devilish innocent Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 I never understood the appeal of meaningless sex. I once got kissed by a guy who was really hot, but had no personality, and it did nothing at all for me. On the other hand, I had a friend who would sleep with a guy who had a great body, then make fun of his intelligence. Even though she obviously didn't like him for a serious relationship, she would get happy remembering how great the sex had been. People are all just different from each other in that regards. I do think there are more guys that can enjoy that type of sex than girls, though you can find both types of people in either gender. If somebody can enjoy casual sex, but doesn't feel ready for a relationship, then I guess they may try to pursue it.
Author Leigh 87 Posted March 22, 2015 Author Posted March 22, 2015 A guy I met in Berlin in 2013 - contacted me today. We had a connection and he is the type of guy who remains single for years at a time without sex - because he is waiting for "The One" and sex feels too mediocre for him WITHOUT that connection. He felt I could have been the girl for him since we are both super adventurous and love travel and living life to the fullest - but turns out, we are wayyyyy too different to ever be compatible for an actual relationship! I'd never be happy with a guy like him who I merely "connected with" but didn't quite "mesh" with, personality wise! He said " he hopes I am doing well". We got talking - he said he misses a girl in his life at times but finds it infinitely better single than "settling". He said that although casual sex without a connection isn't hot or enjoyable - he would consider trying it with me. We had a connection even though we aren't compatible for a relationship; he thinks I am a really nice person and always has hence his initial interest in me. We have decided to consider a FWB casual fck buddy type deal since we did have that connection and we like each other enough as people. See - evidently, if the right scenario presents itself, I am up for casual, but even for casual I need to have some sort of a special connection with a man. My whole point of this thread is - as a woman, I could never just accept "casual" from a stranger online and most women seem to be the same! HOWEVER - if I have a history with a person, as I do with this guy - we hooked up years ago and both "felt" something and wanted to explore a relationship. Then sure - fair game! I can bring myself to enjoy it, if we had a connection to begin with that was founded on more than just sex - and then all that came of it was hot sexual chemistry and we found each other to be incompatible for a relationship. Funny the way people work. Casual works for me IF it started out as "more" and we BOTH decide we aren't "the one". At least some true romantic feelings were what drew us together even though they didn't last. Some casual fun with a guy I have a real connection with, hot sexual chemistry for and history with is something I have done before and loved it - but since that ONE casual encounter - I have hated EVERY single other time I have tried casual WITHOUT that initial connection. And it was not something I enjoyed more than once or twice - even with the guy I connected with - as it still paled too much in comparison to the real deal, a guy who was CRAZY about me - and not just a friend who really liked me as a person (the way that FWB felt towards me, and we are still friends!) So that is the context whereby I can enjoy casual - but there has to be history, a connection the same way romantic partners and even just good friends can connect, and mutual attraction and hot enough chemistry. And even then - I don't really fancy it enough to do it more than a few times!
Author Leigh 87 Posted March 22, 2015 Author Posted March 22, 2015 I never understood the appeal of meaningless sex. I once got kissed by a guy who was really hot, but had no personality, and it did nothing at all for me. On the other hand, I had a friend who would sleep with a guy who had a great body, then make fun of his intelligence. Even though she obviously didn't like him for a serious relationship, she would get happy remembering how great the sex had been. People are all just different from each other in that regards. I do think there are more guys that can enjoy that type of sex than girls, though you can find both types of people in either gender. If somebody can enjoy casual sex, but doesn't feel ready for a relationship, then I guess they may try to pursue it. In order for me to enjoy casual, I need: - a connection upon first meeting them. Something just needs to be "there" in the exact same way the connection is there for true love - I need "that" beginning.....You know, where you are drawn to each other, let your own group walk or wonder off because you are really excited about chatting. You feel "potential" emotionally and sexually. Connections can dissipate once you realise that your personalities aren't a match long term but you still have that "thing" that makes you attracted to them and to also care about them as people. Once I loose hope that it could turn into a passionate, head over heels style true love - and I realise our personalities will never mesh well enough for that to ever OCCUR - I am left with the sexual connection which, I have to admit, I don't mind exploring. Just random's online though would never do it for me that is the part I cannot get my head around.... Then again, if you are into the person initially, one of the people prob catch feelings through casual..... Hence why these guys prob want meaningless - because having even SOME kind of connection, has the girl becoming toooo attached.......
