She's not letting me move on

[Over n out]

So my ex broke up with me 4 months ago. She was the one who initiated saying 'I don't feel about you the same way anymore' bla-bla (You can call it GIGS but as many people have said it doesn't really matter). She wanted to stay friends after the break-up.

 

For the first few weeks I was having a hard time. I was constantly over-analysing things and it didn't help that she started dating within a week. I did want her back, but now I've decided not to. I mean why get back with someone who clearly doesn't want to make it work. So after all the grieving I thought it was best for me to just learn from the relationship and move on whilst staying NC.

 

The problem is that I see her pretty much everyday (we're in college) and we both kind of said that if we see each other we'll say 'hi'. We also attend some of the same societies. I would try to keep up some small talk but she will occasionally say something about the relationship, which I am not really comfortable with at the moment.

 

I've already told her I will stay on friendly terms for the sake of awkwardness but at the moment she's taking it as if we are still really good friends. Is this not selfish of her? I already tried telling her once that I want to talk less in person and she got quite angry.

 

I just want to do what is best for me and that is to move on.

Any advice would be appreciated.

 

(Just wanted to say the people on Loveshack are amazing)

[Jimmyjackson]

She started dating within a week because she already had been speaking to this guy before you ended things.

 

Here's what you do; be a man about it. Who gives a **** if she gets angry ? She broke it off with you so just ignore her as much as you possibly can.

 

You can do little things such as when you walk past each other, pretend to be on your phone and stuff to avoid eye contact, don't hang in the same areas etc.

 

You've acknowledged that you need to move on and it seems you want to which is a good thing, just hang in there and don't react to anything.

 

If she says anything to your face just say look, you broke up with me, what did you expect to happen...we go on as if nothing happened? I'm moving on.

 

Also, I don't think it's selfish of her, she feels she's trying to do the right thing by be nice to you but she doesn't realise it's counter productive. Her hearts in the right place probably but she needs to realise it's best to leave you be.

Edited March 22, 2015 by Jimmyjackson

[privategal]

I would change the way I walk to and from class, I wouldn't hang out in the same places she may be...if you are able to change societies and get involved with completely different things it would be good.

You can block her in text and email and fb, and don't feel bad.

She said she didn't feel the same but if you keep talking to her it makes her feel better and less guilty. She had no problem jumping right to another guy so she didn't even have the respect to greive the loss or figure herself out.

She sounds shallow and self centered to break your heart and not respect your boundaries.

I would put headphones on when I walk and keep head down and not acknowledge, You owe her nothing

If you can change everything about where you go and what you do and who you hang with to avoid even the sight of her as much as possible the healing will be better.

Talking and friendship gets you nowhere, you need a new start and YOU make her let you move on by ICING her out.

[BlackbirdSong]

If I was your age, living at college, I'd act like Van "****ing" Wilder and absolutely run ****. Then she'd know who's boss and most likely, you wouldn't even want her anymore because you'd be dripping in girls. Being in college, you have the world by the balls man. It gets MUCH harder when that life is over and you enter the real world. Live that **** up!

[Over n out]

Thanks for the advice!

 

@jimmyjackson

I do understand that she is just trying to soften the blow. She did the same when she broke up with me lol.

 

@privategal

I guess you do see the other side of the person which you thought you knew so well after the break up. Surely it's not healthy to just jump into another relationship without fully reflecting back on the old one even if you've moved on?

 

@Blackbirdsong

Yeah dude, I realised I need to live the college life while I can!

[Reels]

Since you are still having some sort of interaction, you will still have some special feelings for her.

[na49]

It sounds like her wanting to be friends with you is more about how she feels than how you feel. You were the one who got dumped, but she expects you to be her "friend"?

 

I got a similar talk from my ex. She left me for someone, and the guy she left me for dumped her after a month. Then she reached out to me, and when the idea of having to start a new relationship came up, she said we should just be friends. We had already gotten back together once before and just picked things up where they left off.

 

I also go to the same college as my ex, but if I see her, I have no intention of saying "hi" to her. I'd say in your situation, just tell her how you feel. Tell her that you aren't interested in having a true friendship with her. Don't worry about how she feels. She probably didn't worry about how you'd feel when she left you, or decided to see someone new. During society meetings or whatever, just keep it brief.

[dumbass2]

It's not up to her to help you move on. Like what has been said, clearly tell her how you feel and that it is best for YOU to not be in contact with her and YOU wont just be friends. YOU set the boundary and hold to it. She may test it and if you break, you will start back from scratch and then she wont think twice about breaking them again as long as you allow it.

[Methodical]

First, she isn't keeping you from moving on, you are. I agree with JJ, she'd already begun talking to the guy she started dating, developed an interest, and was ready to spread her wings. You didn't see this coming so it blindsided you.

 

I don't believe her intent is to hurt you by being friendly. Although the relationship ended on amicable terms, so to speak, you both agreed to act maturely in the presence of each other, which is what she believes she is doing. You now realize seeing and talking to her is a constant reminder, so invite a friend to accompany you to mutual social gatherings. If she has the audacity to get angry with you for avoiding her, tell her she has moved on and you are doing the same. It's one thing to say "Hi," in passing, but at no point should you feel obligated to engage in a conversation, nor should she expect you to. That can be conveyed in a mature manner while maintaining your dignity. I don't see a need to explain that seeing and talking to her bothers you. To me, that sounds needy and dependent. Accept that that ship has sailed and spread your wings.

 

 

As others have suggested, take steps to avoid bumping into her. Rather than over-analyzing the situation, start socializing, surround yourself with people who make you happy, canvas the campus and meet other girls.

 

Good Luck!

[d0nnivain]

The problem is that I see her pretty much everyday (we're in college) and we both kind of said that if we see each other we'll say 'hi'. We also attend some of the same societies.

 

You need to change your routine. Walk a different way to class. Eat on the other side of the cafeteria. Study on another floor of the library. It's kind of late in the semester but attend new events. Go where she isn't.