Gloria25 Posted March 20, 2015 Posted March 20, 2015 Ok, remember the who '50 Shades of Nonsense' plot - which is seems like women share a common theme were we think: -Only "I" know, understand, and can love him... -I just wanna hug him and kiss his boo-boos away...:love: -I can love him better than she can...I'm different than the others, and through me, he will learn what it is to be loved...:love: Thing is, I wonder if these things some women think ^^ are pretty much across the board and/or a sign of actually having feelings for a dude. I mean, I do think part of it is ego - but then again, what part of relationships does not involve our egos? I ask this cuz yes, while I hate feeling this way, I am feeling it for dude. I do not feel it out of some form of pity. I believe I feel it cuz I know me and what I can offer and I believe I "care" (not love) for dude. I also feel like he and I are both scared of each other cuz he's scared that we have things we both are looking for and are afraid to let go and experience that - because we will become dependent on keeping that experience going and are afraid one day it will go away and we'll feel worst if we experienced each other and lost each other. I care so much that I have my periods where I believe that his happiness would also lie in him "not" being with me - but with another woman - because, again, I believe when you actually "care" for someone, you have to be honest enough to let go if you believe that you cannot give them what they may ultimately need/desire (i.e. a wife and kids - I desire to be neither). But, I also have my moments where I sorta feel like his mum...I want to hug him, love him, sex him (no, not like a mommy having sex with her son ) and just make him "all better" - even if that requires me to "share" him (especially cuz I have limited needs for male company). Sometimes I just have this image/fantasy I guess - where I just take him by the hand, guide, him, take my time with him and make him experience new/different things. But not in a way where I'm running the show...if that makes any sense. Like today, sometimes I just wanna walk up to him and be like "come hither". Sometimes, I wanna cheer him on when I see him do certain things...Sometimes I wanna be like "this is how you do it" and shake my head when I catch him doing certain things. But, it isn't like to break him down (like some women do - they are just critical), it is done out of care and sweetness. I mean, isn't that what women do? Women sorta "support" men? Now, I'm not into "rescuing" men. I've seen too many gfs take on alcoholics, guys with kids, drama, etc. No, I'm not looking for a "fixer-upper". I don't have time to caretake some dude. So, me wanting to hug, kiss, sex, and support him has nothing to do with wanting a wounded puppy. I hate feeling like this. Sometimes it burns. Sometimes I feel like I'm acting like a typical ditzy female. Worst, while I have my moments where I know I'm capable of approaching him with confidence and taking control...I, like today, get shy like a stupid giddy girl. Any other women go through this?
GemmaUK Posted March 20, 2015 Posted March 20, 2015 I'm a woman. I have not read 50 shades of whatever it is. I have absolutely no understanding of your post. Do I need to read the book? 1
alphamale Posted March 20, 2015 Posted March 20, 2015 sorry but this is too long to read, pardon me 1
Timshel Posted March 20, 2015 Posted March 20, 2015 So, this is the guy you have been crushing on for a while but no go so far? You have a serious case of the hornies for him. Is it at all possible to cook him dinner and do what you do? You have got to get this out of your system and into "real" land. What's the hold Gloria?
Author Gloria25 Posted March 20, 2015 Author Posted March 20, 2015 No, you don't need to read the 50's book and/or my lengthy thread... I just am wondering if it is common amongst females to feel the whole "I'm the only one who can love him" nonsense that IMO, is sorta the "hook" in getting so many women to like the 50's book/movie.
Author Gloria25 Posted March 20, 2015 Author Posted March 20, 2015 So, this is the guy you have been crushing on for a while but no go so far? You have a serious case of the hornies for him. Is it at all possible to cook him dinner and do what you do? You have got to get this out of your system and into "real" land. What's the hold Gloria? The hold is he doesn't want it to go anywhere...we just remain friendly to each other. I do get shy and stuff at times, but I believe that I'm more apt to make a move than he is. Noooo, I can't cook him a meal. Sometimes I can't even get to get in a full convo with him cuz he ends it or runs away...
