't introduced me to her parents, nor wants to meet mine, even thou I have been inviting her on multiple occasions. She is just saying she is shy and that she ll meet them when we get engaged.

 

 

Another thing which bothers me is sex. I live with my parents and she lives with her brother.

So i am visiting her house often and I know her brother. And there are milions of times when me and her are together alone in her house, while her brother is out for hours, but not a single time has she initiated or acted like she wants sex.

We only have sex once in 4-5 months, when her brother is traveling to another town for 2-3 days. And even when its that period of the year, it doesnt feel like she is excited to have it at all. If we have 4 days, we would have only 2 of those and the other two she would turn her back and fall asleep right away.

Lots of times she had stopped me in the middle of sex, because she didn't feel good or problem with her stomach, and says sorry ect. , which i totally understand even thou it suxs to be interrupted in the middle of it.

Also when we have sex, I could go for 3-4 roudns, since I dont last long yet, because its so rare and she is my first sex partner. But she says, we should do it only once, and its enough.

Also when we are having sex she never gets wet, we have to use lubricants and stuff, I start to feel like I am not good enough and can get her aroused. ( even thou it might be that shes just like that)

I might be bad at sex I dont know, but I always make sure she is pleasured first before we finish and I try to do everything she wants and however she wants it.

 

I was her first sex partner and she was my first girlfriend and my first sex partner as well.

I get that she might have a low sex drive, but isnt it strange not wanting it at all. We are both young - 24 years, and I think it is just normal to have sex more often.

 

I really do love her and she means the world to me, but behaving like she does, and doing what she does is starting to push me away little by little, no matter how hard i try anymore, I feel like i am starting to fall out of love, even thou I don't want to.

On the other hand i must point out that I am really jealous person, and I am jealous at literally everything - whenever she dresses provocative or goes out with her friends or dumps me to go out with some of her friends... but I control my jealousy and never had to tell her that i am jealous so she doesnt even know.

She is still going to night clubs and comes back home 5 am drunk, every night when shes away from me in another town, and even thou it bothers me beyond everything, i never told her anything at all. I wouldn't know how to tell her not to go out, if she is in a relationship i dont get it why would she go out every night clubbing at all...

 

 

So since she is my first girlfriend, and I am inexperienced in relationships - What is the problem here - about the way she started behaving, not wanting sex, never showing off with me( and I always do show off with her and am proud with her anywhere and with anyone), ect..?

 

Am i doing something wrong? Am i just being paranoid?

What should I try and do, because its getting me depressed and so worried lately?

If tell her, how should I tell and try to talk to her? Because I am scared that if i push her she ll get mad and not sure how she ll react. She keeps insisting that i am annoying her and imagining problems, and that everything is alright and great.

 

 

Thank you and sorry for the long and not-well written post. I am just too worried.

[ExpatInItaly]

I'm sorry you're hurting so much OP, and I don't think you're imagining things. There are some definite red flags here and you need to listen to your gut.

 

After two years of dating, her refusal to meet your parents or introduce you to hers in ridiculous. I believe she is making excuses. Do they know about you? Does her brother realize you're her boyfriend, and not just a friend? Do you know her friends? Her reluctance to work together could be nothing - a lot of people would prefer not to work with their partners all day. She might just not know how to be honest and tell you she doesn't want to be your girlfriend and co-worker at the same time. However, in the context of her recent distance, I can see why you're questioning her reasoning and you could be right. Are there any significant cultural/racial/religious differences between you two that could make her family uncomfortable? I'm just trying to guess why she keeps you away from her parents and other relatives.

 

I don't think you're necessarily doing anything wrong, but I do think she's falling out of love. I can't say what's going on in her mind; the only thing that's clear is that something's up and she's detaching. The point is you can't go on like this forever. I say you need to sit back for a couple weeks and see how things play out. If she continues to be distant, then it's time to have a serious conversation about whether or not she wants to continue the relationship.

[d0nnivain]

Your relationship may be coming to it's natural end for her. It's not about you being a bad BF or doing anything wrong but her looking at you & at the two of you as a couple & saying that she wants something more from her life but being unable to define it. It's a feeling more than anything.

 

 

One concrete piece of advice, do not apply to work at the same company as your SO. Working together is a bad bad idea. Don't do it.

[markdavemark]

There aren't any cultural/racial/religious differences between you two that could make her family uncomfortable, or at least none that i know of.

