Jonp219 Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 (edited) I know many of you have tired to help me to no avail. I just wanted to say thank you to all of those who tired to steer me into the right direction. Unfortunately, I can't do this anymore... I'm bitter, angry, and resentful. The darkness wants to take me, and I'm going allow it to do so. If they thought I was bad before, then they haven't seen nothing yet. I've reached my breaking point, and I'm going to trap that energy within me. Nothing good will come out of this, but this is just the way I feel. You may call me weak, and maybe I am, but I don't see a road to recovery nor could I imagine a light at the end of this tunnel. My ex was right, maybe I can't change. Although she had her reasons, I wish the absolute worst upon her and I wish to never see her face again, if someone wants her, they can have her ass. I'm going to walk into my therapist office on Tuesday and I'm going to tell him the same thing I'm telling you, I'm throwing in the white towel. Love has been the single most destructive, tormenting, waste of precious time that I have ever experienced in my life. All of that, for this? Yea, not worth it, not now, not ever. Anyway, just like love has wasted my time, I apologize for wasting yours. I will continue to post on the venting threads, but that's about it. Thank you. Godspeed. Edited March 21, 2015 by Jonp219
fireflywy Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 There's no need to go Sith Lord about this. It will be okay. It really will. Embrace the light by imagining a different future. It will help. Yeah, I know its a Star Wars reference and all but I believe in the power of stories, real or not, which address human nature, You're angry because you're afraid and as the saying goes in that franchise its leading to your hatred and suffering You don't like her judgement and you don't like judging yourself and you are fearful of the future and not finding someone else which makes you angrier at everything. Find a place to meditate. In short, be a good man. That doesn't mean you have to contact her or ask anymore of her, just find that positive spark in you and feed it. It's possible.
Author Jonp219 Posted March 21, 2015 Author Posted March 21, 2015 (edited) There's no need to go Sith Lord about this. It will be okay. It really will. Embrace the light by imagining a different future. It will help. Yeah, I know its a Star Wars reference and all but I believe in the power of stories, real or not, which address human nature, You're angry because you're afraid and as the saying goes in that franchise its leading to your hatred and suffering You don't like her judgement and you don't like judging yourself and you are fearful of the future and not finding someone else which makes you angrier at everything. Find a place to meditate. In short, be a good man. That doesn't mean you have to contact her or ask anymore of her, just find that positive spark in you and feed it. It's possible. How do you find that positive spark though? I've never been able to tap into that side of my mind before. I just can't discover my outlet. I just don't feel like anything good will come of this, I feel like I lost my chance at true happiness. Edited March 21, 2015 by Jonp219
ASV Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 When you're feeling down deep in the gutter, just think that someone here is actually feeling much more cynical and bitter with EVERYTHING, not only love. And has not even crossed the quarter of century. Only that I... oops, "he" won't be so explicit.
na49 Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 You don't need to give up dude. Seeing a therapist is supposed to help you, and it will if you let it. Your ex was not your entire existence. I forget your story, but was she your first love? If she was, then why do you believe she will be your last? Okay, so she said you need to change.. she isn't perfect either and probably needs to do her own homework. It isn't about her though. You're the main character of your life, and you choose how to live. I think staying here, writing about how crappy you feel will only reinforce your feelings. Do you have any other hobbies you can do? Even if it is for an hour or so. This will only beat you if you let it. You're like me man, extremely codependent. Their approval is the only approval I needed. That's a terrible way to live. I didn't accept me, and I didn't care. I only wanted her to accept me. Now that she doesn't, I feel worthless. At some point you need to realize you aren't worthless though. There's no magic trick you can do to make yourself feel better over night. But one way to continue feeling the way that you do is to continue to tell yourself that you are never going to be happy.
