To the recently dumped

[SethDamien]

I know you'll want to hear words of comfort, unfortunately,

you wont find it here.

You see, i've been the dumper of a 2-year relationship.

And i know exactly what's going through the mind of your ex right now.

 

They are NOT trying to ignore you -- they simply HAVE forgotten

about you! you're just a distant memory.

You suddenly lapsed from their timeline, as if you both never

existed as a couple.

 

So quit asking in panic,

"how could they move on so fast?"

"why are they so HAPPY while im crying my f**kin' eyes out everyday!?".

 

I know I moved on the DAY AFTER i dumped my ex and i have to say,

it was one of the BEST days i've ever had.

Never felt so much release and a rush of excitement that day.

 

But of course, my ex never did anything to deserve my treatment.

She was good to me, she was loving, and caring.

But down the line, i found the girl of my dreams and it wasn't her.

 

But i sure as hell didn't want to stay in a relationship where i was not happy.

So i followed my heart--I dumped her, and chased after this new girl.

 

The thing is, while my ex was probably looking for advice from friends, looking up

"how to win your ex back" or

"the girl your guy is probably dating now could just be a GIGS/rebound"

don't count on it please!.

I was in pure bliss the months that preceded our break up.

Even though my ex was severely depressed,

(contemplated suicide) i was callous enough to ignore her pleas.

 

Even my family/some of my friends said they liked my ex better!

but none of it phased me one bit.

I know rebounds happen, but dont count on it,

some rebounds develop further and might actually

grow to be genuine love given some time.

 

The reason i thought of saying this, is because it seems to

speed up my healing process after the "girl of my dreams"

dumped me after 3 years of being together. Now im in the

shoes of my previous ex and i could really say karma is sweet.

She's probably in bliss with this new guy she's seeing

that I never cross her mind.

 

I seen a thread from around last year stating "ex's always come back".

While I've increasingly been thinking about my previous ex, the thought

of getting back with her never occurred to me -- even though she

chatted me after being informed of my recent break up

(perhaps an attempt for me to notice her again?) but i wont

assume too much.

 

Stay strong. There's only one thing i can say to the recently broken hearted--

 

"One day you may find true love that will last forever.

Till then you'll spend one lifetime wishing you're together"

-Heart of Mine, Boz Scaggs

 

This song gives me hope--- not of getting my ex back,

but by finding one that will truly love you unconditionally despite

your imperfections/faults. It hurts alot, i know. believe me.

When my ex dumped me, i've been crying everyday for months, it

subsided 1 year later. I thought i moved on. But after finding

out she's found another, I cried nearly 10 times a day and

had regular palpitations. I lost a lot of weight. I'd take 5 minute

breaks every hour at work just to cry it all out, now,

im just crying during the weekends, when im alone at home.

Im still far from healing, but bit by bit, im starting to get

out of her emotional prison.

 

We'll all come out of this a better man/woman,

we all here in LS guarantee it.

Edited March 22, 2015 by SethDamien

[AaronSG]

And i know exactly what's going through the mind of your ex right now.

 

The above statement in my own personal opinion is very subjective! So you out of the masses here know exactly what our ex's are thinking? Perhaps you know exactly what your ex might be thinking, but to me it's pretty bold to toss out that you know what all of our ex's are thinking!

 

They are NOT trying to forget you -- they simply HAVE forgotten about you!

 

Interesting point of view, perhaps flawed, but interesting! Kind of odd though, my ex-fiancé was talking to a common friend just 2 weeks ago and she brought me up in conversation to this friend. She's been gone for little over 7.5 months, it appears she hasn't forgotten about me!

 

So quit asking in panic, "how could they move on so fast?"

 

I stopped asking myself a long time ago, I know in my case, my ex-faince being the "dumper", she had already come to grips with the end of our relationship before I was even told it was over. My ex-fiancé from our perspective possibly had the better part of 2 months to ready herself, plan an exit strategy, coordinate with her parents for whom she moved back in with. Yeah, I had the illusion and was convinced the was moving on way fast. But she already had enough time to ready herself, so basically while with me for little over 2 months, she really wasn't with me in mind and spirit!

 

I met the new girl 1 month before i dumped my ex. We chatted until late night, talked over the phone many times, and dated a couple of times behind my girlfriend's back!Yes, yes, get it out of your system-- i was a jerk!

 

You might have admitted on your post that you were a jerk, I'll go one better, you were a "cheater"! Already getting romantically involved with another woman, all the while you were maintaining romantic relations with the one you already had? And you can tell me or anyone else to "get it out of our systems" as if that's some sort of "bro code" for "yeah, yeah, I cheated, so what"! And your coming in here giving out dumpers advise as if it's candy, shame!

