fitnessfan365 Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 (edited) UPDATE- Well, we went on our 5th date, and it went OKAY, I wasn't super psyched about the game, but still managed to enjoy myself. We came back to my place after, and we were making out a bit and then she stopped and asked me how she felt about us - long story short she didn't feel that we had the right physical chemistry together, and she thought that I seemed "more into her" than she was into me... She left right after. So yeah probably won't be seeing her again, oh well. I think I should have taken FitnessFan's advice, by allowing her to change plans on me and go along with it, I think I came across as too eager and willing to please. I don't think this would have changed the outcome since she didn't feel chemistry either though. Oh well, for how long I've been off the dating scene, it was a good run Sorry dude. As I've said before, based on how similar we are in mindset and personality, I think we'd be friends in real life if we lived closer. So I was genuinely rooting for you. Like you and Katie have said though, regardless of whether you went or not, the outcome would have been the same which sucks. But one lesson you can learn from this is to pay attention to a woman's actions more. What I picked up on, and why I was against the date, is that it was originally designed for you two to be alone longer in private. By her pushing to be out in public longer, it was her subconscious way of saying she wasn't on the same attraction level. If she was into it, she wouldn't want to pass up on hot physical time to watch a basketball game. In your position, I would have picked up on that, taken the hint, and told her we could do it some other time. Then told her to get back to me with some availability for the next week and not contact her after that. When she doesn't follow up with you, her actions demonstrate what you already suspected and you don't waste your time on a date you didn't want to be on anyways. Edited March 23, 2015 by fitnessfan365
katiegrl Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 fitnessfan....I am glad to see you here...cause I feel like I should apologize for totally shooting down your advice! You may have been right in this instance..... although again in the end it may not have mattered anyway .....if she just wasn't into it. But following your advice may have made barcode feel better.....
Author Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted March 23, 2015 Author Posted March 23, 2015 Sorry dude. As I've said before, based on how similar we are in mindset and personality, I think we'd be friends in real life if we lived closer. So I was genuinely rooting for you. Like you and Katie have said though, regardless of whether you went or not, the outcome would have been the same which sucks. But one lesson you can learn from this is to pay attention to a woman's actions more. What I picked up on, and why I was against the date, is that it was originally designed for you two to be alone longer in private. By her pushing to be out in public longer, it was her subconscious way of saying she wasn't on the same attraction level. If she was into it, she wouldn't want to pass up on hot physical time to watch a basketball game. In your position, I would have picked up on that, taken the hint, and told her we could do it some other time. Then told her to get back to me with some availability for the next week and not contact her after that. When she doesn't follow up with you, her actions demonstrate what you already suspected and you don't waste your time on a date you didn't want to be on anyways. Yeah, being in public longer didn't help matters, and kinda let the intimacy die off. I think on date 4 we had some good chemistry, things were getting pretty hot and heavy, so I'm not sure where things went awry exactly, but date 5 it all fell apart, and i think it's partly because I made myself a bit too available... Making mistakes against the very thing I preach on here. Shame on me lol. Before I made this thread I was contemplating the exact same things you suggested lol.... Great minds.
fitnessfan365 Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 fitnessfan....I am glad to see you here...cause I feel like I should apologize for totally shooting down your advice! You may have been right in this instance..... although again in the end it may not have mattered anyway .....if she just wasn't into it. But following your advice may have made barcode feel better..... No worries Katie. We won't always agree and your feisty personality is one thing I find charming about you. Plus, when a woman has her heels dug in on her opinion, trying to change it is like fighting quicksand. So I opted for the path of least resistance. But this is where you can show a woman's POV. If you really like a guy and are very attracted to him, would you change plans the day before to watch a basketball game in public to avoid being alone with him at his place? That is the one major detail that jumped out at me the whole time. For me it was never about the camaraderie, or a fun public interaction. It was about her trying to shorten private time with him.
