brokengirl85 Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 This is my first post here but I've been reading the forum and I think people here are really helpful and accurate so I decided to tell you my story in hopes you can give me some insight. I'm highly distressed right now, but here it comes: Me: 42 Him: 47 We met long ago and I always realized he had some commitment issues, but I initially thought it was because he wasn't enough interested on me. After some period in which none of us talked to each other, he reconnected with me and we started to be more close than before. When we were together, sparks would fly. We were just perfect for each other. He decided to be exclusive with me, we texted almost every day, sex was incredible. I thought we were falling in love. We even planned a weekend together. However, he told me I'm way more ahead than him. That he's not there. That he wanted to say I love you to me, but that he just can't. I told him I love him, that I'd go to the end of the world with him...yet, he just couldn't say he loved me. I told him he was letting me go, and he replied he hated to hurt me, that he wish he could tell me what to do, that he is a mess, that he doesn't want to lose me... I was heartbroken and I still am. One week has passed and no texts or contact since then. I don't really know what to do, though I think I just can do nothing at this point. It is really unfortunate because we get along really well. I'm really heartbroken, cannot function, and I miss him very much. What should I do, or think at this point?
Eaglestar83 Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 Sorry to hear about your pain. Let him go, he seems disinterested. Be careful with your heart, next time make sure you always assess your feeling and the guys feeling in a new relationship. If you pay attention to the small clues, it's not hard to tell who is interested in who and who is likely to bail out on you. Did you feel safe/ secure with this guy? Or were you walking on eggshells in fear of losing him?
Author brokengirl85 Posted March 21, 2015 Author Posted March 21, 2015 Sorry to hear about your pain. Let him go, he seems disinterested. Be careful with your heart, next time make sure you always assess your feeling and the guys feeling in a new relationship. If you pay attention to the small clues, it's not hard to tell who is interested in who and who is likely to bail out on you. Did you feel safe/ secure with this guy? Or were you walking on eggshells in fear of losing him? I felt secure with him, and I felt he was into me, honestly. This is a huge loss for me, very painful. I'll let him go, but I'm extremely heartbroken because I thought we were building something together.
Eaglestar83 Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 Shame, maybe he has issues.. I've been recently burnt like this. Just take things slow next time, don't rush into connecting emotionally with anybody before you have enough reason to trust them a bit, and even then, never ever trust 100%, it's just too risky of an investment, also make sure you give and take equally in your relationship so you won't feel used when/if it ends. Don't ever devalue yourself and make sure people treat you the way you treat them and if they cross your boundaries, then remove them from your life
Eaglestar83 Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 You can't change people or how they choose to behave with you, you can only change yourself. Work on your boundaries and naturally you will attract better quality people and have better relationships that nourish you instead of draining you, and make you feel like a winner
Author brokengirl85 Posted March 21, 2015 Author Posted March 21, 2015 You can't change people or how they choose to behave with you, you can only change yourself. Work on your boundaries and naturally you will attract better quality people and have better relationships that nourish you instead of draining you, and make you feel like a winner I think he has issues, but we'll never really know if he was telling me the truth. Sometimes we have no choice than to trust, and I was ready for love. He gave me confusing messages and I let myself go. It was good while it last. I'm actually surprised he planned a getaway together. Sigh. I'm not contacting him. I've said it all.
Eaglestar83 Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 Sure he had issues, why would anybody do this to another human being if they are coming from a healthy place? Usually when we are broken, we seek out people who are happy to nurture us and help us feel good about ourselves again. Then as soon as we've healed, we might discover that this person who helped us heal is not what we are really looking for at this point in life and so we betray them and go back onto chasing the next thrill. It's a cycle that can go on and on and before we know it, big chunk of our lives get eaten away. In my relationships, I've always moved from dumpee to dumper to dumpee to dumper then back to dumpee again. Am taking time out to heal now and want to find my equal next time
Author brokengirl85 Posted March 21, 2015 Author Posted March 21, 2015 I still have this feeling that he got scared and run away from me. I'm heartbroken for this reason, because it's not he doesn't like, it's because he is probably scared of being with me. But, I don't think I can change this. I believe we all do what we think it's correct, and I trust he didn't want to hurt me on purpose in any way. I'm still unsure of what to do. I'm always contacting him after we have a fight, but I don't want to push too much this time, as I think he needs a time to think. Either he'll come again to me, or he'll run forever. The cards are in the table. 1
Eaglestar83 Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 I still have this feeling that he got scared and run away from me. I'm heartbroken for this reason, because it's not he doesn't like, it's because he is probably scared of being with me. But, I don't think I can change this. I believe we all do what we think it's correct, and I trust he didn't want to hurt me on purpose in any way. I'm still unsure of what to do. I'm always contacting him after we have a fight, but I don't want to push too much this time, as I think he needs a time to think. Either he'll come again to me, or he'll run forever. The cards are in the table. No, I don't think he set out deliberately to harm you. But don't chase after him, you will only be selling yourself short and he won't ome back.
Author brokengirl85 Posted March 22, 2015 Author Posted March 22, 2015 Having a hard time today. Four days since we last spoke and I'm not coping well. I want to believe he hasn't lied to me and that he cares about me but after four days I'm starting to have second thoughts about that as well. I don't know how to do to give up with the hope, I somehow think he'll reach out sometime. I just don't know how to continue, I feel depressed and sad most of the time, I'm not hungry and can't sleep either at night, plus I'm having pain in some parts of my body and I'm at the verge of a panic attack all the time.
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