Online Why do Many Men Want Casual

[Argos]

OK ladies listen up....Online or irl it doesn't matter. The main goal for guys in general is to get sex, it's just the way it is. Getting a relationship is not their first priority but it is always a possibility with all men, depending if it's the right girl or not. So if you want to find a guy that wants to be in a relationship WITH YOU, then you need to keep your legs closed until he proves his worth/ actually cares about you. Pretty simple.

 

Heh. It doesn't work like that. If the man has qualities(he's good-looking, muscular, tall, or has a high income job) he's going to have plenty of other women interested in putting out as soon as they meet this guy. Lets be honest here. The vast majority of the men who are desired are not going to wait.

 

He might have feelings for her. But.. there are more women to meet who'll make it far easier, and he will develop feelings for those.

 

When I was 22 I met a woman my age who'd been having fun with better-looking men(better-looking than me, of course) and when she discerned that I had ''relationship potential'' she told me she would only put out for me if I was her boyfriend and treated her as such - dinners, meeting her parents etc.

 

Now, I was 22 and brimming with hormones. She was cute. She offered sex if I payed for it in the form of a relationship.

 

I laughed and I turned my back on her and moved on.

 

The chances of older men, men who are much more in control of their sex drive, men who know their worth are not going to wait around is pretty high.

 

There are two options.

 

1) put out.

 

2) Risk losing the guy.

 

Do whatever your conscience tells you to do. Either way, it won't trouble the guy a little because there are numerous women who put out.

 

The OP might think she'll fare better with men who aren't as good-looking as she is. Then again, I've met some average-looking men who didn't want to trouble themselves with the idea of their cute/beautiful(even average) potential girlfriend being the center of male attention. We are only human. If a better offer is given, most guys are going to be dumped. As most men have probably experienced such a situation by the time they reach their mid-20s.

 

Anyway, life is too short for people to waste it in relationships. Just have fun.

Edited March 21, 2015 by Argos

[somedude81]

Many women tend to get freaked out if the guy wants to move "too" quickly into a relationship.

 

So it's very possible that a guy saying he isn't looking for anything serious is a way to preempt that fear that women have. A woman reading that may think that a guy who isn't looking for anything serious is less likely to be a clinger.

[Argos]

Many women tend to get freaked out if the guy wants to move "too" quickly into a relationship.

 

So it's very possible that a guy saying he isn't looking for anything serious is a way to preempt that fear that women have. A woman reading that may think that a guy who isn't looking for anything serious is less likely to be a clinger.

 

I agree. Regardless of the man's looks(but its more suspicious if he's hot) if he pushes for a relationship soon after meeting the woman, or after dating a couple of months: she's going to think he's desperate.

[contact1]

Well then, YOU are a unicorn in the sea of life my friend.

 

 

.

 

Damn, and here I was hoping my horn wouldn't show

[smackie9]

Heh. It doesn't work like that. If the man has qualities(he's good-looking, muscular, tall, or has a high income job) he's going to have plenty of other women interested in putting out as soon as they meet this guy. Lets be honest here. The vast majority of the men who are desired are not going to wait.

 

He might have feelings for her. But.. there are more women to meet who'll make it far easier, and he will develop feelings for those.

 

When I was 22 I met a woman my age who'd been having fun with better-looking men(better-looking than me, of course) and when she discerned that I had ''relationship potential'' she told me she would only put out for me if I was her boyfriend and treated her as such - dinners, meeting her parents etc.

 

Now, I was 22 and brimming with hormones. She was cute. She offered sex if I payed for it in the form of a relationship.

 

I laughed and I turned my back on her and moved on.

 

The chances of older men, men who are much more in control of their sex drive, men who know their worth are not going to wait around is pretty high.

 

There are two options.

 

1) put out.

 

2) Risk losing the guy.

 

Do whatever your conscience tells you to do. Either way, it won't trouble the guy a little because there are numerous women who put out.