 

But i sure as hell didn't want to stay in a relationship where i was not happy. so i followed my heart--dumped her, and chased after this new girl.

 

Wow, this was a very hypocritical thing to state! So you weren't happy with the one you already had, and per your post you said you followed your heart, dumped her and chased after the one you wanted!?! Might I remind you that you basically already had the one you wanted, being this new girl. Didn't you already state that you meet the "new girl" 1 month before dumping your ex? Didn't you already admit to going out on dates with the "new girl" behind your ex's back? Where the bloody hell was the "chasing"? You already had this "new girl" in your pocket, then when you had this "new girl" all secured, then you proceed to dump the ex!?! For what you've said and reading between the lines, I personally suspect that you already were an "item" with the "new girl", you already had a relationship started with the "new girl" and only after such time that you knew you has your a** covered with someone new, you dumped the old!

 

The thing is, while my ex was probably looking for advice from friends, looking up "how to win your ex back" or "the girl your guy is probably dating now could just be a GIGS/rebound" don't count on it please!.

 

The only thing about this part of your post that I'm "not counting on" was the fact that you weren't truly moved on from your ex! If you were truly at peace with the breakup, if you were truly so knowledgeable on the art and science of a breakup, then you saying that she was "probably looking for advice from friends, looking up "how to win your ex back" shouldn't matter! Really, it shouldn't matter what your ex was doing after you chose to remove yourself from her life. I've learned that any statement in regards to what are ex's are probably doing after our respective breakups is just simply good old fashioned "speculation"! If ones truly moved on, and perhaps so happy with the ones their in new relations with, if one is so truly happy with their choice, what difference does it make to speculate what your ex is doing. Kind of shows me you might be more mentally invested in your ex that you might want to admit. I'm just grasping at some straws here, but I'm thinking in a way you truly haven't moved on from your ex, as you think you have.

 

I was literally in heaven dating this new girl even though my ex said she was way better.

 

Personally, in my opinion, it sure sounds like a lot "saving face" here! Your so happy, she's so happy, yeah right! Someones wearing the mask here! I suspect that your ex isn't as happy as you think! Would you be happy to come to find out your ex was cheating on you shortly before the relationship came to an end? Would one truly be happy to come to find out that the one they were with was already dating this "new girl" behind her back? I don't buy any of this! Someone was wearing the mask here, and I think someone, either which one of you were just trying to "save face"!

 

Sorry to come in here and perhaps blow your post into swiss cheese, but I'm just a person who "calls it like I see it"!

Edited March 22, 2015 by AaronSG

[SethDamien]

I dont mind it @aaron. Im not a professional adviser on relationships, but seeing as my gf of 3 years suddenly and mysteriously forgot about me in just a couple of weeks made me realize this. its the same situation as mine, and many others here on LS who are embittered by the sudden and unexplained loss of their special other.

 

And another thing i realized, the longer i held on to hope, the more painful it gets, so the sooner i realized that i can never get my ex back, the faster i was able to heal.

 

The thing that worries me the most was that i thought i could never find love again, and the longer you hold on to hope, you'll never be able to find someone new. Im not saying you completely forget about your ex, you can love them as long as you want while seeing them love somebody else., who knows, they might realize they were wrong and try to patch things up with you.

 

For the mean time, be happy on your own, don't rely your happiness on him/her... this is what i've learned here in LS, and the sooner you realize you're just a chapter in her life, the better you're off...

 

i guess this is the bitter side in me talking.

Edited March 22, 2015 by SethDamien

[Holmes85]

SethDamien,

 

Couple of things from your previous post.

 

I know you'll want to hear words of comfort, unfortunately,

you wont find it here.

You see, i've been the dumper of a 2-year relationship.

And i know exactly what's going through the mind of your ex right now.

You think what's going through your Ex's mind right now but you don't (keep reading further).

 

They are NOT trying to ignore you -- they simply HAVE forgotten

about you! you're just a distant memory.

You suddenly lapsed from their timeline, as if you both never

existed as a couple.

Who have you forgotten so easily in your life? No seriously who? People still remember their Kindergarten teachers and the people who are close to you / were close to you, never get forgotten. It's almost like you are trying to convince yourself.

 

So quit asking in panic,

"how could they move on so fast?"

"why are they so HAPPY while im crying my f**kin' eyes out everyday!?".

Actually if they never asked these questions and just moved on without reflecting they would be making the same mistakes over & over again.

 

I know I moved on the DAY AFTER i dumped my ex and i have to say,

it was one of the BEST days i've ever had.