A O Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 My thread is inferring to the men who seem to WANT casual. I wonder "are those men secretly banking on meeting the one OR, do they really prefer casual............ I can't see any reason why a man wouldn't be thrilled at falling head over heels for the right girl and getting explosive sex with a woman he's actually in love with! Unless he lacks empathy OR has psychological issued I'm not sure why a man would RATHER " keep things casual " as opposed to meeting a woman who makes him weak at the knees AND gives him mind blowing sex ( sex on steroids since passionate sex is even more bot when deeper emotions are involved) I don't see the point in wasting energy over people with a different mindset to you. If they're not looking for the same thing as you, who cares - you're not buying.
guest569 Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 Backflips.. You said it yourself, you want REAL, TRUE LOVE?? And had no interest in anything casual.
Ninjainpajamas Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 Men might not always want a relationship, but they always want sex. 1
neowulf Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 People are wired differently. The biggest water shed moment you may ever have in your life is the moment you truly understand *just* how different people can be. From what I've observed, it appears to come down to this; Dopamine. Some people's pleasure centers are very strongly connected to their bodies and physical senses. When they are stimulated physically, it lights up their pleasure centers like a Christmas tree. For those people, casual sex can be amazing, because it's all the physical stimulation they need (which brings them intense pleasure), while avoiding all the stuff that doesn't (blah blah.. connection, emotions.. blah blah). Other people, the connection to their senses is wired differently. Those people are constantly reflecting on the world as they experience it. They feel something, the feeling triggers memory, a thought, it triggers a wider, deep reaction in the brain. For those people, simple "physical simulation" without context means nothing. The moment feels empty and hollow without context to trigger this mass of actively in the brain, thus pleasure. I've never had an issue with people being wired differently. I just wish we could understand ourselves a little better so we could find people who met our needs more easily, without hurting each other. 4
SteelPanther Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 My friends and I have always looked for a serious relationship with women. I currently have a cougar after me but I still refrain from doing anything with her even though she's throwing herself at me because I know it won't lead to anything meaningful or sincere. There are men out there who are seeking a serious relationship. I think it's just a numbers game and eventually you will find someone. 3
Author Leigh 87 Posted March 22, 2015 Author Posted March 22, 2015 Backflips.. You said it yourself, you want REAL, TRUE LOVE?? And had no interest in anything casual. I want to find true love. But it will take a while to find passion and compatibility so in the meanwhile.........
LookAtThisPOst Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 I once dated a woman that told me that her past 5 relationships...one having been her first marriage at 19, most of them men...that once they "got what they wanted" though they stuck around...it was as if they treated her like a 2nd class citizen. They would rarely do any favors for her or lift much of a finger. Her ex-husband was abusive. Her emotional baggage was even affecting our relationship because she was waiting for "the other shoe to fall" with us. On the other hand, aren't' there occasions where men want sex routinely to have an "itch to be scratched?" EVEN married men? This reminds me of the "Everbody Loves Raymond" TV show where they always poke fun at the husband for his attempts at getting some action on occasion. Or is motivations for doing what he does with his wife Deborah was for the purpose of getting sex. Though she's raising 3 kids, we can see why he rarely gets any action from his own wife. Of course, now we're getting into the other side of the coin where we have the "sex deprived" husband. This reminds me of "OK Cupid" that asks the question, 'How often do you like to have sex" 1. Daily 2. Every other day, 3. once week....and so on. I've seen a lot of women...who also like it Daily, just like a man, so maybe those men would better compatible with those women? But does every session in which a couple has sex has to always be LOVE making? I know men kind of brag about coming home to a lunchtime "nooner"/quickie on his work lunch break and then back to work with him...she does it because she loves him, but at least for THAT particular session..he was just horny....later on, he'd probably make it up to her than more than with just a quickie. *shrug* There are women out there that have a big sexual appetite like men, too.
