Peachland Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 I started dating someone 2 weeks ago who told me before we went on our 1st date that he was a god-fearing man. He wanted to make sure I was ok with his beliefs and also wanted to make sure I believed in God. I do believe in God but I'm not very religious more spiritual. He asked a lot of questions about my faith and upbringing and seemed satisified with my responses. I'm pretty openminded so his religious beliefs don't bother me. After meeting in person, there was lots of chemistry, fireworks, touching, hand holding and kissing. By the 2nd date we agreed that we didn't want to see other people and by the 3rd date we were sexually initimate. In my mind I thought I would wait 30 days or so but the attraction and chemistry was undeniable. He is very good about contacting me on a regular basis. We usually talk on the phone 2-3 times a day. He seems genuinely interested in learning more about me. He says the right things. . . he's looking for love and a long term relationship leading to marriage. We are both divorced and in our 40s. Anyway I'm totally into him and definitely see long-term potential but I'm nervous. I've been fooled before with a guy saying the right things to me but then turning flakey after intimacy. It's been a week since our 3rd date and we probably won't see each other until next week due to work/travel schedules but he hasn't confirmed anything yet. I never dated anyone very religious. Are religious men more trustworthy?
Gary S Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 Generally, you'll find more trustworthy people in that group (religious people). However, that's just odds - there are good and bad people in every town and every group, there are no guarantees. 5
preraph Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 I grew up in a very conservative religious community. They do teach not to do adultry and stuff, but I think the men were still sneaking around quite a bit. I saw massive amounts of hypocrisy in that fundamentalist community. I also saw it in some of my girlfriends who were Catholics. The few I knew seemed to think confessing took care of whatever cheating or crap they pulled that hurt other people, and it was a Catholic best friend who slept with the guy I was in love with. So just subscribing to religion doesn't mean you have great ethics at all. But give plenty of time to get to know someone and you may find one in that community who genuinely does have good ethics and a conscience. But then you may find that in nonreligious people as well. 4
sunshine2 Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 I am surprised that he slept with you so quickly if he is so religious. Most men who are "God fearing" should know to wait longer to get to know someone before sleeping with them. But yes I have seen good and bad in the church, there is NO guarantee that a God fearing man is going to be a good man. Its more about his morales, what he does in his life and how he takes care of the people he loves. I'm learning NOT to sleep with men that fast and its much better on the stress level. Now you are wondering when you are going to see him and no date has been made. That would be my biggest concern at this point. 6
guest569 Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 It doesn't mean anything. You just need to get to know him and find out. 6
amaysngrace Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 Shouldn't the trust be established before the sex? 5
d0nnivain Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 Iby the 3rd date we were sexually initimate. Are religious men more trustworthy? Truly deeply religious men do not fornicate outside of the bonds of holy matrimony. Even the ones who bend those rules don't jump into bed on the 3rd date. As for whether religious men are more trust worthy do an Internet search for Jerry Falwell and all of the scandals involving pedophile Catholic priests. 8
Quiet Storm Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 I agree with Hope. It doesn't mean anything. For some religious guys, hell is a deterrent. Others know they'll be forgiven and indulge. Some non believers have no shame. Others have a strong sense of integrity and are naturally honorable. 2
Woggle Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 The red states have more divorce and infidelity so no. 2
organizedchaos Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 I am surprised that he slept with you so quickly if he is so religious. Most men who are "God fearing" should know to wait longer to get to know someone before sleeping with them. But yes I have seen good and bad in the church, there is NO guarantee that a God fearing man is going to be a good man. Its more about his morales, what he does in his life and how he takes care of the people he loves. I'm learning NOT to sleep with men that fast and its much better on the stress level. Now you are wondering when you are going to see him and no date has been made. That would be my biggest concern at this point. Yep, one would think a truely God fearing man wouldn't have sex outside of marriage (or is that just a catholic thing?) for fear of sinning.