 

The OP might think she'll fare better with men who aren't as good-looking as she is. Then again, I've met some average-looking men who didn't want to trouble themselves with the idea of their cute/beautiful(even average) potential girlfriend being the center of male attention. We are only human. If a better offer is given, most guys are going to be dumped. As most men have probably experienced such a situation by the time they reach their mid-20s.

 

Anyway, life is too short for people to waste it in relationships. Just have fun.

 

Women who want a relationship do not want to waste their time having sex, and get invested in a guy that isn't going to be invested. Yes it's a 50/50 chance the guy will catch feelings, but most women don't like those odds. A woman, (not all but most) put establishing a relationship as their first priority before sex. We make the decision if you guys have sex or not. We are the ones that actually have the control. Those women who throw themselves at these guys that are everything, are the ones who complain about guys not wanting commitment...why? because they don't go by the simple rule to keep their legs closed. Monogamy before sex.

 

If it means losing the guy, then the girl was never of worth to them in the first place. The woman has dodged a bullet, if the guy has that kind of attitude.

[Argos]

Women who want a relationship do not want to waste their time having sex, and get invested in a guy that isn't going to be invested. Yes it's a 50/50 chance the guy will catch feelings, but most women don't like those odds. A woman, (not all but most) put establishing a relationship as their first priority before sex. We make the decision if you guys have sex or not. We are the ones that actually have the control. Those women who throw themselves at these guys that are everything, are the ones who complain about guys not wanting commitment...why? because they don't go by the simple rule to keep their legs closed. Monogamy before sex.

 

If it means losing the guy, then the girl was never of worth to them in the first place. The woman has dodged a bullet, if the guy has that kind of attitude.

 

Not really. Men are the ones who have the control. Women want commitment and access to resources, attention and protection, and they want to know there's someone out there(a man) who'll take care of them if the need for it appears. Commitment is far more valuable than sex. Men can get sex from a myriad of sources if they apply themselves to it.

 

Even the men who are just average can entertain themselves with porn. That, and the ones who have money to spend can hire escorts who are usually more attractive than most of the women in the dating world. There's also quite a few attractive-looking promiscuous women.

 

With that said, realize that many men go their teens and their early to mid 20s without much sexual success. They go through this when they are at their most hormonal times. They survive it. They look to the left and to the right and they see other men getting it for free. So they think to themselves.

 

''why should I be in a relationship when I know she probably put out for free when she was younger?''

 

As for women wanting to receive commitment before they have sex. Depends on the woman's age. If she's young(18-25) she's looking for fun. She might want to have a relationship, but the men she wants a relationship with are in high-demand and aren't going to commit. Doesn't matter how attractive she is.

 

Most of the guys I went to high school and college with are divided into two groups. The ones who got sex for free - and whom continue to do it in their 30s - and the guys who might have some interest, sometimes a lot of interest, in a particular woman but if these guys are only offered sex in return of a relationship they give up and move on until they find someone who'll put out for free. Good for them. Sex should be free. Women also enjoy sex, and expecting a relationship out of it seems like deception to me. Sex should be an end in itself, not a means women(or men) use to get a relationship.

 

Regarding the young woman who wanted me to pay for what the other guys had for free. She's now 33 and she's still trying to find a husband. I stumbled onto her recently because her brother is one of my closest friends and I was in town again, and she's still trying to get a family started with a guy who'll pay her any mind. She's not as attractive as she was when she was 22, so I doubt she'll manage to find a guy to marry her. Such is life.

Edited March 21, 2015 by Argos

[Weezy1973]

Most men want to be in relationships as evidenced by the fact that most men are in relationships. In fact the majority of men are married.

[Gloria25]

When have men ever really wanted relationships? Seriously. Read enough threads on here and elsewhere and you will notice a distinct pattern of men seeking sex from women by pretending to be in relationships with them. I used to believe in love, a partner who sees you as a person, wants to know you, the person, not just your vagina. But in all honesty, after 20yrs of being in relationships I've come to this conclusion.

 

Men tolerate relationships under these circumstances....

 

- To get sex on tap. That's the primary reason to have a gf. Lay claim to someone's vagina and then jealously guard it like a dog guards a treasured bone. And yes it is about as attractive as it sounds.

