As The Sun Goes Down.....

[AaronSG]

First off let me apologize for perhaps making a "mountain out of a mole hill", but the following is just a little bit of triviality for me, that I have been noticing ever since my ex-fiancé chose to leave me back on August-3-2014!

 

Just a couple minutes back I got back home after spending some quiet time with myself, sitting at a local park bench, watching the Sun set. As the Sun made it's way down and the sky's got darker I noticed my attitude start to slump and my positive outlook I woke up with was starting to slump as well.

 

I know that back in the days of my ex-fiancé being with me, we appeared to have more fun and better times as the Sun began to set, the darker the sky's, the more things we did with each other. Basically, "we were total night owls"! Some of those thoughts of the days gone by were starting to mildly set in to me tonight as I watched the Sun set.

 

I know at first, after her departure, that Sun rises and Sun sets were kind of hard to handle. Especially the Sun sets, for at that time, like the 100's of times before, my ex-fiancé always loved to grab the camera I bought for her and rush outside at the times of a Sun set and grab pictures of it, she more so loved it when clouds were involved. She always loved the colors the Sun dances upon the clouds and loved grabbing snap shots of as much of it as she could.

 

Some of those memory's of her grabbing the camera and rushing outside to catch the action thoughts kind of drifted into me tonight. Sun rises, I used to have some problems with those, but it appears primarily only within the first 2-3 months after her departure. I can remember always waking up, looking out the window as the world brightened by the rising Sun, and then rolling over to what used to be someones side of the bed and finding it empty. The empty part used to rattle my cage a bit, but hasn't in quite some time!

 

Now apparently I'm still having some slight issue with the Sun sets. I don't know, I could be making something out of nothing and it's all in my head. But tonight was just a bit rough for some reason. More memory's of her popped into my mind, a lot more than usual. A lot of thoughts of the fun we had in our unique night owls sort of way. The grabbing of cameras and the smiles on her face, the night time walks up to the local Denny's and having late dinners, the whole cooking ourselves late dinner and plopping in our respective living room chairs and firing up Netflix.

 

Also tonight for some reason there were some sexual memory's associated with my thoughts and feelings. Again, as I said, we were night owls and loved the night, especially the type of love that is privately done behind closed doors, I kind of still miss that.

 

I have now experienced 228 Sun rises and Sun sets since she's been gone, as stated, the Sun rises are okay now a days, no problems there. it just appears from time to time that the setting Sun just doesn't darken the evening Sky, but it also stirs up thoughts and feelings inside me as well.

 

But please take ease folks, these feeling that stir from time to time in no way motivate me to break my personal vow to myself of "no contact", what I'm going through from time to time with the whole "setting Sun" thing isn't at all that powerful to make me break radio silence! But it doesn't change the fact that these feelings may no be that powerful, they can still be mildly uncomfortable and feel like I got a rose bush thorn of memory's in my side.

 

Thank you for your time, guess I just needed to share all this, just thought after 7 months and 19 days since she's been gone I would have been over this kind of stuff, guess not!

Edited March 20, 2015 by AaronSG

[darkbloom]

Aaron,

 

Do not worry too much. Healing is not a linear thing. There are good days and bad days. Some days with too many memories and some with not enough. The human mind is an interesting thing. It has the capacity to love and to feel and the one thing that holds us back is our memories. The memories that we have sometimes trap us into certain feelings. I realize without memories we would not be able to love or express love. What a curse and a blessing that you got to experience so much of world after the sun went down with her. They are great memories I am sure but painful ones now that she is gone.

 

I am practicing my gratitude everyday. I am trying to be thankful for the things I love even if they have memories associated with him. I can love him and let him go.

 

Keep your head up,

 

DB