amaysngrace Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 Hopefully, he'll apologize. Yeah he will. The minute she tells him she wants to break up. And maybe even cry. And promise to change. 3
BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 If he does stuff like that a lot and never apologizes, he's a control freak. They are poor relationship material. If it's a one-off thing, give him some time to cool off and come out of his cave. Hopefully, he'll apologize. He won't apologize, Gary. OP says her boyfriend has NOT apologized for ANYTHING wrong that he has ever said or done to her in the three years they've been together. It's also not a "one-off" thing because she has stated that he's behaved like this towards her in the past and in the recent past. Narcissists thrive on controlling their victim via condescension, emotional abuse, criticism and sometimes passive-aggressive behavior. . 4
Author orangetree Posted March 21, 2015 Author Posted March 21, 2015 You're right. I'm also quite sure he won't apologise, even when I say I will leave him. I have read the whole narcism thing (the link) and definitely many points sound like him. On the other hand, he never tries to be the best in a very obvious way. For example, he drives quite an old car and doesn't care about it, even though he knows he could afford something better. He doesn't post selfies, ever. He hates selfies. One of his biggest hobbies is to surf, and he often says that he admires people who are better than him at surfing. So many points def apply, others don't. But I guess those points don't matter, because in the end it counts how he treats me in a relationship. When I see him with his/our friends, he's always the funniest, nicest and most uncomplicated guy ever. I often think 'God, if they only knew how he is with me when you guys are not there'. 2
Gary S Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 He won't apologize, Gary. OP says her boyfriend has NOT apologized for ANYTHING wrong that he has ever said or done to her in the three years they've been together. It's also not a "one-off" thing because she has stated that he's behaved like this towards her in the past and in the recent past. Narcissists thrive on controlling their victim via condescension, emotional abuse, criticism and sometimes passive-aggressive behavior. . - I did not read the entire thread... if that's the case, unless he goes to counseling... and control freaks are the last ones who ever would go to counseling (because it's all about them, and everyone else is wrong)... he won't change, and it could get worse. The really bad control freaks are wife-beaters - which I have no tolerance for. This is serious young lady. If you live with this guy, you might have to practice tough love, and shock him - you might need to stay with friends or relatives until he decides to get help. Honestly, if he does not change, you are better off being single than in this rotten relationship. He is emotionally hurting you - doesn't that make you mad? - It should... and you should do something about it. You are better off being single than living with a control freak. 2
BlackOpsZombieGirl Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 You're right. I'm also quite sure he won't apologise, even when I say I will leave him. I have read the whole narcism thing (the link) and definitely many points sound like him. On the other hand, he never tries to be the best in a very obvious way. For example, he drives quite an old car and doesn't care about it, even though he knows he could afford something better. He doesn't post selfies, ever. He hates selfies. One of his biggest hobbies is to surf, and he often says that he admires people who are better than him at surfing. So many points def apply, others don't. But I guess those points don't matter, because in the end it counts how he treats me in a relationship. When I see him with his/our friends, he's always the funniest, nicest and most uncomplicated guy ever. I often think 'God, if they only knew how he is with me when you guys are not there'. Yes, your boyfriend won't have every single symptom of a narcissist, but if he has several (which he does), then it's a HUGE red flag for you. I'm glad that you now recognize him for what he truly is, by the way he treats you when you're alone with him; that's the first step to removing yourself from this type of situation and from the person who perpetuates it. You're going to have to be VERY strong emotionally and spiritually when you break up with him - because, whether he attempts to apologize or not - he's going to do EVERYTHING within his power and release EVERYTHING in his arsenal to PREVENT you from leaving him. He will shower you with "empathy", with "remorse" and will tell you LIES to get you to change your mind! Stay STRONG and don't believe anything that he tells you, especially if he "cries" or shows ANY sad emotions. I wish you the best of luck and the STRENGTH to carry through with this break up - that is the second step to successfully removing yourself from a toxic relationship. STICKING to your guns after the break up by employing and enforcing the NC (No Contact) rule while going on with your life will be the third and final step. ~ God Bless! .
Gary S Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 If I may ask, what kind of work does he do, and what is his title?
Author orangetree Posted March 21, 2015 Author Posted March 21, 2015 Yes, your boyfriend won't have every single symptom of a narcissist, but if he has several (which he does), then it's a HUGE red flag for you. I'm glad that you now recognize him for what he truly is, by the way he treats you when you're alone with him; that's the first step to removing yourself from this type of situation and from the person who perpetuates it. You're going to have to be VERY strong emotionally and spiritually when you break up with him - because, whether he attempts to apologize or not - he's going to do EVERYTHING within his power and release EVERYTHING in his arsenal to PREVENT you from leaving him. He will shower you with "empathy", with "remorse" and will tell you LIES to get you to change your mind! Stay STRONG and don't believe anything that he tells you, especially if he "cries" or shows ANY sad emotions. I wish you the best of luck and the STRENGTH to carry through with this break up - that is the second step to successfully removing yourself from a toxic relationship. STICKING to your guns after the break up by employing and enforcing the NC (No Contact) rule while going on with your life will be the third and final step. ~ God Bless! . Thank you. I doubt he will ever cry, even if I leave him. He has never cried in our relationship, and he even says he doesn't remember the last time he cried. When I cry, it's a sign of weakness and manipulation for him.
Author orangetree Posted March 21, 2015 Author Posted March 21, 2015 If I may ask, what kind of work does he do, and what is his title? He's a commercial airline pilot (captain), flying national flights, sleeping at home every night.
Gary S Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 He's a commercial airline pilot (captain), flying national flights, sleeping at home every night. - yup - the rigid, highly-structured, controlling boss-man type. It's okay to be the boss with your kids or at work. Unfortunately, some people can't turn it off when they come home to the wife (or girlfriend, whichever the case may be). And while it's okay for a man to gently lead his family, it's not okay for him to disrespect his wife. You can only love him as much as he respects you.
Buddhist Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 When he hurts me physically, by accident. Like when he hits me with his arm at night when asleep, or when he accidentally steps on my foot or so. Then he's really totally like 'Oh my god, I'm so sorry, are you okay', even more than necessary. Another recent example I have- About two months ago he told me I look like 30 (I'm 27). I have never heard that and I know I do NOT look Two big red flags right here. Do you really believe he physically hurts you by accident? Come on now....that is so passive aggressive especially in light of your second statement.
Gary S Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 Well, after reading through the thread, I can't see anything wrong other than he never says he's sorry, and the bone-headed move he made leaving you at the bank for twenty minutes alone - maybe it was just an isolated incident, maybe he lost his head for a minute - maybe he had a hair-brained idea that he could do the the paperwork and get back before you noticed he was gone. What he did was bad... you should not ever strand your girlfriend like that, but everybody is crazy once in awhile, no one is perfect. Are you perfect? However, while it's good for men to be manly, everybody makes mistakes - when you do something wrong, don't buy flowers and grovel, but do say you are sorry, it's the right thing to do.
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