emotionslie Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 Hello. I'm brand new to this site and I found it by searching for advice on Google on what I'm going through right now. I really appreciate any help given and thank you for taking the time to read what I have to say. I'm going to start from the beginning so you have a clear picture of what is going on and what im struggling with right now. I'm dealing with a break up. I a 23 year old man. I had met my ex fiancé almost three years ago. She broke up with me about three months ago. In the time we have been broken up we have remained close but I could feel a distance she tried to keep herself at. I am just now realizing i was a safety net during this time. It was not until about three week ago that I had found an online dating site of hers. That night I cut it al off. I told her I cannot talk to her anymore. It really really hurt having to do this because I do love her very much. We had been engaged for about 5 months. But ultimately she broke up with me because of my own actions. I had grown distant and stopped showing affection like I shold have been. I realize now that I messed up and I took everything for granted. I tried everything to show her that I wanted to fix things but it had been going on so long that she didn't believe me. Seeing that I have cut everything off three weeks ago she has become hostile. She looks at my facebook and throws any girl that I talk to back in my face. She randomly texts me mean hurtful things and I know it's because she is really hurt that I'm showing I'm moving on. The truth is I don't want to move on but it h came to a point I felt u had too. I still tell her to leave me alone but I don't know when the next time I will get a text saying something hurtful. She even made a point one time to send me a picture of the flowers a guy sent her for her birthday. She is extremely pretty and I gave seen just by the amount of guys hitting on her just in general that this is definitely possible. It hurts a lot but I try to show her as best as I can that it doesn't I really do want to reconcile someday and I know that I did hurt her deep with my actions while we were toget her I am using this time to work on myself. It just becomes really hard when hurtful texts come in. Yes it's spite full of her but hurt people hurt people. Anybody that cn give some comforting words or just any advice on my situation at all would be greatly appreciated. I thank you for taking the time to read what I have to say and any questions you have feel free to ask. This is one of the hardest times to deal with as much of you all know going through a break up where you love someone. Thank you 1
mightycpa Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 Pinned to the top of this forum, there is a link to post about severing all contact. The reason you want to do this is because she's retarding your progress. You should be transitioning now, from being a part of something to being your own man. Every interaction slows you down, which means you're dragging it out. Read it. Follow its difficult advice. Pursue progress. 2
Author emotionslie Posted March 21, 2015 Author Posted March 21, 2015 Where can I find this link? I'm sorry 1
emi Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 You told her you want to work things out and beg for a chance to to prove it then she rejected you, so its not your faults. And she broke up with you. You got no obligation to her anymore. Protect yourself emotionally by cutting contacts, blocking her facebook, phone numbers, dont date anyone yet, just enjoy time alone and get your mind straight 2
OneBigIdgit Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 In my opinion, the only reason that new pics you add to your facebook page bring that reaction from her is that either she: 1. still loves you or 2. has little feelings for you but is used to having you in her back pocket for a rainy day and doesn't want to give that up. He being overly attractive means she gets plenty of attention from every guy who passes through. That becomes addictive to many women. When they start comparing the attention from others to the amount of attention that they get from you is when trouble sets in. I was married to a girl like this that told me that she never found a guy to love out of all of the guys who flattered her but that for a brief moment, that attention was addictive. my advice would be: talk to her one last time. Tell her to only contact you if she sees a chance to start over. Otherwise, take out your frustrations on your new guys. In my divorce proceedings. I hung around, did everything wrong and although we stayed friendly and even went out on a couple of platonic evenings, I made no progress in getting back together. I finally became mad enough that I went to where she was staying, told her I never wanted to hear from her again and I hope she moved 500 miles away....... I stopped for gas on my way home and when I arrived home a few minutes later, she was sitting there waiting on me. She had wrecked a borrowed vehicle into a tree in my front yard. I made more progress in telling her 2 sentences than I'd made in months of trying to reason with her. She moved back in with me a month later and we were together another 16 yrs. Well, then history repeated itself. my current ex situation sounds just like yours. Much attention from me at first but after awhile you slack off and they notice. We were a great couple and we told each other so, people told us so, but I gave her little attention except for the days that she stayed at my house. Now I spend a lot of time singing that old Hee Haw song, Gloom, Despair and Agony on Me. Deep Dark Depression, Excessive Misery,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,, 1
