Younger girl... I don't know .

[RomeItaly]

So here's the deal, my Sophomore year of High School I met this girl (let's call her Hope for the sake of the story) She was going to be an incoming freshman the next year so I met her while she was visiting the school. I thought she was pretty but at the time I had only dated girls older than me, for some reason girls 15 an under just made me feel weird to even think about dating even though I was 17 at the time. The next year I remember me and Hope got to talking once and it was really nice, we got along splendidly and really felt comfortable with each other. She was a little over 3 years younger than me so it was a little weird and I backed off completely. Probably didn't speak to her for like a year but I always felt a connection regardless. At the end of my senior year I heard a friend of mine who was around my age kissed her and I was pretty appalled, partly because she was three years younger than him but also because I was a little jealous. This made me really nervous so I purposely avoided any contact with her indefinitely. After I graduated I didn't keep in contact with her I began dating a girl whom I really cared for but the long distance thing kind of broke us apart. The summer after my freshman year in College I posted on Facebook that I was coming back home and out of nowhere Hope messaged me and asked me to hang out. We hadn't spoken in a long while and I had never seen her outside of a school setting but I decided there would be no harm in seeing how she was doing. Soon after we hung out and it was really quite amazing, it was easy, and I enjoyed myself and her company more than I ever thought possible. I could tell she felt similarly and I decided to ask her to see a show with me a few days later. I didn't think of it as a date but I really just wanted to spend time with her. When we got to the show it so happens that we ran into a group of old friends that we'd had from high school, including the one who had kissed her some time before. He winked at me and made some joke about how he was passing down the torch, another man at the door smiled and told us to enjoy our date as we walked on, neither of us said anything. I shrugged the things off as if nothing had happened but they definitely gotten to me. Overall it had been I really pleasant time but I knew I had to let it go. She was 15 and I was 18 so there was no way anything could happen. As she got out of the car I knew I wasn't going to see her again and my heart began to beat and my mouth felt as if I had been playing chubby bunny with a ludacris amount of cotton balls. Without even thinking I called her name, and signaled her to come back to the car. I stumbled for words and eventually awkwardly mumbled a message ultimately signifying that I liked her. She was pretty taken aback and walked away.

 

I was embarrassed and wished I hadn't done it almost immediately. That night as I banged my head against the wall for the 300th time I got a text from her. It was quite encrypting but the main message relayed explained that she was flattered and quite flustered by the news as I pretty much gathered from her almost comical retreat from the scene of action. (I also forgot to add that she had hurt her leg and had a huge leg brace which made it all the more humorous in the retelling of the incident). Another year passed and I'd quickly gotten over the embarrassment, thankfully she was kind enough to keep the incident to herself, as far as I was concerned. About six months passed and I returned home once again. This time I did not post anything on social media but somehow she got word that I was in town and again asked to see me. I was pretty surprised by the proposition but I figured it would give me a chance to apologize and honestly... see her again. We ended up having a great time, as we always did, we began enjoying each other's company as if nothing had ever occurred.

 

Towards the end of the hang out I brought up our previous encounter and apologized for my behavior. She was very kind regarding the matter and actually seemed quite glad that I'd brought it up. At this moment I knew that I liked her, she was beautiful, funny and really quite mature for her age. I had always been the type of guy that gets mistaken for a 12 year old well into my late teens, baby face, so at that moment compromising with myself no liger seemed so difficult and I asked for permission to kiss her. She then responded with "I'm so glad you said something, I would have never acted upon it."

 

After that we tried to spend as much time as possible together, I was very conscious of not taking it any further than it had gotten but just being around her was enough. We had four amazing days together before I had to head back to school. We were unaware of what this thing was was. She was so young and I was still quite immature so we sort of left it there. We knew nothing could come from it regardless, at least not at that time.

 

Another good chunk amount of time passed, during this time I dated and had my fun as you tend to do in college and she did her own thing as well which made it easier to forget about us. Every so often though, we'd have these wonderful conversations on the phone that brought us right back to where we were. I would send her little gifts, not because I was trying anything but I hoped it would make her day. It was cheesy but it felt okay for done reason.

