lakerman34 Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 (edited) So allow me to summarize: I am a 24 year old guy that co-teaches (shares a classroom) with a 23 year old female teacher. Both of us are attractive. She got out of a 4 year relationship in January, and ever since then, she has been acting very friendly towards me. We aren't allowed to fraternize, but we have a couple of times with big groups of staff. Then, the flirting happened. Constant smiling, she conversing with me just with a look, a little bit of touching (she brushes up against me a lot), the kids calling us out on flirting, the eye rolls with an ear to ear smile, laughing, poking fun at each other, and I catch her looking at me ALL of the time. When the kids ask if we're dating, she'll say something along the lines of, "no," or even go so far as pretend we are! But then, she'll respond to texts with one or two word answers, so I completely stopped texting her. Sometimes, she'll text me asking a question about the lesson plan. From the very beginning of the year, she has been calling me "boo" every now and again. A couple of nights ago, a few teachers went out to drinks. It was a good time until the older teachers left and everyone got pretty drunk. She put on this entire show with her friend (another teacher) saying how they were "crazy in bed," and pulling out Tinder talking about the boys they are talking to. All in front of me. Before all this nonsense happened, I was sitting across the table from her, and we were texting (nothing too serious). I then went to sit down next to her after a margarita, and my leg was right up against hers. She kept it there and didn't even say anything. I was asked what my type was, before I could finish, she'd butt in with "well MY type is..." This is how the rest of the night went. She leaves to go on an "appointment" which she made out to be a date (I found out she just went home to pass out). One of the teachers asks me if I'm seeing anyone. I tell her 'no.' I then tell her that I found my co-teacher very attractive and that she flirts quite a lot. The teacher alerts me that she's not interested because she asked her and she told her she wasn't. I tell her, "that's fine, but I'm calling her bluff." The next day I caught my crush saying that she left because she felt as if it was getting too weird. Anyways, yesterday, my co-teacher was completely checked out (students' behaviors have been awful). I text her asking her if she's OK, she says "over it," I tell her, "it's alright, it'll be OK, boo." Literally the second time I've EVER called her that. She told me she was uncomfortable w/ me calling her that. I told her that's fine, I'll stop (despite the fact she has called me "boo" on WAY many more occasions). Later on in the day, I install Tinder. She comes up. I decide to put it on hold for a couple of hours, then I right-swipe her (a right-swipe means you find that person attractive). Tinder says she's a match (she also right-swiped me). Then she deletes the match. I coach baseball after school, she comes to the game. I am pretty sure she was looking over at me quite a few times. Very awkward. She leaves after the game without saying anything. Then, she texts me: "Hey, awkward question. Have you been telling people we're dating?" I told her no, and explained the situation of what happened after she left the night we went drinking. "Oh. Because I've heard that you were talking from several people. Including Jake." Jake is her best friend. He's been around for about 2 years, they are the same age, he isn't a very good looking guy, but he was good friends with her AND her ex. "I never said anything to Jake. Also, we're coworkers. I care too much about my job to get involved in that stuff." Her: "Word. You're ruining my chances with Jake, man..." Me: "Yeah, I told you from day 1, I think he's in love with you." Her: "Well I'm in love with him!" Me: "There ya go. Go git it!" I'm just REALLY upset about this whole entire situation. I told our team leader (English teacher, 50 years old), and she is livid at this girl. She has told me to just act aloof and EXTREMELY professional because even she could sense the sexual tension and see the flirting between my co-teacher and I. This girl and I will no longer be working with each other after May 5. I actually kinda wanted to ask her out on a date, but am unsure if that's a wise move. I NEVER came across as desperate and NEVER shared any "feelings" with her at all. Thoughts? Edited March 21, 2015 by lakerman34
ExpatInItaly Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 So allow me to summarize: I am a 24 year old guy that co-teaches (shares a classroom) with a 23 year old female teacher. Both of us are attractive. She got out of a 4 year relationship in January, and ever since then, she has been acting very friendly towards me. We aren't allowed to fraternize, but we have a couple of times with big groups of staff. Then, the flirting happened. Constant smiling, she conversing with me just with a look, a little bit of touching (she brushes up against me a lot), the kids calling us out on flirting, the eye rolls with an ear to ear smile, laughing, poking fun at each other, and I catch her looking at me ALL of the time. When the kids ask if we're dating, she'll say something along the lines of, "no," or even go so far as pretend we are! But then, she'll respond to texts with one or two word answers, so I completely stopped texting her. Sometimes, she'll text me asking a question about the lesson plan. From the very beginning of the year, she has been calling me "boo" every now and again. A couple of nights ago, a few teachers went out to drinks. It was a good time until the older teachers left and everyone got pretty drunk. She put on this entire show with her friend (another teacher) saying how they were "crazy in bed," and pulling out Tinder talking about the boys they are talking to. All in front of me. She leaves to go on an "appointment" which she made out to be a date (I found out she just went home to pass out). One of the teachers