 

Her brother has a girlfriend also and often they visit together their parents, even though they are younger than us.. So i guess its not it.

 

Her brother and her family know about me being a boyfriend. Also most of her friends do know about me. Even some of her relatives know about me, like her aunt who often tells her to greet me even thou we never met of course. My parents cant wait to meet her also, but...

 

On the one hand people do know about me, on the other I get some strange feeling like she is ashamed of me for unknown reasons, or maybe it is just a feeling.

As for the working together, its fine I guess, even thou we are "dreaming" of having a company together after 1-2 years and I dont see a reason why she wouldn't want to work together for the initial 1-2 years also, until we collect some money, its still making me think she is ashamed or something from me in front of other people, because obviously she would work with me, since she wants our own company.

And yes it might sound like an actual kids dream but one day I will have my own company

 

She never hugs/kisses anymore except if I do it first. And as i mentioned there is no intimacy almost at all. But no matter what she does, no matter what she says, i always smile and dont mind her for anything. Even when i am stressed and crying inside myself, in front of her i smile and am happy, just because i want to see her happy and not worried. ( i am not hiding from her just being always positive around her, no matter how hard it is )

 

When i try to talk, shes accusing me of making up problems and that everything is fine. Why would she be falling out of love after 2 years?

 

I've never had anyone in my life, my parents are.. as they are not so close with me. Always moved around cities and dont have any real friends.

So the only person I was so close ever is her, and now it feels like i am losing her also and shes starting not to be interested..Shes so important to me, but hurts me at the same time so much.

 

The more I wait the colder it gets. How should i try talking? Tell her everything like the rare sex which she never wants and i really want it, the behavior in front of other people - never showing any love just acting as a friend, feeling she is ashamed, feeling distance, ect..?

I am afraid she ll acuse me once again for not telling her all of this earlier and that i am making up problems.

 

Thank you.

[markdavemark]

Whatever I do, even if i make some face when she says something silly or offends me, she is instantly getting mad and not tolerating me at all, like i am some enemy.

However whenever she offends me or says something or does something, i always smile and tell her in the nicest way, jokingly "Oh my good what did she just saiid to me" and we just laugh, instead of making a big deal out of it.

She has 0 patience for me and i am like a wall which you can shoot your ball at, and no matter how much you shoot the wall will still stay there.

And I dont mind being like that at all since I love her, but now with the way she behaves, and not having interest and everything else put together, it is starting to bother me.

[Yookie]

Sounds like she's already checked out of the relationship and is just waiting for you to get on board. She wants to break up with you but doesn't have the guts to do it so she's going to be mean to make you want to break up with her instead.

[Satu]

It sounds like she doesn't want to be in the relationship anymore, but hasn't got to the point of taking decisive action yet.

 

Brace yourself.

 

Its over.

[markdavemark]

Okay, if she wanted to break up, why wouldnt she tell me when I try to talk.

Instead she is accusing me of making up problems and that everything is fine?

What should i do? Just wait and sit like that and get depressed and disappointed every day, or go and tell her my "made up" problems and make it look like i am the bad one?

 

I really dont know what to do.

[Redhead14]

Okay, if she wanted to break up, why wouldnt she tell me when I try to talk.

Instead she is accusing me of making up problems and that everything is fine?

What should i do? Just wait and sit like that and get depressed and disappointed every day, or go and tell her my "made up" problems and make it look like i am the bad one?

 

I really dont know what to do.

 

Telling you that you are making problems up is an avoidance tactic. For whatever reason, she doesn't want to address the issues head on. Either she does want to break up or is maybe considering it. However, it's not very mature of her to not be willing to talk about things that concern you. Your feelings and needs are important. You are not making things up. You have empirical evidence to support why you feel the way you feel. She's doesn't want you to do things for her, displays of affection are non-existant and so you aren't feeling needed and the level of sexual intimacy has dropped off.

 

Based on what you've written, I'd say, maybe she is feeling a little smothered. You two are together often and now maybe working together and on top of all that you are pressuring her. It appears that you are pushing the issues a little too much right now and it is annoying her. She's told you you are annoying her in fact. I'd back away a little bit for now. Don't see her quite so much and give a little space. Do more things on your own with friends, etc. Try this first to see if her behavior changes, say for a month. You don't have to tell her you're giving her space, just make plans for yourself that don't always include her. You can invite her, but don't push her to go. Inviting her will reassure her if she notices that you are doing things without her at least.