Never felt so much release and a rush of excitement that day.

How long did that feeling last? Based on your highlighted post below 3 years.

 

But of course, my ex never did anything to deserve my treatment.

She was good to me, she was loving, and caring.

But down the line, i found the girl of my dreams and it wasn't her.

You thought that the grass was greener on the other side, realized it wasn't and here you are still thinking about your so called "distant memory".

 

But i sure as hell didn't want to stay in a relationship where i was not happy.

So i followed my heart--I dumped her, and chased after this new girl.

Seriously point out one relationship to me or in your family that is Happy Happy all the time, to me it sounds like your decisions are simply based on your "feelings" and not a combination of heart & mind. Today you feel like you are happy with this, tomorrow you feel like you are happy with something else. One critical thing missing is "commitment" from your end.

 

The thing is, while my ex was probably looking for advice from friends, looking up

"how to win your ex back" or

"the girl your guy is probably dating now could just be a GIGS/rebound"

don't count on it please!.

I was in pure bliss the months that preceded our break up.

Even though my ex was severely depressed,

(contemplated suicide) i was callous enough to ignore her pleas.

I'm gonna be honest here, after reading this paragraph, I'm pretty sure that the guy she starts her next relationship with would definitely be an upgrade from you.

 

Even my family/some of my friends said they liked my ex better!

but none of it phased me one bit.

I know rebounds happen, but dont count on it,

some rebounds develop further and might actually

grow to be genuine love given some time.

Good luck in entering a new relationship based on lies, shame & guilt. A great foundation for a relationship, but hey if your partner also likes to built on these shaky foundations, more power to both of you. Two wrongs does not make a right.

 

The reason i thought of saying this, is because it seems to

speed up my healing process after the "girl of my dreams"

dumped me after 3 years of being together. Now im in the

shoes of my previous ex and i could really say karma is sweet.

She's probably in bliss with this new guy she's seeing

that I never cross her mind.

You used the "girl of your dreams" to get over your Ex Girlfriend, you thought the grass was greener for you....till it all fell apart, and after 3 years here you are now, back to square one, thinking about your "distant memory" over and over again. The grass was never greener for you, but I am pretty sure it would be for your Ex Girlfriend.

 

I seen a thread from around last year stating "ex's always come back".

While I've increasingly been thinking about my previous ex, the thought

of getting back with her never occurred to me -- even though she

chatted me after being informed of my recent break up

(perhaps an attempt for me to notice her again?) but i wont

assume too much.

Dude, it's not that you don't want to reconcile with her, you pretty much want to save face. Everything you have written up to this point, reeks of the mess you have made, but you are putting on a strong face, just for the sake of looking strong, whereas inside you are completely shattered and do want some sort of contact with her.

 

Stay strong. There's only one thing i can say to the recently broken hearted--

 

"One day you may find true love that will last forever.

Till then you'll spend one lifetime wishing you're together"

-Heart of Mine, Boz Scaggs

If you stand for nothing and fall for everything, nothing lasts forever, your Ex might have used the same quote and gotten out of this mess 3 years ago while you have only come to the realisation 3 years later.

 

 

This song gives me hope--- not of getting my ex back,

but by finding one that will truly love you unconditionally despite

your imperfections/faults. It hurts alot, i know. believe me.

When my ex dumped me, i've been crying everyday for months, it

subsided 1 year later. I thought i moved on. But after finding

out she's found another, I cried nearly 10 times a day and

had regular palpitations. I lost a lot of weight. I'd take 5 minute

breaks every hour at work just to cry it all out, now,

im just crying during the weekends, when im alone at home.

Im still far from healing, but bit by bit, im starting to get

out of her emotional prison.

The girl that you dumped in order to persue the next relationship, probably loved you unconditionally and with all her heart and look how you treated her. Now you are here telling us, don't give up, wait for someone who loves you unconditionally that day would come and all this jibber jabber, here's the honest truth, you had all of it and you threw it all away for something that you precieved as better, you truly believed this was IT for you, till the reality hit you tenfold.

 

We'll all come out of this a better man/woman,

we all here in LS guarantee it.

You have a lot of soul searching to do and reflect on your actions up to this point in your life. You have your work cut out for you. I am going to wish you the best of luck in the future and hope you learn from your mistakes. Edited March 22, 2015 by Holmes85
!

[Stercrazy]

Rule #1 about relationships.......don't forsake your current relationship because you become attracted to someone else. There is no guarantee that the next relationship will work. Ending a current relationship needs to be independent and an autonomous decision.... Not because you've caught the attention of someone else. This is the part of a relationship called work where you reflect on your own transference to gain insight.

