Bubberfly Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 Hi guys. I guess I just need to vent on here to someone other than my friends or therapist. I was with my fiancée for 6 years. Our relationship was rocky at best and he consistently was cheating on me the entire time we were together (I of course, at the time largely ignored all the signs. Now that we're over I've gained a little more clarity and realized exactly HOW badly he treated me and lied). We broke up a year and a half ago and have been in COMPLETE NC for 11 months. I really have no interest in contacting him, I don't really care what he's been doing and the anger I had toward him has for the most part disappeared. As far as my life goes, I've been doing well. I've lost a lot of weight (70 pounds so far), changed my lifestyle, I've been focusing on work, making new friends, seeing a therapist. I haven't been ready to date yet (not even once have I really tried since ex and I broke up) and unfortunately my confidence is kinda shot (even with the weight loss). Other than that I've been actively working on healing and doing all the "right things" to be healthy and happy. I guess what I'm saying is, even if I've made a ton of positive life changes and for the most part I'm happy (I really don't miss the drama, fighting and paranoia that came from my Ex's and my relationship), I just keep having a nagging feeling. I keep feeling like I'm not good enough (I don't really get hit on too much even if I'm friendly and cute), I worry I'm too old to find anyone (30), I worry that how he treated me will eventually affect any future relationships. Mostly I just feel like deep down our relationship kind of "broke me." Does anyone else feel like this? I'm just tired of illogically feeling like I'm doomed to forever be alone and feeling broken.
Dallix Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 (edited) I feel the same as you. I don't ever get hit on by woman and I thought I was a good looking guy, now I'm questioning it. I'm approaching 31 and wondering if I will ever be good enough for someone again. Trying to get into better shape again, and better myself. Think it just comes with the territory. Edited March 21, 2015 by Dallix
emi Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 Its hard and normal with the feeling you are having after being with someone for so long and you had been even engaged to him. It is a big dispointment, i can feel your pain even im no where near being in a long-term relationship. But you know, even normal people who are living life feel dull and lost and fear sometime. So you are doing quite well, keep it up
Emma1234 Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 I think you have to remember as well that 11 months after 6 years isn't long. Keep doing what you're doing as making positive changes that benefit YOU so that you're happy and confident with yourself. Honestly just give it time, everything that's meant to be will be and will fall into place I promise. The only thing you can do at the moment is focus completely on yourself. It's normal to feel a loss of self-esteem after a break up despite the losing weight etc. (which is amazing - well done!), maybe once you start actively dating again (dating sites, striking up conversation where you can, joining new social groups) your confidence will soar. 30 is so young still, you're at the prime of you life! And in this day and age it's normal not to meet your s/o until 30-40. If you feel ready to date then go ahead and do it, if not keep doing what you're doing, you certainly sound a lot better off than most of us here! I'd love to be in your position. For me it sounds like you've gone through a break up, got over it and dealt with a lot of your feelings, used to break up to help yourself and are now in a prime position to better your life even further! So many exciting things are going to happen for you in the next few years so keep your head up. You never know what's around the corner. Good Luck!
erklat Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 30 is so young still, you're at the prime of you life! And in this day and age it's normal not to meet your s/o until 30-40. Also it is normal that you will have couple of marital partners before you find your 'happily ever after'. My fiancee is divorced for example. You're not old, contrary to the popular belief.
Recommended Posts