katiegrl Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 People are wired differently. The biggest water shed moment you may ever have in your life is the moment you truly understand *just* how different people can be. From what I've observed, it appears to come down to this; Dopamine. Some people's pleasure centers are very strongly connected to their bodies and physical senses. When they are stimulated physically, it lights up their pleasure centers like a Christmas tree. For those people, casual sex can be amazing, because it's all the physical stimulation they need (which brings them intense pleasure), while avoiding all the stuff that doesn't (blah blah.. connection, emotions.. blah blah). Other people, the connection to their senses is wired differently. Those people are constantly reflecting on the world as they experience it. They feel something, the feeling triggers memory, a thought, it triggers a wider, deep reaction in the brain. For those people, simple "physical simulation" without context means nothing. The moment feels empty and hollow without context to trigger this mass of actively in the brain, thus pleasure. I've never had an issue with people being wired differently. I just wish we could understand ourselves a little better so we could find people who met our needs more easily, without hurting each other. Interesting stuff...very enlightening! The stuff I learn on this forum.....wow.
Argos Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 (edited) The gender thing seems irrelevant to me. These 'cold, heartless' men who you believe basically use their sex partners as a sex toy. To say that people (specifically, men) who don't want to fall head over heels for someone, must have psychological issues, is just insulting and ridiculous. Although I am a woman and thus exempt from your statements..I don't want love at the moment. I've been hurt, I'm not ready to love again. I don't particularly want serious dating, I don't want fireworks, I don't want to fall head over heels. I've been there, done that. I'm not willing to do so again at this stage. I've got other important things to focus on in my life. I get lonely, I want companionship, I want a good f***.... does not make me psychologically disturbed or mean that I lack empathy. Your argument is just puzzling to me. But maybe I am too messed up in the head to understand The thought of settling down with a man, getting married, having children, growing old together. Frankly, it makes me sick. In fact, recently there was the thread about many women stating they don't want casual sex. So many of the men in that thread didn't seem to believe that. My point remains the same: if someone is clearly stating what they do and don't want, believe them. I must confess my admiration for your courage. There aren't that many people out there who are honest with their intentions and would rather lie than appear as someone of ''low-value''. You are not messed-up at all. Society tries to sell a bill of spoiled goods to women and men. Society wants to tell men that the only worth we have comes from having a family and supporting it, and if we are not interested in marriage and dating that there's something deeply wrong with us. As society wants women to believe that if they live their lives without a husband/boyfriend/children that something is not right. Live your life as you want to live it. The OP probably doesn't even believe what she claims. Men who want casual sex are damaged? Most of the damaged men I've met had been in relationships. They were cheated on, traded-up for a bigger, better deal, were used for attention and for gifts and they wasted a ton of their youth and money and health. one of my closest friend is a 6'3'' fit guy with handsome looks and his girlfriend was pretty darn average. He was with her from age 15 to age 28, even as she developed cancer and she lost what little of her looks she already had. He never cheated on her. Despite the many offers from attractive women. Then his girlfriend cheated on him with a guy who wasn't even good-looking lol. 3 years after that he calls me on the phone completely drunk out of his mind, from happiness and from beer. Turns out his ex-wife had just had a baby(from another guy, obviously). My friend was so incredibly