 

Oftentimes, when one partner seems to be pulling away, it is best to let them have the space they need. When they are ready will close up the space, usually, by coming to you and discussing whatever it is that is causing them to pull away after they've had some time to think clearly. When they are being pressured, they become confused and overwhelmed and push away harder.

 

If there hasn't been any improvement at all in a month, it would be appropriate to open another conversation with her. Do it casually and non-confrontationally by saying something like, "I love you very much and value our relationship but I am feeling some distance between us and it's important to our relationship to discuss anything that troubles us." Don't use "you" phrases, like 'you aren't satisfying me in bed". Or, "you aren't being affectionate" You can say "I am feeling that the intimacy in our relationship has dropped off. Do you agree?". If so, I'd like us to work things out in a way that works for us both." If she still tells you you are making things up, you can cite empirical evidence that supports what you are feeling. I.e., the intimacy has dropped. You can say "I'd like it if we could be intimate a little more often and if there is something that you need or something that's bothering you, I'd like to hear about it."

 

But for now, take a step back, be patient and let her come to you. Do somethings for yourself that you like to do. Right now, you seem to be doing more "work" on the relationship.

Edited March 22, 2015 by Redhead14

[markdavemark]

Telling you that you are making problems up is an avoidance tactic. For whatever reason, she doesn't want to address the issues head on. Either she does want to break up or is maybe considering it. However, it's not very mature of her to not be willing to talk about things that concern you. Your feelings and needs are important. You are not making things up. You have empirical evidence to support why you feel the way you feel. She's doesn't want you to do things for her, displays of affection are non-existant and so you aren't feeling needed and the level of sexual intimacy has dropped off.

 

Based on what you've written, I'd say, maybe she is feeling a little smothered. You two are together often and now maybe working together and on top of all that you are pressuring her. It appears that you are pushing the issues a little too much right now and it is annoying her. She's told you you are annoying her in fact. I'd back away a little bit for now. Don't see her quite so much and give a little space. Do more things on your own with friends, etc. Try this first to see if her behavior changes, say for a month. You don't have to tell her you're giving her space, just make plans for yourself that don't always include her. You can invite her, but don't push her to go. Inviting her will reassure her if she notices that you are doing things without her at least.

 

Oftentimes, when one partner seems to be pulling away, it is best to let them have the space they need. When they are ready will close up the space, usually, by coming to you and discussing whatever it is that is causing them to pull away after they've had some time to think clearly. When they are being pressured, they become confused and overwhelmed and push away harder.

 

If there hasn't been any improvement at all in a month, it would be appropriate to open another conversation with her. Do it casually and non-confrontationally by saying something like, "I love you very much and value our relationship but I am feeling some distance between us and it's important to our relationship to discuss anything that troubles us." Don't use "you" phrases, like 'you aren't satisfying me in bed". Or, "you aren't being affectionate" You can say "I am feeling that the intimacy in our relationship has dropped off. Do you agree?". If so, I'd like us to work things out in a way that works for us both." If she still tells you you are making things up, you can cite empirical evidence that supports what you are feeling. I.e., the intimacy has dropped. You can say "I'd like it if we could be intimate a little more often and if there is something that you need or something that's bothering you, I'd like to hear about it."

 

But for now, take a step back, be patient and let her come to you. Do somethings for yourself that you like to do. Right now, you seem to be doing more "work" on the relationship.

 

Thank you for your answer.

However there is a small problem for that too..

 

I've tried in the past, giving her space or acting distant or trying not to push her.

Whenever i do that, shes noticing straight away, since we are together most of the time and know each other well, if i have even slight change in behavior or mood she can notice it and again accuses me of having a problem and not telling her and that shes okay but i am obviously having a problem and making it up that shes the problem.

When i sit and try to explain her that its her behavior, either she ll acuse me of making up problems and stuff, or she ll say "well if you stopped liking me how i am then why are you with me.." and thats it.

One way or the other it is my fault.

 

And depends how you look on the relationship, i think there should be softness and intimacy and happiness and being proud with your partner ect..However in our relationship, its just walk and talk normally like with a friend without showing any emotion from her side, and I am the one who always makes the emotion in the relationship.

 

Shes just used to me being the soft one and always saying sorry and going after her no matter what, so if i change she notices it straight away.

 

For me its a dead-end. I really care for her, i would give her space and anything, but in the same time i am dissapointed and whenever i see other couples, how the girl is hugging or snuggling or being happy next to her partner holding his hand and trying to be next to him - it just makes me depressed.