 

It had been a while since we'd seen each other and I had the opportunity to go down to visit her but this time it would only be for two days, it was very short notice but obviously she was willing to make the time to see me. I couldn't believe what I was doing... I was driving over 24 hours just to see this girl, but I didn't mind. When I finally got there she drove over to my house and immediately I felt something was off. I was aware that it'd had been a while but she was acting quite distant. At the time I figured she was playing hard to get but about an hour in a half into the conversation I opted to ask her what was wrong. It turned out she was dating someone at the time and because it had been so short notice she didn't know really how to approach it. Even though she was completely in the right, and I was sure that she had been seeing people, obviously I had been, it broke my heart to hear it. That was the first time that I didn't want to to speak to her, I was hurt and I acted like kind of a jerk. A while after, she had to leave but and I refused to say goodbye, she got pretty frustrated and started tearing up as she left the house. At that moment I made the decision that I had been fooling myself and this was just not meant to be. At that moment I stood up and kissed her one last time, just for me, it was selfish but so I needed some sort of closure.

 

I was 100 percent expecting her to slap me and leave, I was slightly hoping she would for I thought it would make it easier. But in actuality she kissed me back. She kissed me with such force that I was taken aback. A few moments later she collected herself, I apologized and she left. And that was that, we didn't speak at all for something around 6 months, she tried to text me a couple of times but I just could not speak to her, no matter how much I wanted to.

 

The summer right before my Junior year she sent me a message explaining how she was a senior now and applying for colleges. She was applying to school with the goal of becoming a congress woman. She was extremely commited into getting into an Ivey league school and she was working with such tenacity and passion that I really thought she could. I was about to begin my semester abroad in London and I figured enough time had passed and regardless of our relationship we obviously cared immensely for each other and needed to be there as friends. I called her, apologized for my behavior and rekindled successfully our friendship. Throughout my London trip we sent each other huge messages every few weeks detailing events in our lives and how we were doing. I think we were both in a point in our lives were we knew how important we were to each other but if it was ever going to come to something it would have to be way down the line, after we had lived and done the things we wished to do. When I got back to the states we continued speaking but this time it started through letters, she sent me the first one and it read that she had been steadily dating this guy and that she was happy with him. As hard as that was to swallow for some reason I didn't feel as hurt as I thought I would be, I had made the decision that her and I would always have a connection and that when the right time came and if it was to come we would both be ready.

 

This is the point of the story were we reach the present time, I have recently turned 21 and she will turn 18 in six months. I hadn't seen her in over a year so these letters were basically my one connection to her, I didn't intend to see her anytime soon but it just so happens that my parents bought a ticket as a surprise to return home for a week. I knew that I'd have to see her but a part of me knew no good could come from it. She eventually found I was coming into town and we scheduled a meeting. I walked into the coffee shop not knowing what to expect. The first few minutes were filled with awkward small talk and silence. My head was killing me from the anxiety of being there and I'm sure felt similarly. A little later she made a sly comment and something sparked. Everything was just like old times and we'd forgotten how amazing it really was. We were having a great time and there would be these silence were we couldn't stop smiling and we just stared into each other's eyes. Almost without fail she would look away, but not in the sense that she was doing something wrong but in the sense that she was happy and timid. Eventually we began to speak about our lives and old times began to come up. We knew we both had things inside us that were dying to come out but just weren't there yet. Something finally took over me and I grew a pair and started telling her my story of every moment we'd ever shared together and then for the first time in my life I told a girl, with absolute certainty and truth that I loved her. I knew this would change everything but although she was shocked she didn't seem afraid to hear it. I had just made this discovery and I knew at her age I didn't even know what Love even remotely meant. The passed three years of my life had completely changed who I was and I was afraid that once she got to where I was she'd realize she could never could feel the same way. Although I thought she wanted to embrace me as much as I wanted to, I was courteous gave her a hug and said good bye. That was that.

 

I wanted more than anything for her to say it back, to say that she knew that nothing could happen but these few precious moments we had, had to be taken advantage of but no such luck.

 

Later that day she sent me a text that said this: "Thanks for this afternoon. It was remarkably enlightening. I love you (I think maybe possibly) and I'm glad I got to see you. I'll send a letter soon. Have a good night and a safe trip back."

 

A rush happiness ripped through me, I wanted so eagerly to see her again. A day later I texted her and asked to see her again. She said yes and today, we were supposed to meet. We scheduled to have lunch and she made it clear that I couldn't "pull some suave, Casanova move like you did the last time and kiss me" She's quite astute, but I reluctantly agreed and set a time.

