How to deal with my red flags, man I feel like a loser Grrrrrrrr

[Krieger]

I am getting older turning 32 this year and never really had a long term GF before . I know I such a loser I feel like I missed out on so much dating wise. I did not date in high school has social anxiety issues but when I went to college they went away and now I can talk to anyone. I ask a handful of girls out and got some second dates but noting really paned out.

 

After college only went to a community college learnd a trade and got a job worked two jobs for a while 80 hours a week . Than I got burnt out after a year or so. There for only worked one job but did not get paid much not enough to live off of.

 

Than the economy took dump and got laid off and had to go back to a dead end retail job and it ok but there is no upward mobility at all . Well there is if you lay on your back with your feet in the air or brown nose so much you end up shaving your head bald so it can fit up the higher ups you what more easily.

 

Also I do not make a ton of money only $ 19.50 an hour and I can not make anymore . It may seem like a lot to some people but one paycheck is rent and you be lucky to find a 400 SQ ft studio apartment for under 1k a month. Even if you live 20/30 min away your still going to pay $800 hundred a month in rent.

 

Next I do not really have any friends I can make friends no problem but I had to get rid of them because there becoming a cancer and bring me down more on that later.

 

Working retail suck working at a job that not going anywhere and doing it until I am 90 years old is not appealing to me .

 

Anyway I did something about I have been going back to college because working dead end jobs for the rest of my life is not fun. I just had to find what I wanted to do with my life.

 

I was never a good student I just never really but in the work I was smart but had a hard time focusing and thing I did care about. On top of that I work 40+ hours a week I work days now . When I went back to school I had to start all over for the most part and take class I all ready took because my grades wear not the best .

 

I have had a few set backs and had to take some time off of school for personal reasons but last year and this year I been working my tail off.

 

I really want to get into the nursing program and most 4 year schools will only accept you if you have at least a 3.6 in the prerequisite and only can retake a class twice.

 

The next quarter I am taking 3 classes online so it is not to bad. Than in the summer I am taking two classes online and in the fall and winter I am going to be taking anatomy and physiology at night mon,tue, th right after work 7:50 PM till 10 pm get home and study for 4 hours making my my day almost a 20 hour day by the time i go to bed.

 

I have talked to a lot of people that taken the class and a few teacher that teach the class and all of them say if you want an A or to do well you need to study at least 3 to 5 hours a night 7 days a week/

 

Now I cant but help feel like a female will think something is wrong with me because I never had a long term GF before.

 

Well unless you count a FWB that lasted almost a year and and only had a one night stand with this chick that just walked up and asked me if I was hear alone and wanted to go back to her place. She told me I was cute and and yes she was sober she never gave her name and I never gave mine.

 

Since most of my classes have woman in them and yes i can hold a conversation with no issues and some ask if i have a GF and when I say no they like why not or if you want a GF all you need to do is ask.

 

I just cant do both right now date and try to get into the nursing program.

 

I am relatively chill person to be around and keep to myself . I am a good listener and have a good memory it is scary. I could talked to you and not see you for a few month and recall what we last talked about . I tend to put other peoples need before mine but been looking out for myself more.

 

Also you will not find a person that has anything to bad to say about me and if you did there would not be very many .

 

People tell me I am way to hard on myself but I have to be if I want to be successful I have to out work you.

 

The desire to feel like I am not a loser drives me. I don't know if that's the healthiest thing—to be motivated by a fear of hating yourself.

 

Emotionally I dwell on things forever. I'm an obsessive thinker. I obsess on things I've done wrong. Even worse than mistakes, I'll dwell on what I'm not doing at the moment and what my limitations are.

 

If I had only stayed focused, I would have been further along. It's this constant feeling of not having achieved enough.

 

I can make friends but it seems the only friends I can ever make are bad for me all they want to do is drink and get high it was fun when I was in my 20s but I am trying to get my stuff together and have a career and not some dead end job.

