Amy77 Posted March 20, 2015 Posted March 20, 2015 Ok so my ex and I had sex Monday I have a thread on it in my previous posts, and before that we were texting for weeks but since the sex he has barely spoke to me. I text him tonight saying "thanks for using me for sex I feel so good about myself now" but he's asleep I assume so won't get it til the morning, I'm scared of the response how should I react I need advice? Also he cheated on his gf with me so I have that to play if things get nasty which they may as my feelings are so hurt, he led me to meet up with him under pretensions that he was gonna split with his gf but his silence proves otherwise.. Yes I was stupid please no lectures I'm just so confused I'm crazy about him
Author Amy77 Posted March 20, 2015 Author Posted March 20, 2015 But I've already texted him.. Should he not pay for being so nasty?
BlackbirdSong Posted March 20, 2015 Posted March 20, 2015 But I've already texted him.. Should he not pay for being so nasty? He's the one with the gf and you as a sidechick...he's not paying for anything. He's winning. It's you that's paying....with pain and regret. Sorry. Go no contact and be done with him. 9
hoping2heal Posted March 20, 2015 Posted March 20, 2015 But I've already texted him.. Should he not pay for being so nasty? You had sex with him knowing he had a girlfriend. What should be your "payment" for being so nasty? You're a big girl, you knew he was with someone else and you slept with him regardless. By now it's pretty clear he's not much of a catch and the fact that you want to pursue him regardless says volumes about you. Was it right to use you? Absolutely not, but come on. You can't walk into the line of fire and then blame him that you got burnt when you knew better. 2
Author Amy77 Posted March 20, 2015 Author Posted March 20, 2015 I thought these forums were meant to help people not make them feel worse than before they posted something..
dumbass2 Posted March 20, 2015 Posted March 20, 2015 Sex with him and YOU KNEW he had a girlfriend. Sorry, but you have brought this on yourself. I would like to know why you would do that? Sorry, I'm old school, so I really don't get it, unless you just wanted the sex and that's it and still......... 2
dumbass2 Posted March 20, 2015 Posted March 20, 2015 I thought these forums were meant to help people not make them feel worse than before they posted something.. What do you expect people to say on here? You want support for having sex with your ex while you knew he had a girlfriend? Come on....really? Of course you are going to get harsh responses.
hoping2heal Posted March 20, 2015 Posted March 20, 2015 I thought these forums were meant to help people not make them feel worse than before they posted something.. They are meant to help Amy. I was pointing out that you have some responsibility in this situation, too. It was not very nice to sleep with him knowing he has a girlfriend. Plus, what kind of a man do you think he is quality wise, if he does such a thing? you know? Did you want people to just tell you what you want to hear or tell you something you can use? You have to accept responsibility. I'm not saying you're the worst person in the world, but there's something going on worth examining that you made the choice you did and knowing what he did - you still think he's worth pursuing. You're going to do nothing but trod down the path of endless hurt if you don't have a wake up call. 1
Satu Posted March 20, 2015 Posted March 20, 2015 I thought these forums were meant to help people not make them feel worse than before they posted something.. People are trying to help you realise that what you're doing is creating your own problem. You're not listening. 1
TunaCat Posted March 20, 2015 Posted March 20, 2015 OP, I am truly sorry that you got hurt, but come on, this guy has a girlfriend and he cheated on her with you. Just imagine if you were in his girlfriend's position. How would you feel then? You made the choice to sleep with someone who was dating someone else. That's the bottom line. Go no contact. 2
darkbloom Posted March 20, 2015 Posted March 20, 2015 amy, I know you are hurting. I have read your previous posts on this same issue. You have to understand that everyone on here is giving you the best advice but it is not what you want to hear. You have to be in a place where you are openly ready to take suggestions and not have people say what you want to hear. He is NOT going to change. He has done the same thing he did to you now to another girl. There are now three sets of feelings involved and your ex keeps proving that the only set of feelings he cares for is his own. We are giving you a look at your relationship through realistic non rose colored glasses. Everyone is being harsh with you because you have now inadvertently hurt this new girl. I know you texted him already and you keep handing him the power card over your feelings. The very best thing you can do is decide that you do not want to hurt like this anymore and go NC. Even if he responds to your latest message about hurting you, it is not going to be what you want to hear. He is not going to say he is sorry and that you should get back together. I know it's not what you want to hear but please try it. You will feel so much better about yourself and it will give you a clear head to see this situation for what it is. He used you and he used is new girl. It is time for you to start a new chapter.
somedude81 Posted March 20, 2015 Posted March 20, 2015 Yes the guy is scum for cheating on you. But having sex with him while he is in a relationship isn't exactly rising above him. And now you want make him feel bad? Why? To see who is the worse person? Just delete his number and block him.