 

Fifteen minutes before we were going to meet she sent me a text saying that she couldn't make it and that she was sorry. That was it. Now I'm on the flight home and unaware of when I will ever see her again. My family is moving from the state so there's no reason for me to come back. I still firmly want her to fulfill her dreams and succeed but I've never felt this way before and I don't want to lose her. Any thoughts?

 

Sent from my iPhone

[Noproblem]

I think you love her and she might love you too, but since she is 18 her love is not quite stable as yours

 

 

Typically I would say, hey forget about this dream and move on. Stop chasing a phantom and start living your life and be mentally ready to really love some one else.

 

But you know and I know that is not gonna happen

 

You are obsessed about this girl and you feel that she is your soul mate and frankly I think she likes you too.

 

However, this long distance will always be in your way unless you do something about it!

You should move after you graduate to the city where she's gonna be accepted in university

 

I mean you work or study in that city and be close to her

 

Let's face it

What you gonna lose really?

 

She is the one!!!!!

 

You waited all these years, you only have to wait for one more year until she get accepted into wherever place in the United States and you move there work there

 

Or better yet go and study there. It doesn't have to be the same grad school, but the same city she is in.

And there you will try to win her!

 

 

Like seriously are you gonna wait around until another guy takes her from you!

 

3 years difference is nothing!

 

When she is 20 and you are 23 who is gonna care about that difference.

 

 

Stop wasting years of your life waiting for the right moment

The right moment is months from now

 

 

Go ask her about what colleges she is interested in so you can do your research and see what are your possible future city

 

Boston, NYC or California

 

Don't tell her about your plans

 

Stop being afraid of seizing the moment.

 

 

If it didn't work out once you move to her city, you will feel bad, but at least you will know for sure this was a fantasy and you let go

 

But if it ever worked out, this might be the best move of your life l.

 

 

I'd work on my gpa from now on, ambitious girls love ambitious guys

 

 

Best of luck

 

 

Also sent from iPhone

[Sunlight72]

I agree very much with NoProblem's post.

 

You sound like a person who can make a path to success in many different places, so I'd strongly encourage you to start making plans to move to the city where she enters University.

 

In the end, I think you should find out what can be between you and go forward with her, or see clearly that you should close that emotional passage so you can open it for someone else to walk with you.

 

I met a woman I felt ever so connected with - me in the states, she in Paris. I invested a lot in my dreams of us and communicating with her (which was delightful) until I returned and spent more time with her and clearly saw we are not romantic mates. It was wonderful, and painful, and within a few months I was able to look forward in my life and be more ready for a new relationship.

 

I'm really glad I made the effort to give 'us' a chance and see what was there instead of just living my life with the possibility and wonder about 'us' in the back of my mind.

 

Thanks for posting, you've already had a wonderful story.

Best Wishes,

Sunlight

[RomeItaly]

Hey Thank you guys for taking the time to read the message, I know it was long and figured no one would answer. I really would like that but I'm actually already set up with a Job after college that I've been interning for and it would be impossible for me to leave. I also don't want to be selfish with myself or her and shortchange our potential success by focusing on love as opposed to our careers. Maybe I should just let it be and hope that if it's meant to be it will be.

 

The only hard part an I know it's silly but I always thought that I would be her first and we'd have that, but she's almost 18 and dating this guy, who is an awful human being btw, and just thinking that they might do something eats me up inside.

[Sunlight72]

Mm. Well, it sounds like you've got a definite set of plans and feel she does as well, and that's very valid.

 

Many successful people decide early in life that career comes above relationships, and if both of you feel this way then it may be a good window onto the difficulties of building a healthy long-term relationship to just view the past 3 years and thereby project what might happen in the future.

 

It's probably going to get much harder for either of you to be flexible in life plans and schedules over the next 8 or 12 years, so if it doesn't seem like you can be together now, it's less likely you could continually make choices to stay geographically together in the coming decade.

 

One or both of you would need to reörganize your life priorities to make it happen.

 

We don't truly get 'closure' very often, and this might just be a big example of that in your life.