[Jenmarie]

The thing is, you never know what anyone is really thinking. You may have done the same things as others, but people's emotions or wants are not so black and white.

 

I had a two year relationship and we were so head over heels in love. Things got bad, I went through a severe depression and kind of leaned on him through that, and he broke up with me a few months later. Told me he wasn't happy anymore, he didn't love me anymore, etc.

 

So, as devastated, and heartbroken I felt I just decided to let him go and try my best to move on. I worked on myself, got help, got a job, met new friends, and focused on hobbies, interests and my new life and I became myself again. No contact for months. We somehow got into contact again 3 months later, and there he was. Chasing after me, telling me he only told me those things because he couldn't be happy with me if I wasn't happy with myself and he told me he didn't love me anymore because he just didn't want me to plead or beg, or try to reconsider his decision.

 

We've been back together for a year and a half now. So we've been together for almost 4 years with a small 3 month separation. Now he's just as crazy as he was about me before all the bad happened.

 

So, TL;DR. A lot of things cause unhappiness in relationships. If you have history with someone and weren't bad to them, I personally think anything is possible. I didn't think getting back with my ex was possible. What is meant to be, will be. However, you're right: don't count on it. Live your life. Focus on you. If it's meant to be, it will happen. But every situation is different.

[BlackbirdSong]

We somehow got into contact again 3 months later, and there he was. Chasing after me, telling me he only told me those things because he couldn't be happy with me if I wasn't happy with myself and he told me he didn't love me anymore because he just didn't want me to plead or beg, or try to reconsider his decision.

 

We've been back together for a year and a half now. So we've been together for almost 4 years with a small 3 month separation. Now he's just as crazy as he was about me before all the bad happened.

 

A lot of things cause unhappiness in relationships. If you have history with someone and weren't bad to them, I personally think anything is possible. [/b]

 

I pray for a happy ending like yours. Congratulations Jenmarie!

[dyna85]

SethDamien,

 

Your karma is not everyone's karma. Sounds like what went around, came around in your case. I think your overgeneralization of all exes is wrong.

Edited March 22, 2015 by dyna85

[HBK3317]

The thing is, you never know what anyone is really thinking. You may have done the same things as others, but people's emotions or wants are not so black and white.

 

I had a two year relationship and we were so head over heels in love. Things got bad, I went through a severe depression and kind of leaned on him through that, and he broke up with me a few months later. Told me he wasn't happy anymore, he didn't love me anymore, etc.

 

So, as devastated, and heartbroken I felt I just decided to let him go and try my best to move on. I worked on myself, got help, got a job, met new friends, and focused on hobbies, interests and my new life and I became myself again. No contact for months. We somehow got into contact again 3 months later, and there he was. Chasing after me, telling me he only told me those things because he couldn't be happy with me if I wasn't happy with myself and he told me he didn't love me anymore because he just didn't want me to plead or beg, or try to reconsider his decision.

 

We've been back together for a year and a half now. So we've been together for almost 4 years with a small 3 month separation. Now he's just as crazy as he was about me before all the bad happened.

 

So, TL;DR. A lot of things cause unhappiness in relationships. If you have history with someone and weren't bad to them, I personally think anything is possible. I didn't think getting back with my ex was possible. What is meant to be, will be. However, you're right: don't count on it. Live your life. Focus on you. If it's meant to be, it will happen. But every situation is different.

I can't even hope for a happy ending like yours because of what I did post break up... Anyways nice to know some people find love where they want it to be (:

[OneBigIdgit]

HBK3317. Where there is love and prayers, anything is

possible. May not be likely, but it's possible.

[SethDamien]

I see a lot of denial here, but im not generalizing, I know all of you here has been hurt and still pinning on hope.

And everyone here has a unique love story, and a unique heartbreak.

and some people here still have exe's who still care. But one thing is certain, you're here in LS because your heart was broken by your "caring" ex.

 

I get it, not all exes are complete pricks. Me and my current ex still lived together for a full year post BU before she found a new guy. for one whole year, i kept my hopes up, for one year, we still cared for each other, and still looked out for each other.

 

Everybody seems to think I meant “forgot” is like some sort of an erased memory. No its not, if I misused the term then I apologize.

“out of mind.”

 

You suddenly lapsed from their timeline, as if you both never

existed as a couple.

 

Try and tell your ex of the time you went out for that 1-week vacation in the tropics, or remind her of your favorite hang out, or how "fun" you both had under the sheets. Gauge his/her reaction from there... Either defensiveness, or compete apathy.

 

You cannot force love on anyone. Even if you spent 10--25 years, or more together, if the love is gone, then it’s gone!

