Online Why do Many Men Want Casual

[Leigh 87]

In short:

 

- why do so many men state that they aren't looking for anything serious?

 

- surely they want to meet the girl who knocks their socks off, they have explosive sex with and who they can actually grow to love?

 

- how do people enjoy sensless *****ing as opposed to finding a true connection?

 

- having a connection and spark, with a person who you can actually fall in love with is soooooo much better than just banging any old person who you can palate and tolerate enough for them to get naked and do the deed.

 

 

Why do so many men on online dating websites state in their profiles that they want casual, " nothing serious" or "fwb"? I just don't see the appeal. I mean, I want to fall crazy in love and find a man who falls head over heels for me, and me them - but I am cool with waiting a few years well into my 30's and 40's to find the real deal of intense chemistry and compatibility - I just don't feel the need to sleep mindlessly with people in the meanwhile UNLESS we date and there is potential there for it to be the "real deal".....

 

These men seem to PREFER casual and meaningless sex with women who are nothing more than a "hole" to them? Sorry I have been there and tried casual and I found it to be disgusting. Just the notion of sharing bodily fluids with a guy who isn't into you:sick:

 

The sex is just so, so so much better when you are really into someone.

 

Do some people just have cold hearts and lack empathy and therefore do not feel the need to fall crazy in love with a person who means the world to them one day?

 

Or have they given up on finding a woman who knocks their socks off, whom they are really into and who is good enough to make them want to give up sex with hot women? Perhaps some of them aren't aware that it could potentially just "happen" for them one day?

 

 

 

 

 

Any thoughts....

[Diezel]

 

Do some people just have cold hearts and lack empathy and therefore do not feel the need to fall crazy in love with a person who means the world to them one day?

 

Any thoughts....

 

 

Maybe you might want to ask all the women who do the same too.

Also... total projection. Just because they don't want the same thing you do, doesn't mean they have cold hearts and lack empathy.

 

You are drawing your own conclusions and projecting onto people what you think of those who don't think the same way you do.

 

I don't believe in your "fireworks". Does that make me cold-hearted as well?

 

You really need to check your vision of how the world works.

[Otter2569]

As a guy I honestly dont know the answer to this. I am not THAT guy who is looking for one night stands. I would rather have one amazing woman than 10 ok ones.

 

My only guess is that they want their freedom until they find "the one", are afraid of being trapped in a relationship so are are laying down the expectations upfront or just want to have several different experiences?

 

Don't get me wrong, I'd take a hot ass one night stand but if it were that good I would want another...and another.

[Leigh 87]

Maybe you might want to ask all the women who do the same too.

Also... total projection. Just because they don't want the same thing you do, doesn't mean they have cold hearts and lack empathy.

 

You are drawing your own conclusions and projecting onto people what you think of those who don't think the same way you do.

 

I don't believe in your "fireworks". Does that make me cold-hearted as well?

 

You really need to check your vision of how the world works.

 

 

 

It is semantics.

 

Fireworks for me and my friends could very well be something you feel for women you are into.

 

For my friend fireworks meant; an intense physical and emotional connection.

 

She also met a guy at a club: they were instantly very attracted and, under the influence and started making out (which wouldn't have happened if sober)..

 

They felt strong chemistry and attraction when they first met - she calls it "fireworks" as do I.

 

Being immediately drawn to some people more than others, based on initial attraction and a "connection" that could have potential, is not the Hollywood ideal you probably presume I am inferring to.....

[ManyDissapoint]

Probably they would be willing to go all-in for something that really is special, but they want to be clear that they are okay with casual stuff too--you cover all your bases that way without promising something that you can't deliver.

[Leigh 87]

As a guy I honestly dont know the answer to this. I am not THAT guy who is looking for one night stands. I would rather have one amazing woman than 10 ok ones.

 

My only guess is that they want their freedom until they find "the one", are afraid of being trapped in a relationship so are are laying down the expectations upfront or just want to have several different experiences?

 

Don't get me wrong, I'd take a hot ass one night stand but if it were that good I would want another...and another.

 

 

I want to hold out for the one and I know that means dating a few hundred near misses in the process.

 

I am seeking: the right guy, with whom I have the great chemistry and ultimate compatibility with..

 

In the meanwhile I will date until I find it I guess. And probably have sex a few times along the way with the potential candidates - IF I feel we are going somewhere - which lets face it, it take a few hundred dates and trials and errors before you get the spark, passion AND true compatibility.

 

To ACTIVELY "want" casual is just not something I can get my head around.