 

I want to be a dad some day but do not want to have kids a 40 that is to old IMO. I want to give this marriage thing a shot not interested in being a weekend dad .

 

It just feel like if a where to date and the topic of ex GF came up I would be like deer in the head lights what do I say ?

 

One good thing is there is no crazy baby momma a girl has to deal with or crazy ex GF or wife to deal with.

 

It would just be nice to find a girl to share my life with , not because I need someone, but because I genuinely want someone.

 

I cant even recall the last date I been on I know I such a loser.

[morrowrd]

First off, you are hardly a loser. My question is, where the hell would you fit a girlfriend in right now? There really isn't alot of time left over after work and studying....my feeling is having a relationship right now might be the demise of your current goals. You yourself admit to being on a tightwire when it comes to your grades..and thats without any distractions.

 

Congratulations on dismissing so called friends that get in the way of goals, due to lifestyle choices. That determinations shows strength, not loserhood. So get with the program and stop beating yourself up. Decide what you want and stick with the decision regardless of the consequences. Get that damn nursing degree, and don't worry about a relationship yet. Once your life is in order careerwise, then start taking that iron out of the fire.

 

Oh, and you are NOT an old man at 32, or 40 for that matter. Time does go by fast, and you are not wasting it. Don't rush, go with the flow, follow an order of operations with key priorities first, like you ARE doing.

 

Once your time schedule has some breathing room, and if you are having trouble then finding a girlfriend working in a field with tons of young women, come back and we'll talk.

[Buddhist]

Reframe your issues. You haven't had a serious relationship yet because you were busy working and studying. End of story. It's quite amazing how many people on this site are willing to confess their least attractive attributes to just about anyone. Clearly some people here have never had to really sell themselves to get a job, or just where they need to go.

 

Bottom line - no-ones interested in the real you. And by 'you' I mean people in general. Every person is basically a bundle of nervous energy and neurosis. There isn't a person on the planet who has bullet-proof self esteem or truly thinks they've got life sorted. We're all the same, no need to confess it. Just play the social game like everyone else....I'm doing okay.

[Bigcitydreamer]

I'm glad to hear that you are doing nursing. I am doing it now and I would absolutely recommend it. I'm doing an accelerated program (2 years) and will have a BN by the end of the 2 years. I started the program at 25 and will be done in 6 months. It has been very challenging, my life has revolved around school for the most part but I am thankful that I made the choice to do this! I did a business degree first and my grades were not good. I didn't meet the minimum GPA requirement to get into nursing but I got in because only 4 people had applied to the 8 seats available. Now I am getting grades that I am very proud of and I certainly don't put 3-5 hours of studying in a night, then again there are some days where I have had to study for 6 or more hours like the day before a final. Also as a male I think you could have many opportunities in nursing-professionally and relationship wise. My school tends to coddle male nurses more and really seems to want to put the male students in clinical areas that they enjoy. And with a profession dominated by women, male nurses have so many chances to meet girls. Male nurses get snatched up fast!

 

Anyway, my recommendation is to apply to the most remote areas and get into a nursing program that has very few applicants. You might think that all schools are saturated but many of the ones in undesirable areas are not. This is because the job market for nursing is not what it once was, the jobs are not as plentiful as one might think. I've heard nursing is similar to teaching in that you have to move wherever is hiring to get a job you want.

 

I just wanted to give you some background info and something to think about because it seems like you could benefit from doing your bachor of nursing and becoming a registered nurse!

[Krieger]

I know I should stop worrying about it, but when woman and men get past a curtain age people thing there is some thing wrong with them if there not married past a curtain age.

 

I even might be moving if I can get into a school in this state and all the schools I am looking into are part schools LOL like ASU ,Boulder Colorado, LSU,Boise state university, or Arizona. Now it a 50/50 chance .

 

Anyways I don't want to wait around and all the good woman are taken in my age group it seems that every female worth a dam is taken that around my age.

 

I feel like I missed out on so much like going to prom having a high school GF and all that.