preraph Posted March 20, 2015 Posted March 20, 2015 I care so much that I have my periods where I believe that his happiness would also lie in him "not" being with me - but with another woman - because, again, I believe when you actually "care" for someone, you have to be honest enough to let go if you believe that you cannot give them what they may ultimately need/desire (i.e. a wife and kids - I desire to be neither). I have done this before. The first time was in college, my only real college crush, and I didn't really know him and we weren't dating, but hung out some. As usual when a guy is giving mixed signals, I was very confused and young and stupid. I knew something was eating at him and he finally told me what it was. He had a crush on a girl in his art class, who it so happened lived in the neighboring city with my sister. This girl was a brilliant and most beautiful goddess of a girl who already had her hands full with trying to leave a long-term very nice bf to be with a new guy who really stimulated her intellectually. Both would be found together at the house where she lived mooning after her. So you know I had the option to stay out of it, but because I was so altruistic, I told him, "I'll take you to her." And I did. And now there was one guy sleeping with her and two guys taking turns mooning over her in the other room. It was very miserable for me, and it made the goddess feel just terrible because she attracted this type of thing a lot. In retrospect, if I were older and wiser, I'd just have wished him luck and moved on. After all, in just a few short weeks, he'd be moving back home in another state. But I put myself through that. Though I probably wouldn't have done that again, as a more mature adult, when a guy I loved wanted to have children, I was at least able to understand that that was an important dealbreaker type thing and that he would have to do it. I still know him decades later. In fact, he took me to a show recently, but he's happily married best I can tell and worships his kids. He did what he had to do; I did what I had to do. There's certainly still some emotion there and some ennui, but I don't think you could rightly call it regret on either side. In general though, just don't ever put yourself second for a man who isn't giving back. You are right that it does you no good as it puts you into a parental position -- and there is no quicker way to kill whatever attraction he has than to be his mother. 1
Author Gloria25 Posted March 20, 2015 Author Posted March 20, 2015 Gessh, that editing thing kicks in quick sometimes....anywho, here goes: So, this is the guy you have been crushing on for a while but no go so far? You have a serious case of the hornies for him. Is it at all possible to cook him dinner and do what you do? You have got to get this out of your system and into "real" land. What's the hold Gloria? The hold is he doesn't want it to go anywhere and is dating other women...so, we just remain friendly to each other (well, I try to be friendly/polite when I'm not frustrated with the situation). I do get shy and stuff at times, but I believe that I'm more apt to make a move than he is. Noooo, I can't cook him a meal. Sometimes I can't even get to get in a full convo with him cuz he ends it or runs away...
GemmaUK Posted March 20, 2015 Posted March 20, 2015 No, you don't need to read the 50's book and/or my lengthy thread... I just am wondering if it is common amongst females to feel the whole "I'm the only one who can love him" nonsense that IMO, is sorta the "hook" in getting so many women to like the 50's book/movie. Um..I would say no..because I am still totally befuzzled by your opening post. It makes zero sense to me. It sounds like the muses of a 12 year old girl. Sorry, just being honest.
alphamale Posted March 20, 2015 Posted March 20, 2015 I do get shy and stuff at times I find that hard to believe
Author Gloria25 Posted March 20, 2015 Author Posted March 20, 2015 (edited) Um..I would say no..because I am still totally befuzzled by your opening post. It makes zero sense to me. It sounds like the muses of a 12 year old girl. Sorry, just being honest. Well, if you want to make fun of people; use this thread as an opportunity to take pot-shots at someone who's other's posts you don't agree with; and, are confused by this thread then don't contribute/post anything. Thank you.... Edited March 20, 2015 by Gloria25 2
Timshel Posted March 20, 2015 Posted March 20, 2015 Gessh, that editing thing kicks in quick sometimes....anywho, here goes: The hold is he doesn't want it to go anywhere and is dating other women...so, we just remain friendly to each other (well, I try to be friendly/polite when I'm not frustrated with the situation). I do get shy and stuff at times, but I believe that I'm more apt to make a move than he is. Noooo, I can't cook him a meal. Sometimes I can't even get to get in a full convo with him cuz he ends it or runs away... Gloria, you're a really lively, fun and in depth woman. Reading all your posts, I get that. I definitely don't get on board with everything but so what? You are honest and I have respect for that. You have two options: Stay cool and under the radar. Go all out and hope for the best. I would go for the first. You have so much energy and love. Don't waste it on some schmuck. Walk the line. You will get the gold. 1