happy - because he wasn't the one stuck paying child-support! My friend went from being unhappy to many casual relationships. Meaning, he went from chained to liberated. He's no longer unhappy. He's always seen with a smile on his face and as soon as he grows bored with one woman, or a woman begins to create problems/dramas he moves on. Explain to me, OP, how is he damaged? I'd say that the men who stick around in relationships are the ones who are damaged because they can't move on and find someone new at the drop of a hat. Men might not always want a relationship, but they always want sex. And if men stopped being lazy and actually visited a gym, they'd be able to get the sex without paying for it(relationship). Edited March 22, 2015 by Argos 1
Taramere Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 In short: - why do so many men state that they aren't looking for anything serious? - surely they want to meet the girl who knocks their socks off, they have explosive sex with and who they can actually grow to love? - how do people enjoy sensless *****ing as opposed to finding a true connection? I could easily see myself stating in an online dating profile (if I did online dating) that I wasn't looking for anything serious. It wouldn't mean I wanted to bonk a load of strangers. When I've gone travelling in the past, I've met a lot of people, formed some great and intense short term friendships with those people - and then we would go our separate ways and never see eachother again. But I remember those people. Things they told me about themselves, things we saw together, things I told them. Not keeping in touch wasn't any sort of rejection by them of me or by me of them. It's just that when you're travelling, meeting new people all the time, doing a ton of outdoor activities, you're very focused on the present and the immediate future. Switching on all of your lights (as Neowulf so beautifully put it - and that doesn't need to be all about sex, though that can come into it). Which maybe sounds narcissistic and shallow, or immature. However I don't think a person ever necessarily needs to grow out of that business of wanting to have fun first and foremost, rather than contemplating how they might build a serious relationship with a total stranger who seems like a sensible and reasonably attractive type. When you meet somebody you like, surely what you want more than anything is to just spend some time around them - rather than start vetting them for their suitability as a future spouse, interrogating them for their intentions etc. To me, that's what "not looking for anything serious" would mean. It would mean "I want us to spend time swapping silly anecdotes, chatting about crap, maybe doing some fun outdoor activities - and, if we click sexually, that too." None of which is meaningless. The person is still a human being who matters to you....you're just not treating your interaction with them like a future spouse assessment procedure. Admittedly it's not a very methodical, organised approach, and I've been burned by it in the past. You end up spending a lot of time with somebody just because you like who they are as a person so much - and you're not really focusing on the aspects of them that wouldn't make such a good long term partner. But I don't know how else I would do it. It's like when you're a kid. Your friends are the people you like playing with - and it's through play that you get to know them and grow to love them. 3
ascendotum Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 I want to find true love. But it will take a while to find passion and compatibility so in the meanwhile......... That's what lots of women doing casual sex these days say. I guess it makes it seem like they are not casual/easy but its because there are few decent guys around that they are forced to resort to **** buddies....often though with the very guys they would love a relationship with if only the guy saw a future with them. To be fair though, I do appreciate the fact that said women shouldn't just settle (assuming their don't expect more then they can deliver). When it comes to casual sex though you can lower your standards (guys do) just as long as the sex is good and the you get on well with the guy and he respects you.
