crazychick Posted April 11, 2005 Posted April 11, 2005 I have been thinking about this situation with my ex a lot lately. I know that I have posted a few times about this and everyone is probably sick of me. I have this weird thing going on right now, where I miss him, and I have felt anxiety about our breakup which I guess is pretty normal. We have been broken up for a month now. What's weird about it to me is that when we broke up, I never cried, I never got really emotional or anything. I was upset, but never crushed, you know what I mean? I found myself thinking that even if he called me today, I really would like to hear from him, but I wouldn't want to hang out with him or drop my plans to be with him or anything. We dated for over a year, so is it weird that I feel that way? I go over the times that we had together good and bad, things that he did; things that I did and I know in my heart that it just never would have worked. Too much drama, sometimes not enough drama. In spite of all of that I still feel this longing to hear his voice or call him when something big happens to me. I feel kinda sad, and I also feel like - I know him too well, and it is probably too soon for him to try to be friends with me. Which I accept. I guess I just want someone to tell me that what I am feeling is normal and that I will get over it.
Pocky Posted April 11, 2005 Posted April 11, 2005 What you're feeling is normal and you'll get over it. You may always miss a part of him and wonder how he's doing, but you'll learn to accept it more as time goes on.
Author crazychick Posted April 12, 2005 Author Posted April 12, 2005 It's the learning to accept it part that I have a hard time with. What's weird is that I dated this guy before my ex for 4 years. We were really close and we went thru a lot together. When we broke up, I cried every day for 2 weeks. Just miserable. But eventually it got better. We have talked a few times since then. He got married, and he is doing really well and I am happy for him. It was a situation where we just grew apart. There are days that go by sometimes that I wonder about him, but I don't feel this need to call him or anything. I just think it is sad how people can come in and out of your life and we just learn to accept it when they are gone. I mean there were there for a reason, whatever that reason is there was some connection there. No matter who that person is - boyfriend, girlfriend, family members, whoever. How come so much of life is about letting go?
Pocky Posted April 12, 2005 Posted April 12, 2005 I just think it is sad how people can come in and out of your life and we just learn to accept it when they are gone. I mean there were there for a reason, whatever that reason is there was some connection there. Yes, they were there for a reason and now that they have completed their task in your life they have moved on. Not everyone will have an active role in our lives until we die. Sometimes, the time we spend with someone is fleeting, but that shouldn't diminish the impact they have. No matter who that person is - boyfriend, girlfriend, family members, whoever. How come so much of life is about letting go? Because life itself is the process of letting go.
lost_in_chgo Posted April 12, 2005 Posted April 12, 2005 It's the learning to accept it part that I have a hard time with. Good, why should you be ok with it? Because some says "you'll get over it"?? Personnally I think if people spent a bit more time trying to resolve their problems or grow with each other rather than trying to rationalize and move on the world would be a better place. But hey, sometimes people just don't connect. I cried every day for 2 weeks. And now you don't. Maybe you learned to "let go" or maybe you learned how to not commit yourself too deeply so that you won't get hurt. Too bad for "the one" you eventually end up with if you are still like that when it happens. He'll never know what it would be like to have you really care. There are days that go by sometimes that I wonder about him, but I don't feel this need to call him or anything. That might be different if you actually saw him and spent some time with him. You might find that those feelings are still there and aren't as easy to push down. But he's taken so that's that. I just think it is sad how people can come in and out of your life and we just learn to accept it when they are gone. We accept it because everyone tells us to accept it. It's easier than trying to deal with it directly and maybe getting hurt. Yes, they were there for a reason Ahh, yes the greater purpose. What if that purpose is to test you and see if you have the ability to overcome the challenge to your relationship and remain together. And you are failing everytime by giving up and moving on? What if that purpose is just vindictiveness? Ahh, but everyone always knows what their higher power intends for them. Easier to assume that we have a secret destiny rather than that we have just failed a test.