 

You cannot imprison anyone who doesn't want to be with you anymore. And that’s what I learned just now that my previous ex was lucky enough to learn 3 years ago. I passively begged for my current ex since November of last year, Then I realize, she would never contact me unless I contacted her first. It was then I know, she doesn't care anymore.

 

I've seen plenty of break ups in my circle of friends, and it appears exes can’t wait to get away from you. My friend gave everything he had for this girl. Turns out his ex just wasn't happy, she was happier single and surrounded by her friends. He couldn't understand it either, she just dropped him out the face of the planet.

 

I've generalized exes this way because I know YOU can do better. Like they say “an ex is an ex for a reason”. find that reason so you'll get the upper hand and convince yourself that it was YOU who dumped them--not the other way around.

 

I actually admired my previous ex because she came out of it stronger, while I’m here down in the dumps. I respect her because despite my callousness 3 years ago, she was able to make the best out of life and is probably doing better than I am.

Now i am trying to follow in her footsteps, months after our break up with my previous ex, she went out of town and took a long vacation all by herself, dated a few guys, lived her life, she actually became sexier, overall improved herself.

Edited March 23, 2015 by SethDamien
you're and your.. :)

[SethDamien]

So, as devastated, and heartbroken I felt I just decided to let him go and try my best to move on. I worked on myself, got help, got a job, met new friends, and focused on hobbies, interests and my new life and I became myself again. No contact for months. We somehow got into contact again 3 months later, and there he was. Chasing after me, telling me he only told me those things because he couldn't be happy with me if I wasn't happy with myself and he told me he didn't love me anymore because he just didn't want me to plead or beg, or try to reconsider his decision.[/b]

 

You did the right thing. you had self respect and he realized his mistake of leaving you. He saw the YOU he first came to know and love and that is what matters most.

 

But those 3 months NC you spent is not the same for everyone. It could be 1000 years before exes come crawling back to you. You're lucky your heartache lasted for 3 months--mine lasted 1 year and still running.

 

Don't wait around for your exes. Be the bigger man/woman. when they come back, you wont care anymore, and most likely you may have found someone else who can make you happier than your ex.

[BlackbirdSong]

I've said this before and I'll say it again. I think in most reconciliations, it is the guy that comes running back to the girl (if he was the dumper), not the other way around. Guys come back, girls do not (as the dumper).

[Jimmyjackson]

I've said this before and I'll say it again. I think in most reconciliations, it is the guy that comes running back to the girl (if he was the dumper), not the other way around. Guys come back, girls do not (as the dumper).

 

It's not gender related, it would be naive and stereotypical to suggest it is. It's all dependent on the personality of the individual in question.

[SethDamien]

SethDamien,

I'm gonna be honest here, after reading this paragraph, I'm pretty sure that the guy she starts her next relationship with would definitely be an upgrade from you.

 

yes, my ex made that very clear. And all the more reason to improve oneself for the next relationship.

 

Even my family/some of my friends said they liked my ex better!

but none of it phased me one bit.

I know rebounds happen, but dont count on it,

some rebounds develop further and might actually

grow to be genuine love given some time.

 

Good luck in entering a new relationship based on lies, shame & guilt. A great foundation for a relationship, but hey if your partner also likes to built on these shaky foundations, more power to both of you. Two wrongs does not make a right.

 

They liked my ex better because they knew her longer than the new girl who they assume i just chased for her looks. I'm not going into the details of why i have fallen out with my old ex, but i assure you i wasn't based only because i found someone better. Religious reasons (her family didn't like me). her shaky attitude, and she emotionally cheated on me.

 

i guess were even--not really.

 

I seen a thread from around last year stating "ex's always come back".

While I've increasingly been thinking about my previous ex, the thought

of getting back with her never occurred to me -- even though she

chatted me after being informed of my recent break up

(perhaps an attempt for me to notice her again?) but i wont

assume too much.

 

Dude, it's not that you don't want to reconcile with her, you pretty much want to save face. Everything you have written up to this point, reeks of the mess you have made, but you are putting on a strong face, just for the sake of looking strong, whereas inside you are completely shattered and do want some sort of contact with her.

 

look who's reading minds now?

Me and my old ex are friends, but I imagine nothing more than that.

 

The girl that you dumped in order to pursue the next relationship, probably loved you unconditionally and with all her heart and look how you treated her. Now you are here telling us, don't give up, wait for someone who loves you unconditionally that day would come and all this jibber jabber, here's the honest truth, you had all of it and you threw it all away for something that you precieved as better, you truly believed this was IT for you, till the reality hit you tenfold.