Shes never wanting me like that, its like I am not worth it.

Edited March 22, 2015 by markdavemark

[ExpatInItaly]

Thank you for your answer.

However there is a small problem for that too..

 

I've tried in the past, giving her space or acting distant or trying not to push her.

Whenever i do that, shes noticing straight away, since we are together most of the time and know each other well, if i have even slight change in behavior or mood she can notice it and again accuses me of having a problem and not telling her and that shes okay but i am obviously having a problem and making it up that shes the problem.

When i sit and try to explain her that its her behavior, either she ll acuse me of making up problems and stuff, or she ll say "well if you stopped liking me how i am then why are you with me.." and thats it.

One way or the other it is my fault.

 

And depends how you look on the relationship, i think there should be softness and intimacy and happiness and being proud with your partner ect..However in our relationship, its just walk and talk normally like with a friend without showing any emotion from her side, and I am the one who always makes the emotion in the relationship.

 

Shes just used to me being the soft one and always saying sorry and going after her no matter what, so if i change she notices it straight away.

 

For me its a dead-end. I really care for her, i would give her space and anything, but in the same time i am dissapointed and whenever i see other couples, how the girl is hugging or snuggling or being happy next to her partner holding his hand and trying to be next to him - it just makes me depressed.

Shes never wanting me like that, its like I am not worth it.

 

Then you already have you answer. She isn't interested in fixing it. End it.

[Redhead14]

Thank you for your answer.

However there is a small problem for that too..

 

I've tried in the past, giving her space or acting distant or trying not to push her.

Whenever i do that, shes noticing straight away, since we are together most of the time and know each other well, if i have even slight change in behavior or mood she can notice it and again accuses me of having a problem and not telling her and that shes okay but i am obviously having a problem and making it up that shes the problem.

When i sit and try to explain her that its her behavior, either she ll acuse me of making up problems and stuff, or she ll say "well if you stopped liking me how i am then why are you with me.." and thats it.

One way or the other it is my fault.

 

And depends how you look on the relationship, i think there should be softness and intimacy and happiness and being proud with your partner ect..However in our relationship, its just walk and talk normally like with a friend without showing any emotion from her side, and I am the one who always makes the emotion in the relationship.

 

Shes just used to me being the soft one and always saying sorry and going after her no matter what, so if i change she notices it straight away.

 

For me its a dead-end. I really care for her, i would give her space and anything, but in the same time i am dissapointed and whenever i see other couples, how the girl is hugging or snuggling or being happy next to her partner holding his hand and trying to be next to him - it just makes me depressed.

Shes never wanting me like that, its like I am not worth it.

 

It sounds to me now, that she doesn't really love you anymore, I'm sorry to say. But she is trying to keep the relationship going just for the sake of having a relationship. Maybe she doesn't want to be alone or is simply "addicted" to being in the relationship and maybe you are doing that too. She isn't putting enough effort into it.

 

I'd simply tell her that the relationship is not healthy for either of you and that it's time for you two to go your separate ways.

[SmartDude]

Maybee you need time apart to define who YOU are outside of this relationship.

Sounds like you are getting too close, in the wrong way.

 

Get into your own interests a little more.

Stop trying to get "closer" to her right now!

If she asks, just say you have been doing some soul searching latley and you need to figure some things out on your own.

Act all mysterious and don't tell her what you are going through, but asure her that you love her and you will get through it on your own.

 

And in the meantime actually do stuff that YOU like to do.

Take your mind completley off the relationship as a form of temporary therapy for yourself.

[markdavemark]

Maybee you need time apart to define who YOU are outside of this relationship.

Sounds like you are getting too close, in the wrong way.

 

Get into your own interests a little more.

Stop trying to get "closer" to her right now!

If she asks, just say you have been doing some soul searching lately and you need to figure some things out on your own.

Act all mysterious and don't tell her what you are going through, but assure her that you love her and you will get through it on your own.

 

And in the meantime actually do stuff that YOU like to do.

Take your mind completely off the relationship as a form of temporary therapy for yourself.

 

I guess you are right. In the past 2-3 months I definitely spend all the time with her, even if doing nothing it was still with her. And i will have some alone time for me in the future for sure. Might help me with my worries and getting sad/depressed every time she acts like that.

 

However how is that going to help me with her behavior? Will she start caring more, and be at least more passionate?