 

I don't enjoy being *****ed by a guy who I am not into nor have feelings for.

 

^just seeking to understand the appeal in order for me to have a less negative view on casual '' using women as human sex toys"

[Leigh 87]

Probably they would be willing to go all-in for something that really is special, but they want to be clear that they are okay with casual stuff too--you cover all your bases that way without promising something that you can't deliver.

 

 

 

I want to meet someone special too but I am realistic that it won't likely happen anytime soon given I want great chemistry and compatibility.

 

Until then though it is not like I am actively WANTING to have meaningless sex.... I would rather hang out with friends or study.. or drink beer alone at home (beer enthusiast here) than ... be a hole for a man to use as a human sex toy.

[Leigh 87]

The annoying thing is - as a woman we do not WANT to ever get approached online for casual!

 

We all likely have plenty of contacts in our phones and in our every day life - exes, friends and perfect strangers if we were to walk to our local shops and hit up a guy for casual!

 

We don't need strangers propositioning us online, most average women HAVE sex ready for them whenever they fancy it! No need for us to go online for it unless you have seriously back luck of course.....

[Hopeful30]

Casual is easy.

[Hopeful30]

The annoying thing is - as a woman we do not WANT to ever get approached online for casual.

 

Be careful not to generalize too harshly. Every woman wants different things and many women look for casual as well.

[Diezel]

The annoying thing is - as a woman we do not WANT to ever get approached online for casual!

 

Again, projection. Just because you feel this way, doesn't mean there aren't women out there that solely want casual.

 

If this was the world according to Leigh 87, Tinder would never exist, right? Because YOU are the spokeswoman for ALL women, correct?

 

You really need to reset your perspective on life, the world does not operate according to your views.

[Buddhist]

When have men ever really wanted relationships? Seriously. Read enough threads on here and elsewhere and you will notice a distinct pattern of men seeking sex from women by pretending to be in relationships with them. I used to believe in love, a partner who sees you as a person, wants to know you, the person, not just your vagina. But in all honesty, after 20yrs of being in relationships I've come to this conclusion.

 

Men tolerate relationships under these circumstances....

 

- To get sex on tap. That's the primary reason to have a gf. Lay claim to someone's vagina and then jealously guard it like a dog guards a treasured bone. And yes it is about as attractive as it sounds.

- To get babies. For some reason men seem to want children far more than most women do. Whenever I hear of someone expressing a desire to have kids it's usually got a penis. I suppose it's easy to want something when it's not your body that gets wrecked in the process and it won't be you that does most of the heavy lifting involved in raising the damn thing.

- To have someone contractually obliged to be their caretaker when they suffer a heart attack/stroke/erectile dysfunction. I actually overheard a male coworker pretty much state this the other week. I'd better get married now so someone has to look after me when I'm old. Oh yay, now that you're an overweight middle aged slob it's time to get married and pass on your rapidly decomposing body into someone else's care. What an offer!

 

It honestly amazes me that you're an adult female who has yet to grasp the concept that women pine for relationships and men lust for sex. My experience is that most men don't want anything more from their relationships than somewhere warm and wet to shove their penis into. I'm not into being some guys fleshlight so I no longer seek the company of men.

[Revolver]

It's no different from offline

[Hopeful30]

^ Ive had the opposite experience. Men always want more more more when I just want sex or something casual. Funny how the world works.

 

They want security, just as women do, except they want sexual and partner security whereas woman tend to want emotional and protective security. I think?

[Leigh 87]

When have men ever really wanted relationships? Seriously. Read enough threads on here and elsewhere and you will notice a distinct pattern of men seeking sex from women by pretending to be in relationships with them. I used to believe in love, a partner who sees you as a person, wants to know you, the person, not just your vagina. But in all honesty, after 20yrs of being in relationships I've come to this conclusion.

 

Men tolerate relationships under these circumstances....

 

- To get sex on tap. That's the primary reason to have a gf. Lay claim to someone's vagina and then jealously guard it like a dog guards a treasured bone. And yes it is about as attractive as it sounds.

- To get babies. For some reason men seem to want children far more than most women do. Whenever I hear of someone expressing a desire to have kids it's usually got a penis. I suppose it's easy to want something when it's not your body that gets wrecked in the process and it won't be you that does most of the heavy lifting involved in raising the damn thing.

- To have someone contractually obliged to be their caretaker when they suffer a heart attack/stroke/erectile dysfunction. I actually overheard a male coworker pretty much state this the other week. I'd better get married now so someone has to look after me when I'm old. Oh yay, now that you're an overweight middle aged slob it's time to get married and pass on your rapidly decomposing body into someone else's care. What an offer!