Author emotionslie Posted March 21, 2015 Author Posted March 21, 2015 Thank you for that reply it helped a lot to get it into perspective. I will tell her to only contact me if she sees a future. If not then that's that. But yeah our relationship is very similar to yours her whole family lives me. We get compliments from others and we even had our kids names planned. It's hard I tell you 1
Author emotionslie Posted March 22, 2015 Author Posted March 22, 2015 I hate that every little thing I a reminder of us. We lived together for over two years 1
Satu Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 I hate that every little thing I a reminder of us. We lived together for over two years That is a natural response, and something to be expected. It will pass. No contact. 2
Author emotionslie Posted March 22, 2015 Author Posted March 22, 2015 I am in no contact as of two days ago. I had been in an almost no Conant for almost two weeks before this but I did reply to her texts tellin her to not text me. Tonight is really hard. It's her birthday party dinner. I'm not there obviously and I could play out exactly how it would be had I not kept messing up. It would have been a great night. I know she knows it too. This girl has been through it all with me. She loved me so much it was almost an awe that you could love someone that much. I know she is thinking about me too. I'm going to stick wi th the NC but say I did get a text saying she does want me back and she's sorry it will be hard to resist. Anyone have anything to say to help me get through tonight? 1
smellysocksuni Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 I am in no contact as of two days ago. I had been in an almost no Conant for almost two weeks before this but I did reply to her texts tellin her to not text me. Tonight is really hard. It's her birthday party dinner. I'm not there obviously and I could play out exactly how it would be had I not kept messing up. It would have been a great night. I know she knows it too. This girl has been through it all with me. She loved me so much it was almost an awe that you could love someone that much. I know she is thinking about me too. I'm going to stick wi th the NC but say I did get a text saying she does want me back and she's sorry it will be hard to resist. Anyone have anything to say to help me get through tonight? Tonight, try your best to rest. If you can't sleep, have the TV on or the radio in the background to help you drift off. This text, saying she wants you back, what was that about? 2
Author emotionslie Posted March 22, 2015 Author Posted March 22, 2015 Tonight, try your best to rest. If you can't sleep, have the TV on or the radio in the background to help you drift off. This text, saying she wants you back, what was that about? I am tired actually. Ihave been putting a lot more time in at work lately and it definitely helps. It's mostly my Don time at home that stick me deep in the gut. I haven't gotten a text like that yet but I do know her and I know that she loves me so much it's not even funny.
smellysocksuni Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 I am tired actually. Ihave been putting a lot more time in at work lately and it definitely helps. It's mostly my Don time at home that stick me deep in the gut. I haven't gotten a text like that yet but I do know her and I know that she loves me so much it's not even funny. I'm sorry, I misread - if you do get a text like that you will have to deal with it when it happens... but I wouldn't hope for a text like that. I'm the same, I still live in the place me and my ex lived in - it helps if you move things around a bit... even if you just move the bed to the other side of the room, put up a few pictures, anything. 1
mightycpa Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 Willpower is almost useless against an addiction, which is pretty much where you're at right now. You need distraction, the kind of thing you can get interested in. Great distractions are the kind that get the right chemicals flowing out of your brain to counteract the breakup brain chemicals (yes, it's true) that you're putting out by the truckload. Running is great. Weightlifting. Vigorous sports. Anything that exercises and drains you to near exhaustion. It will help you sleep and recharge, and make you feel better. Friends.. drinking, not so much. It makes you weak, you do something stupid (i.e. humiliating contact aka "the drunk dial"), then you set yourself back. Women, I think every guy is different on this distraction. When you think of your breakup, try and view the scene as if you were an onlooker, rather than being part of it. You'll be amazed how much less emotional this is. Try and envision your intangible bond as a thing ... and then watch her physically destroy that thing. It will help you feel the reality of the situation. There's lots of little tricks you can do. Try and think of some of your own. 1
Author emotionslie Posted March 22, 2015 Author Posted March 22, 2015 Thank you for the replies. So last night I did something I felt had to be done. I sent the total initiate NC text. I told her that I cannot talk to her anymore I took ownership of my side of the relationship and apologized for it. I told her that I cannot speak with her anymore unless she fully wants our relationship again. I know that she loves me and wants it but is afraid and doesn't believe me when inwould say i would change. So officially officially NC has begun. She replied to the message with a picture of a present our favorite grandmother gave her for her birthday. I didn't respond. I feel much better getting what I needed to say off my chest so now I can enter NC with a clear head and without regrets. I deleted her number and facebook. So it begins today.
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