Because at it is now she acts like a friend or a colleague, except if i initiate something then she returns...

[fitnessfan365]

To be honest, you sound WAY more into her than she into you. It's one thing to care about a girl. But you have this woman so high up on a pedestal that you sound whipped. I mean, even giving her the middle of the pizza? The fact that she hasn't introduced you to her folks after two years is pretty telling.

 

Something tells me that she is finally coming to the realization that she was never as into it as you and a break up is on the horizon. What I would I do if I were you is give the girl some space. Don't call/text her, let her reach out to you, and when she does make plans. Then talk to her when you see her in person. Becoming a bit more indifferent and not being so over the top nice guy lovey dovey may help to rebuild some attraction and turn it around.

[preraph]

I think this is a classic case of imbalanced relationship. You want the relationship way more than she does, as evidenced by her desire to have sex with you, which means she's not attracted to you in that way. So you are being very nice and trying to please her, bending over backwards to do so but not getting much in return because you are the one who is more interested. It's never healthy to have a one-way relationship like this, and that's why I tell everyone not to be more giving than the other person is. It will not make them want you more. They may like material things and I guess some women would stay because of that, but it won't make them emotionally closer to you, won't make them physically attracted to you.

 

Maybe in the beginning she thought her desire would grow, but it either hasn't or it has cooled off. She may have resigned herself to marry you anyway, because she can't find any logical reason not to. But you have to realize that if she was attracted to you, she'd be wanting sex more than once in 4-5 months. And she would be enjoying it. She's clearly not into you that way. You don't want to marry a woman who doesn't want sex with you, right? Being married won't change it either.

 

As far as working with her -- absolutely not. She told you no. There are many reasons why this would be suffocating and unpleasant and even undermine her at work. So drop it about that.

[markdavemark]

To be honest, you sound WAY more into her than she into you. It's one thing to care about a girl. But you have this woman so high up on a pedestal that you sound whipped. I mean, even giving her the middle of the pizza? The fact that she hasn't introduced you to her folks after two years is pretty telling.

 

Something tells me that she is finally coming to the realization that she was never as into it as you and a break up is on the horizon. What I would I do if I were you is give the girl some space. Don't call/text her, let her reach out to you, and when she does make plans. Then talk to her when you see her in person. Becoming a bit more indifferent and not being so over the top nice guy lovey dovey may help to rebuild some attraction and turn it around.

 

This might sound screwed up but, shes texting(chatting online) me all day every day for 2 years, when we arent together in real life.

So even thou we arent living together we are constantly in touch, and if i stop chatting back to her, she ll know something is wrong, since it has never been like it before. All i can do is increase the time i take to reply to her...

[markdavemark]

I think this is a classic case of imbalanced relationship. You want the relationship way more than she does, as evidenced by her desire to have sex with you, which means she's not attracted to you in that way. So you are being very nice and trying to please her, bending over backwards to do so but not getting much in return because you are the one who is more interested. It's never healthy to have a one-way relationship like this, and that's why I tell everyone not to be more giving than the other person is. It will not make them want you more. They may like material things and I guess some women would stay because of that, but it won't make them emotionally closer to you, won't make them physically attracted to you.

 

Maybe in the beginning she thought her desire would grow, but it either hasn't or it has cooled off. She may have resigned herself to marry you anyway, because she can't find any logical reason not to. But you have to realize that if she was attracted to you, she'd be wanting sex more than once in 4-5 months. And she would be enjoying it. She's clearly not into you that way. You don't want to marry a woman who doesn't want sex with you, right? Being married won't change it either.

 

As far as working with her -- absolutely not. She told you no. There are many reasons why this would be suffocating and unpleasant and even undermine her at work. So drop it about that.

 

Thank you, thats what I was thinking too but..

 

I thought maybe she is ashamed and afraid from her brother not seeing or hearing her or whatever.

And of course i cant go in her apartment and initiate sex if I dont know when he is going to return home. She should be the one giving me a sign at least.

 

Once I mentioned to her that we are having sex so rarely, and all she replied was: "Well what can I do honey?" , like it wasnt her fault, and that we cant do it.

But even on summer vacation when we were together alone for 15 days, we had sex only like 5 times or so, which is not much i think. And not a single time she gave me a sign. I have to start everything from 0.

 

The only hope I am having in my head is that everything will be fine once we move in together alone, and that maybe its all because she wants to feel relaxed and alone when having sex or what?