- To get babies. For some reason men seem to want children far more than most women do. Whenever I hear of someone expressing a desire to have kids it's usually got a penis. I suppose it's easy to want something when it's not your body that gets wrecked in the process and it won't be you that does most of the heavy lifting involved in raising the damn thing.

- To have someone contractually obliged to be their caretaker when they suffer a heart attack/stroke/erectile dysfunction. I actually overheard a male coworker pretty much state this the other week. I'd better get married now so someone has to look after me when I'm old. Oh yay, now that you're an overweight middle aged slob it's time to get married and pass on your rapidly decomposing body into someone else's care. What an offer!

 

It honestly amazes me that you're an adult female who has yet to grasp the concept that women pine for relationships and men lust for sex. My experience is that most men don't want anything more from their relationships than somewhere warm and wet to shove their penis into. I'm not into being some guys fleshlight so I no longer seek the company of men.

 

Agreed....^^

 

Men marry(ied) and tolerated women's poop cuz there was a time that was the only way a man was gonna get laid and/or have a woman to cook, do his laundry, etc - instead of him having to live with his mommy.

 

And yes, men do need companionship. Hard for people to be alone and content. That's why men also quickly re-marry after divorce and/or death of a spouse, cuz they need that "companionship". And, that's why a lot of men stay in bad marriages - cuz they fear being alone.

 

But, thanks to the women's movement - some men have wised up and no longer are gonna settle for having their nutz put in a vice-grip for eternity.

 

Women now a days are being told they "have" to pay half and/or their own way, and to go out there and have sex like a man. So, now men just sit back and wait for a woman to ask him for his penis and time.

 

BUT, even though women are doing all of this, the courts still favor women when it comes to divorce, alimony, and/or custody - so another incentive for men not to marry.

 

IMO, of the few men that still are marrying now a days either feel like they don't have many options and/or got mind-fd/pressured by a slick/manipulative chick....by the time they got a few kids and/or years into the marriage is when they wake up one day and realize that they got played.

 

So, yeah, on OLD and/or real life now a days - why would a sane guy in his right mind be looking for marriage?

 

Another reason why guys on OLD are just looking for casual stuff? Cuz, somewhere in their f-d up mind they forgot they can go to Tinder, Craigslist, Adultfreindfinder and/or Ashley Madison instead of trolling on "dating" sites

Edited March 21, 2015 by Gloria25

[NGC1300]

It honestly amazes me that you're an adult female who has yet to grasp the concept that women pine for relationships and men lust for sex.

 

The statistics really don't support that generalization.

 

More women leave relationships than men leave relationships.

[guest569]

- how do people enjoy sensless *****ing as opposed to finding a true connection?

 

I just don't feel the need to sleep mindlessly with people in the meanwhile UNLESS we date and there is potential there for it to be the "real deal".....

 

 

Do some people just have cold hearts and lack empathy and therefore do not feel the need to fall crazy in love with a person who means the world to them one day?

 

 

I find this all a bit insulting. As a woman who has done the FWB thing. It has no connection whatsoever with being heartless or lacking empathy. I dont know how you have even made that connection? The sex i experienced with my friend was not "senseless" or "mindless" but mind blowing. it was amazing and fun and beautiful.

 

If people are attracted to each other, trust each other, and want to have sex. That is all that is required. Its none of my business.

[A O]

In short:

 

- why do so many men state that they aren't looking for anything serious?

Why, because they can...much in the same manner that many women can ask for the same thing or dismiss this mindset altogether as a far greater section of women actually do.

 

- surely they want to meet the girl who knocks their socks off, they have explosive sex with and who they can actually grow to love?

 

- how do people enjoy sensless *****ing as opposed to finding a true connection?

Different strokes for different folks, it all boils down to finding a like minded individual. Disingenuous people are the ones to be mindful of and not the people with a totally different mindset to you. There's more than enough like-minded souls to go around.

