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I lied to my girlfriend and she broke up with me. Is there anyway I can get her back?

juanito14

By juanito14
in Breaks and Breaking Up

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juanito14 Established Member

juanito14

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I’m sorry if this is long, but any help would be much appreciated. So my girlfriend and I have dated for almost 8 months now. We have had our ups and downs, but we love each other. Lately my girlfriend has been all focused on school. She is 25 and its finals week at her college. I had a test today and so yesterday we planned to go to the library to go study before I had to work at 5. Instead she came over to my place and we studied there. She suggested I call out of work due to me having to study and I did. I then went and picked us up some food while she was still studying at my place (this was the first time shes been alone in my house). I also got her some flowers while I was gone. We ate and studied more and then I took a nap while she continued to study some more. After about 4-5 hours of studying she said she was going to go home to nap and when she woke up we could go to the library again. I told her I wanted to go.

 

A little more background, my brother had a volleyball game last night as well. I told her I didn’t want to go to it because I wanted to study. Well she naps for a little over an hour and I start to have my ups and downs about going to the game. I decided that I want to go so when she woke up I texted her “please don’t be mad but I think Im going to go to my brothers volleyball game” I also added that my dad texted me about family being there and that I felt confident about the material. They were kind of lies. My dad texted me to bring pictures with me to the game for family and I wasn’t so confident. I can tell she was mad but she said to go anyways. I then invited my friend to go with me. She happened to watch the game online and saw I was sitting with my friend and not with my family.

 

Right after she sees this she calls me out. Says I am a liar and to take care and never talk to her again. I of course text her back and for the remainder of the night she kept saying things like how she hates to be lied to because of her past, I wasted the last 8 months of her life and she never plans to talk to me again. We have had our fights before where she tells me to **** off and then feels bad and comes back later, but that’s when I make her mad not hurt her like I did this time. Shes mad because she sacrificed and changed her plans during the day so that we could hang out with me. Then we plan to go to the library but I ditch her to hang out with a friend. And also because of the excuses I used to go to the game. It’s not like I don’t understand her being upset and I feel terrible.

 

I know she’ll be at the library today and Im thinking about going over there to explain myself and then give her space. I also know that I will see her next Friday because we have to take a test together. I’m just scared right now. I know what I did was wrong and I know how important trust is to a relationship. She said she’ll always see me as a liar now. I know she probably said that in the heat of the moment but it still hurt knowing I lost her trust. Is there anything I can do to get her back? What can I say or do to prove to her I’m different than the guys in her past and really do love her?

OneBigIdgit Established Member

OneBigIdgit

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I think I'd give her a couple of days to calm down. Then try to talk yourself back into her good graces

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NopeNah Established Member

NopeNah

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So it's a lie because you were exactly where you said you were going to be because she says so? Sure thing..Is she a drama major by chance? :rolleyes:

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juanito14 Established Member

juanito14

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Usually I would agree with you about being dramatic but I understand where she's coming from. We had made plans to go to the library together. I literally called out of work for that exact purpose. Then I ditched her to go to a game that I told her was because I had a lot of family going. She feels like I was deceitful and was inconsiderate to her feelings. She saw I was at the game with my friend, who I didnt mention was going, and felt that I ditched her to go hang out with my friend instead. I lied about why I was going to the game in the first place.

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AIJ Established Member

AIJ

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If you're having to walk on eggshells and avoid hanging out with your friends JUST to keep your girlfriend happy, is it worth it? Just something for you to mull over.

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NopeNah Established Member

NopeNah

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Like was said, just give her a few days to calm down. She's overreacting IMO,but with the stress of finals and studying it's somewhat understandable. Just don't be groveling or anything. Say you're sorry that she feels that way,it was by no means your intention,ect.. and leave it at that.

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juanito14 Established Member

juanito14

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I understand how walking on egg shells can be damaging to a relationship, but in this situation it was because I ditched her and our plans to hang out in the library that night to go hang out with my friends that upset her. If we didn't have plans and I went to the game we would've had no problems. Its the fact that I left her hanging when we were supposed to be together and I lied about my reasons for ditching.

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AIJ Established Member

AIJ

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I understand how walking on egg shells can be damaging to a relationship, but in this situation it was because I ditched her and our plans to hang out in the library that night to go hang out with my friends that upset her. If we didn't have plans and I went to the game we would've had no problems. Its the fact that I left her hanging when we were supposed to be together and I lied about my reasons for ditching.