Am i having false hope here?

How do you think should i tell her that i am not satisfied with our sex life, because i cant just go and tell her straightforward "Why dont we have sex when i come at your home?".

There are plenty of other places to have sex at if she wants it but yeah.. we arent doing it even at home not to talk about other place.

 

And when we were alone after 3-4 months, she would want sex like every day at least once, since we get only 3-4 days together alone in every 3-4 months, and thats when the "miracle" happens.

 

So am I having false hope here thinking that everything will get better if we move in together? Because I definitely dont want to spend the rest of my life with someone who doesnt want sex at the age of 24. As she gets older, she ll want even less..

 

Should I and how could I ask her or tell her about this?(Would sound like a maniac or pervert telling her straightforward "I want sex"), and would get the simple excuse - no place and cant do it with her brother at home...

 

Thanks

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

This might sound screwed up but, shes texting(chatting online) me all day every day for 2 years, when we arent together in real life.

So even thou we arent living together we are constantly in touch, and if i stop chatting back to her, she ll know something is wrong, since it has never been like it before. All i can do is increase the time i take to reply to her...

 

Actually, you have other options than just increasing the time it takes for you to reply to her.

 

When she texts you, don't reply to her for the ENTIRE DAY. Maybe even for TWO DAYS. So what if she'll "know that something's wrong" if you don't respond to her text in a heartbeat? Because, you know what, OP? Something IS wrong. VERY wrong. The way she is treating you is very immature for a 24 year old woman. You've gone out of your way to treat her with love, respect, admiration and adoration; only to now have it pissed on and thrown right back in your face.

 

She's not mature enough to end things with you - so, she's going to keep on acting in this childish passive-aggressive manner until YOU finally call it quits with HER; thus getting her OFF of the hook from having to break up with you first. In my opinion, she doesn't deserve a guy like you.

 

She is your first sexual experience and your first relationship. If she continues to treat you in this immature, passive-aggressive and insensitive manner without being the adult that she's supposed to be and COMMUNICATE to you how she truly feels about you and about the relationship, you should break up with her...and do it swiftly with no drama. You should go on to experience more relationships and interactions with other women.

 

I realize you love her (probably with all of your heart) and your instinct and decency as a human being is to try to salvage the relationship and to give her space, etc. But, you have been and ARE already treating her with all of the love, respect and consideration that most men out there have no concept of, and yet, she doesn't realize what she has because she's taking you for granted and - sadly - she seems to be out of love with you and wanting something (or someone) else.

 

Good luck with your situation, OP. Let us know what you decide to do and how everything works out.

 

 

.

[markdavemark]

Actually, you have other options than just increasing the time it takes for you to reply to her.

 

When she texts you, don't reply to her for the ENTIRE DAY. Maybe even for TWO DAYS. So what if she'll "know that something's wrong" if you don't respond to her text in a heartbeat? Because, you know what, OP? Something IS wrong. VERY wrong. The way she is treating you is very immature for a 24 year old woman. You've gone out of your way to treat her with love, respect, admiration and adoration; only to now have it pissed on and thrown right back in your face.

 

She's not mature enough to end things with you - so, she's going to keep on acting in this childish passive-aggressive manner until YOU finally call it quits with HER; thus getting her OFF of the hook from having to break up with you first. In my opinion, she doesn't deserve a guy like you.

 

She is your first sexual experience and your first relationship. If she continues to treat you in this immature, passive-aggressive and insensitive manner without being the adult that she's supposed to be and COMMUNICATE to you how she truly feels about you and about the relationship, you should break up with her...and do it swiftly with no drama. You should go on to experience more relationships and interactions with other women.

 

I realize you love her (probably with all of your heart) and your instinct and decency as a human being is to try to salvage the relationship and to give her space, etc. But, you have been and ARE already treating her with all of the love, respect and consideration that most men out there have no concept of, and yet, she doesn't realize what she has because she's taking you for granted and - sadly - she seems to be out of love with you and wanting something (or someone) else.

 

Good luck with your situation, OP. Let us know what you decide to do and how everything works out.

 

 

.