mstie Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 I was a librarian for 10 years. I saw what these religious people do. The dirty pics, found a couple of letters once left behind by a preacher about stuff he was going to do to a woman. One guy, had 11 kids, very religious Duggar type family left beastiality pics on computer. My friend had an affair with a married man at our church. She was 16, he was a youth leader in his 30s. So no. 3
Mrin Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 Divorce rates say no. IMHO it really depends how God fearing a person is. I've seen two types of God fearing people out there. The first are true moral people who are indeed more trustworthy than average. The other cloak themselves in God fearing self righteousness as an excuse for their own sins. Sort of like a get out of jail free card. I find these sorts the less trustworthy lot and people to be avoided. Who are you dealing with? Just look for signs of hypocrisy. Is he loving to people of all types? Is he non-judgmental? Does he have his "weak" moments? 4
Author Peachland Posted March 21, 2015 Author Posted March 21, 2015 Thanks for the replies. You are confirming what I was thinking especially since he was so willing to sleep with me so soon. I'm learning NOT to sleep with men that fast and its much better on the stress level. Now you are wondering when you are going to see him and no date has been made. That would be my biggest concern at this point. Yes ^^^ This is worrying me. He already had a planned Spring Break to the islands for 5 days. He told me in advance he probably wouldn't be in touch which I can understand. I am trying not to overthink it but the lack of contact with no meeting last week due to work, illness, etc and no planned date next week is bothering me. 1
todreaminblue Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 i think you have to really know someone to determine trustworthiness....and even then......i knew a guy for two years before i went out with him who was actually celibate for two years before i was with him...he still cheated once he had confidence to do exactly that.... .i like the concept of innocent until proven otherwise...trust until proven you cant trust...even though i have been with cheats....i stick by that concept and this one...because i will be trustworthy i can trust others.....deb
Erised Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 . I never dated anyone very religious. Are religious men more trustworthy? In my experience, absolutely not. Trustworthiness can only be determined over time, not on someone's fear of some invisible watchman. 1
Redhead14 Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 I started dating someone 2 weeks ago who told me before we went on our 1st date that he was a god-fearing man. He wanted to make sure I was ok with his beliefs and also wanted to make sure I believed in God. I do believe in God but I'm not very religious more spiritual. He asked a lot of questions about my faith and upbringing and seemed satisified with my responses. I'm pretty openminded so his religious beliefs don't bother me. After meeting in person, there was lots of chemistry, fireworks, touching, hand holding and kissing. By the 2nd date we agreed that we didn't want to see other people and by the 3rd date we were sexually initimate. In my mind I thought I would wait 30 days or so but the attraction and chemistry was undeniable. He is very good about contacting me on a regular basis. We usually talk on the phone 2-3 times a day. He seems genuinely interested in learning more about me. He says the right things. . . he's looking for love and a long term relationship leading to marriage. We are both divorced and in our 40s. Anyway I'm totally into him and definitely see long-term potential but I'm nervous. I've been fooled before with a guy saying the right things to me but then turning flakey after intimacy. It's been a week since our 3rd date and we probably won't see each other until next week due to work/travel schedules but he hasn't confirmed anything yet. I never dated anyone very religious. Are religious men more trustworthy? Some people compartmentalize their religious lives and their secular lives. They sometimes do things they know are against their religions or beliefs but fall back on their religion because they confess their sins and get absolved for them and feel they've cleaned their slate with God and/or they rationalize. There are good and "bad" apples in every bunch. But, you never know who you can trust until they show you they are trustworthy. You can't know if a person is trustworthy after 3 dates. This is the reason for not having sex too soon with a dating partner. He is saying a lot of the right things, and you are right to be wary of him flaking because you've been intimate. That being said, you two moved very quickly into "exclusivity". Having sex at the third date and declaring exclusivity that quickly is often a result of "blow torching". They guy comes on very strong, saying everything right just to have sex and then disappears. It's been a week since the last date and he didn't set something concrete up at the end of that date, is a sign that he may disappear. You'll have to wait to know for sure. If he keeps in touch with you at least regularly until the schedules are clear, it's a good sign. However, I'd tread lightly with him. I'd hit the reset button. Take sex off the table for a while. Don't tell him you're doing that, just remove the opportunity for it to happen for a while. Keep your dates public and don't go to his home just until you have a better feeling about him. You can say you've got things going on early in the morning or things you have to do after the date, etc. If he pressures you about it, you can say that you are enjoying spending time with him but are uncomfortable about the dating pace. If he respects your wishes and continues to date you, it's probably that he wasn't in it just for the sex. You'll know pretty soon. Don't reach out to him first now at all. Let him come to you. It's the only way you'll have at a better idea of what his intentions are. 2
carhill Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 Are god-fearing men more trustworthy? IDK, the wood and leather on the confessional kneepad was pretty well worn and even I noticed that as a child. Lots of sinners out there cleansing their souls in a box where you can't see your confessor. I guess the guys didn't fear god that much. Heh... As to your particular situation, I tend to be skeptical of people who advertise religion in any sort of way. Live it and don't tell me about it. Beware that, while perhaps anomalous, I've had women feign what I believed was romantic interest to attempt to indoctrinate me into their faith. Isn't there a commandment against that? I'll check the next time I'm in the confessional
Author Peachland Posted March 21, 2015 Author Posted March 21, 2015 However, I'd tread lightly with him. I'd hit the reset button. Take sex off the table for a while. Don't tell him you're doing that, just remove the opportunity for it to happen for a while. Keep your dates public and don't go to his home just until you have a better feeling about him. You can say you've got things going on early in the morning or things you have to do after the date, etc. If he pressures you about it, you can say that you are enjoying spending time with him but are uncomfortable about the dating pace. If he respects your wishes and continues to date you, it's probably that he wasn't in it just for the sex. You'll know pretty soon. Don't reach out to him first now at all. Let him come to you. It's the only way you'll have at a better idea of what his intentions are. This is very helpful. He'll be back on Tuesday. I would be shocked if he didn't contact me. That would be too big of a jerk move. But I am really curious if he'll actually set up our next date. Fingers crossed!