asks me if I'm seeing anyone. I tell her 'no.' I then tell her that I found my co-teacher very attractive and that she flirts quite a lot. The teacher alerts me that she's not interested because she asked her and she told her she wasn't. I tell her, "that's fine, but I'm calling her bluff." The next day I caught my crush saying that she left because she felt as if it was getting too weird. Anyways, yesterday, my co-teacher was completely checked out (students' behaviors have been awful). I text her asking her if she's OK, she says "over it," I tell her, "it's alright, it'll be OK, boo." Literally the second time I've EVER called her that. She told me she was uncomfortable w/ me calling her that. I told her that's fine, I'll stop (despite the fact she has called me "boo" on WAY many more occasions). Later on in the day, I install Tinder. She comes up. I decide to put it on hold for a couple of hours, then I right-swipe her (a right-swipe means you find that person attractive). Tinder says she's a match (she also right-swiped me). Then she deletes the match. I coach baseball after school, she comes to the game. I am pretty sure she was looking over at me quite a few times. Very awkward. She leaves after the game without saying anything. Then, she texts me: "Hey, awkward question. Have you been telling people we're dating?" I told her no, and explained the situation of what happened after she left the night we went drinking. "Oh. Because I've heard that you were talking from several people. Including Jake." Jake is her best friend. He's been around for about 2 years, they are the same age, he isn't a very good looking guy, but he was good friends with her AND her ex. "I never said anything to Jake. Also, we're coworkers. I care too much about my job to get involved in that stuff." Her: "Word. You're ruining my chances with Jake, man..." Me: "Yeah, I told you from day 1, I think he's in love with you." Her: "Well I'm in love with him!" Me: "There ya go. Go git it!" I'm just REALLY upset about this whole entire situation. I told our team leader (English teacher, 50 years old), and she is livid at this girl. She has told me to just act aloof and EXTREMELY professional because even she could sense the sexual tension and see the flirting between my co-teacher and I. This girl and I will no longer be working with each other after May 5. I actually kinda wanted to ask her out on a date, but am unsure if that's a wise move. I NEVER came across as desperate and NEVER shared any "feelings" with her at all. Thoughts? I think you are crossing a major professional boundary too, and your reporting her comes across as sour grapes and vindictive. Why on earth did you do that, when you also participated in this? This girl couldn't have made it any clearer that she's not interested in you. Do not ask her out; she is no longer giving you any signals she likes you in that way. Leave her alone.
Author lakerman34 Posted March 21, 2015 Author Posted March 21, 2015 (edited) I think you are crossing a major professional boundary too, and your reporting her comes across as sour grapes and vindictive. Why on earth did you do that, when you also participated in this? This girl couldn't have made it any clearer that she's not interested in you. Do not ask her out; she is no longer giving you any signals she likes you in that way. Leave her alone. I wasn't "reporting" her at all. Not to a superior, but to an older teacher. There is no consequence. I just told her (because she has mentioned in the past that she thinks we'd be "cute" together) what had happened, and she thought that the girl handled the entire situation poorly. Also, the non-frat rule is a rule that EVERYONE realizes is stupid and breaks. The general culture behind it is "just don't get caught." English teacher was there breaking the rule with us too, anyways. I think you misunderstood, grossly. Either that or I didn't do a good job explaining the situation. The teacher is upset at her, but has told me that we all are going to reel it in and remain professional. My co-teacher (crush) is thinking about moving to another school, anyways. English teacher even agrees that she DEFINITELY is pretty flirtatious with me, and a lot of other teachers think we're sleeping together. Edited March 21, 2015 by lakerman34
rester Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 I think more of an effort is needed by you to keep things professional. It sounds like you've elevated some harmless flirting to something romantic. She has her eyes on someone else, and she's made that clear. Don't push it or you may find yourself in trouble. You have yourself a "work wife". That's it. Don't try to make it more personal than that. No more personal texts whatsoever. 1
smackie9 Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 Women enjoy the attention, but have no romantic interest. The breakup deflates the ego and hurts the self esteem, so they turn to other male attention to give themselves a boost or lift their spirits to help with the healing process. This is exactly what she was doing. She didn't realize until it was too late that you were really into her that way. The typical reaction is avoidance. She has already confronted you and made sure things were corrected in a subtle/joking way so at to not have bad feelings. Bottom line, she's not into you, don't both asking her out. 1
smackie9 Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 I NEVER came across as desperate and NEVER shared any "feelings" with her at all. Oh bs....you stalked her on Tinder, and you told a fellow co-worker that you don't believe what you were told and you are going to call her bluff on it. That's why the rumor when around that you two were dating or that you were under the assumption that you two were. The rumor mill is an interesting thing...the story is spread like wild fire and the facts are changed. It got back to her that you didn't believe she wasn't interested and you were gonna go at her about it. That's why she sent you that text to nip it in the bud before it gets out of hand any further.