LookAtThisPOst Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 (edited) To me, and I'm a man, "Not looking for anything serious" means 2 things. For women, (if they say this), they actually DO want something serious, but want to try to avoid men calling them "my new girlfriend" right after the first date. It's just a defense mechanism for women when they say this. For men, it may mean the same thing as the above, but more than likely they commitment-phobic and want to enjoy engaging in companionship but only when it's convenient to them. Of course, both 1 and 2 could apply to both genders as women have taken on more independent, career-minded lifestyles. Although I am a woman and thus exempt from your statements..I don't want love at the moment. I've been hurt, I'm not ready to love again. I don't particularly want serious dating, I don't want fireworks, I don't want to fall head over heels. I've been there, done that. I'm not willing to do so again at this stage. I've got other important things to focus on in my life. I get lonely, I want companionship, I want a good f***.... does not make me psychologically disturbed or mean that I lack empathy. Your argument is just puzzling to me. But maybe I am too messed up in the head to understand Sadly, esp. in the bolded part, it seems people were at one time either had or desired the whole "head over heels in love" feeling and warm fuzzies and now people like yourself (and I'm not bashing nor singling anyone out, just a disturbing pattern I've noticed) that have waved the white flag said, "Been there, done that, been in love...not doing it again, but I WOULD like to get my rocks off on occasion and USE the next person for sex or some void to fulfill until I'm satisfied, which is fine....people tend to USE each OTHER, so it become symbiotic. "Hey, I'm okay for you to use me for sex as long as you're okay with it vice-versa", both parties are happy, but there's just something I don't like about this regardless of this situation. I once had a woman, I was very attracted to her, that wanted to this very thing with me. Apparently, I think she wanted to award me with sex because I kept her company in "bad times." I was attracted to her, liked her enough to want to start an exclusive dating situation with her. She did not want that with me, but was indeed willing to let herself share her body with me sexually, but I gave her an ultimatum of, "If we're going to start being sexually active, I believe we should date exclusively." She would not do this, so I refused the sex. She felt the reason we shouldn't date was because she thought we had nothing in common. I felt otherwise, but I can't help what she thought. I could easily see myself stating in an online dating profile (if I did online dating) that I wasn't looking for anything serious. It wouldn't mean I wanted to bonk a load of strangers. When I've gone travelling in the past, I've met a lot of people, formed some great and intense short term friendships with those people - and then we would go our separate ways and never see eachother again. But I remember those people. Things they told me about themselves, things we saw together, things I told them. Not keeping in touch wasn't any sort of rejection by them of me or by me of them. It's just that when you're travelling, meeting new people all the time, doing a ton of outdoor activities, you're very focused on the present and the immediate future. Switching on all of your lights (as Neowulf so beautifully put it - and that doesn't need to be all about sex, though that can come into it). Which maybe sounds narcissistic and shallow, or immature. However I don't think a person ever necessarily needs to grow out of that business of wanting to have fun first and foremost, rather than contemplating how they might build a serious relationship with a total stranger who seems like a sensible and reasonably attractive type. When you meet somebody you like, surely what you want more than anything is to just spend some time around them - rather than start vetting them for their suitability as a future spouse, interrogating them for their intentions etc. To me, that's what "not looking for anything serious" would mean. It would mean "I want us to spend time swapping silly anecdotes, chatting about crap, maybe doing some fun outdoor activities - and, if we click sexually, that too." None of which is meaningless. The person is still a human being who matters to you....you're just not treating your interaction with them like a future spouse assessment procedure. Admittedly it's not a very methodical, organised approach, and I've been burned by it in the past. You end up spending a lot of time with somebody just because you like who they are as a person so much - and you're not really focusing on the aspects of them that wouldn't make such a good long term partner. But I don't know how else I would do it. It's like when you're a kid. Your friends are the people you like playing with - and it's through play that you get to know them and grow to love them. Edited March 22, 2015 by LookAtThisPOst