Simon Phoenix Posted March 20, 2015 Posted March 20, 2015 But I've already texted him.. Should he not pay for being so nasty? It takes two to tango. Yes, he cheated, but it's not like he held you at gunpoint and forced you to have sex with him. You willingly did. Next time don't be so naive. The only thing you can do is learn from this and not do it again. Don't double down on dumb. No more contact, no more ex sex, no more drama, move forward. 1
No Limit Posted March 20, 2015 Posted March 20, 2015 Block him and be done with it. It's really that simple. And no you can't "punish him" somehow because he doesn't care about you or who you're with. You rewarded him by having sex with him and reduced yourself to a booty call, the only thing left in your power is how long you're going to continue. You can't take "revenge" on someone who doesn't care. At best you could try to get his GFs number (I understand that was the girl he cheated with) and send her a picture of you and your ex having sex or spreading via social networks that you're still seeing each other, but that's it.
d0nnivain Posted March 20, 2015 Posted March 20, 2015 I thought these forums were meant to help people not make them feel worse than before they posted something.. We are trying to help you. The best revenge is living well. Block him. Delete his # out of your phone you are never tempted to reach out again. Get off all social media together. Now once you have cleansed your electronic life of him, work on healing yourself. Make a list of all the reasons you are better off apart. Start with the fact that he's a cheater & a user. After you make your list. Re-read it every day for a week. Tell yourself you are improving your life by getting him out of it. Surround yourself with good positive friends. Come summer, go hunt for a new, more fulfilling relationship. Let the universe / karma take care of punishing him. It's not your job.
mightycpa Posted March 20, 2015 Posted March 20, 2015 This may sound a little harsh, but I'd stop spreading my legs if it wasn't working out for me. You seem to be under the misimpression that sex is some kind of magic act that will get a man's emotional devotion. It doesn't. Sex with a couple of girls generally just boosts the ego, and actually detaches the man emotionally from all the girls he is banging. In effect, you're making him worse, because he figures he can get it from anywhere. As to your other idea, ratting him out to his GF, that's not going to work either. He might deserve it, but you'll want to think about long and hard before you do it. Maybe you'd be doing her a favor if you let her know.
Lunay Posted March 20, 2015 Posted March 20, 2015 Why would you want him back if he's a cheater? If you do take him back he will just end up having some other girl climbing through his window in no time. Having a girlfriend doesn't mean a thing to him. As much as it hurts move on. You'll meet someone 100x better.
stillafool Posted March 20, 2015 Posted March 20, 2015 I take issue with you saying he used you for sex. You are a grown woman and I think you wanted sex with him as much as he did with you. Especially since you knew he has a gf. You shouldn't have sent that text but what's done is done now. He is probably feeling guilty about what he did to his gf having sex with you. He is probably disgusted with himself this morning. Just go NC and never reach out to him again. It's over.
badpenny Posted March 20, 2015 Posted March 20, 2015 But I've already texted him.. Should he not pay for being so nasty? If his GF knew about this, who do you think she would label as being 'nasty'? You can't expect to get off scott-free. You're an adult with a mind of your own, you knew what you were doing, and sadly (certainly from her perspective, if she knew) you'd be the 'nasty' one.... I thought these forums were meant to help people not make them feel worse than before they posted something.. Think about what you're saying. What could we possibly say that would help you, after the event? You've done it. You also realised he's using you for sex. You have HAD helpful advice: Go no Contact, never speak to him again, and never permit him, or give him any avenue or opening, to be able to contact you. That's 'helping'. But what you did, you did with your eyes wide open. To hold him responsible and call him 'nasty' just doesn't wash, particularly as you were a willing participant. Just be sure you don't do it again. Learn from this. Do not contact him, and do not let him contact you.
Zahara Posted March 20, 2015 Posted March 20, 2015 OP, he didn't use you for sex. It was more you using sex to try and reignite a bond between the two of you. I'm sure you wanted it too but it was likely you feeling that intimacy would get him to come your way.
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