Author Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted March 23, 2015 Author Posted March 23, 2015 Well she did offer to watch the game at my place if I had cable (I don't), but a sports game isn't conducive to alone/intimate time in my opinion like a movie would. I did see the change of plans as a red flag initially, I should have trusted my instincts (which coincidentally coincide with yours ffan) lol.
katiegrl Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 No worries Katie. We won't always agree and your feisty personality is one thing I find charming about you. Plus, when a woman has her heels dug in on her opinion, trying to change it is like fighting quicksand. So I opted for the path of least resistance. But this is where you can show a woman's POV. If you really like a guy and are very attracted to him, would you change plans the day before to watch a basketball game in public to avoid being alone with him at his place? That is the one major detail that jumped out at me the whole time. For me it was never about the camaraderie, or a fun public interaction. It was about her trying to shorten private time with him. Hmmm....nope I would not. You are right! I would want him all for myself... one on one. Wow, what an enlightening moment for me. I was wrong!
fitnessfan365 Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 Hmmm....nope I would not. You are right! I would want him all for myself... one on one. Wow, what an enlightening moment for me. I was wrong! Well better late than never. But I can say this with full certainty. Aside from getting tickets last minute to see the Cubs in the World Series (not from Chicago, but they're my favorite baseball team), I'm not passing up on hot physical time with a beautiful woman for any sporting event. Haha 1
Diezel Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 I figured it'd end up that way. That's the kind of date that TWO sports fanatics can enjoy, specially if the relationship is a little later down the road. As a fifth date, I probably would have rescheduled as well, or at least offer to. It'd also be an indicator of interest to see what her reaction was. I get it that she wanted to watch the game, but it's altering the nature of the date. Worst part is she probably knew before the date that she probably didn't want to pursue a "physical route" with the OP.
d0nnivain Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 UPDATE- I think I should have taken FitnessFan's advice, by allowing her to change plans on me and go along with it, I think I came across as too eager and willing to please. I don't think this would have changed the outcome since she didn't feel chemistry either though. As a woman, I would not have initially concluded you were some type of spineless doormat solely because you politely agreed to a last minute change of plans. I agree that if she was telling you the chemistry was off, it was off before the game so that didn't cause her lack of interest. 3
Author Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted March 23, 2015 Author Posted March 23, 2015 Well contrary to what she said about chemistry, I felt like we had insane chemistry on Date #4, and she seemed really into getting physical (no sex). I don't think she was faking it either, but if anything I felt like from the earlier dates that her making-out technique seemed a little off personally. And on the second date when I went to kiss her, she was ready to practically ram her tongue into my mouth, and I thought she was a bit eager.... That being said, I rolled with it, because I liked her personality and figured she'd get better. Dunno how she's turning it all around on me lol. I honestly think it was a cop-out excuse, I did make a few other missteps in the past week between our 4th/5th date (including not rescheduling), but I'm not going to overanalyze things. Back to Match I might give this other girl a buzz who I went on one date with and things went decent, but it's been a couple weeks since we did anything, so I'm not sure how well received that will be lol.
fitnessfan365 Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 Well she did offer to watch the game at my place if I had cable (I don't), but a sports game isn't conducive to alone/intimate time in my opinion like a movie would. I did see the change of plans as a red flag initially, I should have trusted my instincts (which coincidentally coincide with yours ffan) lol. If she knew that you didn't have cable, then it was an empty offer.
Author Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted March 23, 2015 Author Posted March 23, 2015 If she knew that you didn't have cable, then it was an empty offer. Nah she didn't know. There were definitely red flags that I was ignoring though, and didn't play things as smart as I could have. Oh well - I think I'll be able to find someone I like even better, she did have her fair share of shortcomings.
fitnessfan365 Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 Nah she didn't know. There were definitely red flags that I was ignoring though, and didn't play things as smart as I could have. Oh well - I think I'll be able to find someone I like even better, she did have her fair share of shortcomings. Well there you go man. Get right back out there.
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