 

It honestly amazes me that you're an adult female who has yet to grasp the concept that women pine for relationships and men lust for sex. My experience is that most men don't want anything more from their relationships than somewhere warm and wet to shove their penis into. I'm not into being some guys fleshlight so I no longer seek the company of men.

 

 

I always new there were many men like that.

 

However - my friend has a guy who ADORES her.

 

He is head over heels. Crazy about her.

 

They have explosive sex - so that part is taken care of.

 

But he also absolutely loves being in love with her and she feels the same way.

 

^^^ surely pretty women can find an adoring man if he is less good looking than them and he is a softie at heart who actually enjoys the notion of being madly in love with the right woman?

 

My friend is obviously very pretty hence why the guy fell so hard - and they clicked so well! I have had men fall for me at first site - I am not conventionally pretty but to some men they found me gorgeous and they were below me in looks and felt stunned to have me around. I think if a woman is "really pretty" to a man and he is the loving type - and you have chemistry - that is when loving, crazy in love relationships occur.

[loveweary11]

Simple. It HUGELY increases the number of responses you get, as a guy.

 

I've done both. Once I put anything more than casual in, I lose 75% of the girls.

 

So, you put "nothing serious" but take it on a case by case basis.

 

 

 

 

NOTE: We put this because it's what the majority of women want in this period of history.

 

 

In short:

 

- why do so many men state that they aren't looking for anything serious?

 

- surely they want to meet the girl who knocks their socks off, they have explosive sex with and who they can actually grow to love?

 

- how do people enjoy sensless *****ing as opposed to finding a true connection?

 

- having a connection and spark, with a person who you can actually fall in love with is soooooo much better than just banging any old person who you can palate and tolerate enough for them to get naked and do the deed.

 

 

Why do so many men on online dating websites state in their profiles that they want casual, " nothing serious" or "fwb"? I just don't see the appeal. I mean, I want to fall crazy in love and find a man who falls head over heels for me, and me them - but I am cool with waiting a few years well into my 30's and 40's to find the real deal of intense chemistry and compatibility - I just don't feel the need to sleep mindlessly with people in the meanwhile UNLESS we date and there is potential there for it to be the "real deal".....

 

These men seem to PREFER casual and meaningless sex with women who are nothing more than a "hole" to them? Sorry I have been there and tried casual and I found it to be disgusting. Just the notion of sharing bodily fluids with a guy who isn't into you:sick:

 

The sex is just so, so so much better when you are really into someone.

 

Do some people just have cold hearts and lack empathy and therefore do not feel the need to fall crazy in love with a person who means the world to them one day?

 

Or have they given up on finding a woman who knocks their socks off, whom they are really into and who is good enough to make them want to give up sex with hot women? Perhaps some of them aren't aware that it could potentially just "happen" for them one day?

 

 

 

 

 

Any thoughts....

Edited March 21, 2015 by loveweary11

[Buddhist]

^^^ surely pretty women can find an adoring man if he is less good looking than them and he is a softie at heart who actually enjoys the notion of being madly in love with the right woman?

 

So your implication is that I must not be a pretty woman because some man has failed to ADORE me? I'm usually a live and let live kind of person, if you want to believe in lightning bolts and eternal love so be it. But in all honesty if at least some of that is not tempered with a bit of reality you'll be in for a hard ride.

[LookAtThisPOst]

 

- To get sex on tap. That's the primary reason to have a gf. Lay claim to someone's vagina and then jealously guard it like a dog guards a treasured bone. And yes it is about as attractive as it sounds.

 

You know...If I understand what you're saying, Buddhist I think you're saying that men want a monogamous relationship, it's just a steady piece of a** they are wanting, even the relationship may have a good run of around 3 years ( which is the usually life expectancy of a long term relationship)...because 1. You are likely both clean of STD's, granted you're not sleeping with someone else.

 

Meaning, though players hop from woman to women, the men YOU speak of are content to "guard their tail" for the long term.

 

 

- To get babies. For some reason men seem to want children far more than most women do. Whenever I hear of someone expressing a desire to have kids it's usually got a penis.

I rarely do hear of men having the "baby cravings" like women do, so it must just come from your own social circles...I think in general, this is a rare thing to be said of men.