SolG Posted March 20, 2015 Posted March 20, 2015 Why Gloria, I do believe--to quote The Sentimental Bloke--that you're just like a chocolate bonbon. All hard on the outside, but soft and gooey in the middle :-) It's not unusual for a woman (or a man for that matter) to feel warmly towards, and want to do things that reflect that warmth for someone they are beginning to care about. To even fantasise about it. It's also not unusual to feel the anxiety of potential rejection when contemplating acting on those feelings and desires. Especially when their object is new and maybe largely unknown. It's a risk equation really. Is he worth it? 2
Author Gloria25 Posted March 20, 2015 Author Posted March 20, 2015 Why Gloria, I do believe--to quote The Sentimental Bloke--that you're just like a chocolate bonbon. All hard on the outside, but soft and gooey in the middle :-) It's not unusual for a woman (or a man for that matter) to feel warmly towards, and want to do things that reflect that warmth for someone they are beginning to care about. To even fantasise about it. It's also not unusual to feel the anxiety of potential rejection when contemplating acting on those feelings and desires. Especially when their object is new and maybe largely unknown. It's a risk equation really. Is he worth it? Well, I agree, I think that my "hardened" shell is also what scares away a lot of people. I mean, I feel like one of my doggies. When we'd walk down the street, everyone would part like the Red Sea, but little did they know she was just a big puppy Well, the sad thing is I'll never know if he's worth it cuz I really don't know him that well. I "think" I know enough about him to believe certain things about him. Like I said, we don't exchange much of words. I do a lot of "observation" of him in this type of thing
CrystalCastles Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 Well, if you want to make fun of people; use this thread as an opportunity to take pot-shots at someone who's other's posts you don't agree with; and, are confused by this thread then don't contribute/post anything. Thank you.... I think that the reason why your posts rub some people the wrong way is because you like to take pot-shots at women in general. Which the female posters on this board, rightly so, find offensive so it might be hard for them to sympathize with you. I have no idea who thinks like those stupid people in 50 Shades do. Its not a healthy way of thinking. This whole business "he'll change for me because I'm better than the other women" is baloney and the only place this thought can lead to the desired outcome is in fairy tales. To be honest I find your opening post confusing as well. Do you have a crush on some guy and he won't commit? Or you won't commit? Are you two dating or is this just "admiration from afar"? What is the issue here? You sound like you're just fantasizing about some guy you met but are you trying to get him to commit to you or what?
Ninjainpajamas Posted March 21, 2015 Posted March 21, 2015 Yes, it's very common Gloria but I think it's only certain men that make women feel this "crazy" and if they hadn't experienced it then they won't relate (how mist women operate). But it's the reason why women go through so much...unfortunately however you are wrong about what a man needs and what you can give him...that is just in your own head, and you kind of already know that deep within yourself you just want to believe you have that different combination to unlock it.
Rejected Rosebud Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 If this is your neighbor that you are obsessed with I am sorry but I think it's a serious problem for you and has nothing to do with "women" or 50 shades of grey or whatever. If it is the guy I think it is you two don't even know each other and this is way out of line, sorry, but that is how I see it.
Giggle Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 Yknow I had just decided to reread that book to remember why I hated it. lol. And I dislike it for entirely different reasons now. I wanna smack her. Fix him geeez. Women have a strong nurturing streak. He is really hitting that for you. I've felt that before and in /that/ context, just ick. I'm really hoping it was just young me and I won't go through feeling bad about how they were treated before and that I can love them like they weren't loved before. 1
No Limit Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 Can't say 'cause I'm not one of those women. For me that type of behavior is partly crossing into playing the guy's mother... 1
regine_phalange Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 I was like that at some point, when I was young and immature. But then somehow I got sick of it. Some of the people I dated or had a relationship with thought I was someone to take them out of their misery. Now even the thought of "fixing" somebody makes me gag. I'm not a therapist or nurse or saviour! Now, if a man feels great in my presence, without me trying, then I adore that (obviously). And I want the same. I don't want someone to "fix" me or guide me through life, just someone whose mere presence makes me smile. Someone I can run to when I had a bad day and kiss him, hug him, forgetting everything instantly. I guess I'm not that much of a nurturer after all?