 

Yes, she probably loved me unconditionally.

 

But if i stayed with her, would she genuinely be happy knowing i stayed with her because of guilt? i thought so.

likewise with my current ex. I wouldn't be happy either if she forced herself to love me again because i begged.

 

If they do come back and only because it didn't work out with their rebound, would you really take them back without hesitation? -- knowing you're just disposable? knowing that you're just #2? or you're just an option?

if i was in my old ex's shoes, i wouldn't take me back.

 

If they decide to come back, it must be on their own accord. Its the dumper who must work their way back to you. Not the other way around. Remember, it was them who tore your chest open and ripped your heart out.

 

All is fair in love and war, the sooner you get this, the better you're off!

 

You have a lot of soul searching to do and reflect on your actions up to this point in your life. You have your work cut out for you. I am going to wish you the best of luck in the future and hope you learn from your mistakes.

 

Thank you, and to you too. Lets all pray for the best for every member here.

[SethDamien]

Rule #1 about relationships.......don't forsake your current relationship because you become attracted to someone else. There is no guarantee that the next relationship will work. Ending a current relationship needs to be independent and an autonomous decision.... Not because you've caught the attention of someone else. This is the part of a relationship called work where you reflect on your own transference to gain insight.

 

Months before i dumped my old ex, she was increasingly bitter, we'd fight everyday, she was growing to be insecure.

and perhaps it was because of this insecurity that she began texting and dating this guy i didnt know.

I don't understand what made her that way. In addition, our differences was pushing us further apart.

She was a Jehovah's Witness and im a Catholic. Her family gave me a condition.

I'll get their blessing once im a member of their church which i couldn't do.

I endured for months but later realized my emotions for her was dwindling

and knew i had to end it before it gets more serious.

This new girl was just a hammer that drove the nail in the crack that finally pushed me away.

 

@Stercrazy, i want to say i totally agree with you. I had other reasons for dumping my old ex. But i know I didn't do justice in your statement.

[SethDamien]

SethDamien,

 

Your karma is not everyone's karma. Sounds like what went around, came around in your case. I think your overgeneralization of all exes is wrong.

 

Its not about karma at all.

 

Whether or not you're still sweet with your ex or they are completely ignoring you, its all the same for everyone. "One size fits all".

 

I gave you the mind of a dumper, now its up to you to asses whether contacting them and making yourself sound needy and desperate really helps--while your ex is out there having the time of their life.

 

If you broke up in good terms and never want anything to do with each other ever again, GOOD.

But its not usually the case. More often than not, one party is still hung up on the other.

[mightycpa]

Rule #1 about relationships.......don't forsake your current relationship because you become attracted to someone else. There is no guarantee that the next relationship will work. Ending a current relationship needs to be independent and an autonomous decision.... Not because you've caught the attention of someone else. This is the part of a relationship called work where you reflect on your own transference to gain insight.

Are you kidding me? Of course you should forsake your own relationship and pursue you interest...not because of this:

 

you've caught the attention of someone else

but because they've caught your attention. It's unfair to everybody involved to do otherwise. Would you really want your GF around knowing that she harbors strong feelings and attraction for somebody else, and she's just putting in the time with you? Why?

 

Work is when you both want to be there, but it's not easy at the moment. But if either of you don't want to be there, that's just prolonging the agony.

[mightycpa]

They are NOT trying to ignore you -- they simply HAVE forgotten about you! you're just a distant memory.

I think maybe what you were trying to say is that they just don't think about you, not that they have forgotten you. Of course, this presupposes that they are not in contact with you, and you're all alone, wondering how they could just walk away.

 

Whenever I've done the dumping, it wasn't because I wasn't sure if I wanted out. I definitely wanted out, and once I was gone, I didn't look back. I sure as hell didn't deliver little breadcrumbs.

 

But do I remember them? Absolutely. In fine detail. Do I ever think about them? Rarely, and not for long.

 

That's what you meant, right?

[darkbloom]

What kind of LTR were you in that you completely forgot about the ex the day after you broke up with them? Are you an alien? I think that says more about you than her. You chose to be in a relationship with someone for a long period of time and then conveniently forgot all about them when someone new caught your eye.

[mightycpa]

The girl that you dumped in order to persue the next relationship, probably loved you unconditionally and with all her heart and look how you treated her... here's the honest truth, you had all of it and you threw it all away ... I am going to wish you the best of luck in the future and hope you learn from your mistakes.

Wow holmes85! If I may offer my opinion, one by one:

 

The girl that you dumped in order to persue the next relationship, probably loved you unconditionally and with all her heart and look how you treated her

So what? I have to point out to you that if you don't want that from someone, it doesn't make a bit of difference how much she loves you or how well she treats you.