 

She's probably incredibly stressed out right now so like others have said, just give her a few days to calm down. If she's still dead set against you, then welcome to the wonderful world of heartbreak and no contact! :)

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juanito14 Established Member

juanito14

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Thank you Praying4Daylight. I feel like she is overreacting a bit too but at the same time I feel so bad and understand why she is upset. I decided I won't go to the library tonight to try and force a conversation, she needs to study and focus on that for now. It just scares me because she said she would never talk to me again and how I will never get another chance. I really hope that is because of the initial anger and not how she truly feels. Does it seem like a good idea to let her know how sorry I am again today after letting her know all that last night? I don't want to come off as needy or begging for her back, but I want her to know how much she means to me

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Satu Established Member

Satu

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She might well forgive you when she's cooled off a bit, but do remember that very big lies are often made out of lots of very small ones...

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juanito14 Established Member

juanito14

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The part that worries me is that I did do this during finals week and she told me she couldn't study or do anything last night because of how much I hurt her. I know how important school is to her so I don't know if she'll be able to forgive me because of this.

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Satu Established Member

Satu

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The part that worries me is that I did do this during finals week and she told me she couldn't study or do anything last night because of how much I hurt her. I know how important school is to her so I don't know if she'll be able to forgive me because of this.

 

Maintain a positive attitude.

 

Open mind.

 

Open heart.

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juanito14 Established Member

juanito14

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@Satu would you say that this is a very big lie or a small one? I am usually such an honest person and I have never lied intentionally. I wasn't kidding about me going to the game because my dad asked for pictures but I never mentioned my friend going. Every time she thought I lied, which is twice, it was because of something I didn't say compared to actually saying something that was a lie. I just never thought it was important to mention things. I wanted to go to the game regardless if my friend went or not, but the fact that he did go was what made it so bad.

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NopeNah Established Member

NopeNah

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Thank you Praying4Daylight. I feel like she is overreacting a bit too but at the same time I feel so bad and understand why she is upset. I decided I won't go to the library tonight to try and force a conversation, she needs to study and focus on that for now. It just scares me because she said she would never talk to me again and how I will never get another chance. I really hope that is because of the initial anger and not how she truly feels. Does it seem like a good idea to let her know how sorry I am again today after letting her know all that last night? I don't want to come off as needy or begging for her back, but I want her to know how much she means to me

 

If you've already apologized,told her how you feel and whatnot, the ball's now in her court. I'd leave it there. You don't want to give too much, if you know what I mean.

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NopeNah Established Member

NopeNah

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@Satu would you say that this is a very big lie or a small one? I am usually such an honest person and I have never lied intentionally. I wasn't kidding about me going to the game because my dad asked for pictures but I never mentioned my friend going. Every time she thought I lied, which is twice, it was because of something I didn't say compared to actually saying something that was a lie. I just never thought it was important to mention things. I wanted to go to the game regardless if my friend went or not, but the fact that he did go was what made it so bad.

 

You ever heard the term "shlt tests"?

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spiderowl Established Member

spiderowl

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It might be best to message her or speak to her asap. The reason being she is supposed to be studying and is presumably stressed out and upset over what she sees as you sneaking off to watch a game with a friend instead of being with her. Also, you misled her about the friend. If she has problems trusting because of what has happened before, this doesn't help.

 

I think you should try to speak to her or at least message her and tell her story. Apologise and stress you weren't seeing another woman and the friend just happened to go along, but you realise why she would think it was planned like that.

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juanito14 Established Member

juanito14

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@Praying4Daylight I understand by not wanting to give to much. I want her to miss me when I do try and reconcile with her and I don't want to come off as a groveler or someone who will beg, but at this point my first instinct is to call and beg for her back. Im trying to be strong though, I sent her a snapchat in the morning saying I love her and got no response and since then have stayed silent. It's taking everything for me to not say anything right now though. Every time she has left or needed space she has always come back, but I don't know if this time will be different.

 

And no I haven't heard of "**** test" before. What do you mean by that?