Author Gloria25 Posted March 22, 2015 Author Posted March 22, 2015 Well, I think it's a balance you strike between "nurturing" and becoming a guy's mommy... I believe that men, when they are boys - they get development, nurturing and support from their actual mommies...then, when they marry it's like passing the torch onto his wife. I mean, men look up to their women for approval. Women also inspire men to become "men"...and I think that's what a woman is supposed to do for a man - she "elevates" him...and this "elevation" is not "fixing" him. So, I think it's natural for a woman to want to "nurture" a guy - hence, where this whole "I can love you like no other woman" thing women seem to naturally think. Men are, in turn, motivated to get approval also by seeking to impress women, show off their skills and stuff you know. Sometimes when I see him do certain things, I sorta feel he does that cuz I sorta motivate/inspire him..or, what I think I see him do and how I think it relates to me could be all inside my delusional little head
Author Gloria25 Posted March 22, 2015 Author Posted March 22, 2015 (edited) If this is your neighbor that you are obsessed with I am sorry but I think it's a serious problem for you and has nothing to do with "women" or 50 shades of grey or whatever. If it is the guy I think it is you two don't even know each other and this is way out of line, sorry, but that is how I see it. And no, this is not the same guy...Actually, he moved away shortly/recently and that's why I wanted to get with him initially. If you read my first posts about him, that's why I almost hooked up with him, cuz I felt it would be cool since he was just here temporarily...I still think about him though and missing out on some good times, cuz I guess I'm just really horny. I don't want to go into details about the guy I'm referring to cuz after being catfished recently, I don't know who comes on here. But, I will say that this guy I'm currently talking about is not someone who lives in the same area with me, but I do see him on the regular. So, he could be at my job, where I volunteer at, my circle of family/friends, etc....I guess, I just seem to fall for guys with similar situations (who are attracted to me, but not interested in me). Edited March 22, 2015 by Gloria25
regine_phalange Posted March 22, 2015 Posted March 22, 2015 Oh, I see what you mean. Well, again, men many times get inspired by women who are practically strangers and haven't done something specific for them or haven't shown any deep interest. That's not so bad because then you're free not to work your ass out or do something special. If he gets inspired he gets inspired and that's it. Beyond your control. But maybe Im also wrong and this point of view is comfy. 1
MissBee Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 It's only common among certain kinds of women. My mom for example is with a serial cheater because of this and generally women who think this way usually end up with men who are full of problems that they cannot fix but get something out of trying to fix and it's usually a lot of push, pull, emotional dramas going on. As for me? When I was younger maybe I had such fantasies but as I've grown up I realize that no, people fix their own issues, not you and a person being a particular kind of way should be taken at face value instead of thinking you are their redeemer. It's about seeking validation by thinking you are so special that you have the power to change or help this person and it's not really a good place to be in since inevitably when you can't change them you'll feel like crap about yourself. It says more about you and your own desires for validation and feeling special than anything else. In any event feeling this way generally points to some misguided thoughts and feelings and often leads to hurt and drama more than some love story of how beauty changed the Beast. I'm attracted to men who already have their stuff together, I don't want to help a guy become a man... Sorry seems like mom territory. If I inspire you then that's great. Inspiration for me is you seeing me do my thing and it motivates you or you learn stuff from me and I can do the same with you. Just like my friends. I keep friends around who are doing things I appreciate it and can learn from and I respect their thoughts, their drive, who they are but it's not like they're making me become a woman. So I see it similarly with relationships, I'm more of the power couple mentality where we're both self assured people doing our thing and bouncing ideas off each other and cheering each other on versus me feeling like I'm at your Little League game cheering you on from the side and kissing your boo-boos like your mommy and you keep looking to me for approval and to help you grow up. Nope.
Minnie09 Posted March 24, 2015 Posted March 24, 2015 Well, I think it's a balance you strike between "nurturing" and becoming a guy's mommy... I believe that men, when they are boys - they get development, nurturing and support from their actual mommies...then, when they marry it's like passing the torch onto his wife. I mean, men look up to their women for approval. Women also inspire men to become "men"...and I think that's what a woman is supposed to do for a man - she "elevates" him...and this "elevation" is not "fixing" him. So, I think it's natural for a woman to want to "nurture" a guy - hence, where this whole "I can love you like no other woman" thing women seem to naturally think. Men are, in turn, motivated to get approval also by seeking to impress women, show off their skills and stuff you know. Sometimes when I see him do certain things, I sorta feel he does that cuz I sorta motivate/inspire him..or, what I think I see him do and how I think it relates to me could be all inside my delusional little head That's not gender-specific, though. Men look for approval from their women, but it also goes both ways. Every relationship is different. They may or may not look for their partner's approval or admiration. It depends. Some are career driven and look for approval in their job. Or nowhere. To say that women are nurturing and the source of a man's confidence is outdated. I prefer a man who is mature enough to do his thing and be confident about it, with or without my admiration. Sure you want to encourage your partner. But that's a mutual thing. I don't want to be the main source of my man's confidence. I think that's simply not my job. I want to be supportive, and I want to be supported. But I want to have my act together knowing where I'm going, before "he" shows his support. I don't need to be rescued, and I don't want to be the rescuer, either. Or the safety net. Or the endless supply of love, support, courage and confidence, if he doesn't know where he's going.
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