 

here's the honest truth, you had all of it and you threw it all away

Both people in that kind of relationship deserve better. It's not worth much if you don't want it.

 

I am going to wish you the best of luck in the future and hope you learn from your mistakes.

That's no mistake. If you don't want it, it is your duty to dump her.

 

I'll give you this, SethDamien. Your post sure did elicit a lot of reaction in some people, including me.

[SethDamien]

I think maybe what you were trying to say is that they just don't think about you, not that they have forgotten you. Of course, this presupposes that they are not in contact with you, and you're all alone, wondering how they could just walk away.

 

Whenever I've done the dumping, it wasn't because I wasn't sure if I wanted out. I definitely wanted out, and once I was gone, I didn't look back. I sure as hell didn't deliver little breadcrumbs.

 

But do I remember them? Absolutely. In fine detail. Do I ever think about them? Rarely, and not for long.

 

That's what you meant, right?

 

I imagine people here are smarter than this.. if i misused the term "forget" then i apologize. (non my native tongue)

 

HECK, i remember what my old ex wore on our first date almost 7 years ago! so what's their point?

 

you hit the nail on the head on that one @mightycpa.

[SethDamien]

Interesting point of view, perhaps flawed, but interesting! Kind of odd though, my ex-fiancé was talking to a common friend just 2 weeks ago and she brought me up in conversation to this friend. She's been gone for little over 7.5 months, it appears she hasn't forgotten about me!

 

hey, me too, i still remember my ex from high school, and my ex from college! isnt that strange?

 

You know what i mean. You're smarter than that.

 

You might have admitted on your post that you were a jerk, I'll go one better, you were a "cheater"! Already getting romantically involved with another woman, all the while you were maintaining romantic relations with the one you already had? And you can tell me or anyone else to "get it out of our systems" as if that's some sort of "bro code" for "yeah, yeah, I cheated, so what"! And your coming in here giving out dumpers advise as if it's candy, shame!

 

I understand you. You were the victim/dumpee. So its natural to lash out at people who broke someone else's heart--so im glad i did a good job giving you insight from a dumper's point of view no matter what a "cheater" or "jerk" i was. A lot of us have experienced being dumped/replaced/cheated on and hated our ex for it. Now use it to have second thoughts about trying to win back your ex if they're really worth the effort.

 

Wow, this was a very hypocritical thing to state! So you weren't happy with the one you already had, and per your post you said you followed your heart, dumped her and chased after the one you wanted!?! Might I remind you that you basically already had the one you wanted, being this new girl. Didn't you already state that you meet the "new girl" 1 month before dumping your ex? Didn't you already admit to going out on dates with the "new girl" behind your ex's back? Where the bloody hell was the "chasing"? You already had this "new girl" in your pocket, then when you had this "new girl" all secured, then you proceed to dump the ex!?! For what you've said and reading between the lines, I personally suspect that you already were an "item" with the "new girl", you already had a relationship started with the "new girl" and only after such time that you knew you has your a** covered with someone new, you dumped the old!

 

I was still 20 then, young and foolish (still am). The way i see it, many people dont want to stay single for long. Most dumpers jump into rebounds only days after the break up. Im not proud of it, but again, i've given you insight from a dumper's point of view.

 

I was already friendly with this new girl 1 month before i dumped my ex. All our "dates" were study sessions and walks in the park--no less than 3 feet from each other. And i only stated my intentions of courtship AFTER i dumped my ex.

We became a couple with the new girl only after courting her for 3 months--so we didnt "jump" right to it as your speculation goes.

Though it still doesn't change the fact that i emotionally cheated on my ex for 1 month.

 

The only thing about this part of your post that I'm "not counting on" was the fact that you weren't truly moved on from your ex! If you were truly at peace with the breakup, if you were truly so knowledgeable on the art and science of a breakup, then you saying that she was "probably looking for advice from friends, looking up "how to win your ex back" shouldn't matter! Really, it shouldn't matter what your ex was doing after you chose to remove yourself from her life. I've learned that any statement in regards to what are ex's are probably doing after our respective breakups is just simply good old fashioned "speculation"! If ones truly moved on, and perhaps so happy with the ones their in new relations with, if one is so truly happy with their choice, what difference does it make to speculate what your ex is doing. Kind of shows me you might be more mentally invested in your ex that you might want to admit. I'm just grasping at some straws here, but I'm thinking in a way you truly haven't moved on from your ex, as you think you have.

 

My old ex tried to convince my gf to dump me 4 months after i dumped her in an attempt to win me back. The messages dont lie.