 

 

To have someone contractually obliged to be their caretaker when they suffer a heart attack/stroke/erectile dysfunction. I actually overheard a male coworker pretty much state this the other week. I'd better get married now so someone has to look after me when I'm old. Oh yay, now that you're an overweight middle aged slob it's time to get married and pass on your rapidly decomposing body into someone else's care. What an offer!

 

I live in a retirement area where I hear widowed women whose husbands have died off and they are likely to be living into their 80s or 90s...and the remaining living men are looking for...as I have RECENTLY heard, "A nurse with a purse."

 

But hey, at least he's keeping it monogamous, right?

 

Buddhist, I do have to say it's admirable that you won't be relegated to just someone's sex toy. But some people, I have noticed, even women lately, too. They figure, "Well, after 10 years or 20 years since my divorce, I've yet to find a man wanting something meaningful, and so maybe I'll just settle for a FWB situation."

 

Yes, I have heard people compromising on their own morality for the sake of human touch/contact. They are like "F-it! I'll be happy with a nice stiff one on occasion."

 

I am noticing women starting to do this too. Usually after their first marriage, they are more focused on career, going BACK to college (even though they are 40-something), spending more time with their kids AND their kids activities and stating in their profiles, "I work full time and go to school full time and have my kids FULL time, so he better understand that"

 

Though they don't have much enthusiasm and the excitement anymore when coming off the airplane to see her "pookie" after a month of not seeing him/her as some couples as this vision of romance that was once a reality has become, by perspective, completely fictional.

 

I know this one woman that traveled alot for work, 40 years old...and had an F-buddy (not a boyfriend) when she got home every other weekend...BOTH were fine with it..he was younger man, probably high-fiving his friends, bragging about banging a cougar.

[elaine567]

Men tolerate relationships under these circumstances....

- To get babies. For some reason men seem to want children far more than most women do. Whenever I hear of someone expressing a desire to have kids it's usually got a penis. I suppose it's easy to want something when it's not your body that gets wrecked in the process and it won't be you that does most of the heavy lifting involved in raising the damn thing.

 

I rarely do hear of men having the "baby cravings" like women do, so it must just come from your own social circles...I think in general, this is a rare thing to be said of men.

 

I tend to agree with Buddhist here, I think in some circles there is a lot of macho posturing and a denial of the desire for children, but I do believe most men if they were honest want kids more than some will ever admit.

[Leigh 87]

So your implication is that I must not be a pretty woman because some man has failed to ADORE me? I'm usually a live and let live kind of person, if you want to believe in lightning bolts and eternal love so be it. But in all honesty if at least some of that is not tempered with a bit of reality you'll be in for a hard ride.

 

 

I don't know you? I have no idea what you look like...

 

 

But I know guys who have genuinely fallen hard for women and they don't view their relationship the way you outlined.

 

And the girls are always better looking than the guys - yet hey both felt mutual sparks and attraction and the guy feels like the luckiest man alive to have such love with a beautiful woman.

[Buddhist]

.

I rarely do hear of men having the "baby cravings" like women do, so it must just come from your own social circles...I think in general, this is a rare thing to be said of men.

 

I'm not in the US, so yes I concur my country is very different in that regard. Judging by posts on here there are a lot of social customs in the US that simply don't exist to the same degree in other countries. Mostly here it's men wanting the whole continuation of their genetic line (as if theirs is somehow something to preserve..). But most women I know of any age aren't keen on families.

 

.

and the remaining living men are looking for...as I have RECENTLY heard, "A nurse with a purse."

 

Hilarious but yes so true. Basically where I'm from once a man reaches 40 he's looking for a baby incubator and future nurse. It's not something to even contemplate as a female.

 

.

I've yet to find a man wanting something meaningful, and so maybe I'll just settle for a FWB situation."

 

Which is pretty much my point. There is so little payoff these days to being in a relationship that many people just don't bother. To be honest Leigh's ardent desire for a relationship is so foreign to me, that kind of thing pretty much died out about a decade ago here.

 

to see her "pookie" after a month of not seeing him/her as some couples as this vision of romance that was once a reality has become, by perspective, completely fictional.

 

I personally think it was always fictional, but humans are adaptive species. Even when the reality of something is terrible, people will convince themselves it's something else, just because there is no alternative. It's like boiling a frog alive by starting with cold water. They acclimate and eventually get cooked. That's human's too.

 

 

I'm over 40, my last partner was 27. I gave him freedom and stability, he banged me twice a day. It was a nice arrangement. But that's all it was. He eventually proposed and that was the end of us because he laid down an expectation for babies. No can do dude. Pity because he really did have genetic stuff to preserve, he was scouted as a model. But I'm no-ones baby factory nor nurse.