 

Well if i dont reply to her, she ll want to talk, and keep asking me why i am mad at her and ask for a reason, if i tell her its because she is different and i dont like it, and i want to talk to her. She ll just say shes as she always was and that I am the one who is getting bored with her and making up problems... And in the end she wont tell me the problem but will keep asking me what is my problem and why am i not telling her...(she often says I dont express my feelings, and never tell her anything, even thou I try my best to)

 

It hurts when she is complaining why am I caring so much about her, and that she didnt need a second mother, since i cared like a mother if i asked her if shes cold or hungry or if there is something she doesnt like. It even makes me unsure whether I am the wrong one for caring and sometimes doing something i dont like or freezing just to keep her hands warm, or making my arms hurt just so she can lay down in the bus and sleep when we travel, while i stay up for 10 hours and make her comfortable. I might be overdoing it a bit myself too, I am aware of it.

But all of that seems worthless. I feel like i am worthless and she isnt even noticing all the small things i do for her. And of course its making me sad and depressed, not getting at least some love or passion in return for it.

[rester]

Cut the "nice guy" schtick immediately. You've been her little puppy dog for so long that she's lost all respect for you. Pick up a copy of Robert Glover's No More Nice Guy and start changing things up. Doing what you've been doing is not helping.

[fitnessfan365]

This might sound screwed up but, shes texting(chatting online) me all day every day for 2 years, when we arent together in real life.

So even thou we arent living together we are constantly in touch, and if i stop chatting back to her, she ll know something is wrong, since it has never been like it before. All i can do is increase the time i take to reply to her...

 

As you say, she's kept you at a distance the entire time you've been with her. You haven't even met her parents after two years.

 

If I had to guess, I say she doesn't truly respect you deep down because your entire identity seems to be wrapped up in her. Women are attracted to strong, independent, guys that have more going on their lives than just their women. The fact that you spend all day/every day chatting with her online tells me that you don't have much else going on. Combine that with your over pleasing nice guy whipped behavior, and you get what you're going through.

 

She's obviously pulling away. So you need to give her space and also spend time developing a life/identity of your own separate from her. Cut out the BS chatting all day, every day. Make definite dates with her. Put yourself first more often, and be stronger/dominant with her in bed. Act like a man that can make her feel safe. Not like one of her gay male girlfriends.

[TunaCat]

Dude, you need to cool it with her. It sounds like you are making her your entire life. Not cool, you need to find some activities that you can enjoy on your own. Having your own life is so much more attractive to a woman. She's pulling away because you are smothering her.

 

Cut the doormat routine as well. Seriously dude, women don't respect men who are doormats.

[preraph]

As far as it being because it's in her brother's house, well, maybe, but you know, there's teenagers who will find a place to have sex no matter how hard it is. I mean, in the car, out in the country, etc. If you don't have a car, then maybe. But I think if she was really wanting to have sex, she'd be complaining about not having sex just like you would. She'd be nagging you to get a place to yourselves and finding times when the brother was gone and all that. I mean, if I were in that situation, I'd be going on long walks and finding private places. So it's hard to imagine she's that interested in it or you two would have found a way. Maybe in this case it would be better to stay on birth control and go ahead and move in together without marrying until you find out if it makes any difference or not. i just think if there's a will, there's a way.

[markdavemark]

As far as it being because it's in her brother's house, well, maybe, but you know, there's teenagers who will find a place to have sex no matter how hard it is. I mean, in the car, out in the country, etc. If you don't have a car, then maybe. But I think if she was really wanting to have sex, she'd be complaining about not having sex just like you would. She'd be nagging you to get a place to yourselves and finding times when the brother was gone and all that. I mean, if I were in that situation, I'd be going on long walks and finding private places. So it's hard to imagine she's that interested in it or you two would have found a way. Maybe in this case it would be better to stay on birth control and go ahead and move in together without marrying until you find out if it makes any difference or not. i just think if there's a will, there's a way.

 

Same opinion, if she gave me at least a signal once or told me something, we would've found a place. Plus lots of times shes home alone, her brother being absent for 2-3 hours, but not a single time had she ever gave a sign or something. And there is the car option always, ect..

 

So should I keep quiet and hold on for the next 6 months since that's the time i need to move to my own apartment and see how it goes then, or try to talk to her now,which would be extremely awkward telling her to have sex in her brothers house.

 

Or maybe it just means I am not attracting her at all and not good enough, and shes having sex just when she has to - since there is no excuse when her brother is out of town? And i am sure she ll first say that its not her fault and there is no place or time to do it since its too risky with her brother who might come in any time ( which is partially not true) and secondly complain why I havent told her this until now if it was bothering me..

 

How should i put it to her or its better staying quiet until moving in?