Author lakerman34 Posted March 21, 2015 Author Posted March 21, 2015 Oh bs....you stalked her on Tinder, and you told a fellow co-worker that you don't believe what you were told and you are going to call her bluff on it. That's why the rumor when around that you two were dating or that you were under the assumption that you two were. The rumor mill is an interesting thing...the story is spread like wild fire and the facts are changed. It got back to her that you didn't believe she wasn't interested and you were gonna go at her about it. That's why she sent you that text to nip it in the bud before it gets out of hand any further. I don't disagree with you. The rumor mill DID change the story, but ALL I LITERALLY said was that I found her attractive and that she flirts with me quite a bit. Nothing else. Also, you can't "stalk" anyone on Tinder. It doesn't work like that. I can't specifically search for nor find anyone on Tinder. It's completely random who they give you.
ExpatInItaly Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 (edited) I wasn't "reporting" her at all. Not to a superior, but to an older teacher. There is no consequence. I just told her (because she has mentioned in the past that she thinks we'd be "cute" together) what had happened, and she thought that the girl handled the entire situation poorly. Also, the non-frat rule is a rule that EVERYONE realizes is stupid and breaks. The general culture behind it is "just don't get caught." English teacher was there breaking the rule with us too, anyways. I think you misunderstood, grossly. Either that or I didn't do a good job explaining the situation. The teacher is upset at her, but has told me that we all are going to reel it in and remain professional. My co-teacher (crush) is thinking about moving to another school, anyways. English teacher even agrees that she DEFINITELY is pretty flirtatious with me, and a lot of other teachers think we're sleeping together. Why is the English teacher upset with her? That makes no sense to me. You're a part of it, too. Moreover, this girl has every right to back away. She owes you nothing and there wasn't really anything there to begin with. Why are you and this other teach so upset by this? And it doesn't matter what other people think. She has been clear that she's not interested. Respect her wishes and leave her be. Edited March 21, 2015 by ExpatInItaly
Author lakerman34 Posted March 21, 2015 Author Posted March 21, 2015 Why is the English teacher upset with her? That makes no sense to me. You're a part of it, too. Moreover, this girl has every right to back away. She owes you nothing and there wasn't really anything there to begin with. Why are you and this other teach so upset by this? And it doesn't matter what other people think. She has been clear that she's not interested. Respect her wishes and leave her be. That's exactly what I'm going to do. We're upset at the way she handled it. Even MY superior (he's separate from the school) told me to screenshot every single text and every single Facebook post she has left me JUST in case. He's thinking absolutely worst case scenario (I don't think she'd ever go to THAT degree, but you never know how people think). In her shoes, I come up to me in private, say, "hey, you're a really good guy, I enjoy hanging out with you, but I just don't think we're compatible and we should remain friends." EVERY guy/girl is said this at some point in their lives, it's respectful, and it's a LOT less offensive than "you make me uncomfortable" when I've never laid a finger on her, never said anything sexual to her, and have been extremely respectful towards her. But yes, I'm backing up BIG time. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 (edited) That's exactly what I'm going to do. We're upset at the way she handled it. Even MY superior (he's separate from the school) told me to screenshot every single text and every single Facebook post she has left me JUST in case. He's thinking absolutely worst case scenario (I don't think she'd ever go to THAT degree, but you never know how people think). In her shoes, I come up to me in private, say, "hey, you're a really good guy, I enjoy hanging out with you, but I just don't think we're compatible and we should remain friends." EVERY guy/girl is said this at some point in their lives, it's respectful, and it's a LOT less offensive than "you make me uncomfortable" when I've never laid a finger on her, never said anything sexual to her, and have been extremely respectful towards her. But yes, I'm backing up BIG time. That's good. You really need to. You could land yourself in hot water, too. However, this doesn't match with your first post - you were still considering asking her out. I cannot comprehend why when you're now saying that you're screen-shotting everything and are very upset at how she handled this? Doesn't add up. As for how you would've handled it - that's you. Not everyone has said that and you can't expect everyone to behave the way you would. I don't think she's done anything so horrible, to be very honest. I think you're upset she rejected your advances, though. Seems to be a bit of an over-reaction on your part. Edited March 21, 2015 by ExpatInItaly