katiegrl Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 (edited) I could easily see myself stating in an online dating profile (if I did online dating) that I wasn't looking for anything serious. It wouldn't mean I wanted to bonk a load of strangers. When I've gone travelling in the past, I've met a lot of people, formed some great and intense short term friendships with those people - and then we would go our separate ways and never see eachother again. But I remember those people. Things they told me about themselves, things we saw together, things I told them. Not keeping in touch wasn't any sort of rejection by them of me or by me of them. It's just that when you're travelling, meeting new people all the time, doing a ton of outdoor activities, you're very focused on the present and the immediate future. Switching on all of your lights (as Neowulf so beautifully put it - and that doesn't need to be all about sex, though that can come into it). Which maybe sounds narcissistic and shallow, or immature. However I don't think a person ever necessarily needs to grow out of that business of wanting to have fun first and foremost, rather than contemplating how they might build a serious relationship with a total stranger who seems like a sensible and reasonably attractive type. When you meet somebody you like, surely what you want more than anything is to just spend some time around them - rather than start vetting them for their suitability as a future spouse, interrogating them for their intentions etc. To me, that's what "not looking for anything serious" would mean. It would mean "I want us to spend time swapping silly anecdotes, chatting about crap, maybe doing some fun outdoor activities - and, if we click sexually, that too." None of which is meaningless. The person is still a human being who matters to you....you're just not treating your interaction with them like a future spouse assessment procedure. Admittedly it's not a very methodical, organised approach, and I've been burned by it in the past. You end up spending a lot of time with somebody just because you like who they are as a person so much - and you're not really focusing on the aspects of them that wouldn't make such a good long term partner. But I don't know how else I would do it. It's like when you're a kid. Your friends are the people you like playing with - and it's through play that you get to know them and grow to love them. Tara...it appears you and I think very much alike...not only about this^^ but I've noticed about other things too... Anyway great post +100. And the irony is...if one incorporates the above way of thinking into their dating experiences, one will be MORE inclined to end up with that passionate long term relationship in the end...for the simple reason they're allowing things to develop naturally, gradually and organically ....with no pressure to move it along OR to even be concerned about what's going to happen tomorrow...or in the future...... it's more of a "one day at a time" type of attitude.... which has always worked for me!! Edited March 22, 2015 by katiegrl 5
Buddhist Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 The statistics really don't support that generalization. More women leave relationships than men leave relationships. Unless you're quoting said statistics so we can all see them. They are as fictional as my post is a generalisation. 1
mysteryscape Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 Leigh, they are being what men (at least in part) naturally are. And, men have gotten used to the unilateral surrender of women. Nobody thinks of them anymore as virtuous creatures to be prized and sought after, even venerated (an interesting word). It's so easy to get sex, why not? And, they've gotten used to often being abused by women when they do act like men of old.
guest569 Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 I must confess my admiration for your courage. There aren't that many people out there who are honest with their intentions and would rather lie than appear as someone of ''low-value''. You are not messed-up at all. Society tries to sell a bill of spoiled goods to women and men. Society wants to tell men that the only worth we have comes from having a family and supporting it, and if we are not interested in marriage and dating that there's something deeply wrong with us. As society wants women to believe that if they live their lives without a husband/boyfriend/children that something is not right. Live your life as you want to live it. Thats the way to do it. Unfortunately my actions will cause some to see me as selfish, immature and easy. None of which are true! Sadly, esp. in the bolded part, it seems people were at one time either had or desired the whole "head over heels in love" feeling and warm fuzzies and now people like yourself (and I'm not bashing nor singling anyone out, just a disturbing pattern I've noticed) that have waved the white flag said, "Been there, done that, been in love...not doing it again, but I WOULD like to get my rocks off on occasion and USE the next person for sex or some void to fulfill until I'm satisfied, which is fine....people tend to USE each OTHER, so it become symbiotic. Neither of us USE each other, we hang out, have fun, enjoy each other's company. It's not just sex. Hmm i wouldn't call it a void. It's just human nature to seek social interaction and sex. We were both aware from the beginning that it was not going to be a serious relationship. It's not meaningless, and we are not using each other. My heartbreak is sad, but my current situation is not, I am strong again, I am in control and kicking butt. 1
Author Leigh 87 Posted March 23, 2015 Author Posted March 23, 2015 Thats the way to do it. Unfortunately my actions will cause some to see me as selfish, immature and easy. None of which are true! Neither of us USE each other, we hang out, have fun, enjoy each other's company. It's not just sex. Hmm i wouldn't call it a void. It's just human nature to seek social interaction and sex. We were both aware from the beginning that it was not going to be a serious relationship. It's not meaningless, and we are not using each other. My heartbreak is sad, but my current situation is not, I am strong again, I am in control and kicking butt. I totally understand the appeal. I have been you. And I realised that I am not really wired for it. It is not that I get attached; I never did to FWB despite having "feelings", I was NEVER invested. Never did get attached to FWB or casual. It was the fact that it paled so much in comparison to true love, that I stopped.