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juanito14 Established Member

juanito14

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@spiderowl I did try to explain my side of the story last night and apologized more times than I can count but she wasn't having it because of how hurt and upset she was. As soon as she saw me with my friend, who I should also mention is a guy, she said she is never talking to me again, but we continued to talk throughout the night. Not sure if thats a good sign, or a sign that she cares though since everything that she said was pretty much anger and how she won't trust me ever again. The only thing I could say to her today that I didn't last night is telling her that she is right and me not mentioning him coming was wrong and deceitful and me blowing her off for the game was wrong. How I would never do that again and just how sorry I was. The thing is if she is still angry she may not hear anything I have to say and another bad thing is that she has had trust issues due to things that have happened in the past. What sucks is I know Im nothing like those guys, would never cheat or lie intentionally.

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Satu Established Member

Satu

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@Satu would you say that this is a very big lie or a small one? I am usually such an honest person and I have never lied intentionally. I wasn't kidding about me going to the game because my dad asked for pictures but I never mentioned my friend going. Every time she thought I lied, which is twice, it was because of something I didn't say compared to actually saying something that was a lie. I just never thought it was important to mention things. I wanted to go to the game regardless if my friend went or not, but the fact that he did go was what made it so bad.

 

I personally don't see it as an injurious lie, and would just make my displeasure known and forgive you.

 

Make a firm resolve in yourself not to do it again.

 

Treat it as a learning experience.

 

We all have them.

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juanito14 Established Member

juanito14

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@Satu the thing that worries me is that I told her I wouldn't do it again when it came to hiding something and then this happened so I hope she listens. It was a dumb lie in my book the first time it happened. She asked me who's texting me when she saw I had texts and I told her my mom while I was responding to her and forgot to mention the group chat that I didn't care about. She brought that up last night. We got past it but now that memory is probably still in her head. When that did happen though we made up pretty quickly and I was more focused on making her happy again than learning from what I did. Now that she actually broke up with me and said she would never talk to me again I have no choice but to learn from what I did and resolve it. How long would you say I should wait till I try talking to her about this?

mightycpa Established Member

mightycpa

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My advice is going to be different than all the other advice you're getting here today. I don't know whether you can get your girl back or not. She sounds like a pain in the ass, and you may wish to think about what qualities she has that are really worth overlooking this. I don't know her, so your call.

 

My advice, however, is to stop being such a pussy. This applies to your family as well as to your GF. If you want to go to the game, tell her that you are going to go to the game. If you want to study with your GF, tell your family that you can't go to the game because you are going to study. Stand up for yourself. If your plans are going to change, don't lie about it. Just say,

 

Sweetheart, I know I said I was going to go to the library with you, but my brother has a game, and I'm going to go there instead. I'll swing by and pick you up after, and we can go get an ice cream or something.
Also, no explanations.. not because
Well, my family guilted me into going.
or
Well, I'm studying with my girlfriend
No! Instead:

I'm going to go to the game.
or
I'm going to study.
It is difficult to change your style of language from pussy to manly, or from offering explanations to assertive. But if you do this, it will pay big dividends in your future. People won't like it at first, but they'll get used to it, and they will respect you. Oh, and one more thing:

 

Do what you say you're going to do.

 

Good luck with that girl.

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juanito14 Established Member

juanito14

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@mightycpa I see what you're saying. What else is wrong is that when she left my house to take a nap I said I wasn't going to go to the game, then she wakes up and I decided to go while she was asleep.

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juanito14 Established Member

juanito14

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@Praying4Daylight how should I handle this situation if this is a **** test? I'm just so confused right now and don't know what to do. I'm giving her space for now but I want to talk to her at some point. The thing is we have had breaks before but she has always come back and texted me. I just don't know if this time is different.

Satu Established Member

Satu

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@Satu the thing that worries me is that I told her I wouldn't do it again when it came to hiding something and then this happened so I hope she listens. It was a dumb lie in my book the first time it happened. She asked me who's texting me when she saw I had texts and I told her my mom while I was responding to her and forgot to mention the group chat that I didn't care about. She brought that up last night. We got past it but now that memory is probably still in her head. When that did happen though we made up pretty quickly and I was more focused on making her happy again than learning from what I did. Now that she actually broke up with me and said she would never talk to me again I have no choice but to learn from what I did and resolve it. How long would you say I should wait till I try talking to her about this?

 

There is a real pitfall here. If you tell a small lie to avoid someone being unhappy with you, they will usually be much more angry with you than they would have been if you'd told them the truth.

 

Something like those little evasive lies can become a habit.

 

Speech, thought, and action have to match up.

 

Once one of those three things goes wandering off in another direction, trouble will always find you.

 

She will cool off.

 

Talk to her when she's had enough time to do so.

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