Author crazychick Posted April 13, 2005 Author Posted April 13, 2005 So am I like dead inside or something? Because I was hurt so badly in the past that I don't let myself get to deep anymore? That's why I don't feel sad? Or is it just that I am supressing those feelings for some reason. Because I don't want to or can't deal with them. As for the old ex, the married one. I honestly know that even if I saw him every day, there would be nothing there. We broke up because we were so different that it just didn't make sense. We didn't even have things to talk about anymore because he went one way and I went another. It was hard because we were together for so long but I know I am over him. We saw each other serveral times after the break up and before he was married and there was nothing there. This last guy, as a boyfriend, I don't know it was a weird emotional thing. As a friend, I loved him. He is funny and smart and just a great guy. I miss that more than anything. My problem with letting go is that I hate giving up. I don't like doing it. I don't give up on anything, and so why should I give up on people? Why do people give up on me? Why can't a relationship just change, why does it just have to be over? Because of lingering feelings on one side or both? I just don't know. I accept it because I feel I don't have a choice? What am I going to do, try to make him be my friend? I have to give up/ or let go because he is dictating it and sometimes you don't have a choice.
prisoner Posted April 13, 2005 Posted April 13, 2005 you are one or the other. you are passionate or you are indifferent. you miss him or you don't. you accept it or you do not. how about not knowing? how about being confused? how about needing some time to get your head staright? are you sick of fefeeeling the way you do? what if you feel that way tomorrow? next week? next year? what if you get over it and then you see him and all of a sudden you want to talk to him and it has been what seems like forever? we are humans. we dig for oil. we want to go to mars. we love. we hate. we lose. we buy brownies when we could easily just bake some. we find. better to have loved and lost... (WS)? you know that one? what i am saying is, why do you feel as though you need to know? do you want to move on? is there someone new? are you put out with yourself because you want to move on and can't? life is upposed to be this way. the real question is what is it that makes you want to control your emotions? stop trying. you can't. don't beat yourself up because you are feeling something that you cannot pinpoint or that you did not expect. and as for your question: from waht i read you are far from dead inside. it seems as though you are very much alive. that does mean confusion and angst and long days that seem to go by in a second. no amount of dwelling on what happened can change them.
lost_in_chgo Posted April 13, 2005 Posted April 13, 2005 life is upposed to be this way. huh? just because it is that way, doesn't mean it is supposed to be that way. So am I like dead inside or something? Because I was hurt so badly in the past that I don't let myself get to deep anymore? That's why I don't feel sad? Crazy you aren't dead inside, or you wouldn't be asking these things. You're just shut down I think. That's why I think this "walk away/move on/party till your dead" attitude is more harmful. At some point people just stop caring about anything or anybody except themselves. Then they move to LA.
RecordProducer Posted April 13, 2005 Posted April 13, 2005 Of course, it's normal! Why do you think so many couples who broke up keep calling each other and even having sex for months after the break up? I broke up with my ex-BF when I was 22, but we kept seeing each other for a year afterwards (about once a week) until we both found other partners. You're obviously not in love with him, but have a habit of having him around.
Author crazychick Posted April 14, 2005 Author Posted April 14, 2005 I guess that is probably true, I'm just kinda of cut off. I've been hurt a lot by men in my life. My dad was super abusive and I think that even though I try not too, I tend to apply my feelings about him to the other men in my life. It's not that I don't feel anything for this guy. I do, I miss him a lot. Some days are better than others. I haven't called him, he hasn't called me in a few weeks. I don't particularly feel like "partying until I am dead", mostly just feel like being. You know what I mean? Like if I feel all of this confusion, maybe I just need some time to figure out what I need or want or who I am on my own without him. Does that make sense? Part of me thinks that I am trying too hard to control and explain away how I am feeling instead of just letting myself feel it and understanding that its ok to be confused and sad. I am just trying to force myself into being alright, which I think is what's messing me up.
Colleen Posted April 14, 2005 Posted April 14, 2005 I think what you are going through is normal . I went through the same thing, but now I have a new bf. so that helps me not even think of my ex..Perhaps you should start dating other people
prisoner Posted April 14, 2005 Posted April 14, 2005 it is okay to be confused and sad. as long as it doesn't stop you from being yourself. living a productive day one step at a time. the minute you are trying to suppress the sadness destructively or the sadness stops you from breathing or the confusion blurs the line between right and wrong talk to someone you trust. they will help you if you need it.
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