[soyou]

Your problem lies on your head. Dont beat up yourself with your own negative thoughts.

 

" A man is but the product of his thoughts... What he thinks, he becomes".

 

So stop thinking negetively. Prioritize your life. What is most important for you should be then done first. Others will come after. Why puts so much pressures and hassels on your life while you can actually take it easy and enjoy it?

 

There is always someone for somebody. Sometimes you have to wait abit longer than others but trust me, she will come!

 

P/S: Is the person in your avatar you? Then I must say you're pretty good looking. Your chance of getting women is likely huge

[Versacehottie]

I think you need to put yourself on sort of a timetable so you can sort out with your work/school schedule. And make very distinct efforts to add friends to your life and start dating. Within reason for your finances and schedule try to do as much dating and socializing as possible. Try to do like 2-3 dates a month and activities like a co-ed sport where you will make friends or if you let us know what sorts of things you like to do I'm sure we can figure out.

 

I agree that you need to put something if place rather than put it all on hold until you've finished school or are in a better place financially. You need to become more social right now so that a GF is in the near future. Make it part of your life. The best life is a balanced one. I think give yourself small goals that will lead up to a girlfriend. And don't be hard on yourself, it will take time. I'm guessing maybe a year or 1.5year from now--if you work on these things.

 

You have to approach this stuff in some ways just as you would any other goal! We can help you figure out a plan.

[Assada]

You post is too long which is a bad sign.

 

But, bro, you take responsibility for yourself, thats a plus

You know how many irresponisble giirls, their are out there?

hahaha

 

Just calm down, and colunteer at a homeless shelter the next time you think your life is "bad"

[Gloria25]

I think a mature woman would understand you if she took the time to get to know you...

 

I will admit that with OLD, if you put on your profile your age, education, and current job/career, you might not get a lot of responses cuz you can't put on OLD the explanation you gave us here. Someone (like me) looking at your profile would probably flip and be like "next".

 

But really, I've seen soo many women (especially now a days) pick up dead beat losers who don't have their crap together and even have illegit kids. And, these women are all gaga/horny over these guys - to the point where they pick him up and shack up with them and even help them pay their child support, ok?

 

So, I think you might be a turn off to stupid and immature women - especially those who like to pick up guys I just described. I mean, you are not gonna give them drama and take their money, so you might be a turn off.

 

What I will say that yes, even "if" some women take the time to get to know you, and they have a good head on their shoulders, they may not see you as dating material because they want to make sure you can provide/protect and/or simply handle your own bills.

 

I say this...

 

Date, but the same way you let us know your situation, let the woman you are interested in know the same. I mean, she's gonna learn that about you anyways.

 

And, if she seems like someone you don't wanna miss out on cuz you aren't ready for marriage, kids, and all that cuz you are still working on school and stuff - then tell her that. The two of you come up with a plan (i.e. date for next two years, then start planning a wedding). So that, you're not jumping into a marriage and making promises you can't keep cuz you still don't have your job/education/career together.

 

Also, use protection - cuz, last thing you need is more responsibilities and headaches when you still don't have your life together.

 

But seriously, there was a time where a man couldn't even date a woman unless he was ready to take on the responsibilities of a wife and/or kids - cuz he had to prove himself through "courting" her. But, now a days - especially with the women's movement - women have let down their standards and will get married and/or knocked up without allowing the guy to get himself straight. Then, the woman often ends up having to get a job and dump the kid(s) in daycare/public schools...worst, the marriage is strained cuz they married w/o being ready for it.

 

I had a neighbor one time who married his wife from college. They had two kids and she was preggo three. It was a premature kid. Her dad paid for the crappy little condo they had. She didn't work and spent most of the time by her parents in another state. She also left two of the kids there when she did come to the state to be with her husband (cuz the condo was too small for them and all those kids and they probably couldn't afford to keep the kids - so left them with her parents). All he did was work crappy jobs from sunrise to sundown. I don't know if he had two or three of them. All they did was fight and argue. I don't know what kind of marriage and/or life is that.