 

These men seem to PREFER casual and meaningless sex with women who are nothing more than a "hole" to them? Sorry I have been there and tried casual and I found it to be disgusting. Just the notion of sharing bodily fluids with a guy who isn't into you:sick:

Casual is fine as long as everyone is upfront about their intentions and they treat each other with respect. Of course, some people make a lifestyle out of it, but hey, what ever takes their fancy.

 

The sex is just so, so so much better when you are really into someone.

This is true but sex for the simple sake of sex can be good too, it can be anything but meaningless. Some interactions/occasions of any type can be better than others depending on a myriad of factors and this includes casual sex.

 

Do some people just have cold hearts and lack empathy and therefore do not feel the need to fall crazy in love with a person who means the world to them one day?

Disingenuous people can be cold-hearted and mean otherwise holding a different mindset to you is just someone incompatible with what you're looking for and not much more than that.

[smackie9]

I never said guys don't want commitment, I said their first priority is getting sex. Guys do want commitment BUT with the right girl, but in the meantime will go for the sex, especially if it is offered up. Guys still want to get laid, as much as possible.

[Krieger]

120% want sex but also want a woman that worth commitming too.

 

That being said I did the whole online dating thing and will need do it again way to many weird woman online.

Edited March 21, 2015 by Krieger

[Gloria25]

I find this all a bit insulting. As a woman who has done the FWB thing. It has no connection whatsoever with being heartless or lacking empathy. I dont know how you have even made that connection? The sex i experienced with my friend was not "senseless" or "mindless" but mind blowing. it was amazing and fun and beautiful.

 

If people are attracted to each other, trust each other, and want to have sex. That is all that is required. Its none of my business.

 

Agreed ^^....

 

While I have trust issues cuz of my childhood, I treat the men I'm with well - even in casual RLs.

 

I'm not some heartless soul who lacks empathy.

 

All those women out there manipulating guys into marriage and/or kids; not taking care of their looks/body and present that to their man; who don't cook, clean, and/or farm off their kids to daycare/public schools; and/or, cut off sex/affection/attention are the ones that should be shunned if you ask me.

[fitnessfan365]

I never said guys don't want commitment, I said their first priority is getting sex. Guys do want commitment BUT with the right girl, but in the meantime will go for the sex, especially if it is offered up. Guys still want to get laid, as much as possible.

 

I'll be the first to admit my sex drive is through the roof. But I also have strong will power and take my time with a girl I actually like. So it isn't good to generalize smackie. I honestly could have had sex on the second date recently if I wanted to. But kept it PG-13 and am planning yet another public date the next time I see her.

[Leigh 87]

I can sympathize with Leigh's frustration with regard to the topic of her thread. I used to feel the way that she does; but, about six months ago, I've finally realized and accepted the reality of how the world works and - much more importantly - what most mens' intentions truly are.

 

Most guys will enter into a long term relationship only if the woman is sexually and physically attractive, if she meets all of their personality criteria, if she gives him sex on demand, if she is low maintenance, if she has a lucrative career or at minimum a good paying job, if she is submissive sexually (and otherwise) and if she reveres him each and every day without stating her own opinion or point of view about anything and does not "nag" him about anything. If she actually loves him and he actually loves her, that would be icing on the cake for them.

 

Since such a woman who possesses all of these traits is very difficult for most guys to find, they would much rather have mindless and empty sex with a variety of women because at least this satiates their need for sexual satisfaction and their need to be touched by women.

 

Sadly, the experience that I had with my ex-boyfriend of the chemistry, sensual and sexual passion and the strong love that we shared...will be my last. I no longer believe that I'll ever find that again with any other man, because of the universal truth that I have accepted via the epiphany I had six months ago. What I have experienced in my last relationship and that which Leigh speaks of and is in the hopes of finding is something that is a rarity. I am glad to have experienced it at least once in my life! Some people go through their ENTIRE lives and NEVER experience that type of love and passion.