Author lakerman34 Posted March 21, 2015 Author Posted March 21, 2015 That's good. You really need to. You could land yourself in hot water, too. However, this doesn't match with your first post - you were still considering asking her out. I cannot comprehend why when you're now saying that you're screen-shotting everything and are very upset at how she handled this? Doesn't add up. As for how you would've handled it - that's you. Not everyone has said that and you can't expect everyone to behave the way you would. I don't think she's done anything so horrible, to be very honest. I think you're upset she rejected your advances, though. Seems to be a bit of an over-reaction on your part. Honestly, any claim she makes against me would be unfounded. Aside from my doing nothing wrong, leadership REALLY likes me and a couple of them don't really like her, but that's neither her nor there. It's funny b/c everyone used to laud at how amazing of a team we were (possibly best in the school), but now, towards the end, all this nonsense is happening. My manager told me that he would have been surprised if something like this DIDN'T happen, and that she may just be confused as to what context she wants me in her life after the year is over (there is no one in this world that we've seen more of than each other this past year, and we're technically not friends b/c we don't know each other too well in an informal setting outside of work, but we had INSTANT chemistry at work). I wouldn't be surprised if she doesn't make a big deal of this at all, and just goes back to business come Monday. It's all just very confusing to me. Probably won't ask her out on a date. It's probably for the better. I find her EXTREMELY attractive, but she may be the type to keep as a friend. I've actually gone out with the first grade teacher at my school. I'm not very attracted to her, but compatibility is EXTREMELY high. I never went out with my co-teacher. Attraction is high, but compatibility is very ???
thecharade Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 I feel badly that everyone seems to be blaming you. She kind of pulled you in with her flirting. But honestly, I have seen it happen many times at work--one person pulling in another but then ultimately rejecting them. Why do they do it? Various reasons, but you do NOT want someone like this for a romantic partner. Put her out of your mind! The fact that she behaved this way and then sort of blamed you screams "Danger!" She has bigger issues. You are not crazy; she enjoyed the flirting. But she played with you a bit and you need to find that unattractive and move on. Healthy people don't toy with other people. They don't need to in order to feel good about themselves. Get over her, and do not look back. Don't talk about her or focus on her. If she is going to an outting, don't show up. (She may try harder to pull you back--unstable--but do not fall for it. She cannot be trusted.) Good luck. Lesson learned. Not everyone is emotionally healthy or trustworthy. 1
Author lakerman34 Posted March 21, 2015 Author Posted March 21, 2015 I feel badly that everyone seems to be blaming you. She kind of pulled you in with her flirting. But honestly, I have seen it happen many times at work--one person pulling in another but then ultimately rejecting them. Why do they do it? Various reasons, but you do NOT want someone like this for a romantic partner. Put her out of your mind! The fact that she behaved this way and then sort of blamed you screams "Danger!" She has bigger issues. You are not crazy; she enjoyed the flirting. But she played with you a bit and you need to find that unattractive and move on. Healthy people don't toy with other people. They don't need to in order to feel good about themselves. Get over her, and do not look back. Don't talk about her or focus on her. If she is going to an outting, don't show up. (She may try harder to pull you back--unstable--but do not fall for it. She cannot be trusted.) Good luck. Lesson learned. Not everyone is emotionally healthy or trustworthy. Thank you SO much for your understanding! Yeah, I do think flirting was natural considering we are stuck together for so long and are close in age, but basically, I think she ultimately used me as a coping mechanism for her breakup. I don't think she's emotionally unhealthy, honestly. I think she's just in a place of recovery and is unsure how to react (she talks a lot of **** on her ex, yet still texts him. That won't relaunch, as he has moved up north, and we are in the south). If I do choose to "date" her, I think I'd be wise to wait at least a year when I'm certain she's done with her ex. But for right now, I agree with the idea that I just need to stay away from her. I'll continue to be kind, I'll act as if everything is cool, and the kids are VERY perceptive so it is IMPERATIVE that I ask this way, but when it's all said and done, I'm going to either be just a friend that she sees once or twice a week OR I'm going to be nothing at all. It's only wise.
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