Edited March 22, 2015 by Gloria25

[Satu]

I am getting older turning 32 this year and never really had a long term GF before . I know I such a loser I feel like I missed out on so much dating wise. I did not date in high school has social anxiety issues but when I went to college they went away and now I can talk to anyone. I ask a handful of girls out and got some second dates but noting really paned out.

 

After college only went to a community college learnd a trade and got a job worked two jobs for a while 80 hours a week . Than I got burnt out after a year or so. There for only worked one job but did not get paid much not enough to live off of.

 

Than the economy took dump and got laid off and had to go back to a dead end retail job and it ok but there is no upward mobility at all . Well there is if you lay on your back with your feet in the air or brown nose so much you end up shaving your head bald so it can fit up the higher ups you what more easily.

 

Also I do not make a ton of money only $ 19.50 an hour and I can not make anymore . It may seem like a lot to some people but one paycheck is rent and you be lucky to find a 400 SQ ft studio apartment for under 1k a month. Even if you live 20/30 min away your still going to pay $800 hundred a month in rent.

 

Next I do not really have any friends I can make friends no problem but I had to get rid of them because there becoming a cancer and bring me down more on that later.

 

Working retail suck working at a job that not going anywhere and doing it until I am 90 years old is not appealing to me .

 

Anyway I did something about I have been going back to college because working dead end jobs for the rest of my life is not fun. I just had to find what I wanted to do with my life.

 

I was never a good student I just never really but in the work I was smart but had a hard time focusing and thing I did care about. On top of that I work 40+ hours a week I work days now . When I went back to school I had to start all over for the most part and take class I all ready took because my grades wear not the best .

 

I have had a few set backs and had to take some time off of school for personal reasons but last year and this year I been working my tail off.

 

I really want to get into the nursing program and most 4 year schools will only accept you if you have at least a 3.6 in the prerequisite and only can retake a class twice.

 

The next quarter I am taking 3 classes online so it is not to bad. Than in the summer I am taking two classes online and in the fall and winter I am going to be taking anatomy and physiology at night mon,tue, th right after work 7:50 PM till 10 pm get home and study for 4 hours making my my day almost a 20 hour day by the time i go to bed.

 

I have talked to a lot of people that taken the class and a few teacher that teach the class and all of them say if you want an A or to do well you need to study at least 3 to 5 hours a night 7 days a week/

 

Now I cant but help feel like a female will think something is wrong with me because I never had a long term GF before.

 

Well unless you count a FWB that lasted almost a year and and only had a one night stand with this chick that just walked up and asked me if I was hear alone and wanted to go back to her place. She told me I was cute and and yes she was sober she never gave her name and I never gave mine.

 

Since most of my classes have woman in them and yes i can hold a conversation with no issues and some ask if i have a GF and when I say no they like why not or if you want a GF all you need to do is ask.

 

I just cant do both right now date and try to get into the nursing program.

 

I am relatively chill person to be around and keep to myself . I am a good listener and have a good memory it is scary. I could talked to you and not see you for a few month and recall what we last talked about . I tend to put other peoples need before mine but been looking out for myself more.

 

Also you will not find a person that has anything to bad to say about me and if you did there would not be very many .

 

People tell me I am way to hard on myself but I have to be if I want to be successful I have to out work you.

 

The desire to feel like I am not a loser drives me. I don't know if that's the healthiest thing—to be motivated by a fear of hating yourself.

 

Emotionally I dwell on things forever. I'm an obsessive thinker. I obsess on things I've done wrong. Even worse than mistakes, I'll dwell on what I'm not doing at the moment and what my limitations are.

 

If I had only stayed focused, I would have been further along. It's this constant feeling of not having achieved enough.

 

I can make friends but it seems the only friends I can ever make are bad for me all they want to do is drink and get high it was fun when I was in my 20s but I am trying to get my stuff together and have a career and not some dead end job.