 

OP, I wish you luck in your quest for explosive passion, incredible chemistry and true love with one guy. But, may I say to you, that you're going to have to change your mindset about this...and that you'll just have to accept the world for what it is and accept the way most men are. You may find that special guy someday; but, until you do, changing your mindset may help you to not be so frustrated about the guys that you meet whose only intention is to use you as a ONS or a FWB. Those guys may have given up on finding "The One" and may be just as frustrated (if not more so) than you are.

 

There's nothing wrong with you stating your romantic objectives to the guys you date, but try not to let them sense your negativity with regard to this topic. Try to keep an open mind...just date each guy that you like and see where it leads...if he doesn't have the same romantic objectives that you do and if you do not feel that explosive sexual chemistry with him, then cut him loose and move on to the next one. Personally though, I'm spiritually and emotionally drained from this process of dating; which is why I'm taking a hiatus. If I meet a special guy during this phase who is looking for the same thing that I am, then that'll be awesome! But, for me, I know I won't be searching for it (or "him") anymore.

 

~ God Bless!

 

 

.

 

 

I dont believe it's that rare to find passion great chemistry and compatibility.

 

I don't believe I'll be waiting ten or more years, single, to find it.

 

It also depends on the woman. Personally, I feel the spark and chemistry and passion for an array of men of all types. Fat and bald, scrawny and skinny with glasses. I'm.open to feeling connections with all types and I don't only feel giddy over hot men.

 

I believe my interesting personality, looks and what I have to offer will attract a man that I share a mutual spark with and with whom... Well, where they will be crazy about me and me them. Passionate sex and can't keep our hand off one another and true love.

 

If you're a woman and you're open to finding true love with allllll different types of men, I believe it's very doable!

[Leigh 87]

I met a guy recently who wanted a relationship with me. I got scared since I am not in the place to date and he was the real deal.....

 

 

We had an instant spark. I've only had the instant spark one other time. I was super into him and he also bought me flowers and gifts and adored me. He still does.

 

Sadly, I am not used to a guy I'm actually into demonstrating true interest in me and I have some work to do on myself before I'm ready to settle down.

 

 

But this guy most definitely wanted a relationship. And he wanted the passion and compatibility like me.

 

 

I'm meeting an American guy today hey says that he just really wants to find a woman he's crazy about and who's also really into him!

 

 

He said that no sex sucks but it sucks more to be holding out to meet that one special girl who he feels a true connection with.

 

/\..so some me do truly want to meet the one and find the passion and love compatibility that me and other posters want..........

[Leigh 87]

My thread is inferring to the men who seem to WANT casual.

 

I wonder "are those men secretly banking on meeting the one OR, do they really prefer casual............

 

I can't see any reason why a man wouldn't be thrilled at falling head over heels for the right girl and getting explosive sex with a woman he's actually in love with!

 

Unless he lacks empathy OR has psychological issued I'm not sure why a man would RATHER " keep things casual " as opposed to meeting a woman who makes him weak at the knees AND gives him mind blowing sex ( sex on steroids since passionate sex is even more bot when deeper emotions are involved)

[smg15]

I want to meet someone special too but I am realistic that it won't likely happen anytime soon given I want great chemistry and compatibility.

 

Until then though it is not like I am actively WANTING to have meaningless sex.... I would rather hang out with friends or study.. or drink beer alone at home (beer enthusiast here) than ... be a hole for a man to use as a human sex toy.

 

Why does sex have to always mean something? Why can't you view it as stress relief?

[MoreFire]

When have men ever really wanted relationships? Seriously. Read enough threads on here and elsewhere and you will notice a distinct pattern of men seeking sex from women by pretending to be in relationships with them. I used to believe in love, a partner who sees you as a person, wants to know you, the person, not just your vagina. But in all honesty, after 20yrs of being in relationships I've come to this conclusion.

 

Men tolerate relationships under these circumstances....

 

- To get sex on tap. That's the primary reason to have a gf. Lay claim to someone's vagina and then jealously guard it like a dog guards a treasured bone. And yes it is about as attractive as it sounds.

- To get babies. For some reason men seem to want children far more than most women do. Whenever I hear of someone expressing a desire to have kids it's usually got a penis. I suppose it's easy to want something when it's not your body that gets wrecked in the process and it won't be you that does most of the heavy lifting involved in raising the damn thing.