fireflywy Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 (edited) How do you find that positive spark though? I've never been able to tap into that side of my mind before. I just can't discover my outlet. I just don't feel like anything good will come of this, I feel like I lost my chance at true happiness. First, there is something good there that attracted her to you to be in relationship regardless.of why or how it ended or changed. Perhaps it was your sense of humor, perhaps it was your conversations, perhaps it was your direction. You are upset you feel.you lost your chance for happiness which says, even in our mistakes or theirs, that we aren't uncaring for love, empathetic of others, or that we don't have a conscious. Some people don't possess these things and they are a good basis to start on. Foster THOSE.things, take.pride.in THOSE things and any of your other positive qualities and FEED them. They are from light. (I sound all new agey lol) That's where you begin. Also, write yourself a letter. Write how you feel, tell yourself your good points and how you will work on them. Also, in writing your letter, forgive yourself while realizing you will.make mistakes. You'd be surprised how cathartic it can be. Edited March 21, 2015 by fireflywy
ASV Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 (edited) First, there is something good there that attracted her to you to be in relationship regardless.of why or how it ended or changed. Perhaps it was your sense of humor, perhaps it was your conversations, perhaps it was your direction. You are upset you feel.you lost your chance for happiness which says, even in our mistakes or theirs, that we aren't uncaring for love, empathetic of others, or that we don't have a conscious. Some people don't possess these things and they are a good basis to start on. Foster THOSE.things, take.pride.in THOSE things and any of your other positive qualities and FEED them. They are from light. (I sound all new agey lol) What if you suspect that your own best qualities reside mainly in anger, corrosion and mainly negative attitudes towards life? Would that mean that you're probably less desirable to a woman? Should those stronger points be nullified as well to turn into mediocrity? I mean, I come from depressing moods and happenings, and in turn I have a very self-deprecating sense of humor which only an elite seems to understand and enjoy wholeheartedly. My friends and closer relatives laugh HISTERICALLY with that. But as for dating goes, it's a major turn-on or a major turn-off. There's some kind of local mythology surrounding me, in fact, which attracts younger and immature women. Maybe that explains I've been single for my whole life until I got to find someone who appreciated that and just vanished as well. **** happens, I think. So, whether should I act or be just myself is a great personal dichotomy when I face social relationships. Edited March 21, 2015 by Van Norden
fireflywy Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 What if you suspect that your own best qualities reside mainly in anger, corrosion and mainly negative attitudes towards life? Would that mean that you're probably less desirable to a woman? Should those stronger points be nullified as well to turn into mediocrity? I mean, I come from depressing moods and happenings, and in turn I have a very self-deprecating sense of humor which only an elite seems to understand and enjoy wholeheartedly. My friends and closer relatives laugh HISTERICALLY with that. But as for dating goes, it's a major turn-on or a major turn-off. There's some kind of local mythology surrounding me, in fact, which attracts younger and immature women. Maybe that explains I've been single for my whole life until I got to find someone who appreciated that and just vanished as well. **** happens, I think. So, whether should I act or be just myself is a great personal dichotomy when I face social relationships. Well, if that's who you are, then you need to find another person who matches it. If this world has many more who don't desire those qualities, then you need to focus on making yourself someone another person who wants to be with and do it with the idea that you are bettering yourself and not comletely destroying yourself. As this article says, people want things. If you want to make the sale, them you are going to have to address those in some fashion OR only make the proverbial sale to those people who have what you offer. 6 Harsh Truths That Will Make You a Better Person | Cracked.com
Author Jonp219 Posted March 22, 2015 Author Posted March 22, 2015 When you're feeling down deep in the gutter' date=' just think that someone here is actually feeling much more cynical and bitter with EVERYTHING, not only love. And has not even crossed the quarter of century. Only that I... oops, "he" won't be so explicit.[/quote'] I crossed that quarter century line last month, and so far, it feels like a mid-life crisis. I don't have an abundant personality; love, job opportunities, and even friendships are all very scarce to me. In my head I don't believe you get too many chances at anyone of those things during a lifetime, so when I lay my eyes on someone in my head i'm already saying, "she's the one". Which is a very dangerous way of thinking, my psychologist says that form of thinking is found in people who are suicidal because they feel like they'll never find anything better. Van Norden you're personality is fine bro, you just need to acquire attributes that females find attractive. Never sell yourself short, think of yourself as the catch, not the other way around. First, there is something good there that attracted her to you to be in relationship regardless.of why or how it ended or changed. Perhaps it was your sense of humor, perhaps it was your conversations, perhaps it was your direction. You are upset you feel.you lost your chance for happiness which says, even in our mistakes or theirs, that we aren't uncaring for love, empathetic of others, or that we don't have a conscious. Some people don't possess these things and they are a good basis to start on. Foster THOSE.things, take.pride.in THOSE things and any of your other positive qualities and FEED them. They are from light. (I sound all new agey lol) That's where you begin. Also, write yourself a letter. Write how you feel, tell yourself your good points and how you will work on them. Also, in writing your letter, forgive yourself while realizing you will.make mistakes. You'd be surprised how cathartic it can be. You know, when you said this I thought of something. I started remembering all the beautiful women I could of had, but didn't, because I was so stuck on one. Yes, I do believe I have a particular set of skills that can attract almost any female (I believe is somewhere between my sense of humor and my conversational skills). I'm very observant, I can read body language very well, and I can a fun guy at times. It's just something about my ex though. 1) It's the guilt of driving her away (I know it was a tough decision for her), and 2) Letting my anger and insecurities get the best of me. This whole ordeal reminds me of when my mother left my father for the very same reasons. I believe that is why it's hard to process all of this into one mind.
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