Edited March 21, 2015 by Buddhist

[elaine567]

Could it be that some men have realised or assume they are not relationship material and thus do not feel confident enough to put that on their profile?

In essence they are opting out of competing for women who want relationships and they then make do with FWBs and hook ups. They may even hope that out of the FWB/hook up bunch, they can find someone to take them on on a more full time basis, ie a relationship.

 

A bit like instead of applying for that high flying job with the difficult interview process and a job that demands responsibility, commitment and back bone,

they choose to opt out and take a job at a fast food joint, because all they need for that is to show up and appear willing.

No-one judges them that much and no-one then finds them wanting.

 

(Of course I do realise that some men and women truly only want sex with no strings attached.)

[LookAtThisPOst]

You'd be surprised how time and time again how women on OK Cupid state, "If you're looking for a FWB or one-night stand" please move on! It's almost like a broken record I grow weary of reading.

 

Of course, I don't consider myself one of THOSE guys, and there was a time when they made such a statement it was my MAIN motivation to contact them...only to be ignored constantly.

 

I used to like, "Pick me, pick me! I'm not THAT guy!"

 

Buddhist, I do have to say on the brighter side there are well-to-do marriages going on currently.

 

There is this one woman I know, early 40's, kid is 18 and going off to college and more so in love with her husband than ever.

 

She has a ton of female SINGLE friends that make her say, "Man, I'm glad I'M not in the dating scene anymore, the stories I hear are atrocious!"

 

Though, I do get a bit of the warm fuzzies...kind of...when I see a soldier come home to his wife after having served in the Middle East.

 

There's married couples that WORK together where I work and they couldn't be, surprisingly, happier...and negates the bitterness I read on these message boards.

 

 

Could it be that some men have realised or assume they are not relationship material and thus do not feel confident enough to put that on their profile?

In essence they are opting out of competing for women who want relationships and they then make do with FWBs and hook ups. They may even hope that out of the FWB/hook up bunch, they can find someone to take them on on a more full time basis, ie a relationship.

 

A bit like instead of applying for that high flying job with the difficult interview process and a job that demands responsibility, commitment and back bone,

they choose to opt out and take a job at a fast food joint, because all they need for that is to show up and appear willing.

No-one judges them that much and no-one then finds them wanting.

 

(Of course I do realise that some men and women truly only want sex with no strings attached.)

[SmartDude]

Because men are saving the planet from destruction by using their instincts.

 

We all know that there are too many people on the planet.

Conditions for life have improved, so people die later, use more recources..etc.

This is creating a bottle-neck situation which hopefully as a species we can survive.

Food production can not keep up with increasing numbers...Unless new technology is develpoed in time to avoid disasters.

 

At the same time at this moment in recent history, casual sex has become acceptable.

The changes are happening in "developed countries" first.

 

Let me pose this question: Is it possible to have sex with someone, while still treating them like the beautifull human being they are, and part ways without any remorse or attatchment(or babies)?

 

Many men do in fact share feelings from this so called "meaningless sex".

A situation that comes to mind is 2 people who just got out of a relationship and still need to heal. What do you do? Just sit in your room alone? Ok, then us guys will just be friends with women and fully give in to those narrsisistic tendencies, unchecked? Us guys don't want that. We want to have sex and be friends at the same time. Noticing that women are not generally fond of this, we men have to adapt.

 

As a man do I want the connection that love and romance brings? Of course!

Was I always in this state of readiness? Hell no! I had to get to this point in the "relationship cycle" to be ready again.

 

The dificulty is that when men are in this state of readiness, they are not flashing neon signs or anything. And sometimes it just takes the right women to bring it out in him. So I agree it can be quite confusing.

[Gary S]

Many men think sex is the main thing they want, but that's not the case, men don't know what they want!

 

Men's intuition is not as good as women's is, they are not as well grounded in relationships as women are, and tend to blur the line between fantasy and reality more often. In short, many men fantasize about being with different women and therefore make a leap to reality with those daydreams. But there is a difference between fantasy and reality, we call them fantasies for a reason.

 

Plus, some people run around talking about these fantasies, that men are programmed to be with as many women as possible and spread their seed, and then others buy into this idea (absolute bunk). It's called the bandwagon effect.

 

It really just boils down to immaturity, ignorance, or in some cases lack of integrity.

 

The shocker is, men basically want the same things women want, they just don't know it... like loyalty, trust, respect, romance, and family - sex is a little further down the list!

 

Women in love do it better. Some guys will never understand.