- To have someone contractually obliged to be their caretaker when they suffer a heart attack/stroke/erectile dysfunction. I actually overheard a male coworker pretty much state this the other week. I'd better get married now so someone has to look after me when I'm old. Oh yay, now that you're an overweight middle aged slob it's time to get married and pass on your rapidly decomposing body into someone else's care. What an offer!

 

It honestly amazes me that you're an adult female who has yet to grasp the concept that women pine for relationships and men lust for sex. My experience is that most men don't want anything more from their relationships than somewhere warm and wet to shove their penis into. I'm not into being some guys fleshlight so I no longer seek the company of men.

 

You sure know a lot about men ,that's the raw honest truth .

[Imajerk17]

I met a guy recently who wanted a relationship with me. I got scared since I am not in the place to date and he was the real deal.....

 

 

We had an instant spark. I've only had the instant spark one other time. I was super into him and he also bought me flowers and gifts and adored me. He still does.

 

Sadly, I am not used to a guy I'm actually into demonstrating true interest in me and I have some work to do on myself before I'm ready to settle down.

 

 

But this guy most definitely wanted a relationship. And he wanted the passion and compatibility like me.

 

 

I'm meeting an American guy today hey says that he just really wants to find a woman he's crazy about and who's also really into him!

 

 

He said that no sex sucks but it sucks more to be holding out to meet that one special girl who he feels a true connection with.

 

/\..so some me do truly want to meet the one and find the passion and love compatibility that me and other posters want..........

 

See I'm confused here. You realized that you weren't in the right place to be in a serious relationship AFTER you met someone. Why is that better than the guys who say in their OLD profiles OUTRIGHT that they are looking only for casual? Seems to me that, at least, the guys are at least being honest and upfront here.

 

(I am also confused what--with your insistence in other threads that you meet many men attracted to you, that you would be pursuing OLD in the first place but that's off-topic.)

 

Anyway, assuming that many guys online actually say that they are only looking for something casual...perhaps they are self-aware enough to know that they need to date around to figure what they need before they settle down? You've made it exceedingly clear how you approach dating and good for you, but it isn't for everybody, and that doesn't make them heartless or lacking empathy.

Edited March 22, 2015 by Imajerk17

[guest569]

My thread is inferring to the men who seem to WANT casual.

 

I wonder "are those men secretly banking on meeting the one OR, do they really prefer casual............

 

I can't see any reason why a man wouldn't be thrilled at falling head over heels for the right girl and getting explosive sex with a woman he's actually in love with!

 

Unless he lacks empathy OR has psychological issued I'm not sure why a man would RATHER " keep things casual " as opposed to meeting a woman who makes him weak at the knees AND gives him mind blowing sex ( sex on steroids since passionate sex is even more bot when deeper emotions are involved)

 

The gender thing seems irrelevant to me. These 'cold, heartless' men who you believe basically use their sex partners as a sex toy. To say that people (specifically, men) who don't want to fall head over heels for someone, must have psychological issues, is just insulting and ridiculous.

 

Although I am a woman and thus exempt from your statements..I don't want love at the moment. I've been hurt, I'm not ready to love again. I don't particularly want serious dating, I don't want fireworks, I don't want to fall head over heels. I've been there, done that. I'm not willing to do so again at this stage. I've got other important things to focus on in my life. I get lonely, I want companionship, I want a good f***.... does not make me psychologically disturbed or mean that I lack empathy. Your argument is just puzzling to me. But maybe I am too messed up in the head to understand

 

The thought of settling down with a man, getting married, having children, growing old together. Frankly, it makes me sick.

 

In fact, recently there was the thread about many women stating they don't want casual sex. So many of the men in that thread didn't seem to believe that. My point remains the same: if someone is clearly stating what they do and don't want, believe them.

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

Why does sex have to always mean something? Why can't you view it as stress relief?

 

Stress relief?? That makes it seem even more impersonal. In my opinion, that's what masturbation is for.