A O Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 Are religious men more trustworthy....you would think so but there's no cast iron guarantees about anyone in this world. Only time will reveal his true character. Nonetheless, I reckon you're starting in front of the eight ball rather than behind it.
katiegrl Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 (edited) I started dating someone 2 weeks ago who told me before we went on our 1st date that he was a god-fearing man. He wanted to make sure I was ok with his beliefs and also wanted to make sure I believed in God. I do believe in God but I'm not very religious more spiritual. He asked a lot of questions about my faith and upbringing and seemed satisified with my responses. I'm pretty openminded so his religious beliefs don't bother me. After meeting in person, there was lots of chemistry, fireworks, touching, hand holding and kissing. By the 2nd date we agreed that we didn't want to see other people and by the 3rd date we were sexually initimate. In my mind I thought I would wait 30 days or so but the attraction and chemistry was undeniable. He is very good about contacting me on a regular basis. We usually talk on the phone 2-3 times a day. He seems genuinely interested in learning more about me. He says the right things. . . he's looking for love and a long term relationship leading to marriage. We are both divorced and in our 40s. Anyway I'm totally into him and definitely see long-term potential but I'm nervous. I've been fooled before with a guy saying the right things to me but then turning flakey after intimacy. It's been a week since our 3rd date and we probably won't see each other until next week due to work/travel schedules but he hasn't confirmed anything yet. I never dated anyone very religious. Are religious men more trustworthy? Hmmm....so you had three dates in one week and now that you've had sex, you haven't seen him in a week and don't know when you will see him again? Something very fishy about this...my fear for you is that you've been played.... and he probably hasn't even been to church in godonlyknows how long. I HOPE I'm wrong though...keep us posted! Edited March 21, 2015 by katiegrl 1
PumpkinLumpkin Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 No. God-fearing men are not more trustworthy. What does that even mean anyway? There isn't any proof that god exists, so he might as well say he's a Santa-fearing man. 3
No Limit Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 A few years ago the police finally managed to track down a serial killer. At that time he was working as a priest. Any person can lie to you. Those who are truly faithful might be easier to catch cheating because they're all torn up inside because what they do go against what they believe, but other than that they can still cheat and lie like anyone else. 3
Gloria25 Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 One of my pet-peeeves are people who walk around with "God" T-shirts...IMO, they are usually the worst sinners of them all!!! They have their crosses, bibles, and what not stamped all over their bodies. Ok, lemme stop cuz I'm about to say something mean. Anywho, no, you don't know anyone till you spend time with them. But trust me, when I meet someone who's first few lines are "God is in my life", "I'm born again", "I need a God fearing woman". I flip to the next person. I had a gf who's husband was "a man of God"...pleeze. He abused her and IMO, was just using the preaching thing as just another gig to make a quick buck. My dad was one of those. They preach, preach, preach, but don't see how they gotta live up to their end of the bargain. You know, lots of these "God fearing men" go to the church and hunt for women there, cuz they want women who are submissive and stuff - and they wanna take advantage of those women. Yes, IMO, when a person has religion and fear of God in their life - it does drive how they conduct themselves cuz they believe in consequences for their actions - but sorry, humans are humans and I don't trust people until I get to know them....And, sorry, just cuz someone says they fear God doesn't make my Lady J wet. BTW, I also get turned off by ultra religious people cuz they are just so freakin' weird. I have tattoos, I like to drink, I like really hardcore sex. I don't need someone preaching to me. I pray to God as I see fit and read my scriptures. I don't need some guy putting his poop on me and trying to turn me into a bore. 1
LoverOfDance Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 lol, he's already slept with you on the third date and he claims to be very religious and God fearing? lol. You clearly can't see the hypocrisy written all over him. A truly God fearing man would not have slept with you by now. In fact he would have told you he was waiting until marriage. Be careful with this one. Watch him very carefully. Hypocrites are not very trustworthy. 1
contact1 Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 No. God-fearing men are not more trustworthy. What does that even mean anyway? There isn't any proof that god exists, so he might as well say he's a Santa-fearing man. LOL I can honestly say, I would be more afraid of a man in a red suit coming down my chimney than being struck by lightning from the heavens 2
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