 

I want to be a dad some day but do not want to have kids a 40 that is to old IMO. I want to give this marriage thing a shot not interested in being a weekend dad .

 

It just feel like if a where to date and the topic of ex GF came up I would be like deer in the head lights what do I say ?

 

One good thing is there is no crazy baby momma a girl has to deal with or crazy ex GF or wife to deal with.

 

It would just be nice to find a girl to share my life with , not because I need someone, but because I genuinely want someone.

 

I cant even recall the last date I been on I know I such a loser.

 

If somebody talked about me the way you talk about yourself, I'd be furious.

[Krieger]

If somebody talked about me the way you talk about yourself, I'd be furious.

 

 

Well not every one wakes up every day and says life is great .

[Krieger]

You post is too long which is a bad sign.

 

But, bro, you take responsibility for yourself, thats a plus

You know how many irresponisble giirls, their are out there?

hahaha

 

Just calm down, and colunteer at a homeless shelter the next time you think your life is "bad"

 

Well most of it not bad it not like I have HIV and 9 kid with 9 different woman . The sad part is a lot of woman would be willing to over look all that and tell them self's he will change.

 

Calm down HA good woman are getting hard to find it like finding a unicorn now days . That why I only should stick to fating Asian woman .

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

Well most of it not bad it not like I have HIV and 9 kid with 9 different woman . The sad part is a lot of woman would be willing to over look all that and tell them self's he will change.

 

Calm down HA good woman are getting hard to find it like finding a unicorn now days . That why I only should stick to fating Asian woman .

 

You seem to lack self-confidence and self-worth with regard to how you think women will view you in the world of dating. When you date a woman and she asks you if you've had prior relationships (and how long did they last), you DON'T have to divulge to a complete stranger your relationship history! If a woman ever asks you that, just say, "I've had a few, but they didn't work out" and then steer the conversation to another topic.

 

Um, it's NONE of ANYONE'S business what your dating or relationship history is/was...and you are under NO OBLIGATION to divulge such information to ANYONE until YOU feel comfortable with doing so. Because, the sad thing is, a lot of women will judge you with regard to your lack of relationship experience and won't even give you a chance; no matter how mature, ambitious, decent and together as a person you are. Let me just tell ya, it's a harsh and unforgiving world out there as far as dating is concerned! Tread carefully...and with your head held high. From what you've posted, you seem to really have your $hit together and also seem to be a kind and decent guy.

 

Dating, relationship and sexual experience is highly overrated...

 

 

.

[fitnessfan365]

It just takes time man. I had two serious GF's when I was younger (18-22). But then I didn't date whatsoever for seven years. Focused on work, taking my time to get an associates degree, trying to excel in one career, and then having to do a 180 getting into a completely different one (personal training).

 

I've done very well with women for the last five years. But before that, my only focus was on myself and getting my life together. In a way, I am thankful that I did because now I'm in a career I love and every day is a vacation. Plus, I've more than made up for lost time where women are concerned.

 

Just continue to do what's right for you, and eventually things will fall into place. But remember, the one thing a woman doesn't want is a guy that's depressed and a downer all the time. I mean, how is a woman supposed to like you, if you don't like yourself? Try to have more of an upbeat positive attitude and be thankful you actually have direction in life.

[katiegrl]

It just takes time man. I had two serious GF's when I was younger (18-22). But then I didn't date whatsoever for seven years. Focused on work, taking my time to get an associates degree, trying to excel in one career, and then having to do a 180 getting into a completely different one (personal training).

 

I've done very well with women for the last five years. But before that, my only focus was on myself and getting my life together. In a way, I am thankful that I did because now I'm in a career I love and every day is a vacation. Plus, I've more than made up for lost time where women are concerned.

 

Just continue to do what's right for you, and eventually things will fall into place. But remember, the one thing a woman doesn't want is a guy that's depressed and a downer all the time. I mean, how is a woman supposed to like you, if you don't like yourself? Try to have more of an upbeat positive attitude and be thankful you actually have direction in life.

