alexa83 Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 I posted this in october 2014: "My ex dumped me almost 2 years ago, we had been together for 6 years. Of which we did 3 years of long distance since he moved to london. He told me to move to london with him, i was moving in august 2013 and 2 months before my arrival he called and he said he couldnt do it anymore because he didn´t love me. I was devastated, i begged, i did everything i could, i am 29 and we had plans to live together and eventually marry. I still cry, i am not recovered, i can´t get over it. i´ve tried to contact him and he used to be condescending about it, but the last time i emailed him a month ago he completely ignored me. then last week i told him i still love him and he told me his phone batery was dying. I know the only answer to this is to get over it, and get some pride, but i feel so humilliated, i feel like i have no control over my actions, i don´t talk about him with my friends anymore because they just can´t take it anymore. I need help, i feel like i´m at the lowest low right now, and the worst is i can´t fix what i´ve done, i wish i would have just turned the page and moved on but i´ve been begging him for almost 2 years and i feel like i´ve lost my identity and my dignity. I know he is never going to love me again, but is there a way that i can make him "respect" me. will he ever feel respect for me after all i´ve done and said. to him i must be a very pathetic woman, this kills me, because i wanted to walk away with pride and dignity but i couldn´t. My self esteem is on the floor. pls give me guindance, i´m lost." fast forward....................... It is march 2015 now, i didnt contact him anymore since then. My ex emailed me yesterday, he says he is coming to town and offered to meet me in case i needed closure, he said he´s beencold and has treated me worse than he would have liked to becuase he wanted me to move on, he´s not trying to get back with me or anything, he just wants to clean up his dirty conscience since he knows he messed me up badly. He is saying he cares about me and wanted to let me know he will be here for a week in case i have something to say. he just wants to see me, to say how sorry he is for hurting me so bad, do the right thing and then go back to london feeling like he did the right thing, but he doesnt want me back. he´s made it clear. I am 30 now, i havent dated since he left, i´m not the same person i´m kinda depressed and down. been holding that grudge ever since 2013. I don´t know if i should see him and have my closure, I´m still so hurt even tho it´s been 2 years, i know i´m going to cry if i see him, i´m not sure if it´s going to help me drain my pain or make everything worse, i still love him and he still doesnt love me, he´s going to be cold, i can sense that, pls give me advice on how to proceed, i cant stop thinking about this i cant concentrare at work, he is coming in 6 weeks. I told him i´m fine and i don´t need any closure, told him i´ve moved on, but i also told him i can meet him if he is the one that needs closure in any way, because after all he broke it up over the phone. Now i´m sitting here thinking i ****ed up, i shouldnt have answered, pls tell me what´s the best here, what is the better way to bring peace to my soul?
Jenmarie Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 DO NOT go see him. You've made amazing progress by not speaking to him since October. You began to gain your independence back, your self esteem and confidence back. There's no need to see him. You got all the closure you need. All he wants is to wipe away the guilt by trying to make things "right." Let him live with it, let him know you don't need him or any closure, and you definitely don't need to hear from him and see him. Yeah, it was probably not the best choice to reply. But, hey, you're human. We all make mistakes. However, seeing him could just be emotional and weigh you down and make old feelings stir up again. Don't lose your progress. Focus on yourself, and do NOT see him or speak to him. Stay strong. 3
NC-Thomas Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 Girl, you already know the answer. You need NOTHING from him, All that can happen is him relieving his GUILT for breakup up (on the phone). Do you really want to get ****faced again? The past is in the past. Do not reply anymore, this meetup will give you nothing, but might give him a lot. There is nothing in there for you. You are on the right path! Don't look back!
dumbass2 Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 Agree totally with jenmarie, "but i also told him i can meet him if he is the one that needs closure in any way, because after all he broke it up over the phone" No way do you do this. YOU don't need to do this. There is absolutely nothing in this for you. Nothing. You owe him nothing. HE broke up you and you say you have closure. That's it. He made it clear that he only want to clear his guilt and does not want you. I can't believe he has the nerve to send you something like that, especially after saying that he treated you that way to help you move on. If he cared at all about you, he would have stuck to that, but he doesn't. All he cares about is himself. He is being extremely selfish at your expense. You should not contact him back, but if you have the need to, tell him that you do not want to meet up and to respect your wishes and not contact you ever again. Do not say anything else. Do not be nice, do not be angry, just send something that shows you are indifferent and could care less.
marcelo.santos Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 do not see him - ignore any contact- do not even reply him and keep moving on. I dont think he is interesting in helping you like he is saying - he just want to check if you are still around or maybe he may be interesting in just having sex - do not risk - keep moving on.
Jimmyjackson Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 Maybe he's after a hook up while he's in town...
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