 

Bon Chance,

Sunlight

[GoldenGirl2015]

So here's the deal, my Sophomore year of High School I met this girl (let's call her Hope for the sake of the story) She was going to be an incoming freshman the next year so I met her while she was visiting the school. I thought she was pretty but at the time I had only dated girls older than me, for some reason girls 15 an under just made me feel weird to even think about dating even though I was 17 at the time. The next year I remember me and Hope got to talking once and it was really nice, we got along splendidly and really felt comfortable with each other. She was a little over 3 years younger than me so it was a little weird and I backed off completely. Probably didn't speak to her for like a year but I always felt a connection regardless. At the end of my senior year I heard a friend of mine who was around my age kissed her and I was pretty appalled, partly because she was three years younger than him but also because I was a little jealous. This made me really nervous so I purposely avoided any contact with her indefinitely. After I graduated I didn't keep in contact with her I began dating a girl whom I really cared for but the long distance thing kind of broke us apart. The summer after my freshman year in College I posted on Facebook that I was coming back home and out of nowhere Hope messaged me and asked me to hang out. We hadn't spoken in a long while and I had never seen her outside of a school setting but I decided there would be no harm in seeing how she was doing. Soon after we hung out and it was really quite amazing, it was easy, and I enjoyed myself and her company more than I ever thought possible. I could tell she felt similarly and I decided to ask her to see a show with me a few days later. I didn't think of it as a date but I really just wanted to spend time with her. When we got to the show it so happens that we ran into a group of old friends that we'd had from high school, including the one who had kissed her some time before. He winked at me and made some joke about how he was passing down the torch, another man at the door smiled and told us to enjoy our date as we walked on, neither of us said anything. I shrugged the things off as if nothing had happened but they definitely gotten to me. Overall it had been I really pleasant time but I knew I had to let it go. She was 15 and I was 18 so there was no way anything could happen. As she got out of the car I knew I wasn't going to see her again and my heart began to beat and my mouth felt as if I had been playing chubby bunny with a ludacris amount of cotton balls. Without even thinking I called her name, and signaled her to come back to the car. I stumbled for words and eventually awkwardly mumbled a message ultimately signifying that I liked her. She was pretty taken aback and walked away.

 

I was embarrassed and wished I hadn't done it almost immediately. That night as I banged my head against the wall for the 300th time I got a text from her. It was quite encrypting but the main message relayed explained that she was flattered and quite flustered by the news as I pretty much gathered from her almost comical retreat from the scene of action. (I also forgot to add that she had hurt her leg and had a huge leg brace which made it all the more humorous in the retelling of the incident). Another year passed and I'd quickly gotten over the embarrassment, thankfully she was kind enough to keep the incident to herself, as far as I was concerned. About six months passed and I returned home once again. This time I did not post anything on social media but somehow she got word that I was in town and again asked to see me. I was pretty surprised by the proposition but I figured it would give me a chance to apologize and honestly... see her again. We ended up having a great time, as we always did, we began enjoying each other's company as if nothing had ever occurred.

 

Towards the end of the hang out I brought up our previous encounter and apologized for my behavior. She was very kind regarding the matter and actually seemed quite glad that I'd brought it up. At this moment I knew that I liked her, she was beautiful, funny and really quite mature for her age. I had always been the type of guy that gets mistaken for a 12 year old well into my late teens, baby face, so at that moment compromising with myself no liger seemed so difficult and I asked for permission to kiss her. She then responded with "I'm so glad you said something, I would have never acted upon it."

 

After that we tried to spend as much time as possible together, I was very conscious of not taking it any further than it had gotten but just being around her was enough. We had four amazing days together before I had to head back to school. We were unaware of what this thing was was. She was so young and I was still quite immature so we sort of left it there. We knew nothing could come from it regardless, at least not at that time.

 

Another good chunk amount of time passed, during this time I dated and had my fun as you tend to do in college and she did her own thing as well which made it easier to forget about us. Every so often though, we'd have these wonderful conversations on the phone that brought us right back to where we were. I would send her little gifts, not because I was trying anything but I hoped it would make her day. It was cheesy but it felt okay for done reason.

 

It had been a while since we'd seen each other and I had the opportunity to go down to visit her but this time it would only be for two days, it was very short notice but obviously she was willing to make the time to see me. I couldn't believe what I was doing... I was driving over 24 hours just to see this girl, but I didn't mind. When I finally got there she drove over to my house and immediately I felt something was off. I was aware that it'd had been a while but she was acting quite distant. At the time I figured she was playing hard to get but about an hour in a half into the conversation I opted to ask her what was wrong. It turned out she was dating someone at the time and because it had been so short notice she didn't know really how to approach it. Even though she was completely in the right, and I was sure that she had been seeing people, obviously I had been, it broke my heart to hear it. That was the first time that I didn't want to to speak to her, I was hurt and I acted like kind of a jerk. A while after, she had to leave but and I refused to say goodbye, she got pretty frustrated and started tearing up as she left the house. At that moment I made the decision that I had been fooling myself and this was just not meant to be. At that moment I stood up and kissed her one last time, just for me, it was selfish but so I needed some sort of closure.