Taramere Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 It's not meaningless, and we are not using each other. I thought you made that clear in your post. Scrub that, you did make it clear in your post. There's a script a lot of men use (and women for that matter - I've probably used it myself now and again) that women in FWB situations are sad cases who secretly want a permanent, committed relationship with the man they're sleeping with, but are lying to themselves about it. You can be in a situation like that, and both value eachother - but know that for various reasons a proper relationship just isn't a goer. And maybe for some people in that situation there can and might be tinges of sadness about that. Just as there are inevitable tinges of sadness about life itself, if you genuinely enjoy it, because you know it doesn't last forever. I think people often distract themselves from their own sadness or sense of tragedy by picking out other people, who are different (or make different choices) from themselves...and identifying them as "sad". So the woman who is in a FWB situation is "sad" because she secretly wants more and is lying to herself when she says she doesn't. The guy in the situation - he gets stereotyped as a shallow, narcissistic user who is emotionally detached from the entire scenario, and that's portrayed as being quite okay for a guy. The woman....well, she might be portrayed as a shallow, narcissistic user of people (and it will be seen as a terrible thing for a woman to be that way, even if it's okay for the guy). Or she'll more likely be portrayed as somebody who is lying to herself. People cling to all these stereotypes constantly. And what happens? All over the internet men are complaining. They're expressing feelings of victimhood. Of not being cared about. Of not having their feelings respected. Of being walked over, taken for granted. And women are berated for men feeling this way. Constantly...and yet still we're expected to buy into this image of men swaggering around narcissistically pumping and dumping while we sit at home and cry about it. So maybe you've got your **** together far more than many guys out there would want give you credit for. And you're not doing it in a phony coping mechanism laden "hey, I'm just using this guy for sex - I don't care about him at all, and it's great" sort of way either. He does matter to you, but you're just real about the limitations of the relationship. 1
Author Leigh 87 Posted March 23, 2015 Author Posted March 23, 2015 What puzzles me and why I dare brought empathy into this argument was: - as hurt and as fed up as I became over falling for men who were, ultimately, unavailable or just not into me, I NEVER gave up on/ stopped wanting the real deal! And I am 28. I still always yearned to fall hard and to experience a great love. I thought it would take years and was okay with casual but only UNTIL I met the right guy! I never set out thinking " well, I would just rather something casual:sick: I would RATHER fall madly in love and have explosive sex with my best friend, thanks! I cannot understand people would PREFER something casual to true love with someone you're passionate about.....
LookAtThisPOst Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 I recall back in my mid 20s a woman that had a FWB relationship going on with a guy. When she found an actual boyfriend, she had to end things...needless to say, this upset him and the fact that he was no longer getting a steady piece of arse and had to downgrade to his hand. He ended the "friendship" of cousre. And she was like "Um...whatever, if that's how you feel." She didn't feel bad about it obviously. When I was younger, I knew of a guy that wanted to have a FWB situation going on with certain women, but guess what, they didn't find him attractive enough EVEN to have sex with. So apparently, there needs to be some kind of physical attraction, to, in order to go through with the FWB. Ironic, eh?
guest569 Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 (edited) So apparently, there needs to be some kind of physical attraction, to, in order to go through with the FWB. Ironic, eh? Yes, sexual attraction is important in FWB. Why wouldn't it be. Leigh we are about the same age. So I'm not sure what that has to do with it, and again, not sure what empathy has to do with it. Anyway you would think your understanding would be greater if you have truly been there yourself. Edited March 23, 2015 by smiley1
LookAtThisPOst Posted March 23, 2015 Posted March 23, 2015 Yes, sexual attraction is important in FWB. Why wouldn't it be. Right, so my point is, why even do the FWB if there's no physical attraction? I thought the purpose of having a FWB is to have sex with someone EVEN if you're not attracted. There are some not-so attractive men out there that have female friends that they may want to be willing to help them out in the dating realm to assist them in that area, right? Kind of like doing a favor for a friend. Esp. if it's his first time, yes?
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