 

I think what Leigh is saying is that sex between two people should have some type of meaning, in that you at least feel a micrometer or a speck of emotion for the person with whom you're sexually and physically intimate with. For some people, sex is a very intimate experience - you're sharing body fluids with and inserting your genitals into someone or receiving another person's genitals inside of you. It's as physically close as two people can get.

 

I guess it disgusts her and it behooves her that there are people out there who regard casual sex as 'stress relief' and think of it as nothing more than sharing their 'time' with another person who they have zero feelings for and with whom they don't even care to know their name.

 

But, as I've told her before in my post, this is the reality of life and how some people feel about something as physically intimate as sexual intercourse. Leigh is going to have to kiss a LOT of 'frogs' before she ever finds her 'prince'. However, she believes that it's possible that she will find the one guy in her area who will view sexual intimacy as special and as meaningful as she does.

 

 

.

[smg15]

The gender thing seems irrelevant to me. These 'cold, heartless' men who you believe basically use their sex partners as a sex toy. To say that people (specifically, men) who don't want to fall head over heels for someone, must have psychological issues, is just insulting and ridiculous.

 

Although I am a woman and thus exempt from your statements..I don't want love at the moment. I've been hurt, I'm not ready to love again. I don't particularly want serious dating, I don't want fireworks, I don't want to fall head over heels. I've been there, done that. I'm not willing to do so again at this stage. I've got other important things to focus on in my life. I get lonely, I want companionship, I want a good f***.... does not make me psychologically disturbed or mean that I lack empathy. Your argument is just puzzling to me. But maybe I am too messed up in the head to understand

 

The thought of settling down with a man, getting married, having children, growing old together. Frankly, it makes me sick.

 

In fact, recently there was the thread about many women stating they don't want casual sex. So many of the men in that thread didn't seem to believe that. My point remains the same: if someone is clearly stating what they do and don't want, believe them.

 

why does it make you sick?

[Leigh 87]

The gender thing seems irrelevant to me. These 'cold, heartless' men who you believe basically use their sex partners as a sex toy. To say that people (specifically, men) who don't want to fall head over heels for someone, must have psychological issues, is just insulting and ridiculous.

 

Although I am a woman and thus exempt from your statements..I don't want love at the moment. I've been hurt, I'm not ready to love again. I don't particularly want serious dating, I don't want fireworks, I don't want to fall head over heels. I've been there, done that. I'm not willing to do so again at this stage. I've got other important things to focus on in my life. I get lonely, I want companionship, I want a good f***.... does not make me psychologically disturbed or mean that I lack empathy. Your argument is just puzzling to me. But maybe I am too messed up in the head to understand

 

The thought of settling down with a man, getting married, having children, growing old together. Frankly, it makes me sick.

 

In fact, recently there was the thread about many women stating they don't want casual sex. So many of the men in that thread didn't seem to believe that. My point remains the same: if someone is clearly stating what they do and don't want, believe them.

 

 

 

Your train of thought is normal.

 

The thought of a relationship or marriage or a "partner" was unpleasant to me until age 24 - I decided to give it a go.

 

Now at age 28, I have confirmed that having a "partner" is unnecessary - I don't desire to HAVE to share my life with a "partner".

 

Partners are for group activities - in college I had to find a "partner" to work with.

 

What I want is true love: passion, and falling head over heels and it ending up being a nice, companionate relationship down the track when the passion wanes after three years or so when the honeymoon period ends.

 

It isn't the "needing a partner" that I crave. I happen to enjoy falling head over heels, developing intense and pleasurable emotions and feeling that chemical high - and would love to do so with a person who HAPPENS to last. Because while I don't need a "partner", I would love to spend my life with a man with whom I am madly in love and who feels the same way towards me - and who remains with me even though the passionate love gives way to companionate after years.....

 

I relate to you more than I have let on in this thread - I just don't want meaningless sex in the meanwhile - I tried it believe me and it just isn't for me. I am looking for new friends in life and I am open to dating in order to see if the right person pops into my life rather than being tooooo closed off....