 

I was 100 percent expecting her to slap me and leave, I was slightly hoping she would for I thought it would make it easier. But in actuality she kissed me back. She kissed me with such force that I was taken aback. A few moments later she collected herself, I apologized and she left. And that was that, we didn't speak at all for something around 6 months, she tried to text me a couple of times but I just could not speak to her, no matter how much I wanted to.

 

The summer right before my Junior year she sent me a message explaining how she was a senior now and applying for colleges. She was applying to school with the goal of becoming a congress woman. She was extremely commited into getting into an Ivey league school and she was working with such tenacity and passion that I really thought she could. I was about to begin my semester abroad in London and I figured enough time had passed and regardless of our relationship we obviously cared immensely for each other and needed to be there as friends. I called her, apologized for my behavior and rekindled successfully our friendship. Throughout my London trip we sent each other huge messages every few weeks detailing events in our lives and how we were doing. I think we were both in a point in our lives were we knew how important we were to each other but if it was ever going to come to something it would have to be way down the line, after we had lived and done the things we wished to do. When I got back to the states we continued speaking but this time it started through letters, she sent me the first one and it read that she had been steadily dating this guy and that she was happy with him. As hard as that was to swallow for some reason I didn't feel as hurt as I thought I would be, I had made the decision that her and I would always have a connection and that when the right time came and if it was to come we would both be ready.

 

This is the point of the story were we reach the present time, I have recently turned 21 and she will turn 18 in six months. I hadn't seen her in over a year so these letters were basically my one connection to her, I didn't intend to see her anytime soon but it just so happens that my parents bought a ticket as a surprise to return home for a week. I knew that I'd have to see her but a part of me knew no good could come from it. She eventually found I was coming into town and we scheduled a meeting. I walked into the coffee shop not knowing what to expect. The first few minutes were filled with awkward small talk and silence. My head was killing me from the anxiety of being there and I'm sure felt similarly. A little later she made a sly comment and something sparked. Everything was just like old times and we'd forgotten how amazing it really was. We were having a great time and there would be these silence were we couldn't stop smiling and we just stared into each other's eyes. Almost without fail she would look away, but not in the sense that she was doing something wrong but in the sense that she was happy and timid. Eventually we began to speak about our lives and old times began to come up. We knew we both had things inside us that were dying to come out but just weren't there yet. Something finally took over me and I grew a pair and started telling her my story of every moment we'd ever shared together and then for the first time in my life I told a girl, with absolute certainty and truth that I loved her. I knew this would change everything but although she was shocked she didn't seem afraid to hear it. I had just made this discovery and I knew at her age I didn't even know what Love even remotely meant. The passed three years of my life had completely changed who I was and I was afraid that once she got to where I was she'd realize she could never could feel the same way. Although I thought she wanted to embrace me as much as I wanted to, I was courteous gave her a hug and said good bye. That was that.

 

I wanted more than anything for her to say it back, to say that she knew that nothing could happen but these few precious moments we had, had to be taken advantage of but no such luck.

 

Later that day she sent me a text that said this: "Thanks for this afternoon. It was remarkably enlightening. I love you (I think maybe possibly) and I'm glad I got to see you. I'll send a letter soon. Have a good night and a safe trip back."

 

A rush happiness ripped through me, I wanted so eagerly to see her again. A day later I texted her and asked to see her again. She said yes and today, we were supposed to meet. We scheduled to have lunch and she made it clear that I couldn't "pull some suave, Casanova move like you did the last time and kiss me" She's quite astute, but I reluctantly agreed and set a time.

 

Fifteen minutes before we were going to meet she sent me a text saying that she couldn't make it and that she was sorry. That was it. Now I'm on the flight home and unaware of when I will ever see her again. My family is moving from the state so there's no reason for me to come back. I still firmly want her to fulfill her dreams and succeed but I've never felt this way before and I don't want to lose her. Any thoughts?

 

Sent from my iPhone

 

You wrote ALL of this about her, then you love her & tell her.

[RomeItaly]

I see where you are coming from but I'm okay with her following her dreams even if that means possibly never being with her, I just hope that after its all said and done we'll at least try.

 

 

And as far as telling her I know it was long but I have haha