 

She even let her friends in on telling my GF of how she "ruined a beautiful relationship". Quite immature begging sympathy from others. She even asked sympathy from my family. Basically, she was forcing me to love her, and thinking that the people around me might help in her cause.

 

Me and my old ex had religious differences that her parents wont allow. they said i'll get their blessings if i join their church--which i couldn't. She was also increasingly being insecure and it was beginning to take its toll on me. Due to her insecurity, she contacted and dated this guy i don't even know.

 

This happened months before i found the new girl.

So, as in your case--before i dumped her, i wasn't with her in mind and spirit and i have already come to grips with the end of our relationship.

 

Im not the one put my 'old ex' down, but having her back is simply impossible as i have no feelings for her whatsoever.

 

Personally, in my opinion, it sure sounds like a lot "saving face" here! Your so happy, she's so happy, yeah right! Someones wearing the mask here! I suspect that your ex isn't as happy as you think! Would you be happy to come to find out your ex was cheating on you shortly before the relationship came to an end? Would one truly be happy to come to find out that the one they were with was already dating this "new girl" behind her back? I don't buy any of this! Someone was wearing the mask here, and I think someone, either which one of you were just trying to "save face"!

 

I never said my old ex was happy. Who would be happy knowing you've just been dumped? who would be happy to find out your ex was with someone before the relationship ended? she wasn't trying to "save face" she made it clear she was miserable without me.

 

I on the other hand was completely apathetic towards her. It was not an act, as i never felt anything for her anymore. I simply fell out of love.

[Stercrazy]

 

but because they've caught your attention. It's unfair to everybody involved to do otherwise. Would you really want your GF around knowing that she harbors strong feelings and attraction for somebody else, and she's just putting in the time with you? Why?

 

Work is when you both want to be there, but it's not easy at the moment. But if either of you don't want to be there, that's just prolonging the agony.

Yeah......no. Sorry I don't agree. Just because I find someone else that I have met to be attractive doesn't mean I should act on it or throw away the relationship I am currently in. As far as having "strong feelings" for someone else the individual should looking at their current relationship and what is lacking in it. Because like I said....there is no guarantee the next relationship is going to work out either. Now.....if a person feels stuck or trapped in an unsatisfied relationship then its time to make a move because the relationship has failed....not because someone "might" be better or a better fit.

If I had a GF who had those types of feelings for someone else it does tell me that something is wrong/missing in our relationship. Two people should want to be together for "work" to happen and be successful. That I agree.

[AaronSG]

I understand you. You were the victim/dumpee. So its natural to lash out at people who broke someone else's heart--so im glad i did a good job giving you insight from a dumper's point of view no matter what a "cheater" or "jerk" i was. A lot of us have experienced being dumped/replaced/cheated on and hated our ex for it. Now use it to have second thoughts about trying to win back your ex if they're really worth the effort.

 

The only thing here that you gave me any type of "insight" about is that I'm 100% glad my breakup and anything in regards to the post breakup after math was not any where close to your situation!

 

As far as being the "victim" or the "dumpee", and it's oh so natural to want to lash out at people who broke someones heart.....!?!......Really, I really wasn't "lashing" out at you for breaking someones heart, I more so, without taking your ex into to much consideration, was only merely trying my best to point out "your character flaws", not so much defending your ex's position!

 

And now we come to something like "Now use it to have second thoughts about trying to win back your ex if they're really worth the effort." Trust me buddy, I don't need to hear from anyone, and that means anyone, as to use something to motivate me to think about any "second thoughts"! Plus, say I were to give my ex-fiancé some second thoughts, I'll even go one better, say I were to give my ex-fiancé a "second chance".........wouldn't that "my business"? Do I really need to hear from someone about using their information about motivating me to use the information as a basis to not give anyone any second thoughts.

 

No, if I want to give "second thoughts" or "second chances" that totally on me! If I want to break my 229 days of "no contact" right now, book a flight to Ohio, rent a car and make the short 1.5 mile drive from her airport to her front door and try to talk to her, that's on me! I don't need someones "insight" to try and stir thoughts within my mind about "do I" or "don't I" give someone any second thoughts.

 

Again, I'm so glad my breakup didn't include one of us already having someone new in our hip pockets before thing ended between us. Things are already difficult without any possible added guilt or shame knowing that either one of us already had someone waiting "on the side"! I'm not at all trying to pass judgment here, I'm simply saying in regards to my situation, I'm glad I can look at myself every day in the mirror and not have to worry about the prospects that I cheated. Or that I did her wrong by having romantic interests in another!

 

Different strokes for different folks I guess!