 

Agree with ff here ^^...and also wanted to add that if the photo on your profile is you....you are one heck of a good looking dude!

 

You've got looks, a job, soon you will have a degree in the field of your choice, which pays VERY well I might add...wow I would say you have ALOT going for you!

 

Now all you have to do is believe it yourself....and your golden!

[Krieger]

You seem to lack self-confidence and self-worth with regard to how you think women will view you in the world of dating. When you date a woman and she asks you if you've had prior relationships (and how long did they last), you DON'T have to divulge to a complete stranger your relationship history! If a woman ever asks you that, just say, "I've had a few, but they didn't work out" and then steer the conversation to another topic.

 

Um, it's NONE of ANYONE'S business what your dating or relationship history is/was...and you are under NO OBLIGATION to divulge such information to ANYONE until YOU feel comfortable with doing so. Because, the sad thing is, a lot of women will judge you with regard to your lack of relationship experience and won't even give you a chance; no matter how mature, ambitious, decent and together as a person you are. Let me just tell ya, it's a harsh and unforgiving world out there as far as dating is concerned! Tread carefully...and with your head held high. From what you've posted, you seem to really have your $hit together and also seem to be a kind and decent guy.

 

Dating, relationship and sexual experience is highly overrated...

 

 

.

 

Thanks for the advice and it is kind of sad woman would run for the hill because my lack of dating experience. I know I got to keep it to myself until the time is right.

 

As far as myself confidence goes it could be better and it getting better. It is just hard when your in your 30s and have nothing to show for it.

 

I just feel like if I wait too much longer it will be to late.

[Krieger]

It just takes time man. I had two serious GF's when I was younger (18-22). But then I didn't date whatsoever for seven years. Focused on work, taking my time to get an associates degree, trying to excel in one career, and then having to do a 180 getting into a completely different one (personal training).

 

I've done very well with women for the last five years. But before that, my only focus was on myself and getting my life together. In a way, I am thankful that I did because now I'm in a career I love and every day is a vacation. Plus, I've more than made up for lost time where women are concerned.

 

Just continue to do what's right for you, and eventually things will fall into place. But remember, the one thing a woman doesn't want is a guy that's depressed and a downer all the time. I mean, how is a woman supposed to like you, if you don't like yourself? Try to have more of an upbeat positive attitude and be thankful you actually have direction in life.

 

Deep down I am not a happy person over all unless I have some thing to be happy about. I am trying to be more happy on the outside but on the inside not so much. That is ok I can fake being happy so people will think I am happy.

 

Well deep down I worry that if i do not have a good job I will not be a good father. My dad work two jobs for years and years and I am thank full all that. He worked retail and another job to make ends meet and I do not want to fall into the trap being a workaholic.

 

harry chapin cat's in the cradle that song sums up me and my dad relationship.

 

It's about a father who was always too busy to spend time with his son, even though his son always promises to grow up just like him.

 

Till one day many years later he sees his son acting the same way he used to, not making time for his family at all, and realizes too late that he really did grow up just like his father.

 

That is my biggest fear I will end up the same way I do not want that for my kids I do not want to miss a thing if I can help it. I want to make good enough money so I can spend time with my kids when I ever meat a woman and have kids.

[Krieger]

Agree with ff here ^^...and also wanted to add that if the photo on your profile is you....you are one heck of a good looking dude!

 

You've got looks, a job, soon you will have a degree in the field of your choice, which pays VERY well I might add...wow I would say you have ALOT going for you!

 

Now all you have to do is believe it yourself....and your golden!

 

Yes that is me in the PIC and thank for the kind words.

 

I think my biggest problem is I get in my own head and need to get out of my own head if you know what I mean.

 

If i do meet a girl I want to ask out I just be up front about I going to school and some times you not going to be number 1 and if she cant deal with that that on her.

 

I mean If i had a good career and meet a girl that was school I would never tell her to stop going to school or cut class to spent time with me. In turn I would be supportive as I could and help her study if she need me to.